Seoul, 18 August 2008

"Woo-hoo! This is going to be sooo fun!" Seungri screams while putting his hands up. The other three guys just laugh along. Today is my birthday and after having dinner with YG family, my members and I are now heading to a karaoke bar to have some fun or our own. Everyone else but me seems to be enjoying themselves. I feel happy because it's my birthday and all, but something is still bothering me. 

Ga-In noona. Yes, that's the problem. We've never been in contact with each other for more than a month. One month, 2 weeks, and 2 days to be exact. I sent her a number of text messages but no reply ever came. I also tried calling her many times, but she never picked up. Why is she avoiding me? Is she so angry at me? What did I do that was so wrong? Or did she change her number? But if she did, why didn't she tell me? A million questions have flodded my mind for the past month and a half.

Even Yang sajangnim noticed a change in my attitude. He personally asked me why I had been moody, but I told him that I was just stressed out over our new mini album. It's out, by the way. Our mini album 'Stand Up' was launched 10 days ago, and last weekend we performed our comeback stages at several music programs. 

I sigh as I think about her again. I've never seen her or run into her since the night I took her to Namsan Park. I miss her so much. I know that we just started to get to know each other as friends, but still, I realy want to see her, or at least talk to her. I even took detours and drove by her apartment building a few times, but no luck. Ga-In noona, have you been well? I'm sorry if I did something wrong...

"Ji-Yong ah, your sigh will blow a hole in my car," TOP says while driving. "Hyung, why do you look troubled? We're going to have fun, hyung! Cheer up," Daesung, who's sitting next to me in the backseat, nudges me. Taeyang looks back from the passenger's seat and smile, "It's your birthday, man, you should enjoy." "I agree, hyung! Go, go, go shawty, it's your birthday, we gon' party like it's your birthday!" Seungri says cheerfully while singing 50 Cent's hit song. I laugh at his act; well, at least I still have my friends who care about me...

We reach Hongdae in a short time, since it's already past 10 p.m. Even though Hongdae is famous for its nightlife, on a Monday night like this, there aren't too many people around. TOP parks the car on the side of the street right in front of Happy Time Karaoke. We chose to go to this one because the owner is a friend of Yang sajangnim's, so there will be no hustle. Knowing our plan, Yang sajangnim also kindly booked a VIP room for us. All of us jump out of TOP's car and make our way to the karaoke bar. Just as we're about to walk inside, Seungri shouts and points his hand to the entrance of the building next door, "oh! Isn't that Ga-In noona?"

My ears perk up at the mention of her name. True enough, I see her walking out of the grocery store carrying large plastic bags in her hands. She's wearing a jacket and a pair of white skinny jeans. Why is she all covered up in Summer? The guys also turn their heads at her. Before anyone even says a word, Seungri runs towards her while waving his hands, "Ga-In noona!!!" TOP, Taeyang, and Daesung follow behind him while I freeze in my spot.

Seungri's scream must've shocked her, because the plastic bags instantly drop out of her hands. "Umma! You scared me!!!" I can see her face looking frightened and both her hands covering her chest. I walk slowly towards them and stand behind Taeyang. "Annyeonghaseyo, Ga-In noona," Taeyang bows slightly. "Noona, I'm sorry I startled you. I was just so excited to see you, hehehe..." Seungri also bows, while TOP and Daesung are picking up the plastic bags from the ground. "Annyeonghaseyo, Son Ga-In ssi!" Daesung says politely. "N-Neh, annyeonghaseyo. Uh... please don't be so formal with me, Daesung ssi," she bows a little and smiles at Daesung. Ah... that smile; the smile I've been dying to see. 

"Annyeonghaseyo," TOP smiles at her, "I don't need to be formal, either, right? We're the same age anyway." Ga-In noona looks up at him and smiles back, "oh? You were born in 1987, too? I thought all of you are younger than me..." I notice her voice is different from usual, it's a bit raspy. Does she have a cold or something? "Nope. I'm the oldest. So, chingu, right?" TOP asks her while still holding the plastic bags in his hands. Ga-In noona pauses for a bit before answering with a smile, "a-ah, neh, chingu." I clear my throat, "Ga-In ssi..." 

She looks agitated after seeing my face and hearing my voice. "O-Oh! Ji-Yong ssi, annyeonghaseyo..." she gives a tiny smile at me and I notice how her face looks apologetic. She has bags under her eyes. Has she not been taking care of herself? Has she been sad again? Did that bastard do something bad to her? She looks unhappy... I wish I could hug her right now. 

"Oh! Where the hell is my manner! Let me take those, thank you very much," she slaps her forehead and reaches for the plastic bags in TOP's hands, but TOP jerks the bags away from her reach. "Did you drive here?" Taeyang asks. "Yeah, this is my car, actually. I was lucky to find a parking spot right in front of the store," she points to the black sedan beside us while chuckling softly. "I'll put them in the trunk for you," TOP says. She opens the trunk and TOP puts all the bags of groceries in there. How I wish I could be the one who gets to help her...

"Well, it was nice to see you guys. I should get go--" before she stops talking, Seungri cuts in, "Ga-In noona, we're going to the noraebang next door! Want to join us?" She looks surprised and puzzled at the same time, "n-neh? I don't think I--" "Oh, come on, noona. The more the merrier! We're celebrating Ji-Yong hyung's birthday, and he's been stressed out for weeks! Come with us, please...?" Seungri persuades with a puppy look on his face. Ga-In noona looks at the rest of the guys, who are just smiling and nodding at her. Then she looks at me. Kwon Ji-Yong, say something now! You've been missing her like crazy and now is the perfect time! Tell her to come with you to the noraebang!

I smile softly at her and from the corner of my eye, I can see Taeyang taking a glimpse at me and then quickly turns his head to Ga-In noona. He walks closer to her and shuts the door of her car, "we won't take no for an answer, noona." Ga-In noona looks even more puzzled now. TOP suddenly swings his arm over her shoulders and drags her with him. My eyes widen at the scene. Yah, Choi Seung-Hyun! Take your hands off her!!!

Taeyang and Daesung follow behind them and so do I. "Hyung, it's ok to take Ga-In noona with us, right? I know we're not close to her, but I thought it would be mo--" Seungri murmurs, but I cut him, "it's ok, Seungri ya, the more the merrier." Inside my head, I am thanking Seungri for his boldness. Finally, I get to spend time with her again. Although I can't be too close to her around the guys, it's still good enough for me. 

We get into the VIP room and order some soft drinks. TOP is a big drinker, so we order some soju, beers and a bottle of wine as well. Soon enough, the madness begins. TOP, Daesung, and Seungri sing and dance animatedly while the rest of us laugh along. Ga-In noona starts to loosen up and drinks some wine. She's sitting quietly in the middle of the couch. I really want to sit next to her, but none of the guys know that we're closer than we may seem, and I'd rather keep it that way. Even more so now since Ga-In noona has been ignoring all my calls and texts. 

"You should stick to water and wine, noona, I think your throat is not in a good condition. Don't drink the soda," I hear Taeyang telling her. She nods and smiles warmly at him. I should also talk to her, right? I mean, I can look casual in front of the guys. I scoot a little closer to her and when I'm about to open my mouth, Seungri hands me a microphone, "birthday boy! You haven't sung anything! Sing that song you always sing at noraebang!" I groan inwardly and curse at Seungri in my head. Dude, I was just about to make a progress! I throw him a faint glare and lazily get up. I sing This Love by Maroon 5 and the guys applaud after I finish.

I'm about to casually sit myself down on the empty space next to Ga-In noona when Seungri says, "noona, you haven't had your turn, either! Can you please sing 'I'm Smiling'? I love that song so much!" Damn it, Seungri, why are you so hyper?! "E-Eh? No, it's ok, I'll just sit here a--" "Awww~ come on, noona... Please? I really want to see you sing it live... Jebal~" Seungri begs. She hesitates for a few seconds before she grabs the microphone and stands up. "I'm not sure they have that song here," she murmurs while looking at the computer screen. Seungri walks closer to her and type in something, "oh! Here it is! Yay! I can finally hear a live version of this!" "I'm surprised you even know this song," Ga-In noona utters shyly. Seungri giggles, "of course, I know it, noona. I'm your fan!"

The intro of the song starts. I don't think I've ever heard this song before. Heck, by the title, I don't even know this song exists. To be fair, I have only heard of their latest album, and this song is definitely not in it. 

Don't worry, I'm fine, just go the way you were travelling... I've been so sorry for making things hard... She begins to sing the song. Her voice sounds more huskier than usual, but she still sings well. 

Now I won't give reasons or excuses anymore... Thank you for loving me this far... When tears come out, I will smile, just like the way you did for me... I'm smiling like a fool as I send you away... Our glances meet, and she looks down immediately. 

She carries on with the song. I don't know why you worried for me so much... You'll never know much I regret this... Because I'm like you, I've suddenly become a lingering fool... I've become pitiful after you left... Her voice starts to shake. I see TOP, Taeyang, and Daesung shoot a bewildered look at each other, while Seungri is still looking at her in amazement. 

It's laughable that I could not be with you when you were here and I'm like this now after you left... I'm smiling today by myself, I want to see you...

Please take care of that person, I still linger for that person... Once I love you, I cannot let go of your hand... Once I send you away, I'm hurting like this... It's too late, but I'm still happy...

The lines of the song feel like stabs on my heart. She looks like she's hurting and I don't like seeing her that way. Did someone hurt her? Did I hurt her? I hate this feeling of not knowing what's happening. I'm dying to hold her in my arms but I can't do that in front of my members. Is it... is it normal to feel like this to a friend? She's my friend, right? Just a friend... A friend whom I like very much...

As my tears hit the back of my hand without a sound, I should be smiling but I cried instead... Her shoulders are shaking as she sings the lines and tears are falling down her face. Seungri's face is now as puzzled as the other three guys'. 

When I think of that person, when I miss that person, smiling and crying can no longer console me... Please take care of that person, for the last time... If I could see that person, I will smile brightly... If you see me, please smile... She ends the song and turns around with her head still tilted down. Her back is facing us. From the couch, it looks like she's wiping tears with her hands. Ga-In noona, what happened to you? The guys freeze, much like I do, not knowing what to say. After a few moments of awkward silence, Seungri stands up and claps his hands, "wow... Daebak! Noona, you sang very well!" He looks like he's about to step closer to her, but hesitates and just stays in his spot. Ga-In noona turns back around and smiles, "M-Mianhaeyo, I didn't mean to ruin the mood, I got carried away..." 

"Aniyo, noona. You did well, really. We enjoyed it very much," I finally open my mouth. "Y-Yeah! Noona, it was really good!" Daesung adds. TOP, Taeyang, and Seungri also nod their heads in agreement. She goes back to her seat, which is next to me. She hesitates for a second before she lets out a small smile and sits down. She takes her glass of red wine from the table and gulps it down. In attempt to lighten up the atmosphere, TOP stands up, "let's continue the partayyy!!!" The other guys laugh at his antic. Another chaos starts shortly after that. 

"Saengil chukha-hae, Ji-Yong ah..." Ga-In noona whispers without looking at me. We're sitting less than 30 centimetres away from each other, so I can hear her distinctly. I look at my members who are jumping around in the room. They're too engrossed in enjoying themselves and not paying any attention at us. I glance at her, her face is now deep in red shades. I put my hand on hers and hold it gently. I rub the back of her hand with my thumb and we stay like that for a while.

Her head starts to wobble and her eyes are closed. She has a sad smile on her face. She's probably tipsy after all the alcohol she has guzzled down tonight. All of a sudden, she loses her balance and faints, with her head leaning against my shoulder. I can feel her breaths on my neck. My heart beats so rapidly.

"YAH!!!" I scream as loud as I can while my hand is covering her other ear, trying to get the guys' attention through the music that's blasting at full volume. They stop dancing around and turn their heads at me. Taeyang immediately turns off the stereo system. I look at the clock on the wall: 1:20 p.m. "Omo, did she fall asleep?" Seungri asks. "How could she fall asleep through all that noise... Whoa! She finished all this by herself?" TOP gapes and points his finger at the empty bottle of wine. "Mmm," I sigh. "We should go back now," Taeyang mutters, not wanting to wake her up.

I carry her bridal-style out of the karaoke bar. She whimpers in my embrace but doesn't wake up. I walk to her car, with Taeyang trailing behind me holding her bag. The rest are standing by TOP's car with their eyebrows furrowed, probably confused by what's happening. I lay her on the passenger's seat in a comfortable position and buckle her seatbelt. I grab her bag from Taeyang's hand, "just go back with the guys, I'll drive her home." He opens his mouth, but I interrupt before he says anything, "don't ask, Young-Bae ya." He sighs as I get into the driver's seat. When I start the engine, he taps on the window, and I roll it down. I sigh and raise my eyebrow at him, "wha--" "I don't know what happened between the two of you, but make it right, Ji-Yong ah. Look at her, she's miserable," he says softly but sternly. "I don't know what you're talk--" I try to argue, but he cuts me again, "I may have never said anything, but I'm not blind, Kwon Ji-Yong. And I'm not stupid, either. I can put two and two together. Just... try to sort things out with her, ok? Drive safely." He waves his hand and walks away.

I start driving to her apartment building. On the way, she stirs in her seat and whimpers. "Why... Like this... I... I..." she mumbles, her voice sounding sad. I coo at her, and stretch my hand over to her hair. She keeps mumbling, "shireo... Like this... K-Kwon... Ji... Ji-Yo--" she hiccups in her sleep, "why... Ji-Yong... To me... You... Why..." I feel a pang of guilt striking inside of me. I don't understand... Did I do this to her? 

We arrive at her apartment building and I drive into the basement. Thankfully, the apartment numbers are painted on the ground so I know where to park her car. I hold her bag on my shoulder and carry her out of the car. One step at a time, Ji-Yong. 

When we reach her apartment door, another challenge faces me. , what's her security code? Should I just wake her up? I try to punch in her birthday: 870920. A red light blinks. Damn it. I try another combination: 872009. The red light blinks again. Damn, only one more try left. God, if you let me get this one right, I promise I won't smoke for a month; I pray silently. 200987, I punch in the code once again. I hear a beep and a green light blinks. Thank you, God! Really, I will fulfil my promise!

I put her down on the bed and takes her jacket off so she feels more comfortable. I pull the blanket and cover her body with it. I go into her bathroom and look through the cabinet. I walk out with a pack of cosmetic wipes in my hand. I sit on the bed and clean the makeup off her face. When I'm done, I brush her fringe to the side and look at her face closely. She's breathing steadily. I cup her face; am I the one who's responsible for the gloom on your pretty face, noona? I sigh and lightly peck her forehead.

I walk to the living room area and sit on the couch. My heart feels heavy, very heavy. I notice there's a CD sitting on the coffee table: it's our new mini album. The case looks like it has been opened. I smile, happy that she has listened to our new songs. There's a sketchbook next to the CD. I grab it and flip through the pages, most of them are filled with drawings of furnitures. She told me once that she loves interior design. My smile disappears when I see the last entry in the sketchbook; it's a drawing of my face, there's a heart picture and a sad smiley face next to it. Could it be... that she...? 

A beep interrupts my thought. I take the mobile phone out of my pocket and there's a text from Taeyang.

From: YB Tae-Kwon

[Hey, r u at her place now? Just checking up on u. I'll ask Nam-Gook hyung to send a car to pick u up tmr...]

To: YB Tae-Kwon

[Yeah. Here's the address: 474-20, Seogyo-dong, Mapo-gu, Seoul 121-842. Pls tell the driver to pick me up after lunch. Thanks, dude, I owe u one.]

From: YB Tae-Kwon

[Sure thing :) See u tmr. G'night!]

I shut my phone after reading his reply and lie down on the couch, trying my best to fall asleep with my heart drowning in despair.

Little did I know that the pain would soon turn into pleasure...

___________

Author's Note:

Aigoo~ *wipes sweat* Haven't updated in a week bcos I just got back from Perth for work, sowwy~

How are you readers liking it so far? I hope you all enjoy ^^ See you on the next update... Ppyong!