Chapter 26 – Why?

Ever since the events of that afternoon, Seohyun was dreading going back home. Seung Ri had yelled at her all day long for being such a party pooper on one of the most important days of the year for a couple. She let it slide since it was her fault for being so sad and depressed and she couldn’t tell him. Seohyun now shuffled her way towards her two best friends that would be a source of comfort for her. Even though it was a cold winter night, she made no effort to hurry up and get to the warm house. Her senses were all dulled as her brain thought only about the heartbreak she felt the whole day. After almost a full two hours walking, she found her way to Yoona’s house.

“Omo! Seohyun, what happened!? Tell us all about it,” Yoona ordered as soon as she opened the door for Seohyun. Hara rushed downstairs to greet her dejected friend, but she did not like the sight she was met with. Hara was so sure that Yonghwa would say yes. Well, Yonghwa was a complex character, but even she thought she could read his true feelings. She believed that Yonghwa definitely had some sort attachment to Seohyun, leading her to believe he would accept her sincere confession.

“What’s wrong Seohyun? Your face isn’t what I would expect from someone who just got the boy of her dreams to go out with her,” Hara pointed out. Seohyun ignored the questions directed towards her and wearily walked up the steps towards Yoona’s room. The two girls stared at her with worried expressions and decided to follow quietly. Once she was in the room, she plopped onto the bed just as she always did when she was upset.

“Guys, kill me now,” Seohyun commanded. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Kill you!? Are you insane? Just tell us what happened,” Yoona ordered once more. It pained them to see such a cheerful girl so depressed and they needed to know what they could do to help.

“Min Jung wasn’t planning on confessing to Yonghwa at all today, yet they still ended up together. As of today, Lee Min Jung and Jung Yonghwa are an official couple,” Seohyun told them with a completely heartbroken tone.

“WHAT?!? Seohyun this better not be a joke. Are you being serious right now?”

“Yoona, why would I lie about this?” Seohyun asked. “Min Jung gave him some chocolates and told him they were special but she never confessed. Right then and there, Yonghwa gave her a kiss and asked her to be his girlfriend. I was with Seung Ri at the time so I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“Seung Ri…” Yoona growled. “Seohyun, why haven’t you dumped that already? He brings nothing but trouble in your life and you don’t even like him. Didn’t you leave your dad’s house because he was too controlling. Didn’t you yell at him for forcing you to date him? Why the hell are you still with someone like that if they’re just going to keep getting in your way?”

“Yoona, I keep telling you, Seung Ri is not a bad person. I’ve never seen him do any bad things and I don’t know where people get that idea from. Sure he can be a little rude sometimes, but all the kids in our school are like that,” Seohyun defended. Yoona and Hara both rolled their eyes at the situation. This was only the millionth time that Seohyun defended the jerk that was her boyfriend. If they weren’t best friends they would have already done thousands of things in order to break them apart. “It wasn’t Seung Ri’s fault or anything, so there’s no reason I should be mad at him.”

“Seohyun, are you listening to yourself talk? Seung Ri hangs out with Uee over you all the time. He’s always with her and we rarely see him going out with you. Why would you ever want to be with someone like that?” Hara questioned angrily. Eventually, too much was too much for her. She was easily angered by Seohyun’s fragility in the feelings department and she usually ended up fighting with her for extended periods of time.

“I was going to break up with him today. I was going to tell him that I wasn’t going to date him anymore since I had no ties to my dad. I was going to ask Yonghwa out and I was sure that I would make some progress. I knew Min Jung wouldn’t ask Yonghwa out but instead he had to ask her out. Now, I can’t break up with Seung Ri, because I have no valid reason to do so,” Seohyun stupidly admitted. Both girls knew that was the most idiotic argument for dating Seung Ri they had ever heard.

“Are you listening to yourself talk Seohyun?” Hara asked, her anger flaring once again. “That is just about the dumbest reason to date someone. I have a question for you. Are you doing this just out of spite? Don’t lie to me Seohyun since you know I will find out the truth. You’re just dating Seung Ri because you feel that you can eventually make Yonghwa feel jealous right? If that’s the case then you’re in for a world of pain.”

“I don’t know what’s going on alright!” Seohyun yelled in response. “I don’t know what to do or what to think or anything. Ugh, I want to just barge into the house and tell him I love him already.”

“Then do that?”

“In my head that scenario plays over and over but then I remember that Min Jung and Yonghwa are perfect for each other. They both walked the same path and they would understand one another better than I would understand Yonghwa. I can’t break them up if they’re happy. Remember, Min Jung didn’t ask Yonghwa out, it was the other way around. If Yonghwa, the coldest person on the planet, asked someone out, it’s guaranteed that he likes them.” With Seohyun’s explanation, Hara calmed herself down a little. Looking at it from Seohyun’s perspective, there was nothing else she could do. She realized that even if Seohyun wanted to do something about the situation, there would be consequences no matter what.

“Guys, I’m sorry I can’t stay longer, but my parents have been getting on my back lately for hanging out with you. Seohyun’s dad talked to my parents and now they think that you guys are a bad influence. If only our parents weren’t so dumb. Anyways, I have to get going. Seohyun, cheer up and be strong alright?” Hara asked with concern. “I’ll see you two at school tomorrow.” Hara stood up from her seat and headed her way home, leaving Yoona and Seohyun to try to find a way to fix things.

“Yoona…” Seohyun sniffled. “Help me, help me please. I don’t know what to do and I want to die. I want to be strong right now but I can’t. I know I should be happy both of them are together, but I just can’t anymore.” Throughout the whole day, Seohyun hadn’t cried once. Her eyes had become watery on a few occasions, but it was nothing serious. Yoona saw how truly heartbroken Seohyun was and it broke her heart too. There was nothing else she could do for her friend except be there for her.

“Seohyun, what can I tell you? I can’t say everything is going to be alright. If you’re lost, then I’m even more lost in this mess. I wish I could help you more but there’s nothing I can do,” Yoona replied sadly. “Are you going to be alright?” With that question Seohyun burst out in tears, letting loose all the sadness, sorrow, anger, and rage she felt since the incident. The sudden outburst scared Yoona a bit and she held her friend tightly to keep her safe. “Let it all out girl. Talk to me about it, I’ll listen to it all.”

“I’m a terrible person aren’t I?” the crying girl asked through sobs. “I used to think ‘Seohyun, if Yonghwa is smiling, then you should be smiling for him.’ My only goal in the world was to see him smile, even if I wasn’t the cause of it. When Min Jung showed up, I thought that I would be happy that he had someone like her to cheer him up. I thought I would be happy for him because he had someone that could understand him so well. Instead here I am, being jealous of her.”

“Seohyun…” Yoona mumbled. She had never seen her best friend so heartbroken and upset so she had no other words to tell her. It was terrible to see her like that, but it made her feel worse to know she couldn’t do anything to help her.

“Min Jung is strong, pretty, nice, and just about the best person in the world. She’s pure and gentle and she understands Yonghwa like nobody else in the world can. I love Min Jung so much and I can’t hate her, but why do I feel this way?” Seohyun asked both Yoona and herself. “Why am I jealous of someone like her? The only crime she committed is loving someone, so why should I hate her? I hate myself for feeling like that. I hate myself for being so selfishly in love with Yonghwa. I’m pathetic.”

“Pabo…” Yoona responded in a mumble, catching Seohyun’s attention. “You’re not perfect; of course you’ll feel jealous of her. Something would be seriously wrong with you if you weren’t jealous. You have the guts to admit all of this to me, even though you hate yourself for it. Just think of it this way: Yonghwa needs both you and Min Jung to get around in this world. There’s a reason you both showed up in his life, which means both of you are important to him. There’s nothing wrong with you feeling jealous at all. You’re not as pathetic as you say you are Seohyun.”

“I’m not?”

“No, you’re not. Instead of running away from this problem, you’ve been thinking up ways of fixing it. Instead of barging into that house and breaking them apart, you’re keeping yourself from doing that. It’s much easier to fix this by force, yet you’re here fighting your feelings, which is so much harder.” Yoona’s words made sense to Seohyun but she couldn’t believe them. “What’s wrong with being jealous? Don’t beat yourself up about this anymore. You’re important to Yonghwa and you’ll get what you want if you stay strong. Keep your head up high and dry those tears of yours.”

Seohyun nodded weakly as she broke free of Yoona’s embrace. The crying girl noticed that her friend was also on the verge of tears, making her feel sorry for the situation she caused. “Yoona, don’t cry please. I’m sorry I’m so weak all the time. You shouldn’t have to deal with my whining all the time.”

“It’s no problem Seohyun, that’s what friends are for. I meant everything I said, so just keep going. If you and Yonghwa were meant to be, then it will happen eventually,” Yoona assured.

“Thanks Yoona, I really appreciate you helping me with this,” Seohyun appreciated with gratitude. She stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes and cheeks before heading towards the door. “I think I’ll head home now since I don’t want to abuse our friendship too much.”

“Do you need me to come with you? It’s pretty late out and you don’t seem well enough to go alone.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I need to get through this alone and I don’t want to drag you down with me. Thanks again Yoona. By the way, what drama did you steal your words from this time?” Seohyun teased. Yoona was quite famous for being a drama addict and one could always expect her to quote memorable lines from them.

“Shh, I didn’t steal them from any drama,” Yoona replied. “Just go on and fix your problems. This is the thanks I get for comforting your whiny, little ?” Seohyun smiled at Yoona’s annoyed response and felt like crying again. It was times like those when she truly appreciated having close friends like her.

“Hehe, sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow alright? Bye.” Yoona waved goodbye and Seohyun headed out to meet the new couple that was the source of her problems.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Oh, hey there Min Jung,” Yonghwa greeted with a fake smile. Min Jung smiled a genuine smile in response as she stepped through the doorway to her new boyfriend’s house. “Do you want anything to eat or drink? I just had some late dinner and left some for you if you wanted anything.”

“No, I’m good Yonghwa, thanks. You know it feels really weird for you to call me that,” Min Jung told him, leaving him confused.

“Calling you what?”

“You’re calling me Min Jung. Before today you would always call me gangster or some other name. It feels a little weird when you call me by my name,” Min Jung admitted with a small blush on her face. Yonghwa almost rolled his eyes at her reaction. He knew girls were sensitive about things, but he never imagined it got that serious.

“Would you rather I call you something else then? I’ll call you gangster if you want me to, there’s no problem on my end. I thought it would be nicer of me to call you by your real name if you’re my girlfriend but we can do either one,” Yonghwa answered dryly.

“No! Of course not. I was just saying it was a little weird, but I really like it. Um, sorry if it was rude of me to point that out,” Min Jung apologized awkwardly. Yonghwa wanted to scream and go berserk at the moment. He knew he was going to ruin his relationship with Min Jung because of his stupid jealousy. He really did like Min Jung, but not in the way Min Jung liked him. Yonghwa liked Min Jung because he felt like he could talk to her about anything, but he didn’t want to hurt her now that he got into such a mess.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Yonghwa asked in a gruff voice. Min Jung was slightly taken aback by the tone of his voice, but she supposed it was because he was just not used to having a girlfriend.

“Um, well we are kind of going out aren’t we? I thought it would be nice to you know, talk a little. If you don’t want to then I guess I should leave? I don’t know how to go about this since this is my first time, but I think you’re in the same boat as me,” Min Jung explained. If Yonghwa could complain about how much of a drag the situation was, he would. If he could turn back the clock and go back the time that he asked her to go out with him, he would.

“Yeah, look Min Jung, I’m really sorry if I’m being weird, but I don’t know what to do either.” In truth, he not only had no idea what to do, but he had no intention of doing anything with her. “So what do you want to talk about? Oh, and stop being so awkward. We know each other pretty well and I consider you someone that I can talk to about anything. We’ve walked the same path, so we can understand each other by just looking at one another. I would rather not ruin that relationship.”

“I guess you’re right. Well, since we’re both just as lost as other, we should just go with the flow. So is there anything you want to know about me? I guess that’s where we should start out,” Min Jung supposed. Even though Yonghwa wasn’t acting any different than he usually did, she still couldn’t get the awkward feelings away from her.

“Hmm, we should ask each other what’s our favorite things and what we hate right?” Yonghwa asked in response. He honestly had no intention of finding out that stuff from her, but he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Well, I kind of already asked Seohyun all of that stuff about you already,” Min Jung nervously admitted. “Not that I’m a stalker or anything! I just wanted to know more about it you is all. Please don’t be mad at her for it since it was my fault.”

“So Seohyun has been helping you out with this stuff?” Yonghwa asked in a suspicious tone. He almost lost his temper once Min Jung nodded in response. The more and more he thought about it, the more he felt stupid for having feelings for her. It made him angry to think that Seohyun seemed to have no feelings for him, but he restrained himself from doing it for Min Jung’s sake.

“Well, I don’t really know what we should do then. Um, is there anything else we’re supposed to do?” Min Jung asked the bored-looking boy. For some reason, things felt a little too awkward for her. It wasn’t awkward because they were dating, but awkward because it seemed Yonghwa was kind of distant. “We already know a lot about each other and we already kissed, so I don’t know what comes next. I mean, there’s that, but it’s too early right?”

“That…? What the hell did you smoke before you came here?” Yonghwa asked sarcastically. “Man, if I had known you were after that I wouldn’t have asked you out back then. Had I known Lee Min Jung was a total ert, I wouldn’t have gotten close to her.”

“Yah! I wasn’t thinking about that. What kind of girl do you think I am? I’m not like that, so don’t insult my purity in that way,” Min Jung pouted. Yonghwa almost burst out laughing once she began to argue with him. He enjoyed having Min Jung around, but as a friend and nothing more. It would be a hard road ahead of him, but he had to pull through.

“So, what now? I know I’ve asked this question like a thousand times, but I seriously don’t know what else to say,” Yonghwa admitted. “Should we go out? Should we watch a movie? Should we just talk?”

“Can I ask you why you asked me out? I don’t want to be rude, but I would love to know why and how you decided that you liked me,” Min Jung wondered. That was one of the questions Yonghwa was dreading. It had been a jealous impulse and nothing more, so he had no idea what to say to her. The guilt became too much for him to handle and something in his head just snapped. He hated to hurt Min Jung, but if he didn’t come clean now, it would be harder to do so later.

“Min Jung, I can’t lie to you anymore…” Yonghwa began, eliciting fear in Min Jung’s heart. “I don’t like you in that way nor do I want to have you as my girlfriend. I lied to you about liking you back at school when you gave me the chocolates.”

“Why would you do something like that Yonghwa?” Min Jung asked with tears in her eyes. “Is this what you do for fun or for quick laughs? I wasn’t even planning on confessing to you today but you did me that favor. The chocolates that I gave you were secretly my feelings, but you decided to accept them anyways. Why would you think it would be a good idea to lie to me about something so important to me? Now that you know that I really do like you, do you understand why this hurts me so much?”

“I know, I feel terrible for doing it. The whole day I was dreading meeting you again since I felt like a piece of trash for using you in that way. I don’t know what came over me, but I really am sorry. Min Jung, you’re a really good friend and you’re a perfect girl that anyone would be lucky to have. I wish I could feel the same way for you, but I just can’t do that.” The guilt Yonghwa felt for doing that to her grew even larger once he saw the sad smile on her face as tears ran down her cheeks.

“It’s because of Seohyun isn’t it?” Min Jung asked in a dejected voice. “Now I see everything so clearly. How could I have been so stupid to believe you in the first place?” Yonghwa stared at her with wide open eyes once he heard her ask if it was Seohyun. “I should have noticed that you only kissed me because you saw Seung Ri kissing her right? I noticed the kiss was rather forceful and angry, so I should have realized it on the spot.”

“Min Jung I…”

“Is it because of her?” she asked once more, cutting him off.

“Yeah, it’s because of Seohyun. Kill me now please. I hate myself for doing this to you because of how weak and selfish I am, but I couldn’t control myself.” Min Jung continued to smile weakly as she put all of the pieces of the puzzle together. She replayed the events of that afternoon over and over to pull out the clues as to why they were in such a situation.

“Yonghwa why did you lie to me when you told me Seohyun was just a friend to you? I asked you all of those questions beforehand in order to make sure it was okay for me to like you. I even asked you a million times to be extra sure. If you had told me that you liked her back then, I would have backed off and watched you quietly from the sidelines. I like you Yonghwa, but if your heart belonged to someone else, I wouldn’t have pursued you. Why did you lie to me?”

“I lied because… I told you that… Ugh! I don’t know Min Jung, I don’t! I don’t want to feel this way. It feels wrong for me to feel like this for her since she loves her boyfriend. Like you said, if someone’s heart isn’t yours it’s better to just wait at the sidelines,” Yonghwa replied in a distressed voice. It was the first time Min Jung had seen him acting in that way so she knew he was being serious. For that moment she dropped all her sadness and focused her attention on getting Yonghwa to feel better.

“What are those feelings? You keep saying you have feelings but you don’t tell me what they are. What is it that you feel for Seohyun?” Min Jung asked hoping to get him to finally confess.

“Min Jung, please don’t make me say that in front of you. Now that I know that you like me, it would be so hard for me to say that to you. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. If I told you what I felt right now, I can’t guarantee that you won’t cry,” he responded in a shaky voice. Not even when he was completely broken and in the hospital had he seemed so weak.

“Just say it already. Yonghwa, I like you, but I can’t stand back and do nothing if you’re hurting yourself. Why do you keep up that cold attitude of yours all the time? I know being lonely is something that is not fun. I’ve been there before and I know how terrible it feels to not have anyone next to you. I changed myself and tried to be friendly in order to get people by my side. Why can’t you do the same thing? People can’t help you if you aren’t willing to open up with them,” Min Jung pointed out sternly. Yonghwa could tell that her feelings for him weren’t clouding her judgment. Her personality as a friend was the only thing that was showing for her at that moment.

Yonghwa took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly before opening his mouth once more. He felt terrible for doing this to Min Jung, but he couldn’t keep lying to himself. “Min Jung, I really, really like Seohyun. I don’t know if I love her, but I do know that I like her more than a friend. I don’t know how it happened, but it just did. I’m sorry I can’t like you back, but it’s not something I can change.”

“You know, this doesn’t feel nearly as painful as I thought it would be,” Min Jung joked. “To be honest I thought it was too good to be true since you asked me out. I knew something was up, but my feelings for you blinded me. You don’t need to feel sorry for liking her. Someone once told me ‘There is no reason to feel guilty for loving someone, in fact those who don’t love are the guiltiest of all.’ You’re doing nothing wrong by loving her so you don’t need to apologize.” Yonghwa wanted to thank her for those reassuring words, but it didn’t take away the guilt he felt for lying to her.

“I’ll face any punishment you want to give me for lying to you. I hope you believe me when I tell you that I didn’t want to hurt you at all. It was just my selfish jealousy getting the best of me when I saw them together and kissing. To be honest, I wished that it was me receiving the box of chocolates,” Yonghwa admitted.

“It’s alright Yonghwa, I’m not mad at you at all for this. Of course it doesn’t feel good to know that the person that I love isn’t really in love with me, but that’s not your fault. I can’t control who you fall for, so let’s just let this go. Just keep this this in mind: You didn’t dump me, I did,” Min Jung joked with a small chuckle. If Yonghwa were in the mood to play around he would have most certainly laughed at her stupid comment. “So I guess we’re back to being just friends?”

“Yeah, I guess we are,” Yonghwa replied quietly.

“What are you going to do about Seohyun? Are you going to tell her how you feel? You’re so close to her and you even live with her. I think you should just go ahead and tell her,” Min Jung suggested. It pained her to give the person she liked advice about another woman, but it pained her even more to see him in that state. Min Jung knew she couldn’t get in the way of her two friends and it only seemed right for her to step aside. Even if Seohyun didn’t like Yonghwa, she couldn’t interfere. “The more you hide it, the more it’s going to eat you up.”

“No, Min Jung, thanks for the help with this, but I’m not going to do that. I would rather Seohyun be my friend for the rest of my life than to ruin our relationship by confessing. I just can’t do that. Seohyun likes her boyfriend a lot and I can’t do that to her,” Yonghwa explained. “Min Jung, I know this is going to sound super selfish of me but… can you still be my girlfriend?”

“Why? So you can make Seohyun jealous? Jung Yonghwa, you’re sitting here and apologizing to me, yet you want to keep using me?” the girl asked in an angry voice. “Wow, you really are something aren’t you?” Yonghwa held his head down low and stared at the ground once she spoke up. It was bad enough he had used her once and now he was asking to do that some more. He felt lower than low at his request, and even more so when Min Jung asked him that question.

“I don’t know what I’m asking anymore Min Jung. Just ignore me from now on alright? I hate to kick you out of my house, but do you think you could leave me alone for a now? There’s a thousand things running through my head and I can’t seem to be able to get them straight,” Yonghwa asked poilitely. Min Jung stood up and began to slip her shoes back on to head out.

“Yonghwa, I’ll accept your offer.” Min Jung’s agreement made his head shoot up in surprise. “I’ll keep being your girlfriend if it will help you get what you want in the end. Even if I will be helping another woman take your heart, it will be worth it. I don’t care if it costs me my happiness, but I will do whatever I can to get you and that girl together. You owe me so much for this Yonghwa, you probably will never be able to repay me during your lifetime.”

“Min Jung, I take back what I said. Don’t do anything stupid for my sake alright? Just forget that I ever told you anything and ignore it all” he pleaded. Min Jung kept her weak smile up and shook her head, denying his pleas. “You don’t have to do this for me.”

“Yeah, I do have to do it. If I see you smiling, I will smile in return. You know what your payment will be for me? You’ll get to be my boyfriend until you can finally achieve your goals. Until you can finally get Seohyun by your side, I will be by yours. Even if it’s fake, it will be enough for me,” she explained sadly. “Now head on to bed already, it’s getting kind of late. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Min Jung, I can’t let you go through with this. Why should I sacrifice your happiness for mine? I can’t do that!” Yonghwa exclaimed angrily. Min Jung shook her head once more and began to head towards him.

“I’m doing this because I love you,” she replied confidently. Min Jung took her hand and wiped away the tears that threatened to run down Yonghwa’s face. As soon as she did that, she brought her face closer to his and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. “I can’t promise you that Seohyun will fall soon, but it will happen. I can see Seohyun cares a lot for you and I don’t think that it will take long for her to be by your side. I have to go now, but try to get some sleep okay?”

“You’re being an idiot! Seohyun won’t ever love me more than a friend! Why are you willing to submit yourself to torture if you’re not going to get anything in return? I just can’t understand why you would let yourself get hurt for my sake.”

“Why did you let your entire body get smashed when you protected Seohyun?” The sudden question threw Yonghwa off as he had no idea how to answer it. To him, he just did it because he felt that he had to. “The answer to that question is the same as the answer to yours. Do you know why you got hurt for her sake? It was because you wanted to protect her and keep her from getting hurt. That’s what I’m doing right now. If I don’t do this, you’ll cry and be in pain. I can’t have that happening, so I’m going to do this. I’m stalling now, so I’ll head out. Good night Chagi*, I’ll see you at school.”

**Chagi means honey. I feel like this is a really embarrassing form of calling someone honey, so Min Jung is really pushing it by using this word. I guess it indicates her determination to keep their fake relationship up.**

Before Yonghwa could argue with her some more, Min Jung dashed out of the door. His first thought was to rush after her and talk her out of the stupid plan of hers, but stopped himself. He realized that he would never be able to talk someone like her out of doing it since she loved him so much. Meanwhile Min Jung ran quickly towards her new home, hoping to hold down her tears until she reached the apartment. It pained her to have her feelings smashed like that, but in the long run it would hurt her more to have Yonghwa miserable.  

Author’s Note: What the hell did I just write? In my notebook, Yonghwa was just going to keep up the fake relationship and Min Jung was going to be happy. It wasn’t until after I finished writing that I realized that Yonghwa FINALLY freaking confessed that he liked Seohyun. Well, I guess I already wrote it so there’s no turning back. The moment everyone has been waiting for will finally make it’s way around so get ready for it. Maybe 2 chapters minimum or 4-5 maximum and we will start getting to the juicy parts. Hopefully you guys don’t spazz out too much at the spoilers I’m giving.

Aw, I’m sad already for my poor little Min Jung. She was oringinally not going to find out about his true feelings until waaaaaaaaay later, but I think it’s best to break her heart now. Ugh, noooooooo! Don’t worry Min Jung, I’ll gladly take Yonghwa’s place in your heart :(