Feelings.. She's never been the type to open up about it, let alone talk about it. She'd rather drift herself away in a sea of emotions and let the raft of survival sink. She'd rather suffer alone than have others share the burden with her. I mean, she'd always been like that. Loss after loss, it was the only option she saw. People would call her selfish. People would call her insensitive but it's a choice she made for herself. It's a choice she thinks what's best.

---------

The silence that filled her room was deafening. A 4 by 5, white walled apartment had been her world for the past years. It was what has kept her safe from the realities of having to face him again. It was the one place she can cry the night away and have no one hear. Her room had been her new refuge. It now held her deepest and darkest secrets and possibly nothing or no one can ever change that. 

Amber let out a sigh. It was a Saturday and school is out. She'd been feeling a bum that day, nothing to do, no one to talk to. The previous day was all a blur. It all happened so fast. It was as if, all those years she'd been trying to run away and forget could be easily erased by one single afternoon.

There were those nights she'd beat herself for leaving him behind. She knew the pain he went through. The pain he endured and why he turned the way he did, she knew all of it. Yet she left. She can comprehend the pain she caused him but it was for the best of both of them. She'd been doubtful, if she did stay any longer, her pregnancy could've been affected. 

11:38am. It was what the clock said. "Can this day get any more boring?" Amber said to herself. She stood up and headed for her tiny kitchen and came to check if there is any food she could whip up. If none, she could just go to a convenience store not far from her apartment. But before she could even scan through the fridge, her doorbell rang. She went to answer the door.

"Yes, how may I.... What the fff are you doing here?! How in the world did you get here?!" Amber shrieked as she hid herself behind the door.

"I had access to the files of your school, so I checked your profile and tada. Your address matched this place so here I am. Can you at least offer me to come in?"

Amber made way for him. Of all the days, and of all the people, why him?

"I have nothing to offer you here. I suggest just go." She remarked. Amber turned her back and went back to looking for food. An omelette sounded appealing to her, so she brought out some eggs, ham and some onions. But under her breath, she felt something behind her.

"You grew out your hair fairly long. It suits you.." 

She escaped right under his touch. "They want to see you. They know I found you and they want to see you. Especially Woori, Sulli and Taemin. They're hoping to see you again after all these years.."

Amber was speechless and felt touched at the same time. They still remembered her and she felt more than thankful that they are eager to see her but she has her hesitations.

"Do you seriously expect me to come with you, alone? No. I can't." Amber turned back.

"Seriously, Amber. It's not for me! It's for them. If you don't want to see me, I'd understand that but them? They're your friends and they truthfully and sincerely miss you. Are you going to turn your back to them like you did to me, huh?!"

"You don't have to shove it into my face on what I did! I had my reasons Key and you should know, of all people as to why I left. I can't bear the series of events that happened then. My dad, sister and then you? It was all too much to bear for me. If I stayed a day longer, I'd be a goner. Leaving may had been the meanest but the most definitive choice I've done. It was something I did for myself!" She cried.

"I understood why. I was at fault. But can you blame me? You knew what I had to go through. But still you left. You leaving me is like Gayoon leaving ten or hundred times over. That's why I had to go and leave. That's why I wasn't able to look for you. I was angry, confused and devastated. I needed to be alone. I cried myself to sleep for months, Amber. Please.. I know you know. I've forgiven you for all the things that have happened. We were young. Go not for them, or me but for yourself. I know you miss them and they do too. Please."

"I'll go get changed, wait for me outside." She said as she wiped her tears.

-----------------

A drive to the city was not even in her list of things to do that day, let alone with Key. But he was right, she misses her friends so bad. She'd pay anything to be with them and know that they weren't  angry at her. The drive seemed like forever. She hasn't been in that part of town for so many years, every thing looked so new and the places she went to seemed different.

"A lot has changed over the years. I too was surprised to see how things have progressed around here. The samgyupsal place you brought me to moved somewhere bigger. They still remember me for some weird reason. The ajhumma was aking where you were."

"What did you say? I ran away."

"No. I said you went abroad to study. They too wish to see you soon.."

No words were spoken after. Amber kept her gaze out the window and observed how time really changes things. Minutes later, they arrived at the company. Key parked the car and both of them went. No one knew that she was arriving with Key.  It would definitely be a surprise. They went off at the floor near the hallway. Nostalgia was the only thing going through Amber's head. She looked around and was surprised to see something so familiar.

"It's still here, my abstract."

"Of course. I can't have them remove it even if I was so angry at that time. Woori and Sulli will kill me if I did." Key jokingly said.

"Amber?!" A faint shout that came from other end of the hallway. "It is you? Sulli, come here! Hurry!" Sulli came out and came running towards Amber's direction.

"Eonni!!!" Sulli shouted as she jumped and hugged Amber. The girl had strated crying. Woori came in second. The other employees started looking but the hell did they care. Key was there with them, so they had no reason to bug the reunion.

"Amber, welcome back!" Woori stated. Amber started tearing up as well. It was a feeling of joy that filled her. It was a relief to know that they were not mad at her. The four went upstairs to Key's office to continue the reunion they started.

"Where had you been? And boy, your hair is long." Woori said as she kept making a mess of Amber's hair.

"Yeah, eonni. Come on, how are you? It's been so long. You could at least share some stories.." Sulli insisted.

Moments later, Taemin came in with Minho. "Oppa?" Sulli blurted and soon covered . Taemin laughed and Minho hid his face. The others were shocked. 

"So, it's her huh, Minho? Come on, you don't have to hide it." The girls stared tickling Sulli. It turns out that Sulli had been the new girl Minho is going out with the past few months. No wonder they'd both disappear at the same circumstances. 
Everyone was laughing. Key couldn't be more happy to see things work out so soon. But what made him even happier is knowing that Amber is there, with them. As if, once again they are part of her life.

Time came by so fast. It was already late afternoon and everyone had to go. Amber had to go as well. They said their goodbyes and they were off.

"You seemed happy.." Key said.

"I am. I was happy to see them. I was relieved to know that they're not mad at me for disappearing and appearing out of nowhere. I guess you were right. I needed it. I needed to see them."

Instead of driving Amber back to her apartment immediately, Key drove to a nearby sightseeing place along the Hangang River. Amber didn't really complain and went along with it. She went off and sat at one of the benches. Key came holding two cans of beer.

"I have no ulterior motives here, okay? Just something we can share I guess." Amber then took the can and popped it open and took a huge gulp.

"To be honest, I never thought in a million would I see them again. Never did I think I'll get the chance to walk in that world of yours. When things started, I felt out of place. You were rich and I came from nothing. I was barely making it through the day until you came along. I don't know how things could've turned out differently if I hadn't met you."

"I know you know how much you mean to me. But Amber, I was just wondering where is he/she?"

"Who?"

"Our child.."

Amber looked away and contemplated. She heaved in a big sigh and said, "I don't know.. She's gone."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Key was puzzled.

"No one was with me when I gave birth. I had some money I was able to save when we were together and I spent it for the hospital bills and all that. But right after I woke up, they said the baby's gone. That she's dead or something. To be honest, I don't want to believe it. They showed a corpse but I wasn't buying it. I heard the baby cry right before I fell asleep in the delivery room. I was lost. It felt as if the reason why I left you was out of vain that I had to lose the baby. I changed my name, moved from place to place. I was desperate and didn't know what to do. I was looking for means to find our daughter but I just couldn't find a clear trace until I had a lead that a family adopted a baby girl, a day after I gave birth. I found out the child was studying in the school I'm teaching in right now but I have trouble pinpointing who."

"I'm sorry Key, she was my responsibility and yet I lost her. I'm sorry.." Amber cried and cried as she clung unto Key. Key had to say nothing. All he had to do was stay there and be with her. She fell asleep soon after and he drove her home.

------------------

"Sorry, I messed up your shirt. You can leave it and I'll wash it.."

"No, it's all good. Though having your snot all over it feels a little icky." Key brought her to the fifth floor where here apartment was. 

"Why don't you just go with me? I bought a new house and you can stay there. You're always welcome to go back.."

"As much as I want to, I can't. I don't want to. Not yet, not any time sooner. You may have forgiven me but I haven't forgiven myself completely. I need to do that first before I can be with you or what."

Amber opened her door and went in. With instinct, Key grabbed her by the wrist and kissed her. He kissed her passionately. He'd been fighting the urge to kiss her but he had to. He had to feel that physically, indeed she's there. She responded shyly. It was a bittersweet kiss. Years of kept emotions were poured out in that one single kiss. It was more than enough for both of them to know that they still love each other. In fact, the years seem to have intensified it even more. The lack of presence with each other made them miss what they had. Key slowly pulled away. 

"I'll wait. All of these years, I've waited and now that you're here and I know where you are, I'm still wiliing to wait. I'll wait for you to come back home Amber. I've lost you once, and I won't forgive myself if I  lose you again. I can't lose you again. I can't bear the thought of losing you again. Let's find our daughter together. I'm here for you, okay? No matter what."

With one more kiss, "I love you."

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Dugeun dugeun.. After 10 years, I actually updated. You guys must be wondering why in the world I stopped for so long. There are several reasons why. Well, for one, school. Not going into too much detail, but basically.. I never imagined things would be so demanding and this was compromised. Two, the lack of interactions from this couple I ship. I mean, really. Who won't be frustrated? (It is kind of shallow but please, don't kill me >< ^^ ) And three, well.. I don't know. I kind of lost myself I guess? I always thought that writing is not just a hobby but a refuge. I feel happy when I do this, then I suddenly lost myself. I made no time for it. Perhaps, it's one of those reasons why I'd just feel sad sometimes and make a bum out of myself. But yeah, last night was an eye-opener. I need to write again..

So, anyway, enough about me. >< Amber, for once talked about her feelings. I hope you guys like it. I can't really give a definite length on how many chapters more this fic will go but I want to thank everyone who has kept waiting patiently and has remained subscribed to this fic. I would like to say, that I've read your comments and wall posts and again, thank you! You guys are one of the reasons why I love writing. Yeah, :D Stay tuned for the next chapter!"