This story inspired by SMTown Paris in 2011. I don't know what make me so delusional, but I saw in fancam how Yunho always followed her in the end of the concert.

enjoy  ^_^

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wanting something means everything in your life but you couldn’t have it is really feel the same as when you’re drowning your self in deep water and desperate for air. I don’t know what I had done I deserve to have this kind of feeling. It kills me every time I saw her but I couldn’t hold her. It kills me those smiles of her wasn’t for me. It kills me her laughs didn’t come from my jokes. It kills me every time she cried I couldn’t give my shoulder and comfort her.

People who knew my feeling always said it’s the best for us. I don’t want to ruin her career. She just starts to build her dream and the last thing I want to do is destroy that. I will do anything, anything to make her dream come true, even if it means my heart will suffer. I will deal with the devil later if it means I can see her everywhere. All my years of suffering pays now. Look at her, Kwon Yuri. Who wouldn’t recognize my girl? Men are drooling over her, and women envy of her.

“Hyung?” I feel Changmin tugs at my sleeve. “You’ve been daydreaming. Come on, it almost our turns.”

I smile apologetically at him. I don’t like to be like this but I just couldn’t stop my self. After seeing her through out monitor in our waiting room, I feel like bursting into the stage and grab her into my arms. It’s been two months we haven’t met each other and I feel like die if I’m not at least touching her, to feel that she’s real and not just my imagination.

There was a time when I thought of resign from all of this. If one of us quit, there would be no problem about dating. I have my degree so I could begin in another job field. But Changmin needs me and I can’t bring him down. I felt like monster for him when some members left us. I set aside my ego and begun new day with him.

I glance at the monitor where SNSD is in their Gee performance. She looks happy and it helps to salve my soul a bit.

Changmin waves at me from the door. “Are you coming?”

I hate my self for the reason of concern in his face. I smile. “Yeah, you go first. I’ll be just behind you.”

“Ok.” He is about to close the door, but hold it instead. “Hyung, you okay?”

He feels that too. Everyone seems able to read my mind. I nod with smile. “Nah, just a bit tired.” I stand and glance at one last time. Her smile makes my heart constrict. I grip my bottle a bit hard. The thought of we will meet behind the stage makes me nervous yet excited.

Changmin’s still waiting for me in front of the door when I come out. He flashes me sheepish smile. “I don’t want to walk alone. You know, the staffs are kind of scary.”

I raise my eyebrows. “I gather you don’t want to be scolded alone.” Even though we are senior in the company, Changmin sometime still forgets about the fact. The staff won’t dare to scold us.

We walk side by side through the narrow hallway since the concert held indoor. My heart is beating so fast I can’t concentrate on what Changmin says. From the end of the hallway, I see the staff panic while waving at us. It means SNSD’s performance almost finish. I begin to sweat a lot.

One of the make up artist snatches Changmin’s hand as we arrive behind the stage. She starts to attack Changmin’s face now. I focus my eyes on the big screen. God, she looks even more beautiful every time I saw her. Her tanned skin stands out in the pale-skin of another SNSD members. Her curly dark auburn hair flutters in the air when she moves. She had loss weight recently, but it doesn’t mean she lost her charm. She looks even ier and I swear I’ll kill every one who dares ogling after her.

One by one of SNSD members start to jostle into the crowd behind the stage. From the corner of my eye, Changmin climbs into the dark stage, but I stand still. I wait for her. I want to meet her, so that I can get her beautiful smile.

“Hyung, what are you waiting for?” Donghae shouts behind me.