No One’s POV

Adrian took a seat at the table, across from Ren. The line to get his drink had taken forever. He was worried that by the time he had gotten what he wanted; Ren would have changed his mind about talking. The other obviously had questions he wanted answers to and Adrian wanted to help as best he could. But he knew the issue of being gay and feelings that might lead to being gay were very touchy and not many wanted to talk about it. He hoped Ren would open up to him.

“Alright, so now we’re at your café.” He teased, smiling. Ren smiled in returned and nodded, sipping the smoothie he had. “Alright, so you obviously have questions, what do you want to know?” he asked, breaking the ice.

“Well.” Ren started and looked at the table hard. He was trying to think of the best way to start this. He didn’t want to jump right into it. He wanted to gradually lead into and let the conversation run its course. “My question I asked earlier. Will you answer it?” he asked.

“Question?” Adrian asked confused, trying to think back on the questions the other had asked. “Which one?”

“Are you happy?” Ren asked again. Adrian stared at him for a long moment, pondering the question before he nodded his head.

“For the most part, yes.” He answered.  Reaching out, he took Ren’s hand and held it gently. “I’m happy with my life.” He said. “With the choices I’ve made.” He said. “Is that what you mean?”

“Well I guess?” Ren said, moving his hand away. He was just so unsure and having Adrian there being so comforting, it was making him more nervous. He was going crazy! “But are you happy being…gay?” He whispered.

Adrian chuckled and nodded. “Yes I’m very happy being gay.” He told the other. “Like I told you all before Ren, I can’t help being who I am. It’s not something I can control. It just happened. I love myself and I accept myself for who I am. My family accepts me, my friends accept me, and I have a wonderful boyfriend that loves me.” Cocking his head to the side, he frowned, watching the blond maknae.

“Ren-shii, you asked about symptoms. Why? Do you think you might have an interest in a guy?” he asked. Ren stilled, keeping his eyes adverted and Adrian knew he had hit the nail on the head. This is what it was all about. Ren thought he may be gay and wanted to know if whatever he was feelings were signs of that, or just something else.

“Ren you can tell me, you know right? I’m not a blabber mouth. I want to help you be comfortable with you and your feelings.” Adrian encouraged him.

“I know.” Ren whispered and took a deep breath, sighing. “I think I might like Baekho.” Lifting his head, he watched Adrian’s reaction carefully. He didn’t know what he was expecting to see, but whatever it was, it wasn’t there. Just acceptance.

“Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know.” Ren shrugged. “It’s just lately I’ve been feeling really jealous when anyone would hang off of him, or when he would do skinship with another member. It’s confusing. I never felt like this before.” He told him.

“I see.” Adrian said. He took a sip of latte and smiled gently at him. “Well it sounds like you like him. And you have to understand, you could go all your life thinking you like girls, but in fact you don’t. Or, you could very well like both genders.” Adrian said and giggled. “Or you could be like my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Yeah. My boyfriend is a man’s man.  He used to be a player, got into so much trouble, hit on every woman he could find. But then we met and he told me, no lie, that he thought someone took out his brain because he really liked me and wanted to go out. He told me he wasn’t gay and he didn’t understand why he wanted to go out with me, but he was going crazy over it, so he asked me out.” He explained.

“What happened then?”

“Well, things started out rocky at first you know? He kept denying he liked me, liked guys and well I was hurt a lot, shall we say.” He said and sighed. “But eventually, it sunk in for him, that he was straight, he did still like girls and the thought of being with any other guy repulsed him. But for some reason he was attracted me and wanted to be with me.” He said. “He’s proof that a person can be gay for one person and one person alone, but I also think it has more to do with finding that missing half of your soul.”

“How long have you two been together?” Ren asked.

“Five years now. And he hasn’t swayed one bit on his stance. We’re very much happily in love.  And I tell you this because in America we have a saying.” Adrian said. “Love is blind, and it basically means that love is an emotion so strong, that it doesn’t care if the other person is the opposite , the same , it doesn’t care what age the person is, what skin color the other person is. When it hits you, you’re at its beck and call.” He explained. 

“So…” Ren trailed off. “You’re saying that even if I do like girls, I could like Baekho, because he’s the right one?” he asked, trying to wrap his head around it.

“Something like that.” Adrian said and laughed. “I know it’s hard to understand and very confusing, so let’s put it like this.”  He said. “If you feel something for Baekho, don’t fight it. Follow those feelings and see where it takes you. If it takes you down that path where you are wanting to be with him, than you know and can work something out.” He said.

“What if he doesn’t like me back?” Ren asked carefully, biting his bottom lip.

“That’s a possibility and I won’t lie, it’ll probably hurt, but there are other people out there. You’re still young Ren; you have your whole life ahead of you. If Baekho doesn’t work out, don’t worry, there is bound to be someone else, male or female that will make you feel good inside.” Adrian said.

“What if it ruins our relationship if I tell him?” Ren asked. Adrian sighed. This boy was killing him! Asking so many negative questions. Was he ever positive?

“I don’t think it’ll ruin your relationship. Baekho has already shown he’s okay with other people being gay. Take Minhyun for example. After what happened, he was there, approving, even approving of me when I came out.” Adrian said. “It may be awkward at first, but I think he cares about you a lot and would want to make your friendship still work.”

“How can you be so positive?” Ren asked suddenly.

Adrian grinned. “Because if I’m not, the reality of life would be too suffocating to want to continue living.” He said. “Ren, you have to be positive in life, especially when things look absolutely hopeless. It’s that positive energy that gives you the hope and motivation to keep on going, to reach for whatever dreams or goals you set.”

“Wow, you’re as profound as Aron-hyung.”

“Is that an insult?”

“No!” Ren said quickly and laughed some. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just Aron-hyung can say some really deep things at times that makes sense of everything. “

“Oh, well in that case, it’s because we’re from America.” Adrian teased and laughed as Ren threw the straw wrapping at him. “Feel better?” he asked. Ren nodded and sighed. “Good.” Adrian said. “Any more questions?”

“Not right now.” Ren said.

“Well if you think of anything, don’t hesitate to call alright? Hyung will do his best to answer everything!” Adrian told him.

“Really? Well….” Ren trailed off, smirking.”What’s like?” Adrian’s eyes widened as his face heated up and he covered it with his hands.

“Ren!” he shouted in embarrassment. The blond laughed at him. He couldn’t believe the other. Of all the things he wanted to know. He was truly starting to doubt the sanity of this group.