We were sitting on the bench outside the building where the funeral is held. It is already night time, the sky is dark and the air is chilly. We were both quiet and he sighed, putting is face in his palm.

“Hey” I break the silence

“I messed up didn’t I?” he mumbled, face still covered in his palm. The moment I heard him say this, I knew he didn’t want to blow up to his dad. But somehow it just happened, all the emotions he held all these years just exploded. He didn’t know how to handle all those emotions.

I squat down in front of him. I grabbed his wrist and tug on it to uncover his face from his palm.  “You’re okay. You’re doing great.” I reassured him

“I just blew up to my dad you know. And you said I’m doing great.” He sighed again before his expression turned dark “But he probably deserved it”

I stay silent for a while, “He did, yeah …..” this sentence seems to gain his attention, his face shocked as if he didn’t hear it right. I chuckled at his face, “you didn’t expect me to say that huh.” He nodded.

“But you know. When you left me, I was disappointed and sad and mad so I blamed you. Because I didn’t know what to do and how to deal with those emotions. But after we met again, you told me what had happened and why you left. Then I thought to myself, ‘so you have a reason after all’. So maybe your dad is the same. Everything happens for a reason.”

His face is unreadable for a while, as if he is trying to sink all what I had said into his head. “You sure like to remind me of the terrible things I did huh.” He teased while chuckling, lightening the atmosphere.

In just a second, his face turned serious again. Still squatting in front of him, I felt even smaller with his serious face on. His eyes stared directly at mine for a good few seconds, before I break his intense stare “What?” I said and look away, feeling the heat creeping through my neck.

Without answering my question, he suddenly hugged me. I was shocked at his action and by this time the heat is just burning my face. I was sure that my face is as red as a tomato. He said something right by my ear, so softly I could’ve missed it, “thank you.”

The funeral takes place for 3 days. On the second day, Bobby’s friend and his mom came to the funeral. I greeted his mom as she walked into the room, and she has the same reaction as my mom when she saw Bobby. His mom and dad didn’t talk a lot though, but what surprised me is that both of his parents seemed to be in a good relationship, not in a hateful-divorce couple.

All the 3 days I just stayed in the funeral room, just to make sure he is okay. And he is feeling a lot better, he didn’t cry as much and as bad as the first day and I’s relieved.

My phone buzzes and I directly checked my phone to see his name popped up “Jae Hyuk”.

My eyes lit up at his name and I opened the message “why didn’t I see you at class today?” is he looking for me? I blushed at my own thought then typed my reply “I went back to my hometown. Something came up.” My phone dinged again, “too bad. I miss you, you know. Do you miss me?” I feel like my eyes are bulging out of its socket as I read the message.

I keep typing and deleting my message, not knowing how to reply as if it’s not a big deal. “Yeah I miss you too.” I quickly closed my phone, scared to new notification and what his reply would be. My phone didn’t buzz again for a while and my thoughts are running wild. Did he read it? Is my reply weird? Did I reply wrongly? Is he disgusted of me now? Right then, my phone buzzes. I take a deep breath and open his message “let’s meet when you get back”. My heart just stopped right there, I have been waiting for him to ask this. But somehow, I’m scared of the expectation I have of how and what we are going to become. A lot of times I’m hurt of the expectation I have of him. But I shook my head to get rid of the never-ending negative thoughts and reply him “Sure!” My phone buzzes instantly, “It’s a date then!” in which I replied “See you!”

I feel guilty to be this happy in a funeral. This is such a bad timing. As if Bobby sensed something, he come up to me and ask “Everything okay?” he eyed me suspiciously. “Oh yeah! Uhm… Everything’s fine actually”

“Then why are you blushing?”

“What? Nonoo… I’m fine. You should go back to ….” Thinking of what the right word should be, I continued “whatever you’re doing” I gestured. I just don’t want to tell him about my good news right now when he’s still mourning, the timing is not right. I will tell him once we get back.

My heart can’t help but feel excited. But for some reason, I was prepared to be disappointed.