DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Poster: Yes.

Description: Your description is simple and straight forword. It's not really a good thing. You have pretty much summerized what is going to happen to the story, leaving very little to the imagination. You might say that you left a question that, what might happen? But that question doesn't leave any curiousity because just by reading the description we know that they will end up together. 

So what I will suggest is that you think about a new description. It's okay to give information out, but not so much that readers knows everything even before they start reading the story.  On a side note: it would be "became an ELF" not become.

What I noticed is that you are very expressive and detailed. You have talked about every minor things from her class schedule to her apartment description to what she is having for dinner to what she is doing down to the minute. Even though she is the main character, people are not really interested in her personal life as much. And it also tends to turn out to be really repetative. As my teachers used to say, keep your essay like a Lady's skirt, not too long that it becomes a turn off and Not too short that it leaves nothing to imagine. So I will give that advise to you.

I have to say I enjoyed reading this, despite some minor grammatican and spelling error, your story ran pretty smooth. Your story gradually got better. Your conversational skill is a whole lot better than those paragraph where you tried to go in details. I kept on reading till chapter 29.

Another thing you need to work on is knitting your story. Yes, it was simple and fun, but at times you just let the lines loose, which ended up not fulfilling or having the effect it was supposed to happen. For example, lets take chapter 18 ending to chapter 19, He said I love you. Bam! he just said it. No emotions, no warning, no setting just said it. I know you have intended it to have that BAM! effect, but what it turned out to be is a "what happened?" effect. And the next chapter 19, I know that you tried to put all the emotions there to make reader feel the torn emotions in the main character. But somehow some where the feels didn't touch the readers. Some where the harmony broke. So I would highly recommand you to read your own story, the whoel thing all over again, see if you can feel the need to change anything. 

I will end it with a happy note. Your story was really easy to read. After reading each chapter I said, this is the last one I am going to read, but just to end up reading one more to see how they ended up together (yes, I skipped to the M chapter too -_-) 

So here it is~

IF you are an ELF and you love Kyuhyun

Please read

HIM

by 

xDryax