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The next morning I woke up early, earlier than any other of the guys, I looked for my phone and stared at the digits on the screen…4.30….much too early for my liking, still, I guess it was better like that…I couldn’t picture myself acting all happy and cheerful when Sungjae told me he was dating…her, I forced myself not to think of her name, not to call for it on my mind, as if like that her memory would fade away.

I stood up and went to the kitchen, I didn’t want to eat, my stomach was so uneasy I knew I would throw up anything I ate, so I just drunk a glass of water to cool down the burn in my throat, I felt as if I was having a fever.

I stood there, in the middle of the kitchen, without knowing what to do, I didn’t want to be there when the guys woke up, I didn’t want them to ask me how I was feeling, because not even I did know how I was feeling right now…I needed time to think.

And so I went to the gym, at this time it would sure be empty, and perhaps some sport would help me get rid of all the pain that it was coming back to me after the numbness of sleepiness faded.

I definitely was an idiot.

Out of all the places I could choose, I had to go to the one that was clearly linked with one of my most beautiful memories with…her.

I climbed the stairs humming happily, I was alone, as none of the other members wanted to join me for a work out session, I didn’t mind though, I liked working out, and I felt happy I was going to the gym after a while.

I expected it to be completely empty, as people would be sleeping at this time, so I was really surprised when I heard the sound of a treadmill, and I saw someone running on it, it was Ha In, I could only see her back, but I was completely sure it was her, she had her hair up on a messy bun after a while of exercising, lost strands of it sticking on her skin because of the sweat, she had her earphones plunged in, and didn’t seem to be aware of her surroundings as she ran, eyes fixed on the window in front of her.

My first impulse was to go to where she was, but I didn’t, after all, I wasn’t meant to be the kind that would kindly greet her, no it was better if I didn’t do a thing.

I was decided to do my own thing, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her, it had been so long since I had seen her for the last time…Sungjae kept whining about her ignoring us, and Peniel just kept quiet, I knew that he knew something, and I knew there was something terribly wrong with her, something she didn’t want us to know…something Peniel knew about…possibly something related with her father…

I wasn’t fluent in English, but I had caught enough of that phone call to guess she had some family problems…That had been the last time I had seen her until now…

I shivered when I remembered how I felt when I took her face between my hands to check if she had hurt herself….

I shook my head, and tried to focus in my exercises.

After a while I raised my eyes again, to look at her, she was still running, and my brows furrowed, she had been running for such a long time, at a really quick speed….that couldn’t be right….

I hesitantly took a few steps towards her, and my eyes widened when I saw how she started stumbling while running, I hurried, and she suddenly fell, her limp body half flying towards the floor, thrown by the treadmill.

I managed to catch her before she fell in the floor.

-Ha In!! Yah Kang Ha In!! – I shouted as I shook her, but she didn’t move.

I panicked at the sight of her lifeless in my arms, I kneeled and laid her on the floor to check her properly.

Her breathing was uneven, and her skin was covered in cold sweat, I stared at her beautiful face, flushed red, and also covered in sweat and…were those tears? Why was she crying? Just what was wrong with her? What was hurting her so much?

A frustrated sigh left my lips, I wanted to be there for her and help her out of whatever the situation she was in…but I couldn’t.

My hand reached her face to brush away the hair covering it, and I couldn’t help but to rest my hand in her warm cheek…in her way too warm cheek.

I moved my hand to her forehead, it was burning…she had a fever.

-Damn it Ha In – I muttered – were you trying to kill yourself or what?

I took her again in my arms, and carried her bridal style to my car.

I brought her to the dorm, were else could I take her? I should go to the hospital, but I couldn’t risk it to be recognised, and after all, I couldn’t help but want to be with her, I wanted to take care of her now that I could.

I silently entered the bedroom so I didn’t wake up none of the boys, they would definitely freak out when they found her there…I chuckled a bit, and covered her with my blanket, I knew I should change her clothes for dry ones, but I wasn’t able to handle the thought of stripping her out of her clothes.

I placed another pillow under her head, hoping that would help her to sleep better, and a wet towel on her forehead, so her fever would lower, even if it was a bit, water and medicine would have to wait until she was awake to swallow, anyways I could tell by the deep shadows under her eyes that what she needed right now was sleeping.

…….

It was 6 a.m, and I hadn’t slept a bit yet, we had a schedule at 8, and I had gone at 3 to the gym, after practise, hoping to exercise for an hour and then go to bed, of course, after what had happened I hadn’t dozed off even for a minute, afraid she would wake up in need of something.

I scratched my face and yawned a bit, she was still sleeping, I raised my hand, and my fingers lingered over her face as I hesitated, then I slowly caressed her cheek, her jawline, her nose, her lips, every little feature of that perfect face I saw every time I closed my eyes, the fact that I loved her so much, and she would never know it was enough to tear my heart apart.

Still it was better if I broke a little more and she remained untouched, I’d rather crumble to pieces than hurting her the same way noona hurt me…

-Hyung what are you doing on the floor? – I heard Peniel coming down from his bed, as the rest started waking up as well, fumbling and yawning.

-WHAT ON EARTH?!?!?!?!?!?!

-Shhhh! You’ll wake her up – I muttered, jumping to my feet and placing a hand over Peniel’s mouth.

-Why is she here? Why is she on YOUR bed? – he asked, quietly, but angry.

I couldn’t help but to blush at his question, luckily it was still dark and he couldn’t see I was bright red right now.

-She passed out at the gym…I think she has a fever – I answered as nonchalantly as I could.

He looked at me bewildered and then kneeled beside her, his hand on her forehead.

-Hyung…she’s burning – he said worried.

-I know…she hasn’t woken up ever since she fainted so I haven’t been able to feed her medicine or anything – I answered, I didn’t even bother to hide the worry in my voice, because the truth is that I was worried to death.

-Hyung?? What is happening? – Sungjae asked groggily walking towards us, his eyes opened wide when he saw her.

-What is Ha In doing here? – he asked.

-She’s sick, now get out before you wake her – I answered irritated, and started pushing all the members out of the room, leaving me with her and Peniel, who was still by her side.

-Should we take her to the hospital? – I asked.

He shook his head.

-She hates hospitals, she will freak out if she suddenly wakes up in one.

I just nodded, and then remember that I had to act as if I didn’t care.

-Well then, I’ll leave her to you – and I went outside of the room cursing myself.

All the members were waiting in the kitchen for someone to get out and explain what was going on.

-Hyung why was Ha In sleeping in your bed? – Changsub asked.

I found it kind of funny that all of them were focused on the fact that she was in my bed, which by the way, made my heart flutter just a bit, still, I wasn’t that much of a playboy for them to be alarmed like that.

-She out at the gym, so I brought her here, and since my bed was the only one free I laid her there.

-She fainted? – Sungjae asked – why?

I shrugged.

-Dunno, I think she’s sick or something.

I sounded so much like a jerk I felt like punching myself.

I ignored my dongsaengs and my hyung stares, got a glass I filled with water, and went back into the room.

-Peniel-ah – I whispered as I entered – she hasn’t had water in a while, and she sweated a lot at the gym, I bet she will wake up soon and that she’ll be thirsty.

I handed him the glass.

-Thanks hyung – Peniel muttered as he took the glass.

I left without any other word, and joined the others at the kitchen, were breakfast was being cooked.

-Yah Minhyuk-ah, what do you want to eat? – Eunkwang asked.

-Nothing, I already had breakfast – I lied, I didn’t feel hungry at all.

I just stood there while they had their breakfast, that’s when Peniel got out of the room, and helped himself some food.

-Hyung is Ha In alright? – Sungjae asked, trying to swallow what he had in his mouth.

He nodded.

-She woke up just now – my head raised quickly and I half motioned towards the bedroom – but she’s gone back to sleep again, you were right hyung, she was thirsty – he continued.

I just nodded.

-What is wrong with her? – Ilhoon asked.

-I’m not sure….I think her body is just weak…she hasn’t been sleeping or eating well lately, I don’t know what was she thinking about when she went to the gym…

So there was something going on….I knew it….and I was sure her father had something to do with the fact that she had collapsed in the middle of the gym, exhausted, starved and sleepless, without even knowing him, I had already started hating her father with all my might.

-And what are we going to do now? –Changsub asked.

-That’s right…we have to finish the shoot – Hyunsik muttered.

-Can’t we just delay it? –Sungjae asked.

-Andwae…that’s completely impossible – Eunkwang answered, frustrated.

-But hyung we can’t leave her alone – Peniel stated.

-You go I’ll stay behind, I’m already done with my individual shoots anyway – I suddenly said, what on earth was I saying? Lying so obviously at my band mates….they wouldn’t buy it.

-Oh really? – Ilhoon said – then problem solved right?

The members nodded satisfied, and got everything ready for their depart.

-Well hyung take care of her for me, please, just…. – Peniel started – just be nice to her please, just until she feels better, then she can go home.

My heart hurt when I heard my dongsaeng almost plead me to be nice to the girl I loved…it felt so wrong.

-Arasseo, I’ll be nice to my dongsaeng’s little sister – I answered with a smile.

They left, and I stayed, I was sure I would have trouble when I got back to the shoot, but I couldn’t care less, I would think of an excuse.

I paced around the dorm nervously, I just didn’t know what to do, I wanted to go back to her side, and at the same time I felt as if I needed to stay away from her.

I smiled bitterly, and went to the treadmill Ha In was running in that night, I was definitely becoming a masochist, but this somehow made me feel closer to her, I started running.

-There you go! – I said, holding the bowl in front of her, she jumped slightly, I had surprised her.

-Ah, kahamsammida Minhyuk-shi – she answered trying to get her hands out of the blanket, the cuteness of the moment almost made me forget of the pain I felt every time she used honorifics with me, I instead chuckled softly, so she would not hear me.

-Here –I said, and motioned myself to feed her - Come on, just eat and let me know when you’ve had enough, nae?

I brought the spoon closer to her lips, and she opened obediently, she opened her eyes wide, and I, I’ll admit it, panicked.

-Is it nice? – I asked, nervous – it’s the first time I’ve tried cooking it, so I’m not sure how it turned out, if you don’t like it it’s OK, you don’t have to force yourself, specially being sick, we’ll call a tak