ILYF 22

“What now, unnie?” Yerim asked as they were drinking some canned colas while resting at the beach. It has been this long since they did this. The last time she remembered they did was before Seulgi’s coma accident where they were planning on how to propose. And today, it feels like they are going to talk about something really deep again.

“I’m still waiting for Joohyun to tell everything to me.” Seulgi took her shoes off. She then buried her feet under the damp sand, wondering if this feeling will last. It had been forever since she went to the beach. And to reminisce, it was always Yerim she was with before. She took it to a point that Yerim is now a mature person. Even more mature than she was before.

“And what after that?” Yerim looked at Seulgi with no contemplation. She had been yearning to know what’s in store for her unnies after all these years. She doesn’t know if she really missed these long deep talks she had with Seulgi. Now that she’s older, everything seems to have to be seriously taken.

After all, it had been two years after the night Seulgi had proposed and got into the accident.

More silence. It seemed like Yerim was not getting anything at all. “I don’t think she knows that you know she cheated on you.” She had been observing Joohyun after the accident had taken into place. She knew the burden it had been.

“I don’t know what to do, Yerim.” Seulgi disclosed. She clearly didn’t have any plan at all. But she was certain that she wanted to hear Joohyun to come clean. “She said, when I remember everything, she’d say yes to my proposal.”

“Do you still want to marry her? After what she put you through?” Yerim’s mind says it’s ridiculous to demand something like that. It’s a really complicated twists and turns of events, she cannot fathom what’s next.

“I really have no idea. It hurts too much. And I hate myself for dragging it this long.” Seulgi wished they were chugging soju instead of colas. “If only I didn’t lose my memories back then, it wouldn’t be this way.”

—

The notes of the piece were ringing in Seulgi’s ears. She has been practicing nonstop for this recital. Playing the piano helped her cope with all the stress she’s been burdened with. Even Yerim, who doesn’t have any interest in classical music, supported her on this. There were times she would send some of her practice videos to the kid and she’d always get some criticisms.

After months and months of learning, it would have to go to a point where she would have to be graded through a recital. And choosing a song, wasn’t too hard at all. She chose Je Te Veux by Satie, which literally translates to I want you. It’s a sappy waltz, her interpretation of it when she heard it first, which hit her too hard.

It is her turn. Jitters don’t really behest her after all, she practiced nonstop for this night. Before working her way to the piano bench, she scanned the crowd and saw Joohyun there, seated and looking beautifully in a black dress.

She sat and closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her composure. In a moment’s time, she opened her eyes and started playing. She continued to smile and enjoy the moment. So far, it’s going as how she pictured this when she was practicing. After this, she’ll propose.

/I’ve understood your distress,/

/Dear lover,/

/And yield to your desires:/

/Make of me your mistress./

/Let’s throw discretion/

/And sadness to the winds./

/I long for the precious moment/

/When we shall be happy:/

/I want you./

Her relationship with Joohyun has become hazy, she is truly aware of that. And she understands, really. Even after knowing, from a year ago that Joohyun found somebody else, she let Joohyun be. She let Joohyun take a taste of what is missing. She just wanted to give Joohyun what she desires most. And that is to make Joohyun happy. She chose to give it to Joohyun even if it meant her own suffering. That in the end, both of them will be happy if she does this.

/I’ve no regrets/

/And only one desire:/

/Close, very close by you/

/To live my whole life long./

/Let my heart be yours/

/And your lips mine,/

/Let your body be mine/

/And all my flesh yours./

Even after a year, seeing Joohyun in the audience made her feel that she doesn’t have any regrets. It might be detrimental, but she still longs for Joohyun. The one whom she loved first.

/Yes, I see in your eyes/

/The exquisite promise/

/That your loving heart/

/Is seeking my caress./

/Entwined for ever,/

/Consumed by the same desire,/

/In dreams of love/

/We’ll exchange our souls./

That right here, right now. Joohyun is here, that for seven years, they’ve gone this far and