Inspired by (and music throughout the chapter, I put it on repeat):

Jonghyun then continued by giving two hints that is supposed to help in finding the hidden meaning. According to this idol, the first hint is, “The woman left towards a place that could never be seen again” while the second is, “The man has a dual personality and is suffering from a mental illness.” 

'...My hands tremble more
I’ll lose my focus shortly
Why my broken legs standing here
I can’t even remember, I become scared...'

A medium-built body stood there, inhaling, exhaling deeply, anyone who sees can see the pain, the thoughts the man was feeling. He had his eyes shut. His hands forming a fist, ragged breathing, from the way his chest moving unstably. He slowly opened his eyes, a glossy orbs started to gaze faraway.

Breath.

He ordered himself. But it was hard. With every breath he took, he felt like his heart was getting torn again. Nothing he ever felt in his whole life can be compared towards this pain.

Breath. It'll be over soon.

He reminded himself. But everyone knows that saying it is easy. But actually doing it is nowhere near the word easy. His memories flooded him. He loved his memories. At least, there... Seungho would love him.

***

'...All I wanted was simply to give you an endless love
I had no idea that more excessive love would strangle you
Those days when I was torn from my wounded heart
A love that lost its way, I fill up with tears...'

"I think.. I think we should take a break." The older said in a hushed tone, slightly scared on what the other's respond would be.

"Hm? Take a break from what, hyung?" Joon asked as he put down the paper bags from their grocery shopping. He didn't even bother to look at the other as he asked that, still busying himself with the bags.

"You know-.. our relationship?" That finally got him to stop. His body froze and he slowly turned his head back to take a good look at the other.

"WHAT?" He could see the other visibly flinch at the sudden outburst.

"I mean-"

"What's wrong? I thought we were fine! Nothing is wrong! Why did you suddenly.." Joon eyed the older. His eyes filled with anger.

"You think that. I... I think you are becoming more and more possessive, Joon it's getting pretty bad." He confessed. He loved Joon, true. But what the younger felt wasn't love anymore.

It's an obsession.

"What? You're breaking up with me because I love you too much?" 

"What you feel isn't love." Joon snapped his eyes open widely. Clearly taken aback with the older's statement.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know! You just want to control me and have me all to yourself, you just love the control you had upon me. You just love the fact that you can drive me away from my families and friends!" There. He said it.

"No. You can't go. Not like this. I love you. I do, how can you not see it?" 

"It had became suffocating to me! You don't need to check up on me like every five minutes! It's like.. You held on to me too much, It's suffocating."

"What, so you want some kind of an open relationship? Where you can just every guy you find?" Joon said between gritted teeth.

"No. I just wanted a normal one, like the one we used to have."

"We. still. have. it." 

"Joon, this is blinding you."

"Shut up! You'll stay if I tell you to!"

"I'm sorry, but this is my decision. Bye, Joon." The older said and walked out of the house. He had enough. The way Joon acted in their last shopping was the last thread. He had been thinking about breaking up for quite a while, but he never wanted to do it. He loved Joon. He hated the fact that he won't be able to see him or have the right to call him his anymore. It hurts him too. But it must be done. 

'...Even the reason I love became a sin...'

***

'...I hope that you’ll catch on
That I’m a different you
I even embrace your
Nightmare from last night
Don’t let go of my hand...'

Joon stood there, shocked. He never even thought about this situation ever before. He had no idea how to act. He thought about the other's words, and came to a conclusion. The other's crazy.

The more he thought about it, the more it angered him. The bastard had no idea how lucky he was. To have such a caring person as his partner. To have someone care for him that deeply. 

Stupid.

To have someone willing enough to stop whatever they was doing just to text him back or check up on him.

Ungrateful.

To have someone that will do anything for them. 

Pitiful.

To have someone who is willing to die for them.

Utterly stupid.

Even after he had done for the other. He can't think of a real reason why he would break up with him. That was like the stupidest thing anyone could ever done. He chuckled. Fine, his loss.

'...Curse me, curse me for letting go...'

***

'...The deep wounds slowly
Burnt up and turned to ash...'

As the days passed, turning to weeks, months. Nothing was getting better. It even took a turn for the worse. Everything that Joon did reminded him of the other. He hated him. But somehow he wanted him back. He had searched, but the other was nowhere to be found. 

He thought for it a lot, the reason they broke up. Maybe, just maybe it was his fault in the end. In fact, he didn't even care about it one bit anymore. The only think he cared for at that moment was getting the older back. He had found his one and true love. And he had absolutely no plan on letting him slip through his finger.

His friends was worried about him, how he won't eat, just went around the town and trying to find the older. But what can he say in defense? He just wanted to see the older that much. He just wanted the older back more than anything.

***

'...Don’t leave me, my collapsed heart
Don’t leave me alone, I’m screaming
Want you, I want you like crazy...'

Finally, after a lot of troubles, months of searching. He managed to find the older.

"J-Joon?" His voice was low and scared.

"I found you."

"Why did you look for me?"

'...Why?...'

"I wanted to find you, to make things right again. To fix everything."

'...Just until today, don’t push me away...'

 "Joon, it can't be fixed."

"Give me a chance. Please."

"But it's too late, Joon."

"What? Why? It's not like you had someone!" Joon's eyes widened at the word he said. "W-wait."

'...Your lips that left me shouldn’t love...'

Joon's eyes changed, his dark orbs had became darker. His blood boils. Who did he thought he was? Cheating on him. He can't believe this. 

His adrenaline pumped.

His heart jumped.

Everything out.

"P-please.." Joon faintly heard. "I do love you, I just-.. our relationship aren't healthy for both. Please... stop."

He felt warmth on his hands.

He blinked.

Once,

Twice.

Everything he saw was horrifying. He gulped and remembered the last thing Seungho had said,

'...Don’t love me, I threw you away...'

***

"NO! STOP!" The voice snapped him out of his train of thoughts. He looked down, funny. The people down there looked so small.

His pain in his chest seemed worse everytime he remembered. He once wished to forget it all. But he knew. He'd be more content on remembering Seungho, even though he got hurt, rather than he had to feel all those pain and emptiness in his heart, but not knowing why.

'...But to forget will be more painful than to lose it
As I kill my breath, I’m going to die
From the agony of goodbye
Bring it back to that moment...'

The only thing he remembered as he let his body fall forwards, through many yells from the people below him was their good memories together. For the first time since he can remember, he finally closed his eyes and let a bead of tears fall.

It felt good crying.

He remembered clearly. How he had wished for the older to wait for him there. Where everything would be perfect, where they would be together, before he felt pain throughout his whole body as he slammed on the floor.

'...Don’t throw me away...'

I don't know what to say.

I just HAVE TO make something out of this a-m-a-z-i-n-g song.

OMG THIS IS JUST-

I killed both of them now.

SORRY