Dear Diary,

Oh no. Oh no oh no. I think...I think I'm in love with Dongjae.

Eotteohke? I don't know what to do anymore! I've just known Dongjae for a mere two months but I think I really like him. And now I don't know what to do and how to act around him anymore!

And why would Dongjae like me anyway? He's the jjang of the school now, just two months here and he's got a fanclub, I'm not kidding. And although well, I know I'm not ugly but why would Dongjae like me? I'm just Lee Jaekyung.

Ahhhh I really don't know what to do! Eotteohke!!!

Signed,
Frustrated Jaekyung
6 June 2008

Dear Diary,

Dongjae asked me to be his girlfriend.

I said yes.

Signed,
Happy Jaekyung

"So he asked her." L frowned, rubbing his temples. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous over this guy even though it had been four years ago, but it remained the truth that Jaekyung had given her heart to his guy first, before him.

*Chill. She loves you now.* L reminded himself, and that geeky grin appeared again at the memory.

He snapped out of it and flipped the page, continuing to read anxiously.

Dear Diary,

Chae's acting really weird these days.

Remember a month ago I wrote about how Chae said she's interested in a guy? I asked her about it today again and she still refuses to tell me about it. I really wonder what this is all about, we always share secrets.

I think this guy might be the reason why Chae is acting weird these days.

I can think of nothing else that might have led to this. Her bad tempers, her burst of angered words, her mood swings.

Whoever that guy is, he better treat her well.

Anyway, I'm glad to see Chae's finally talking to Dongjae a bit. Dongjae has been over at our house for so many times and every time he's here, Chae turns quiet.

Which is really weird. It's like a bullet train turning into a rail train all of a sudden, she never does stop talking.

I thought Chae might dislike Dongjae but when I asked her, she said it wasn't it. She said she didn't have anything to say. Strange.

But today when Dongjae went to the kitchen to get a drink, Chae had been there and they actually exchanged a few words. I'm glad that happened. I don't want my sister and my boyfriend to be on bad terms.

Signed,
Jaekyung
11 August 2008

Dear Diary,

Chae disappeared again today.

She didn't return home immediately after school and I lied to umma that she went to her friend's house. But I knew she didn't, because I saw her friends at the shopping district and asked them where she was, they didn't know.

Chae's been doing this disappearing act quiet often lately. And she's been messaging a lot more on her phone and always giggling silently to herself.

I really don't know what's going on. Unless she has gotten a secret boyfriend?

Anyway, Dongjae was missing this afternoon too.

I called him on the phone because he was supposed to meet me at the mart but he didn't turn up, and he didn't pick up his phone either. I was so worried that something happened to him and I wanted to rush to his house but he never told me where he lived.

Fortunately, he called me a few hours later and told met that his phone was on silent mode and he had dozed off at the desk. Aigoo.

He's been doing this dozing off thing rather frequently lately too. I wonder what's up.

Signed,
Jaekyung
30 September 2008

"Oh no." L frowned. He could see where this was going, he knew what had happened. Jaekyung was too kind and naive to have not expected what had happened, she didn't think it was possible for people to do something like that.

*But aren't we doing it too?* L thought.

L bit his lip and read on, not knowing what to expect.

Dear Diary,

Today is the worst day of my life.

You could never have guessed what I saw today.

It was Saturday and I usually went out with Dongjae. He didn't call today, messaging me briefly to say he had something on. And when I thought I could have some sisterly time with Chae, she said she was out meeting her friends too.

So I thought, nevermind I could stay at home at read.

But I never expected them two to be spending their time together.

Soojung called me all of a sudden and she sounded really anxious over the phone, demanding for me to get to the mart immediately. I went of course, thinking perhaps something had happened to her.

I arrived and Soojung pulled me behind a pillar, pointing out. I peeked out from behidn the pillar and I...I couldn't believe my eyes.

I saw Dongjae and Chae walking down the streets, holding hands like any other sweet couple out there. I thought, perhaps he just met her by coincidence and the holding hand thing...there must be a reason to explain all that.

But then Dongjae stopped in the middle of the road and he...he kissed her.

He kissed Chae.

Just when he and I shared our first kiss yesterday night.

I didn't even realize I was crying, but I was. Soojoon was furious and she screamed at them, revealing ourselves. Chae looked shocked while Dongjae paled. I couldn't face them, I couldn't think. There weren't words to explain the betrayal I felt.

"We're over, Dongjae." I remember whispering, before I ran.

I ran like I never ran before. I ran and ran and I came back home, and I cried and cried. It feels so much worse to be cheated on by your boyfriend when he chose to cheat on you with your sister. Your blood sister.

I can't even...

Umma was furious when Chae came home. She screamed and shouted at Chae, embarrassed that Chae even dared to do something like this. I didn't have the energy to care.

And when umma asked Chae what she had to say for herself....I would never forget that little speech she gave right then.

"I know what I did was wrong, unnie. I know, every single second of it I knew.

But you know what? Every single second of it, I was happy."

"Have you ever stopped to think in your life, unnie? In your happy perfect life? I'm tired of being the younger sister of the perfect Lee Jaekyung. I'm tired of constantly being compared to you. You shine so brightly unnie, it's hard for people to even see me."

"They ask me why aren't I as fair as you. They ask why wasn't I talented in writing. Proficient in music. Good at baking. Master in the arts. You're the jack of all trades unnie and I am of none. I'm so tired of trying to catch up of this widening gap between us that can never be closed." she was crying. "I'm dying of fatigue. I'm dying of trying to shine when I stand beside and angel like you. You can never understand how I feel."

"Chae..." I tried to stop her to explain. She was perfect the way she was. Boys loved her, why couldn't she see that?

"Before you try to console me, just stop it." Chae glared at me. "You don't understand. You think boys like me? Sure I know I'm pretty cute looking, but what am I compared to you? The boys that court me, don't you know they're only doing it so they can get closer to you? Only because I'm your sister?"

"I'm tired of being second. I'm tired of this ." Chae had said. "And when Dongjae oppa came to this school, I found myself falling for him. I fell before you did, unnie. Before you realized you loved him, I already did. But he chose you, like everyone else and you don't know how it feels to be second all the time, even in love."

I didn't know. I really didn't.

No wonder she didn't talk to Dongjae, because she was suffering the whole time.

"And one day when he started paying me attention, do you know how elated I felt? That hey, even if the entire world sees Lee Jaekyung instead of Lee Chaekyung, Dongjae oppa likes me over you. He chose me. You don't understand how important that is to me."

"And I hate you, unnie. I hate you for being perfect. I hate being your sister. I hate this!"

"You don't mean that." I was shocked. How could I have missed all this when she was just staying in the next room to mine? I'm so blind!

"Yes I do. I HATE YOU!" And Chae ran out of the house without turning back.

...

Appa's out there finding her right now. I hope he finds her soon.

She's more important to me than some Lee Dongjae. I hope I don't see him for the rest of my life.

Signe

The entry ended abruptly and it was smudged with tears.

L flipped the page urgently, swallowing hard. No wonder, no wonder, no wonder.

Dear Diary,

Chae has lost her memories.

She got into an accident when she ran out of the house, and I blame myself for not running fast enough to find her in time.

And now she has got no memory of the past two or so years. Thank goodness she remembers me, but she doesn't remember her new friends in Middle school anymore.

You have no idea how I felt when I rushed to the hospital, just in time to see her being pushed into the emergency operating room, unconscious.

She looked so pale, even paler than me. Her hair was clotted against her head and it was bloody, her shirt was bloody, everything was. It was horrifying, and I don't think I can ever forget that scene ever in my life. I wouldn't even be surprised if I have nightmares about that image for the next nights.

Next years even.

But maybe it's a good thing. Because Chae doesn't remember Dongjae, and she doesn't remember hating me.

And from now onwards, I'll do everything I can to help her shine. I promise to never let her feel inferior ever again. I promise not to make her unhappy ever again.

I can lose another Lee Dongjae, but I can't lose Chae.

It wasn't signed.

L stared at the book, knowing he must be pale. He remembered Chaekyung telling him that she got into an accident a few years back and she didn't remember some of her memories.

So that was what happened.

So the Dull One wasn't Jaekyung, the Dull One had been Chaekyung. And Jaekyung had done everything she could to become the Dull One instead, because of this.

Because she thought it was all her fault.

"Babo." L whispered. "Babo babo babo."

A/N: Before you all go crazy cursing Chaekyung to death, I think you guys should probably see things from Chae's perspective as a young teenager at that point of time. We're all mature adults (i...think) so don't let your prejudice at any given moment ruin your perspective :)