Apparently the date had been perfect, Sungjae spent the next day blabbering about it non-stop, to the point when it wasn’t only me the one who wanted to rip their ears off.

Eventually he stopped talking about it, but the dates followed, the dates, and the visits, either to the dorm, watching movies all together, while the two love birds chatted quietly trying to muffle their giggles, or to the practice room, trying to hide my jealousy while they ate.

I hated it, hated it to a point where the anger was just too much to be kept all to myself, too much to get rid of with some work out, the sleep I craved before as a scape from reality was now a torture to me, I didn’t want to go to bed, and join them, I didn’t want to see the way Sungjae looked at her, I didn’t want to see how he hugged her, how he kissed her…being unable to do a thing.

Their love was haunting me, both in dreams and reality, and I just couldn’t keep up.

-Ha In-ah here! Say aaah…- Sungjae drew the chopsticks close to , she looked at him amused and then opened so he could fed her.

We were in the practice room, and she had come over to spend some time with us, and bring Sungjae some lunch, which by the way, they were sharing.

-Yah! Cut the fluff will you? – Peniel said, annoyed.

-Waeyo hyung? She’s my girlfriend – my heart clenched at the word.

-I already know that so no need to show it around OK? – Peniel said, and eyed Sungjae suspiciously – you better be treating her right.

-Peniel! Don’t start behaving like a father please! – she said, laughing, Peniel just stuck his tongue out at her, and glared once more to Sungjae.

I was sitting the furthest away I could from them, shielding myself behind Hyunsik and Eunkwang, who practically made it impossible for me to see Sungjae, but left Ha In in clear view.

As much as it hurt, I couldn’t stop looking at her, I was addicted, and it was literally driving me crazy, the lack of sleep was making me snap more often than usual, and my normal behaviour had been affected, I had been lucky that they hadn’t realised yet the reason, I had been able to put on a façade in front of the cameras, but if I didn’t do something to stop caring, it would all eventually show.

-Come ooon!

-No, I already said I don’t like broccoli!

-But it’s good for you! Come on! Just a bit! Pleeeease – Ha In pleaded, holding her chopsticks up, she pouted a bit and made puppy eyes.

Her aegyo made my heart flutter, even if it wasn’t meant for me.

-Aish…alright….stop making those eyes….- Sungjae sighed, and opened his mouth, so she could feed him.

She waited until he swallowed and then she asked:

-See? It wasn’t that bad right?

-Since you fed me it wasn’t – Sungjae answered cheekily – perhaps you should always feed me.

-Yah! What are you? A baby? – she smacked him playfully on the arm and went back to eat her lunch, staining the corner of .

-Who’s the baby here? You don’t even know how to eat! Come here – he leaned closer to her, and with his thumb he cleaned her lips.
She smiled and looked back at him, for a moment it felt as if time had frozen, he rested his hand on her cheek, and looked back at her, didn’t the others notice how close to each other they were getting? Where was the overprotective Peniel now?

I couldn’t do a thing and I hated it, I looked around desperate, but I couldn’t help but notice the two of them, I pushed my bento box out of the way and jumped to my feet.

-Hyung what are you…?

-I’m getting out of here before those two make me go sick because of that stupid puppy love of theirs – I answered, quickly crossing the room and slamming the door closed behind me.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….....

Minhyuk slammed the door closed, and the room fell into silence, I felt my eyes stinging with angry tears.

-What’s wrong with him? – Sungjae muttered.

-He’s been a bit awkward with your whole relationship, you know… - Changsub answered, half smiling at us.

-And just what on earth does it have to do with him! – I yelled suddenly.

They all turned around to look at me, eyes wide open at my sudden outburst.

-Ha In-ah – Sungjae started.

-No! I’m just sick of it! I can’t stand it anymore! Just what have I done to him? Have I been rude? Haven’t I already apologized enough for my mistakes? Yeah I spoiled his shirt, but I bought another one, I’ve done all I could to keep myself away from his sight, so I didn’t annoy him, but this is it! I’m so sick of that attitude of him! – I finished my rumbling half panting, the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

The boys looked at me, and then looked to each other, as if telepathically arguing about something.

-It’s not that you’ve done anything wrong Ha In-ah – Peniel said – it’s just because of who you are.

I looked at him confused.

-You’re a girl – Ilhoon said.

-So? – I asked, my brows furrowed.

-We think you remind him to noona – Sungjae said, looking at me meaningfully.

-His noona…?....Oh – I muttered, as I finally understood – I didn’t know…

-It happened quite a while ago, to tell the truth, we thought he had already forgotten about it, but then again, the way you’ve started hanging out with us does bring memories back – Changsub said.

I didn’t say anything, still confused.

-Minhyuk-ah met a girl when he entered high school – Eunkwang said, speaking for the first time – she was a senior, really popular in the school, and Minhyuk fell for her almost instantly, though it wasn’t until he entered 2nd grade that she started to notice him.

He paused, and I gulped.

-They started dating by the time she graduated, at first it all seemed right, he truly loved her, she was his first love after all, sometime after, Minhyuk graduated as well, they came to Seoul together, and she supported him with his dream of becoming an idol, she had no interest in stardom, but Minhyuk promised her the relationship would work out even if he debuted.

-That was when we met her – Changsub said – little after Minhyuk-hyung joined CUBE, and BtoB was formed, he introduced her to us, we hanged out together, had dinner, to our eyes they were a perfect couple, and it was truly obvious how madly in love hyung was.

Changsub’s voice lowered, and I felt how the story was turning dark.

-Then, not too long before out debut... – he stopped, trying to find the proper words.

-He found out she was cheating on him – Ilhoon said, I turned to look at him, wide-eyed – apparently she had been doing that from the start, even though she looked like a sweet pure girl she was in fact a “player”, she toyed with boys until she got bored of them, and then broke them, in fact, she being caught red handed by hyung was all planned, her way of breaking up with him. She got interested in him in high school, she played with him, and when she got what he wanted from him, she left.

I bit my lip, not missing the double meaning of Ilhoon’s words.