“What is this?” She asked trying to laugh it off. I looked at her dead in the eye.

“Naeun, I’m serious.”

Taking a step closer to her I felt her lean back as I invaded her personal space. She wouldn’t give me her eye contact. “Why don’t you believe me Naeun?”

With both hands she firmly pushed me away. The physical touch was out of rejection and it was a blow to my pride. Naeun dipped her head down. “You should leave, it’s late.”

True I did have a schedule early the next morning. But that wasn’t until eight. Turning away I had to think of what to do. She was refusing my words, refusing the truth, even when I had humiliated myself to do so.

“What can I do to show you how sincere I am being?”

She held her hands together tight. “There’s nothing… I gave you more than enough chances to show me your real self and you… You blew them all.” She whispered the last part. “So, don’t waste your time anymore because…” I felt as though I knew what she wanted to say at the end even if she omitted it.

Naeun went to pick up the wrapping paper from my gift. While she wasn’t paying attention I walked over to the fridge and opened the door. “You had a party right? So there has to be… Ah ha,” I took out a packet of beers, two of which were missing.

She looked up and her face fell. “I’m guessing that Eunji brought it along since you aren’t such a strong drinker.”

“Taemin, you wouldn’t…”

I took one can out, opened it and had a large swig. I let out a breath of relief, the alcohol giving me a buzz. “Naeun, would you believe me if I was drunk?”

“Please stop.”

Shaking my head I drank more until it was almost empty. “Well it seems to be that way.” I finished the can and then had another drink. “Naeun, do you know that your heart is blocked by a thick wall made out of stone, brick, steel and even wood? How can anyone be good enough to enter your life and not be chased out by guard dogs?”

Naeun did not answer. “Yes that’s what I deal with, silence.” I squashed the can and then opened up another. “I don’t think you really understand what I’m saying.” I swallowed some more, feeling a little light headed. “I’m in love with you. I admired you when I saw your group and you in the middle. I liked you when we were on the show together and now it’s the big word.”

I don’t know if my words made any impact. I blocked a burp that threatened to rise. Squashing that can as well I got another, somewhat dizzy. “So my only option is to tell you this with beer.” Naeun glanced at the beers on the table and reached down to take them out of my reach.

“I still love you Naeun.”

“Taemin, it’s too late. “

“Not while we’re still—“

 My legs seemed to become limp and everything went black.

Opening my eyes I groaned as my head hurt. My phone was ringing away. Sitting up I grabbed the device to answer. The time said five forty five in the morning.
“H-hello this is Taemin?”

“TAEMIN WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!” I sat up and almost threw up. Covering my mouth I listened to Minoh hyung reprimand me on the phone.

“HOW COME YOU DIDN’T GO HOME LAST NIGHT? WHY COULDN’T I REACH YOU UNTIL NOW? YOUR HAIRDRESSER’S APPOINTMENT IS IN HALF AN HOUR AND I CAN’T FIND YOU. WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL THE BOSS?!”

I think I started to realise what was going on. “Oh umm… I was visiting a friend and I guess I lost track of the time. I’ll come out.” I told him where I was and he flipped out even more.

“Taemin you’re really screwed now. Don’t leave I’ll be there in fifteen aish.”

After hanging up I had to hurry to the kitchen sink. Turning the tap on I wiped my mouth with a wet hand, wondering how I would explain to our manager my hang over.

Glancing around the white walled room I realised that the place was clean. Naeun was gone but a note had been left on the table. Going over to it I picked up the piece of paper which had been written in familiar hand writing.

It explained that she had to leave and told me to shut the door behind after making sure everything was left in its place. There was a slight bang as a door closed. She must have just left. Not bothering about shoes I hurried after her.

Ω

“Naeun, Naeun!” She waited at the lift, moving her head with a silent swish of her hair as I called her name. There was a beep as the metal doors slowly opened. I pressed my thumb against the button which kept the doors open. She was dressed in a black dress, stockings and a brown small cardigan thing that stopped at her waist as well as her coat.

“Naeun, please give me an answer.” I didn’t need an explanation as to what happened because I had gotten the picture easily. I wanted to know whether this really was goodbye. “If you want me to tell the world my feelings than fine I’ll organise a press release. If you want me to fight then I’ll fight. I’ll do anything you want. Please… Just tell me that things aren’t over between us.”

She hesitated. Panting and getting my breath back I wondered whether she had gone into hiding. Would she answer me or still leave me hanging on with pure worry and confusion?

After a couple of minutes went by she released my thumb and stepped out of the lift. “Grab your things, we’ll ride down together and you’ll leave first.”

What did she mean by this? Puzzled by her actions I decided that I would go along with it. Relieved for the time being I hurried back to the apartment, got my jacket, shoes and phone I came back to the lift and stepped inside with her.

When I was inside she pressed the numbers on the floors three stops from the ground floor. What was she planning? The doors slid shut and we started to move. Clearing my throat I began to talk but she started without the need.

“Do you really want to know?” I nodded, more than ready for this moment. We arrived at the first stop, the doors opened and shut. “On the fifth of March I am going to be doing a photo-shoot at Jeju Island. I’ll be there until the sixth… So if you want to know how I feel… Meet me there.”

“Naeun why do you want to meet there nearly a month later—“

She gave me a hard shove and pushed me out of the lift as the doors opened. I hit the floor and the doors closed. Getting up I tried to push the button to open them but they wouldn’t and then an arrow going up suggested that she was moving.

I wouldn’t hear from her again. It was a weird opportunity but one I had to take.

Ω

“And that was it, she kicked me out and I got picked up by Minoh hyung.” I shuddered as I remembered how loud his yelling had been. “His angry words are still ringing in my head. I can still feel the marks from where the broom handle hit my legs.”

“Ouch hyung,” Jongin said while sipping his beer. “But you were careless so you deserved it.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “You’re supposed to be on my side! Anyway hyung,” I looked at Kwonho hyung who was texting. “Why did she want to meet me on Jeju Island of all places? Is she afraid someone will see us?”

He put his phone down. “Well, you should already know this Taemin but isn’t it a place of fond memory for you both?”

Pausing I had to think and then I verbalised a short syllable to express realisation. “You see?” He continued, “it’s a place both dear to you. Maybe she wants to relive a memory that you both shared while filming?”

“Yes she’ll eat kimbap with you on a hill and then tell you its over.” Jongin pretended to cry. “Naeun, don’t leave me.”

“I don’t sound like that—“

“—and then you’ll fall off a cliff from a broken heart.” Kwonho hyung gave him a hi-five and I felt like pushing them into the river.

Jongin saw my face. “Relax alright? It won’t happen. You just have to be a little patient about it that’s all.”

“Easy for you to say,” I muttered taking another sip.

The morning after the catch up I was on stage rehearsing for my appearance as a guest on a show. The band was setting up for the introduction while I went to the side and made sure my hand held microphone was working properly.

Two weeks since her birthday. I had heard nothing. My calls were going to her voice mail, texts were sent without reply and I couldn’t use kakao talk either.

“He’s looking well,” I overheard some of the audience talking.

“He looked good back when he filmed that show.” Someone replied to the first statement.

“Which show? The one where they did those adventures overseas? Or is it the one with that pretending to be his wife?”

I felt my ears burning. They were being rude and I could hear them. Peering about the mass of heads and bodies I picked out the three discussing this close to the stage.

“Yeah she wasn’t pretty enough for him.”

“Or good enough,” that did it.

Clenching my fist I turned the microphone on before I was given clearance and spoke into it.
“To my fans, I think that what you are saying is a little harsh.” Silence as I kept speaking. I didn’t care, I wanted to yell at them yet I was trying to keep my voice calm.

“Before you start to call others names for no other reasons maybe you should get to know them first. Unless… You’re happy to live with a fabricated image of them. You made them look bad so you feel better about yourselves. Why not stop and realise that the ones who are looking bad are you.”

Everyone started talking as I switched the microphone off. The girls speaking all stood up and left the area, taking their posters and banners with my name. I felt better for speaking however catching Minoh hyung’s expression back stage I saw him draw a line across his neck.

I was dead meat.

Ω

There you have it folks. Be mean about those your idols care about and they’ll tell you how they feel (most of the time). Kyuhyun’s family got rubbish at one stage and he wrote a letter defending them. I think you’ve been warned.