Chapter 22

"his girlfriend died" hyukjae simply said these two words. I opened my eyes widely, I know how it's very hard to accept this news. "I'm…SORRY!" what should I say? How should I react? "it must be hard for him!" I completed while trying to sit in front of the both of them. "the problem is not only this!" siwon completed which made my heart racing somehow. I stared at him like if I wanted from him the whole thing. "her father…" he paused. "Killed Her" my eyes went widely again…how on earth this happened? "HOW? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" I couldn't control myself anymore, the situation got worse. "after what happened to you, when she knows that, she called donghae-sshi and promised him to help and trying not to escape anymore…….when she took all the evidences, her father saw her, and after a long argue, he didn't hesitate and killed her with his Unauthorizedgun" he sighed which made my tears gathered in my eyes. How awful this father! "his love for money, control, being succeed made him blind even for his own daughter…that old man, if I saw him, I swear I would kill him!" hyukjae added.

"he is now in the prison, so donghae's case closed, and all transactions and rights will be returned to their owners, so don't think about the case anymore." I stood without feeling of my feet. That's why he kept shouting at me! That's why he scolded me! I didn't want to drop my tears. I wanted to follow donghae for unknown reason! Even though I know that I would not say anything if I saw him. Siwon's hand stopped my moves. "where you think you are going?" I turned my face to him with the non dropped tears while hyukjae stood behind siwon "it's true…it's my fault! I want to see him!" "STOP THIS CHILDISH ATTITUDE!" the voice came behind me which afraid me. I turned my head to see him…to see Jang su who was still standing on the door's sill. "what will you do? That's fine…you saw him, then? Stay at your place, that's good for you and him" he passed beside me and went to his room quickly with anger! "HYUNG!!" hyukjae called him but he didn't reply to him then closed the door strongly. I was in shock, his sudden attitude made me felt like if it was my fault…like if it was proving to me that it was my whole fault! I pushed siwon away then went out, I knew if I stayed longer, I would say or do any stupid thing!

Finally, after this stressed day, I stood near the sea. It was late, I couldn't see the color but the sparkle of it made me relax. I'm not recovered yet, but after those things, it made me feel like nothing happened to me! Even if it was really hurt me, killing me…I was able to ignore all of that. The tears, I'm going to hate this word from now on! 'Why? Is my fate going to be like hyukjae and siwon?!' Just thinking about it made me hate my life! What should I do? Before, I had this opportunity to get his trust and to break the bad image that he took about me, but now…I lost it. I have to face his bad attitude at least 3 times a day! "Where is he now? I hope he is not doing nonsense stuff!" I'm getting worried about him for each second. he didn't experience this feeling before, I'm afraid that he would hurt himself! But what I couldn't understand…why Jang su treat me like that? Was he blaming me either? "He is not like that…I'm sure, he is not like that!"

"I found you, you little KID!" I turned my head to see the own of this voice "ah! Siwon-sshi!" he sat beside me without hesitating. "what? KID?" I mocked him. He ignored me and started our second conversation near the sea!

-I know that you'll be here.

-really?

-did you remember when we first met? You told me that, when you feel stressed or annoyed you'll immediately come here.

-yeah…I still remember.

We paused a little then I apologized to him.

-I'm sorry for what I did before…it was rude from me.

-anya! It's ok, but….it's really hard to lose someone who you really need.

-yeah, it's very painful…I hope that he get recovered soon. But what are you doing, are you alright?

-yeah, I'm totally fine. 

He looked at me all at once. I looked at him then smiled. It was hard…he looked at my forehead and touched the plaster gently, then changed his hand to my neck. Then he asked me with a gentle voice…

-what about you?

-what happened to me today, made me lose the feeling of my pain.

-day by day he will forget all these things, it's just the matter of time.

-you know what? It's better if he blames me than of blaming himself!

-what?

-I hope he meant it when he blamed me…and not escaping from what he really thinking…it's difficult to live your life blaming yourself for someone's death! 

He stared at me for awhile then he put a small smile on his face. His dimple, was so obvious even when there were no lights. He has his aura that made you feel somehow strange yet comfortable.

-I see…

-it seems like Jang su-sshi blamed me…he proved to me what donghae-sshi is thinking about…

-who told you that?

-his attitude…didn't you see him?

-he is not blaming you, hyung went all hyper and angry when it comes to donghae-sshi! If anything wrong happened to him…he will act like that…

I opened my eyes for what he said! He laughed at my reaction then completed

-why you always like that?

-then…is there something between them?

-donghae-sshi is Jang su's hyung friend before we met him

-so?

-donghae-sshi lost his father and that really upset him that days, but before he die, he recommended Jang su-hyung to take care of his son…

I didn't know what to do…how to react…I didn't know actually why I got shocked! It meant that Donghae had this experience before!

-donghae-sshi didn't know about it until one year after…that's why hyung paying lots of attention to donghae.

-that's why he kept silence when donghae-sshi get angry?

-actually, he is a professional at holding back his anger and kept it inside his heart, but you can count it.

-he took this legacy as a responsibility over him…

-yeah…so didn't think that he blamed you…he just can't stand seeing donghae-sshi in this situation.   

We paused for a little. To tell the truth, I started to hate knowing more things…the more I knew, the more I got confused and blurry! That's will explained to me lots of things…Jang su…is he really that kind? I broke the silence when I started asking him.

-do you know where he is now?

-even if I know I won't tell you…he has to be with himself right now…

-but…what if he injured himself?

-he is not that type of person…don't think about it like he will kill himself!.....…UEE-sshi?

-what? 

He stared at me which made it uneasy for me…for a second I remembered Jang su's incident. Here, at the same place…the tone of his voice made me remembered it despite me! I turned my head gently to the other side, I didn't want to recall this bad day! "nothing" he simply said this word. "actually, I wanted to ask you something, but it's not the right time…so, let's go, we have to go now" he grabbed my hand and helped me to stand. "what are you wanted to know?" He was still grabbing my hand while we were walking then slowly took off his hand and left me behind him. "why are you in hurry? I'm asking you!" I asked wonderingly while I was running to catch his speed. "I'm not, and there is nothing" he denied it! I kept silence and followed him until we reached our house and entered it together. To tell the truth, if I stayed out one more hour it would be better. The atmosphere was horrible. "donghae-sshi didn't come yet?" Siwon asked hyukjae who was sitting in the living room. "NO…and he didn't pick up his phone, I wonder where is he now!"

I didn't dare to say anything but I headed to my room. Hearing it like that, made my heart in pain. How he was feeling? Why he was suffering alone? I hate those feeling…was it really my fault?

After staying with myself blaming and remembering horrible things, I heard them shouted out "donghae!" I wanted to see him, but I remembered what they told me…all of them agreed of that. "it's better if you stay away from him"  so I backed from opening the door, but I stayed behind it…I wanted to hear his voice to release this burden on me.

Suddenly, the door of the room opened which pushed me and let me fell down. "DONGHAE-SSHI!!" he was the one who opened the door. His face was in pain, I could tell that. I stood up while they all gathered and surrounded him. They all faced me like if I was a criminal. "LISTEN…AS LONG AS SHE IN THIS HOUSE, I WON'T BE HERE…SO CHOOSE! ME OR HER!" Donghae was shouting and pointing at me. I looked at them, each one of them with lots of shock…why he said that all up sudden? "this is something will not solve this way" siwon grabbed his hand and wanted to take him out but he ignored siwon and still staring at me. His eyes went red. "NOW! AREN'T YOU HAVE DIGNITY?" these words broke my heart, let me in big shock. Am I like that to him? I couldn't say anything…all the words on this earth suddenly disappeared. I was shaking, but there were no tears! No tears at all! Was it because I couldn't believe what he said or I wouldn't want to hear it and understand it?

"you don't have to do that! It's not the right time…you didn't mean it, right? You are just collapsed!" hyukjae trying to define donghae. He and siwon trying to pull donhae out but he refused to move, while Jang su standing at the back…didn’t do anything but watching! "do you think I lost my mind…NOW…there is no tomorrow for me, I WON'T STAY HERE IF SHE IS HERE!" he repeated it and my heart broke more than before. How I wanted to speak but my heart and my brain refused to! All at once, Jang su moved and pushed Siwon away to be in front of donghae…then he hit him at his face which made him fell down powerfully. We all got shocked by his sudden hit! "DO you think that you have the right to say those harsh words?" he paused and moved a bit near to him. "and WHAT? Leave? Didn't you grow up yet? You will not move anywhere…DONGHAE! Gathered your strength…" they stared at each other nonstop. "do you think I'm lying? If she will stay here, you won't see my face!"

He stood and they face each other, while donghae's mouth was bleeding. "donghae! Why are you acting like that?" hyukjae wanted to change his mind but no effect! "no one will move! GOT IT? Go to your room" Jang su said with a very strict voice. "I'll move…..if you want, I'll  do it now" I said without even aware of my words. They all looked at me. "didn't you hear what I said? Are you duff?" Jang su stared at me with an angry eyes. "I'll move" I didn't pay attention to him. "everyone, go out…" Jang su ignored me and pulled them away with him. After they went out, I collapsed! My feet drugged again, but why I couldn't cry? Why the tears refused to drop? I was shaking to death, the pain inside my heart grew slowly which made it harder for me to breathe. I grabbed my shirt strongly, I couldn't breathe…honestly! The pain inside me didn't decrease! It was increasing each second! "PL..EASE…HE…LP!" who I was calling? No one was with me…but I kept saying the same words over and over again. I lied on the ground and still grabbed my shirt! I gathered my strength and trying to calm myself then sat straightly while my body still shaking….

"OMG….IT WAS A DREAM!!" I was sleeping behind the door without feeling! "Thanks GOD! It was just a nightmare!" I stood and opened the door slowly. 'how long I have been sleeping?' there were no one in the living room and the lights were switching off. I stood near siwon's room, not because I wanted to see siwon, but to see his roommate who was upsetting after hearing the news. At the same time I wanted to see donghae, it is hard to be by yourself in these difficult situations. 'am I have the right to interfere in their problems?' I went out and sat on the table in the backyard under the garage. I remembered siwon and his story. Each one in this big house held a lot of pain and strange stories. Until now I didn't hear the full story of that person, who always wants to know about my life…who always showed in front of me whenever I need someone…even though, I didn't call his name, didn't say to him anything, but he feels my burden and pain. Why he always comes up to my mind so sudden?

I took out my cell phone to see if gun woon send something to me, but there was nothing! I wanted to hear his voice, I miss him. "what are you doing at this time? Waiting someone?" this voice again, this voice followed me wherever I'm. I raised my head to see Jang su who was standing in front of me, so close to me. "what?..." I was confused. "did you see a nightmare?" I opened my eyes widely. "how could you know?" he smiled and looked to the other side for a second then added "don't make it like if I'm a witch! Your face…it's easy to read!" suddenly, I remembered siwon, when I first met him, I told him this bad joke! "really?" I mocked him. He ignored it and touched my forehead where the plaster placed. "is it hurt you?" he took it off  a little. "AISH! If you didn't do the bad thing before your wound could be cured!" he shouted at me after seeing the wound. "it's not that big deal, I'm fine." I pushed his hand away then put the plaster at it place again. "what about your neck?" he kept asking and asking. "I told you…I'M FINE! You guys kept asking me the same questions all the day!!!" he sat beside me on the table then he looked at the sky. I peeked him, his profile, exactly like Jaewoon! I thought that I forgot him, but I'm not good at forgetting something! His dimple while smiling, his eyes when sparkling, his nose! I changed my sight to stop these thoughts.

-were you dreaming of donghae?

-you started to afraid me…I mean it!!

-what? Am I right? That's good then. see, I can read your mind!

-the nightmare was horrible!

-then why they call it nightmare if it wouldn't be horrible? 

Again his mean side appeared.

-stop being funny!

-I'm not! Were you dreamt of me too?

-you hit donghae-sshi because he told me to leave this house, he was scolding me.

-really? So I was your hero?

-NO

-I hit my best friend because of you, then you didn't call it an epic?

-oh, come on! What is so good about it?

-were hyukjae and siwon there too?

-they were trying to stop donghae-sshi, but they couldn't. until you shouted at him and hit him then he went out. The scenes were shaking my body!

-stop thinking about donghae for a little…

-what?

-he is passing through difficult time, so please…give him more time, so he can collect his thoughts again.

-yeah…I'm not blaming him nor angry. But I'm worried about him. 

He didn't tell me anything then again raised his head to the sky and smiled! Which made me confused.

-aren't you mad at me?

-what for?

-so you aren't?

-tell me, why?

-fine!

-what's wrong with you?

-wait here, I'll bring the medicine, I know that you will ignore curing yourself, you little….AISH! 

He went without letting me say a word. After 30 seconds, he returned. He stood in front of me and stared at me for a moment. "don't shout if it's hurt you, cause I'll hit you instead of hitting donghae!" then he laughed…a small laugh. But why my heart beating? I mean, racing! He always laughed in front of me! Or am I afraid of this medicine? He took off the plaster then put the cotton which had the medicine in, on my forehead. "DON'T, I'm warning you" "Is that how you treat someone?" he looked at me then put the cotton strongly on my skin. "YAAAAHHHHHHH" he closed my mouth with his hand. "see! I warned you!" he smiled a big smile "you really hurt me! You're really..really…REALLY MEAN GUY!" he didn't close his mouth but his smile was still from ear to ear. "do you want to try it again? Haah?" "ANYAA!" I grabbed his hand to prevent him from doing it again. "I got it…let me finish now" he was curing me gently and I closed my eyes. "finish! Open your eyes you chicken!" I opened my eyes slowly but he wasn't in front of me, he was sitting beside me.

-how fast!

-what? Do you want me to stand in front of you all the night?

-thanks…for your helping!

-thanking and apologizing…is that what you only knew? 

I looked at him strangely! I kept silence and looked at the sky and ignored him.

-what? Are you mad now?

-why you kept say this word? Is this the only word you knew?!

It was like if I found something to mock him at! I looked at his eyes directly. He laughed then looked to the other side. I laughed too, actually the situation was hilarious! We kept staring at the sky nothing to say but keeping staring aimlessly.

-Jang su-sshi!

-mm?

-I wanted to leave this house…

He looked at me all at once…

-are you crazy?

-what?

-where will you go after leaving us?

-I have to rely on myself!

-after you finish your problems and after finding a way to restore your property…then I will kick you out myself.

-what?

-what?

-even if it takes several months?

-even if takes several years!

-Jang su-sshi!

-Uee-sshi! 

He looked at my eyes with full of emotion or could I say it …sincere feelings? he nodded to me which made me happy and somehow satisfied! Then he started another conversation suddenly:

-I want to ask you a question…can I?

-Sure!

-what is behind your glove?

I opened my eyes from this unexpected question. I hided my hand then bowed my head. I didn't want him to feel like if it was a secret behind it, so I smiled and denied it. But he grabbed my hand and raised it.

-do you think I'm a fool?

-what?!

-today, when you wanted to hide your wound…you wore a cap! So it might be something you didn't want to cure!

Why he is like this? I stared at him aimlessly. How he could recognize such a thing!? I took off my hand from his.

-don’t make me repeat my answer, there is nothing.

-UEE-SSHI!

-why? Should there be something?

-take off the glove!

-who are you to order me?

- TAKE OFF…NOW!

-I'll go to sleep…good night.

I went down but he stopped me by holding my arm. "what are you doing?" I asked him confusedly. He looked at my eyes then changed his sight to my hand again. "I wanted to know the secret behind it! Tell me, didn't you want to talk now?" he was grabbing my arm strongly and the tone of his voice made me stopped. "why? Am I obliged to talk to you?" I paused then added. "why you always want to know about me, while you didn't bother yourself to talk?!!" I almost shouted at him but I controlled my voice. He grabbed my arm stronger than before which pain me. "did you ask me about myself? DID YOU BOTHER yourself for asking? You DIDN'T! so why should I talk about myself while you're not interested in knowing me!"

I opened my eyes while the tears gathered again in, not now, please! We kept seeing each others' eyes…"this is not what I want to say, I really want to know the secret behind this habit!" he looked to the ground then he looked at me and pulled me after him to sit again on the table. I didn't say a word, but why I followed him like a blind? I didn't want to talk about this to anyone here! "I'm sorry if I was so hyper suddenly, but I don't want to see you in more pain!"

Am I hearing what he said well? I didn't see his face I was looking forward aimlessly! "I will believe you…" he said and cut my thoughtswhich made me turn my head to see him. "just because you said there is nothing, I have to believe it, even if there is something!" he paused then completed.

-I hope that I didn't ruin your mood.

-no

-it's obvious!

-huh!

-Can you continue your story?

-now?

-are you sleepy?

-no

-then, can you tell me?

-why you didn't tell me about your….. 

My cell phone rang suddenly which cut my speech. I looked at the caller, but it was anonymous! I didn't know why I felt uneasy. I looked at Jang su for a moment "answer it" he said.

-hello?

-are you UEE?

-yes, who are you?

-please, gun woon in danger…, he was attempting suicide, please, maybe if he sees you, he will get better!

-what are you talking about? Where is he now!?

-in the city's hospital, please, come quickly!

I dropped the phone which made Jang su puzzled. "what's happen?" I looked at him then I shed tears; I was crying out loud! "what's happen? Don't afraid me!" he grabbed my face and raised it. "gun woon….he is in danger! He was trying to kill himself!" he opened his eyes widely and lost his words. "where is he? Let's go to him" he grabbed my hand without hesitating and let me rode in his car and drove as fast as he could. After we reached the hospital, I saw someone who I wouldn't want to see…

"Yuri-sshi?" Jang su said wonderingly. She was standing with a man who was comforting her by hugging her. She turned her head when she heard Jang su's voice. I ran to her unaware of my moved. "what's happen to him? Why he did that? What DID YOU DO TO HIM?" I shouted at her and trying to hit her, I was totally collapsed, while Jang su trying to prevent me to move any longer toward her. "what? Do you think you are worried about him more than I do?" she scolded me then the doctor came out from the emergency room which I started to hate, which it took my beloved Jaewoon and now…who will it take?

 "we are sorry, we did all we can…but he is fine until now…pray for him!" I couldn't believe what he said. I went near the doctor and shouted at him "where is he? I want to see him" "please…you can't…be patient…he probably will pass this dangerous position by tomorrow…" I looked at him where as the tears cling in my eyes. "patient?" I couldn't breathe, like if it was something prevent me from breathing. Jang su tried to pull me after him but my tears didn't want to stop. "he said he will be fine, don't do that to yourself!" Jang su trying to comfort me. I bunched my face, maybe it was another nightmare. But the scenes were the same! I wanted so badly to kill her, to hit her! But my body refused to do any further move!

********************************************************

enjoy <3

hmmm, for who is anticipating donghae's role, it will appear clearly in the next chapter till the end <3

what will Jang su do to her? and what siwon wanted to say? donghae, what will happen to him?,

am I saying too much??!! 

hope you liked this chapter as well ^^  and as I said before, the action began xD

thanks~