~Their Love Is About Trust and Forgiveness

I barely know my self any longer. When I stare at my reflection, it’s not the same girl I used to be. I know pretty well what has changed. I have a lot in my mind but not even one of it come out and real. Just like some suppositions that come when you freak out but when you calm it will gone. Not that I am broken. I think I fell too hard, and sadly, there is no way out.

You know, no matter how strong a relationship there still would be a hurricane. And it haunts us, me and my boyfriend. We tried to be open to one another. We did. But some secrets are too personal to be share. And it makes me insecure if I share it to someone, even if they are my parents. So, I guess my love doesn’t break the line of it.

What about him? He’s everything perfect with no humiliating secrets. The worst, he doesn’t understand about my thoughts and it always ended up with disaster when we talk about the subject. We started to slip away. No phone calls in the morning, then in the lunch, then in the night. It goes on till a week with no communication. I cried before I sleep. I cried in the morning. I cried when lunch time. But it didn’t change everything. We used to have a good time. But now it goes like the wind. I have no gut to call him. It was always him who called me first.

“So?” Fanny’s voice echoes in my mind and I blink.

We sat at Starbuck and ordering cappuccinos. We have a same taste. I’m glad she dragged me off the office earlier. She can give me a little salvation on my pathetic love life.

“I don’t think it will work. He just. . . . . gone.”

“What will you do?”

Another thing I like about her, she doesn’t pity me. She acts like it’s a normal thing to have problem and you have to grow up and face it.

“I’ll wait.” I mumble weakly. It’s not like I don’t have other choice. But, I really don’t.

“Don’t chicken out. Call him and tell him it’s over. Done. You’re out of misery.” She babbles matter-of-factly. 

I smile. “You’re not the smitten one fanny.”

She shrugs. “My luck. It to have smitten then suffering over it.”

“I can’t get over him. He stuck on my cells.” I blink back tears. My throat tightens painfully.

“Yuck, it’s creepy.”  She makes a funny horror face.

But that’s true. The moment he came into my life, it feels like he owns me, completely, utterly.

“Well you’re right. I’m not smitten and I don’t know how it feels.” She put a serious look for the first time. “But Yuri, for Christ sake, calls him and talk. You can’t live like this. It’s not healthy.”

There’s no word ‘healthy’ in my life. I bury too many nasty secrets with me. I smile at her instead. “Maybe you’re right.”

“So you’re going to call him?” Her face lit up. At the moment, I know why we are best friend. I love you Fanny.

And, I nod. Still, I can’t make promises. So, on my lap, I cross my fingers.

“Good. You will spare me the detail, won’t you?”

“Of course! After you save my day, that’s the last thing that I can do.” I bob my head.

“Save your day?” Her eyes slit suspiciously.

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