*Changmin POV*

I stared at the result hopeless and blankly. I can’t believe this happen to me. Why me? Why must me? I shred the paper mercilessly as the tears started to form a stream across my cheek. This can’t be real.

*flashback*

   “I’m sorry Mr Shim, according to our test; you have been diagnosed with leukemia, acute lymphocytic leukemia.”

I gave him the shocked gaze and speechless. It can’t be true. It never can be true.

    “What…… what…… should I do?” I trembled. My heart beat out from its pace.

    “For preventing it to be worse, you should take chemotherapy. But there will be the slight side effect from the treatment such as loss of hair, loss of appetite, feel very tired and weak, get infections and others but if you follow the instructions the side effects may not disturb you most.”

I keep silent and loss of speech. The information I get just now was too many for my brain to register it. This will be trouble for me and my group as well.

   “Are you okay? I’m sorry but you can take second test if you want.” The doctor proposed.

   “No, it’s okay. But, I have some favor to you. Please kept this thing from anyone including my parents and family members. Only you and I can know about this. Can you? I don’t want anyone to worry about me.” I’m trying to convince him.

   “But at this time, you need their support the most yet you…”

   “No.”

I cut his words. I really did not want my members, family and most important Cassiopeia to worry about me. Call me selfish but I really did not want to burden anyone, anymore.

*end of flashback*

I sigh heavily. Why this happen after we return as five? When I want to feel my hyungs love again, when I want to show to Cassiopeia that we are five and never separated again, this happen. I messed up my hair and laid my body to the bed. I flick my sleeves and found bruises there. It’s common for Leukemia patients. There, I started to worry, fear of death.

‘knock knock’

Someone knock the door. I wonder who he is, quickly I take those shredded paper and throw it on the rubbish bin. The door’s open and there stood Jaejoong hyung with smile plastered on his face.

   “We decide to take a walk. Want to join?” He expressed with full of joy.

   “Sure why not?”

And started from today, a fake smile and happiness become my routine, my new expert things.

************

   “Changmin? Where are you going?” Yunho hyung ask me as he saw me prepare to go out with medical mask and my new hoodie jacket. I let out the big grinned thou I knew the grinned was hide behind the mask.

   “I’m going out somewhere. Well, today we are free from schedules right? I want to take some fresh air.” I made out a white lie to him.

How can I say that I’m going to do chemotherapy? I would be dead if they knew this.

   “Are you sure you want to go by your own? Do you need us to accompany you?” Jaejoong hyung come out from the kithchen with a bowl. I’m sure he wanted to make some new recipe.

   “Ah, no need to. It’s okay hyung. See you later! Ah, If I comeback late, please save some meals for me!”

I leave the dorm before both my so-called parents started to worry, nagging and ask me where I want to go. Seriously, they nag and worries are no less than my parents do. Sometimes this makes me a bit stress. What their reaction if they knew I suffer this kind of idiot disease. Acute Lympho what they call the name? Aish, this is burdened me.

The journey to the hospital takes only 15 minutes by taxi. So far, no one can notice me by my appearance. I straightly went to my doctor’s room as he greeted me with his warm smile, make a hand gesture indicating me to sit down. He gave me the detailed about the therapy and the side effect. Upon hearing this makes me worry. Not because I was scared but because our schedule. I’m afraid I couldn’t make it. One of the side effect is tiredness. I clenched my fist and keep thinking that I will be fine.

   “I guess I already give you much information about this treatment. I know it was a bit hurt but it will surely help you to kill the cancer cell.” He still gave me his warm and reassure smile.

Although I feel nervous but all I want for now is I was healed from this deathly disease and continue my career. Dear God, please help me endure this.

The treatment is about 4 hour process. The nurse started to take my blood and give me an IV. I lay on the bed while the nurse injecting steroids, saline and Benedryl to get my body ready. Then the nurse stated to give me the chemo drugs. Honestly to tell you, the smell was awful. I can feel the pain sensation as the drugs was inside my body. I winced in pain and start to whimper. It hurts a lot. I clenched the hospital blanket and whimper loudly. The pain was unbearable. The nurse noticed my pain and she gives me some pill to cover the pain.

4 long hours end so do the treatment torture. Although I was knocked out during the treatment, I still can feel the pain a bit and my body was totally weak and exhaustion started to travelled through my body.

‘How am I supposed to go home in this state? Damn!”

I curse. I was informed that I need rest for about 3 days because during the day, the side effect will come and you will totally weak in that time. Great! My schedule starting from tomorrow till next week and it will be really packed. Thanks to this stupid disease now I’m in great trouble. Why me?!

I walk slowly out from the hospital and get a taxi. The weather is slight cold as the season changing to winter. I hope we can rest as changing season to winter never good for Yoochun hyung. It’s almost dusk when I return to our dorm. I open the door slowly and I saw Jaejoong hyung prepared for dinner. I spotted some herbal tea on the table.

   “Why the herbal tea is here? Is someone sick?” I asked Jaejoong hyung who busy make mushroom soup as our dinner menu.

   “It’s for Chunnie. He has slight asthma. As we knew, it’s changing season now. Where are you from? You look pale and exhausted.” Jaejoong hyung put the ladle and off the gas then came to me. I take a step behind from him.

   “Nothing hyung, I’m a bit tired. Hyung, please serve the dinner now. I’m hungry.” I give him my cheeky grinned and called my other hyungs for dinner, trying to change the topic.