Sunday, August 17

7:35 AM

I woke up this morning with the WORST headache I’ve ever had.

I also couldn’t remember what happened last night.

I tried looking in my diary, but I didn’t write an entry last night.

But my memory slowly came back to me and… I am so screwed.

Most of yesterday was pretty normal. We went to SM and practiced pretty much all day.

Taemin, Key, Minho, and Jonghyun had evening schedules, so Onew and I headed back to the dorm.

Onew and I were just chilling in the living room leaning against the sofa. We had just finished eating dinner when he asked “Do you mind if I drink some alcohol?”

“Not at all! Can I have some?”

He looked at me bewildered. “Do you drink? But you’re underage!”

I sighed. “Yeah, I know. But I’ve grown up around alcohol. Heck, my parents taught me how to take tequila shots on my 18^th birthday.”

“Well, are you sure you can handle it?”

“Oh, I’m sure.” I smiled.

“If you say so…”

Well, to make a long story short, a couple hours later, we were both pretty out of it.

“Why is Taemin such a child?” I asked.

“Well, he’s pretty young…”

“I’m younger than he is! And I’m not nearly as childish as he is.”

“Well,” Onew responded, “You seem to be pretty mature for your age.”

“Do you really think so, oppa?”

“Yeah, I really do!” He smiled at me.

I smiled back then immediately started pouting. “But he makes my life so miserable!”

“Miserable?” Onew asked, concerned.

“Yeah! I always have to worry about how I behave around him. Especially if you’re there too, oppa.”

“Do you want to leave then? If you’re so miserable…”

“No, no, no! I have lots of fun hanging out with you, Onew oppa. I don’t want to leave.”

He paused. I think he didn’t really know what to say. The alcohol had a pretty big effect on me, but it had at least a little effect on Onew, I’m sure.

“Um… You know that’s not my real name, right?”

“What?” I asked, confused. Alcohol will mess up your head, trust me.

“My real name is Jinki.”

“So, do you want me to call you Jinki then?” I asked playfully.

“Yes.”

I smiled at him. “Okay then Jinki oppa.”

He smiled and looked down at the floor.

“Are you embarrassed, Jinki?” I teased.

I started poking him in the chest. “Jinki, Jinki, Jinki, Jinki…”

“Cut it out.” He said, smacking my hands away. But I was having fun!

I kept poking him.

“Jinki, Jinki, Jinki, Jinki…”

“YA!”

He grabbed my wrists. The strength of it pulled me forward so my hands rested on his chest and my face was only inches from his.

He looked at me, eyes wide.

I could feel the strength in his chest. I didn’t really know he was so strong.

I felt him breathe in and out, slowly. I felt like I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t stop staring into his eyes. His big, brown, beautif

He started leaning in closer, I swallowed hard.

I sat there perfectly still, watching him get closer and closer.

Finally, I felt his warm lips against mine.

My eyes opened wide.

I think this is where the alcohol started really playing a part.

I wish now that I had pushed him away or slapped him or something.

I didn’t.

I started kissing him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he, correctly, assumed that I wanted to kiss him.

He slid his hands around my waist and pulled me closer.

I pulled myself up so I was sitting on his lap as he leaned against the sofa.

Our kissing got more intense.

I started saying “Jinki, Jinki” between kisses. I felt his lips curl up into a smile.

I finally came back to my senses. I pulled away, quite out of breath.

“Wait. Stop. I can’t do this.”

He just stared at me stupidly. I was still sitting in his lap but with my hands on his chest.

“I can’t do this, oppa. I’m dating Taemin.”

I jumped up.

“God, what am I thinking?”

He stood up too.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

I sighed and closed my eyes. “No, I’m sorry. Goodnight.”

I walked to my bedroom door, but before I turned the knob, I turned my head around to look at him.

He was just standing there, watching me. He looked really sad.

I couldn’t take it.

I ran back to him and kissed him hard. I pulled back and smiled sadly. “Goodnight, Jinki oppa.”

He smiled at me and I ran back to my room.

I slammed the door behind me and went straight to bed.

I’ve really screwed up this time. Does he actually like me or was it just the alcohol?

What if Taemin finds out?

I’ll have to tell him eventually…

I am so screwed.