Bringing Back Your Smile by ChibiMusicStar
ARCHIVE - I WANT TO READ!!!
DISCLAIMER:
I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY
Written By Soccerstarz502
Foreword:
I absolutely love the poster and the trailer caught my attention. It was a very good idea to have a trailer! I really like the way the description goes straight to the plot and also that it is short and simple; that gives a little overview of your story and readers will know exactly what to. I also like the format, it makes it look poetic.
Chapter 1: The part “She was occupied with the happiness of other people, therefore, not realizing the opening of the door” That part is a little bit iffy, what does the happiness of people have to do with the opening of the door? Maybe you could change it to “Her mind was occupied with the happiness of other people, therefore not realizing the opening of the door.” When you are stating that a year has passed, and the situation was still the same as before can you elaborate more on that. I know you put it in the description, but add more detail, it will be less confusing. Also, my opinion is that you should describe the situation of how she got her wish. For the letter part, can you put the font larger so it can be easier for readers to see.
Chapter 2: When you said “Jang Wooyoung. Thanks for stopping him”, I think if you put who is talking separately like “Jang Wooyoung”, he voiced out flashing a smile. Then “Thanks for stopping him” Ji Eun said gratefully or something like that. I think that you should introduce Lee Ji Eun to Wooyoung before she says thanks to him.
Chapter 3, 4, and 5: Awesome job, everything flowed (: Keep it up!
So far the story sounds very interesting, and I am very excited to see where you take this story. I really like your characters you used since I myself am a HOTTEST. But keep up the good work. I hope this helps :D
So here it is~
If you are looking for something that has 2pm in it.
Featuring 2pm's WooYoung and Shinee's JongHyun
by
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