Seoul, 22 February 2008

Brrr~ It's so cold outside. I just got back from a live taping of Music Bank at KBS. Brown Eyed Girls released a mini album last month and our single L.O.V.E has been well accepted. It even reached No.1 on several charts. We're ecstatic about it. It feels good to be acknowledged. It's worth all the sleepless nights and endless practice. I gulp down the warm water in my hand. It's so dry since it's still winter. I turn on the heater in my apartment and head to the bathroom for a long bath.

Tomorrow is Saturday. Kyung-Sun unnie told me that I can sleep in tomorrow, since our schedule starts after lunch. I smile happily. We've been so busy lately and I'm extremely sleep-deprived. Finally, I can have my beauty sleep, which is like a luxury for me. Since I debuted, I've come to a realization that I have a lot of other stuffs to do besides sleeping. It's true what they say, there's always a price to pay.

I slip into my pyjamas and lie on my bed. I grab an MP3 player out of my bag. It's an old MP3 player, it's almost worn out and scratches are visible on the screen. My unnies have been bugging me to buy a new, decent one. MP3 players aren't that expensive, and now there is a great range of brands, models, colours, and sizes to choose from. But, the thing is, this old ugly thing is special to me. It was a birthday gift from someone. My first love gave it to me on my 18th birthday, 6 months before I debuted with Brown Eyed Girls. He told me that since my dream was to become a singer, I should use it to listen to and learn more about music. I was so happy when I received a present from him. I had been crushing on him for a few years before I found out that he was already dating someone else. I cried for a few days, but encouraged myself to move on. That was my only experience in romance. I'm not someone who falls in love easily, and in my almost 21 years of existence, I've only fallen in love once. A one-sided love. 

I chuckle inwardly as I reminisce. I didn't have a happy ending then, but I'm sure one day my time will come. There's someone for everyone, right? I put on the earphones and switch on the MP3 player. I turn on the shuffle mode, as usual. I pull up the blanket and cover myself up to the neck.

Yeah... Love is pain... Dedicated to all my broken hearted people. One’s old flame, just scream my name... And I’m so sick of love songs. Yeah, hate them love songs. Moments of ours… Geojitmal!

Damn. Does this MP3 player have the power to read minds, huh? How could it play a song that truly portrays how I'm feeling at the moment? I love this song. It's a song by Big Bang. I heard that their leader, Kwon Ji-Yong, writes and composes their songs. He sure is talented. I've heard a few of their other songs as well. The beats are nice. The lyrics are deep and convey so much emotion. Overall, I think Big Bang's songs are very enjoyable. I like this one the most, though. It's called Lies. The song even won the Song of The Year award at MAMA last year. They deserved it. 

By myself, without anyone knowing. Yeah, those words I said were lies. A loner left in the midst of it all. In my pocket is the break-up letter that’s all wrinkled and folded up in my pocket...

The song goes on in my ears. I love that part, 'In my pocket is the break-up letter that's all wrinkled and folded up.' I can almost feel the sadness and pain. If Kwon Ji-Yong ssi wrote this, maybe this came from his personal experience? I've never written any songs, but I guess it makes sense, right? Lyricists often reflect what happen in their personal lives on their workpieces; our producer once told me that. If that was the case, Ji-Yong ssi must've suffered from a bad break-up. Who knows? Ayyy, why am I even thinking about that? Even if he suffered from a hurtful break-up, what has it got to do with me? I don't even know him. We've only seen each other a number of times at programs and such. 

I still can’t forget you. No I don’t think I ever will, even ’til the day I die, yeah... Did the scars I gave you heal? I’m sorry because I never got to do anything for you.

That line feels like a question aimed at me. I gotta be honest, when I found out that the guy I fell in love with was seeing someone else, I was devastated. It was my fault, anyway. I had never told him about my feelings. Neither had I ever shown him. I saw his girlfriend once. She looked so pretty. Big round eyes, tall, long wavy hair. She's everything that I'm not. I never would've stood a chance. So, Son Ga-In, are the scars from that heartbreak healed yet? The voice inside my head asks. I sigh and firmly shut my eyes. Let's just sleep and forget about it. Shortly after, I can hear the song coming to an end.

I’m so sorry, but I love you, will you leave and forget me slowly, so I can be in pain?

I smile at myself out of pity. Do you still remember me, oppa? Probably not. Are you still with her? Are you guys madly in love? I hope you're happy now wherever you are. A tear escapes from the corner of my eye. Man, I didn't think I would spend tonight feeling blue. Think straight, Son Ga-In. You promised yourself that you would never shed another tear for that guy.

Gosh, this song has taken its toll on me. I normally don't get carried away by something as little as a 3-minute song. That Kwon Ji-Yong is a genius, even though he doesn't look like one. Having seen him a few times, he gave an impression of someone playful and laid back. Or maybe he isn't? How would I know? The only things we've ever said to each other were mere hellos and good-byes. We're practically strangers. "Aish~ Why am I thinking about him again? Naega michyeonabwa..." I pull my blanket higher to cover myself head-to-toe. And with that, I fly off to dreamland.

Little did I know that tonight fate had brought two strangers to think about each other at the same time...