-I just…I wish I didn’t love you…. – quickly all the sobs caught in my throat were released, and I cried, I don’t know for how long, trying to tone my cries down, so I didn’t wake her up.

Eventually I ran out of tears, and I was left looking at her, our chests rising at the same pace, despite all the pain, I felt so peaceful right then I thought I could fall asleep.

I was starting to doze off when suddenly Ha In stirred in her sleep.

-Mmngg – she muttered something I couldn’t understand.

I raised my head to look at her, her face was twisted, as if she was having a bad dream.

-Ha In-ah? Are  you OK? – I whispered, I didn’t know if I should wake her up.

-Please – she suddenly said, she said it so clearly I thought she was already awake, but she wasn’t, her eyes were still firmly closed – please don’t leave, don’t go away…Don’t leave me alone, please

A lonely tear left her eye, and I stared at her in shock, what could she possibly be dreaming about?
-Ha In-ah, do you hear me? You are just dreaming, is just a dream, now wake up – I said, this time a little louder.

She shifted her position a bit, and if she was awake, and her eyes were opened, we would be staring at each other right now.

-I love you.

I swear my heart stopped beating for a moment, she was sleeping, and I knew she was, her voice sounded a bit off, and after she said that, she turned around and carried on with her sleep, was it still a bad dream? Suddenly I didn’t know if I should wake her up or not, I sat down on the floor, my mouth half opened.

I know it wasn’t real, I know she wasn’t talking to me, but it felt, for a moment I felt as it was, for a second, I felt what it would have been like if she loved me, and I knew I would never feel happier than how I felt in that instant when I almost believed she was awake when she said those words.

She must be dreaming about Sungjae…

And there I was, scrambled in the floor in front of the sofa where she was laying, crying again, how could I possibly be crying? I have cried all my tears away because of her, when noona left…when she did I didn’t cry, I accepted what she did and forced myself to carry on with my life, I guess I never really got over her, not until Ha In arrived, and now….I was crying like a baby, why was I? I didn’t have the right to cry over the loss of someone that never was mine on the first place.

I crawled towards the sofa, this wasn’t sensible, not something a sane person would do, but I knew I had crossed that line already.

I kneeled, and put my arms around her, I did it as softly and slowly as I could so she wouldn’t wake up, and hugged her, not the way I other times did, not trying to keep the distances even in the embrace, not trying to pretend I didn’t feel what I felt for her, I hugged her desperately, knowing this would be the only time I would be able to hug her this way, my face was in the crook of her neck, and I stood there, still crying.

I was definitely a masochist, I should have never come this close to her, but, knowing that all is lost and there’s no hope left, wouldn’t it be better to have a memory to remember? A fake scene of a love that it was only one sided.

-What on earth are you doing? – a voice coming from my back asked.

I froze, and let go of Ha In to turn around.

-Hyung… - I muttered.

-You better clean those tears away and come up with something, Sungjae is about to come too – Eunkwang interrupted.

Right after that, Sungjae appeared.

-Hi hyung! Are you done with the less…? Oh – he said, as he stared at Ha In’s sleeping body.

-She fell asleep while I was doing some exercises, I didn’t really want to wake her up so…

-Aishh this girl…I don’t know what’s up with her lately, she’s been sleepy all the time – he crossed the room and shook Ha In shoulders – yah! Ha In-ah! Time to wake up!!

-Wait no! – I moved towards him trying to stop him, but Eunkwang grabbed my arm, I looked at him, he seemed pissed.

-Sungjae-ah? – Ha In muttered – what…?

-How could you fall asleep in the middle of a class you pabo? How little professional is that..

-Huh…? – Ha In looked at me for a moment, and then back at Sungjae – yeah well, I didn’t get enough sleep today so…

-Did you spend all night in the computer or something? You should start taking more care of yourself! – Sungjae scolded.

-I guess you’re right – Ha In answered with half smile – I’m sorry Minhyuk-shi

-That’s fine, I also took a little nap too – I said, not too aware of my words, my heart was beating fast, and all I could think about was about how screwed I was, I had never seen Eunkwang look that angry.

-Well, should we go and join the others to have dinner? – Sungjae suggested.

-You two go, Minhyuk and I have to sort out some stuff about our radio interview – Eunkwang answered with his normal cheerful tone.

-Okay then, see you later! Come on Ha In-ah! – he said, and grabbed Ha In’s arm, guiding her to the door.

I didn’t move, not even when I heard Eunkwang step closer to me.

-What on earth are you thinking Minhyuk? – he asked, I didn’t answer – what game are you playing?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

-Okay, start talking.

Eunkwang and I had just arrived to the dorm, and he turned around, arms crossed looking at me.

-What…?? What do you want me to…?

-Don’t act dumb will you? You know exactly what I mean. You were kneeling on the floor, crying your heart out, hugging Ha In while sleeping, what on earth should I get out from that?

I looked away from him, both ashamed, scared and speechless.

-Answer me Minhyuk! Do you have any idea of what could have happened if I hadn’t arrived before Sungjae? Are you insane? What were you thinking about?

-I wasn’t thinking alright! – I shouted – I just…I…

-What?

-I love her… - I didn’t dare to look at him.

Eunkwang sighed, and when I looked up he was sitting in the living room, hands in his head.

-Hyung….I….

-How? – suddenly he asked.

-How what?

-How did you f