DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Poster: Yes.

 

Description:

 

You indeed lived a happy life.

You know, just a teenage girl living her own dreams

Having a crush on the school's Kingka

Being all popular

But then,

What if you were force to have an arranged marriage to a guy you hate?

Forced to get married in your favourite season, Autumn.

Huh, your parents did that on purpose didn't they?

All you both do is argue, argue and argue some more.

Will you hate him forever?

Or love him?

I tweaked it a bit, because some of the lines weren't making sense. And to the last part where you quoted some lines from the stories, should have been in foreword. But seeing how your foreword is descriptions of your characters, it would be for the best to just not put the quote at all.

I am telling before hand that this review might sound a bit harsh to you. To be straight up... I am kind of disappointed... 

I have expected a well built, in detailed more angst filled fiction, but what I got was fluff and confused emotioned. 

Starting with the chapter titles. Most of your chapter title didn't match with the content of that chapter. It wasn't as important or didn't give any hint what was to come in the chapter. Some titles even had nothing to with the chapter at all! I think it would have been for best if you kept it like One or Chapter 1 or I. 

Second thing I want to talk about is the emotions. Emotions of your characters doesn't justify. L.Joe bullies her by calling a ? Where in the world does a person who doesn't even know you calls you one just by that? And what was her reaction? She started crying? No warning, nothing but straight started crying? 2 lines later she is home, getting ready, all of those crying sadness are completely vanish. I am sorry I am being super harsh, but think about it logically, does that happen? Can you cry out of nothing and then start being normal the next second? Another thing is that your parent told you to get married, you are against it, you hate that guy, but when next time you see him you start playing baking and play with water at each other? again I am stuck with the logic here. She likes L but she is growing emotions for L.Joe? Same with L.Joe? 

Another thing is multiple POVs in the same chapter. I understand that you need to tell what the other party is thinking but You don't really have to write it every two lines later. If you could just keep it and after a while tell the whole pov, it would have a lot more appeal to it.

 

I know I have been harsh throughout the review, please pardon me for it. I just had a high expectations of writing coming from you. But I really hope you would go back and re-check the things I mentioned. See if you can put a little more details and keep the mood same for a while. Thank you!

 

 

So here it is~

 

A love Triangle between LxOCxL.Joe

Please read

Autumn Love

by 

ilhamsuhaimii