Hyomi's POV:

"What....did you say?" I mumbled my voice getting caught in my throat. "It's not true right?" Changwoo looked panicked again and looked at his hyung who was staring at the ground senselessly. 

"Lee Changwoo....answer me..." i whispered. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all. Before i even realized it, Youngmin and Kwangmin came bursting through the doors sweat trickling down their necks. 

"Hyomi?! What happened to you?! WHere's Jonghyun?!" youngmin walked over to me his eyes filled with worry and grief. 

"We took the earliest flight from Japan to get here...it's only us though..." Kwangmin avoided my eyes as if it was hard to look. Youngmin stood beside Changwoo and scanned me with his eyes. 

"Lee Changwoo...why didn't you take care of her....WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE CARE OF HER?!" he yelled pushing Changwoo away from me and onto the ground. 

"Hyung, stop!" Kwangmin pulled Youngmin back. 

"Let go Kwangmin-ah, i knew i shouldn't have left! I knew i shouldn't have left her in his care!!" Youngmin cried. "If i hadn't left...this wouldn't have happened..." No one knew that Hyunwoo had quietly left to check on Changjo. 

"Changwoo-ah..did you call Myungsoo?" Kwangmin asked still holding onto Youngmin for his saftey. Changwoo slowly stood up again and nodded solemly. 

"Youngmin.....Kwangmin.....Changwoo....." a silent tear fell down my cheek. I could picture the destruction of our friendship crash before my eyes and i felt over-whelmed. They all turned to look at me with worried eyes. 

"Please....stop.." I said wiping away the tear. "We're breaking....our friendship is breaking...."

Youngmin yanked his arm away from Kwangmin and clenched his fist together. Changwoo decided he should leave and went to find Hyunwoo leaving the twins and Hyomi together. Kwangmin slowly sat on my bed holding tightly onto my hand.

"Are you okay? Do you feel okay?" he asked clenching my hand tightly. 

"No...i'm not okay....Jonghyun might be dead.....i should have died....." I mumbled. 

"Don't talk like that...." kwangmin my hair out of my eyes. Youngmin quietly made his way over and pulled up the nurse's chair and sat down laying his head on my arm making me wince. 

"Mianhae Hyomi....jeongmal mian...." Youngmin whispered. I felt so shattered and broken. My feelings were all over the place again like the time i did the heart transplant. Appa....help me..... 

Suddenly, Hyunwoo and Changwoo came in both with darkened expressions. Changwoo's eyes seemed wet and unfocused and Hyunwoo didn't dare look into my eyes.

"Hyunwoo?" I called out in a hoarse voice. 

"Sh.....i'll ask....don't strain yourself," Kwangmin gave my hand another little squeeze. "Is he.......you know...." 

Hyunwoo looked like he wanted to run away. 

"I'm sorry.....he didn't make it...." he said in a voice so small that it seemed like it wasn't heard. Youngmin and Kwangmin's eyes widend at the response. 

"....bowh?" Youngmin looked up at Changwoo. "Are you lying to me?"

"Changwoo.....this is just a joke right?" kwangmin laughed trying to deny reality, but for me everything hit all at once like a boulder. me tears immeditally began to over flow from her eyes and it felt like i couldn't breathe anymore. Nothing matters anymore.....he's left me....even after the transplant....Choi jonghyun...come back to me....you can't..be dead...there's no way....were my feelings all in vain?....was my heart not enough?....appa....why didn't you save him?!....Were my feelings in vain?!.....it hurts....it hurts so much more than the bullet does....

"I'm sorry Hyomi-ssi...." Hyunwoo whispered. 

"He's really....gone?" Youngmin's voice wobbled.

"Like....he's not...coming back?" Kwangmin asked. 

"Mian...." Changwoo coughed holding back his tears. My tears wouldn't stop. Nothing mattered at all anymore. All my efforts were for nothing. I couldn't hear anybody who was trying to console me while i was crying. Choi Jonghyun.......Why'd you leave me?

(2 weeks later)

"Are you ready to go?" Youngmin asked me packing my things into a duffle bag. 

"Yeah......" I mumbled. Today was Jonghyun's funeral and also the day of my hospital release. My first love i had tried to save finally passed away because of me again. 

"Hyomi-ah...it wasn't your fault....." Youngmin came behind me and hugged me tightly. "It's the first time i hear your voice again...." For 2 weeks i kept silent and my thoughts to myself. I rarely talked anymore. 

"Kaja...." I whispered pulling out of Youngmin's hug and walking out the door. Youngmin sighed and followed closely behind. I didn't know what i was feeling anymore. The public knew i was in the hospital, but we covered it up that i was just filming a new M/V. The Boyfriend members all came back after the concert explaining to their fans that the twins were in some personal stuff right now so that was covered. Teen Top fans were crushed to find out that their maknae passed away and the Teen Top members decided to stop their schedules after today. Myungsoo and Sungyeol came back to check on me and keep me company at the hospital in case i try to do anything to myself. 

When we were on the road, all i could think about were the memories of Jonghyun and I. It was painful, but they were the only things i have left of him. You remember he saved your life.... It took about 30 minutes until we arrived at the funeral home. Changwoo and Hyunwoo were outside. So was Kwangmin and Minwoo. Youngmin parked the car and we both got out simutaniously. I didn't want to move. I was too scared. Youngmin grabbed my hand and gave it comforting squeeze. He looked me in the eyes as if saying, "Depend on me a little." I could only swallow and nod as he lead me closer to everyone. Changwoo and Youngmin gave each other handshakes and Changwoo asked," Has she talked at all?" Youngmin scanned me with his eyes and looked at Changwoo again.

"Yeah....but not much, still its better than nothing...where's Myungsoo-hyung and sungyeol-hyung?" he asked pulling me closer to him. I'm sorry Youngmin...i'm puting you through so much...

"They're inside....the teen top members are also there..." Changwoo avoided my eyes. Why won't you look at me? I looked at Hyunwoo instead and he just gave me a steady nod. 

"Let's go inside....Kwangmin-ah, minwoo-ah, are you coming?" youngmin called behind at his dongsaengs and they followed. Minwoo stood on my left while Youngmin and kwangmin stood on my right Youngmin still holding onto my hand. 

"How are you feeling?" Minwoo whispered. I didn't reply and just nodded. 

"Awh....and here i thought you would answer me...haha...guess im not different..." Minwoo said sadly. I felt guilt knaw at my heart. Mianhae Minwoo.....jeongmal... Myungsoo and Sungyeol saw us and approached us. Youngmin let go of my hand and handed me over to Myungsoo who embraced me in a hug.

"yah -.- myungsoo-ah, i need a hug too," Sungyeol opened his arms. Myungsoo let me go and i went to hug him. He was surprised and said," Well..this works too." Myungsoo flicked his head and scowled. 

"Wah....you really aren't talking..." Sungyeol frowned as i pulled away to stand by Myungsoo. 

"Are you gonna...you know...pay your last respects..." Myungsoo stuttered. I frowned. Should i? Youngmin, Kwangmin, and Minwoo were already doing that. I looked next to them and the teen top members were standing by. All of their eyes were wet. Especially Ricky's and Niel's. I quietly walked over to them and hugged each of them whispering a quiet sorry. The one who clung to me most was Niel. 

"Why did we let him leave to surprise Changwoo......Hyomi-ah.....tell me why..." Niel sobbed. L.Joe patted his back and looked at the ground with dazed eyes. My hands tightened on his shirt and i pulled away from the hug only showing him that my heart wondered almost the same thing. Why did you have to save me? Youngmin, Kwangmin and Minwoo stood up allowing me to cautiously kneel down and close my eyes. I imagined him smiling and laughing at me bringing me to tears.

Jonghyun....oh jonghyun.....wwae.....why out of all the times you had to be there....i should have died....you...you should have lived.....my first love.....where are you? i can't see you anymore....it hurts...it hurts so much.....i loved you.....i miss you.....can this keep going on?....will i eventually go insane?......Choi Jonghyun....why won't you answer me?......i miss you so much......I miss you too.

I opened my eyes panicked and looked around my eyes stinging. Jonghyun? i was sure i heard his voice. I stood up and looked around frantically making everyone think i was insane. 

"H-hyomi-ah, what are you looking for?" Myungsoo asked me his eyes worried. 

"....jonghyun.." I muttered. 

"OH. She talked!" Sungyeol shouted quietly. 

"....jonghyun..." I felt my eyes water again. Jonghyun. I kept looking, but he was nowhere. where are you.... I eventually felt the tears fall onto my cheeks and i could feel my heart feel slightly pressured so i stopped and cried. The twins and Minwoo approached me patting and rubbing my back trying to comfort me. Then finally changwoo approached me making me immeditally jump into his arms and start bawling. 

"Changwoo-ah.....it's not fair....it isn't fair....." I cried into his shoulder holding on tightly to his shirt. He enclosed his arm around me and could only reassure me everything was going to be okay. But it isn't okay....i can't do this...i can't.....

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A/N: TT^TT i cried while typing this man Dx. Sorry for such a long wait @__@ highschool is seriously a pain in the !!!. I hope your all doing well though :)) I really want to thank you guys for being so patient with me :)) Subscribe and comment for more <3 Thanks! saranghaeyo~