DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Two requsest by the same person and both are one shot. I am going to format this comment in two parts in the same chapter. The pictures in the beginning indicates a different one is being commented about.

Make You Whole

Rated M

Picture: Because  it's an one shot inside a collecetion of stories, the picture doesn't really have much importance to it. But I appreciate that you actually put a picture of one of the character rather than just leaving it empty. 

Story: Again it's a oneshot inside a story so there is no need to go to the description and such. I will just start with the story.  

You told me that it was a oneshot... but then why do i get the feeling that there was more to the story when i started to read the chapter? It's like something happened between them in previous chapters, like when you said the house was of a going to be grooms house- where did that came from? as far as i read, i get the feeling of being lost even more. Who's engagement was it? Why was Kyu in torture? And that section when she thought of draging him out of there, it was so abrupt that I thought she did that in between their make out session.  Who and what was going on made me distracted so much that it was hard to concerntrate on What they were doing. My eyes were autometically looking for answer to the puzzle of his speech.

I am soo sorry, but your writting really confused me. After reading the whole thing I do understand that there was two things that was going on. But as much as it shows a deeper thinking in writing, i really have to say that i didn't work. This type of things suits more to a movie or drama, where you can acually see the scenes change. Not imagine. And another thing, In the last part, you had a line saying "You know i love you like a brother" DUDE WHAT?? NOO!  A friend maybe? And if I have to comment on how you wrote your : 1. No, it wasn't hot. 2. Yes, it was confusing. 3. The other part of the story that was going on completely killed the appeal of the scene.

Sorry, If I am too harsh.