DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Written By LimaLemon

 

Poster: yes!

 

 

"Hi hi so I filled out the form for the review. I just wanted a review REVIEW you know? Like feedback and not commentary comments telling me I'm so peeerfffff (like as if). The story I submitted is the only story I have up. I just want to say one thing though because you may (or may not write about this aspect), I really had a hard time deciding whether I should just dive completely into the story and immediately introducing the kpop idol in chapter one which would grab a lot of people attention or go the scenic route and establish how the story came to be in a realistic way. I'm only saying this because you might feel like the first few chapters are boring but I really did try to foreshadow the later events in there and incorporate a lot of things that happened in real life and the way some people actually become kpop stars haha so yeah. Anyways thank you :)"

 

That was your comment and questions. Now as I go on I will try to mention all your concern and more.

First off your description. It was short and factfull. The very first line "Jin Hyun is from a modern world" wasn't needed. As long as it's not mentioned that the story is set in a different time period, all stories are set in present. The description was a good summary but a bad attention-grabber. It was really dry and most of the people will not feel the need to read furthermore to figure out if the inside is any better.

Now coming to your foreword, I really disapprove of this. I am sorry if I am harsh but about 95% of it wasn't needed. First off that paragraph made you look hauty and proud, and on that people tends to get turned off by bragging. You might say that you weren't bragging. Maybe you thought you were stablishing credibility that you can write by putting your past experiences. But all it looked like was bragging. And what you were in those sites has nothing to do with how you are over here. I am more knows here in aff but my stories doesnt get that much hit in Wattpad. Thats how it is!

Your list of OCs are a tad bit long. I have felt myself lost way too many times. I have stopped reading and went back again to keep myself reminding who is the main character. 

You wanted to make this story as close to life as possible. But real life is fun also. You put so much facts that the story is void of humor. As I was reading, it felt like I am trying to read my Economy text book. Why are they all facts? You are writing a fiction. Fiction does not only mean having a partial fictional plot with a fictional character. It means you can mold it to anyway you like. Some humors, jokes, stupid moments are not going to make this fic unreal. 

As for the dates. I know you are trying to match this with Exo's real schedule and stuff, but honestly, readers doesn't have much interest in these. The reader wants the main plot to star as soon as possible.

But yes as you said, Story did get better from chapter 7. I started to find it more interesting and even Humor was shown. 

Okay, I am going to answer your question. 

" I really had a hard time deciding whether I should just dive completely into the story and immediately introducing the kpop idol in chapter one which would grab a lot of people attention or go the scenic route and establish how the story came to be in a realistic way."

Well to answer to your question: Are you writing this for your readers or for your own pleasure? If it is to make people read, then I suggest that you re-do your first couple of chapters. Chapter one should at least have something to grab the subscribers to keep reading. And even if you are writing it as an author who wants to write a quality piece, the first couple of chapters are way to dragged out to be any good. I would highly suggest you to put less background information and some more that relates to the main story. 

You CAN portray real like people becoming kpop stars with a lot more fun and interesting way than simply forcing in a bunch of information that might or might not be needed. 

 

I am sorry if my review was too harsh. I am not trying to be mean. Just really putting it what I thought as I was reading.

 

So here it is~

A realistic EXO+OC story

 

Into Your World

by

Exobubz