Seoul, 1 June 2008

I'm sitting in the car and Ji-Yong is driving beside me. He's dropping me off at home. He knows his way around and doesn't need my direction. Maybe he hangs around Hongdae a lot. I just sit in silence and contemplate what's been happening tonight. After I sent him a text last week saying that I missed him too, we've been exchanging text messages. I was going to send his scarf to his dorm or YG office, but he told me that we should just meet up so I could give it back. I felt happy when he said that, because I really wanted to see him. Even though I was a little disappointed that he never called me, I was happy when he finally asked to meet up tonight. I have his scarf in my handbag, like I've always had for the past few months.

I went shopping with JeA unnie today. We spent half a day, but I didn't buy anything. JeA unnie, on the other hand, bought a lot of things. She agreed to drop me off at Cafe Miz Moren; she was suspicious at first, but I told her that I was going to meet my cousin. Yes, I lied to her. I didn't want to tell her that I had been acquainted with Big Bang's leader, because I don't know how she would react to it. 

I did a few idiotic things tonight. One, I accidentally told Ji-Yong that I really wanted to catch up with him. What the hell was that, right? I mean, it was the truth, but I shouldn't have sounded like an easy girl. Two, my messy style of eating and drinking displayed itself in front of Ji-Yong. He even had to wipe my mouth with a tissue. Gosh, he must've been so disgusted! Last but not least, I kept rambling about a lot of stuff when we went to Namsan Park. He told me about his life, his love and passion for music, and even told hilarious jokes. And there I was, not having any exciting things to tell him. I saw him looking up at the sky when I was talking, he was probably so bored listening to my stories. 

Earlier, at the park, he put his jacket on my lap, which made me self-conscious. I spent an hour this morning trying to pick up what to wear. Spring is coming to an end, so I decided to wear a short dress. It's not really my style, but I figured I should make myself look a little prettier than usual. Even JeA unnie was surprised when she saw me in this dress, since I usually wear jeans and t-shirts. But now I think wearing this dress is a big mistake. Ji-Yong must've thought that I'm a ty girl, or else why would he cover my legs with his jacket?

Things haven't been going too well for me tonight, not because of Ji-Yong, but because of those dumb things I did. Son Ga-In pabo! I scold myself silently. Good thing that this date is coming to an end soon. Oops! Date? What date? Where did that assumption come from? This isn't a date, Son Ga-In! Flatter yourself much? Tch~

We arrive at my apartment building and Ji-Yong pulls over in the driveway. He reaches for his backpack in the back seat and hands me something. Oh! It's my long-lost make-up pouch! "Oh! I left this here?" I voice my thought. "I thought I lost it somewhere! Thank you, Ji-Yong ah!" I tell him while holding the pouch close to my chest. I should give him his scarf now. I grab my handbag from near my feet and look for the scarf inside. Damn it, why did I wear this huge bad? Where the hell is it? Don't tell me I dropped it when I went shopping? Umma... Ji-Yong will be so mad... "omo, where did it go? I'm sure I put it in here this morning! Eotteokhae?" Don't panic, Son Ga-In, maybe it's in your other bag! I look at Ji-Yong, "I think I left it at home! Don't worry, Ji-Yong ah, I didn't lose it! I'll get it upstairs. Jamkkanman..." I quickly get out of his car and run to the front door of my apartment building.

As if I haven't done enough stupidity tonight, I realize that I don't have my swipe key with me. I slap my forehead. I walk speedily back to Ji-Yong's car and open the passenger's side door, "err... I--" "Forgot this?" he smirks while his finger is holding my swipe key. I cover my face with my hands because I'm too embarrassed to face him right now. "Get in," he says. Huh? Why? "Huh?" I ask confusedly. "Get in, so I can park the car. I'm going upstairs with you, you might be clumsy enough and forget to bring the scarf with you later," he explains. God, now he knows how clumsy I can get. He wants to get the scarf from my apartment himself, that means he treasures it so much. Scarf, please stay put. Don't be anywhere else besides my closet. If I lost you, Ji-Yong might kill me in my own apartment!!!

After he parks the car, we both go up to my apartment. I punch in the code and open the door. I point at the couch and tell Ji-Yong to have a seat. Thank goodness that I had time to clean my apartment 2 days ago, so it's neat and tidy. Ji-Yong walks into the living room area and look around. I run to my walk-in closet and try to find his scarf. Where is it? I look inside the bag I wore yesterday but it's not in there. I walk around the small room for a few moments and then I spot his scarf hanging out of my drawer. How did it get in there? Weird. 

I walk out of my closet and see Ji-Yong standing near my desk with his back facing me. "Making yourself at home?" I ask jokingly. He seems startled because he jumps a little before turning around. Cute. "Sorry," he says while smiling slightly. He's holding something in his hand. Oh my good God! That shameful picture!!! "Omo! That picture! You can't see that, it's embarrassing!" I quickly snatch the photo from his hand. I need to get him out of here before he finds other humiliating pictures of me. "Come on, no boys are allowed near my bed!" I pull him towards the couch. I should get him something to drink. I ask him what he wants while scanning through the inside of my fridge. "Anything is fine, noona," he answers. I take out a bottle of apple juice, grab 2 glasses from the cabinet and go back to the living room. Then I remember about the scarf. I walk back to my closet. I've been walking around a lot, he must be thinking that I'm silly.

"Jjajaaan~" I hold his scarf in the air. I tell him that I washed his scarf and I hope he wouldn't mind. I also tell him that I washed it by hands so he doesn't need to worry. "Thank you, noona" he tells me with in a sincere tone. We drink the apple juice in silence. All of a sudden, adding to my pile of humiliation, my stomach grunts. Ji-Yong laughs immediately. God, are you angry at me? Is it really necessary to embarrase me in front of this guy even more? "Do I look like a plate of food or something? Your stomach seems to get hungry when I'm around," he says in mockery. I cover my face with both hands, "this is so embarrassing."

"Do you want some ramen? I don't have anything else," I ask him after a minute of silence. "Got any kimbap, noona?" Huh? Kimbap? He wants to eat kimbap at this hour? "Kimbap? I don't think so..." I tell him. I see his shoulders drop after I said that. Why is he like that? Is he craving for kimbap or something? Trying to cheer him up, I ask him if he wants me to make some for him. His eyes light up. I ask if he wants to help me make it and he follows me to the kitchen.

Making kimbap is easy for me. I've done it hundreds of times. I'm kind of old-fashioned, you know. Even though I think men and women should be treated equally, I still think a woman should be able to cook and attend to her man's needs. Ji-Yong looks like he doesn't cook a lot. Well, where would someone as busy as he is find a time to cook, anyway? But he still tries to help me around when making the kimbap. I think he would make a great boyfriend. What girl doesn't want a talented and caring guy like him? I would be happy to have a boyfriend like him. Mwo? What the hell? Wipe that though off your mind right now, Son Ga-In! Get a grip!!!

When the kimbap is done, we eat at the dining table. Ji-Yong sits next to me. My dining table is round, so we don't sit too close to each other. It's a good thing, because otherwise he might feel awkward. "Thank you for tonight, Ji-Yong ah," I tell him while munching. "No problem, noona. I enjoyed it, too," he replies softly. I feel much more comfortable around him now. What's bothering me is how my heartbeat goes so fast every time we have close contact. Like when he wiped the coffee stain on my mouth in the car, or when his hands put the jacket on my lap at the park, or even when I pull his sleeve earlier to get him out of my bedroom area. What is this feeling? Ah, maybe it's because I'm not a big fan of skinship. That must be it, Son Ga-In. Should I apologize to him, though? I might've made him feel uneasy, right?

"It was never easy for me to get closer to someone, but I don't know, you've been so nice to me and I'm afraid I might make you uncomfor--" "Don't worry about it, noona. I like spending time with you," he cuts me before I get to finish my sentence. He likes spending time with me? I feel a pang of disappointment after hearing his remark. I see him looking at my face. He smiles and stretches his hand towards my face and wipe my mouth, "you're so messy." My body stiffens when he touches me. Oh Lord, what am I feeling? What is this? The last time I felt like this was when I was around Chin-Ho oppa. Omo... Am I... With Kwon Ji-Yong...? No... NO! You can't afford another heartbreak, Son Ga-In! 

After dinner, we sit on the couch and watch some TV. I cut up some fruits and serve him dessert without saying anything to him. I know he might be confused about my actions but I myself am confused right now. What he said during dinner replays in my head. 'I like spending time with you'... I remember how the thought of tonight being a first date occurred on my mind earlier. Silently, I laugh at myself with pity. Of course it isn't, Son Ga-In. Ji-Yong is just spending time with you. He had a spare time and he wanted his scarf back. That's all there is. 

As we get deeper into the night, I feel sleepy. The TV in front of me seems blurry, I don't even know what we've been watching. Ji-Yong suddenly turns the TV off, "it's late. You should go to sleep, noona. I'll get going now." I think I've made him feel so bored that he wants to get out of here as soon as possible. Great job, Son Ga-In, just great. I get up from the couch and grab his scarf. I walk towards the door and hear him trailing behind. I don't know what to say to him. We probably won't see each other anymore after this, right? Well, apart from occasional meeting at programs and such. 

I open the door for him and smile slightly. That's the least I can do. His face looks puzzled. Or maybe that's just what he looks like when he's bored. He looks like he wants to say something but I don't ask, afraid that what he says might sadden me even more. He bows his head faintly and walk out to the hallway. Oh, ! I didn't even say goodbye to him! Son Ga-In pabo! "Ji-Yong ah," I softly call out to him. He turns around and stares at me. Man, I might hyperventilate soon if he keeps looking at me like that! "Drive carefully, ok? Good night," I tell him with a smile on my face and close the door right away.

Little did I know that I misunderstood what he said because I was too dense...

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Author's Note:

Hey, everyone...! Thank you for reading this story ^^ There's more to come, kekeke... Gidaryeoooo~

My door is always open for your suggestions and/or criticisms :) Annyeonghi gyeseyo... *bows head*