Dear Ahn

Listen to this Reality  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arg-TuFxmq0 . View dreams as ‘a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal.’ instead of ‘sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.’ as the track plays.

There are some things that I want to comment about AMH. Or shall I observe further?

Dear Do

I think I know what you are talking about. It should be regarding AMH’s affection for DBS, and how he expressed it. Those subtle and yet intense moments. I must admit that that has been envisioned, craved and beautifully captured on film. I don’t know how to describe it better. I have seen a reed field by the sea but I never imagined it to be so stunning, till I watched this episode.

Dear Ahn

There are actually more to this one-hour dose that have made me laugh and seriously touched. But yes, you are right. I love that scene you mentioned. Don’t know how to describe how touched I am. Gosh, how can you guess it? (Can you read me?)

That is a very intelligent speech and declaration of intention. As there are two layers of meanings, will DBS be able to catch it?

Dear Do

I can guess it from the track you chose. You are sentimental too. (You are special, indeed.)

He has been thinking how to express it. The way he says it, on the surface, it means GD, beneath it, much much much more of it, is him who is trying to get her attention. Just like her, he has a clean and neat character. Ie, he gets only all or nothing. Looking at her, unsure if she has gotten GD out of her system, he said it in the current manner, complimenting her, expressing himself and also giving her space. He is deeply considerate of her feelings.

Dear Ahn

That’s a deeply intimate moment, with so much closeness felt, and yet, no skin ship is needed. I can’t think of anyone who can express this moment, better than them both.

Let me write first so that I can get my thoughts sort out. Then, we talk about it. 😊

Dear Do

Take your time to feel and savour. I’ll wait for you.

Episode 8 - One Step Closer

What? Another ambush? Can’t you guys give up? I’ve to push GD to save that attacker.

What? Where did you come from? I didn’t expect to see you here. You came for the walnut pies again? The is the xth time this week? Regardless, it’s okay. Since young, I never look for trouble. I am like a magnet for trouble instead. What can I do? That’s so irritating.

Overseeing the blinking land below, I say my piece – The world is too perilous for the weaker group and gender. Can’t the world be more just? With the natural gift I am holding, can’t I do something for them? To help them? Just like then, when I was 18? (I was reprimanded so badly by mother then.) I am no longer the 18-year-old girl, I am all grown up and should put my gift in better use. And my dream of being in the strategy team is always jammed due to the CEO’s fickle mind. Didn’t he promise to put me in the team once I catch his blackmailer? Shall I quit?  Now, he adds additional clauses for me to comply. Argghh. I have a clean and clear personality, just like Dad. I want to have a real employee pass, walk in Ainsoft Strategy via the front door, seek approval and work in teams. What do a CEO who plays most days understand about that as I really don’t see the word friends in your dictionary, and maybe not in your contact list too. Regardless, I’ll conclude my trainings as Ainsoft is still my dream workplace.

I stormed home in a bad mood. I didn’t catch the culprit, didn’t help the weak, didn’t get good grades, didn’t get my ideal job, didn’t get my crush, always get scolded.. oh, what’s with this life?

Spicy dakbal. My favourite. Yes, it has the fiery kick and is tasty. Must be from my favourite stall that’s 5 bus stops away. I smile. Finally, something that I like. Why am I so simple minded and get contented so easily? Life is actually not too bad afterall.

Using my gift to catch the kidnappers? Or train harder to land in my dream job? These conflicting wishes demand my immediate attention and decision.

Strolling into Ainsoft, I am surprised to hear from Sec Gong that CEO’s blackmailer is an unknown psychopath, and not one of his family members. You must have done something to create that piece of news. I remain silent on the truth.

Something is on my desk. I take a close look.. CEO’s face is the wallpaper? GOSH.. who puts their face as wallpaper? This mustn’t be mine.

I thanked you for the laptop. The first thing I need to do is to CHANGE the wallpaper as its way too scary.

Everyday, I’ll make sure I walk past the Strategy Team a couple of times. That inspires me, and reminds me of why I am here. Hey! Where did you pop out from again? How a man with such height and weight appear nowhere without a sound? Yes, let’s go to finish training! So I can catch the kidnapper and be transferred to the Strategy Team. I’ll not let the case idle in the police’s hands.

Don’t be so cheeky. I know how to defense and attack. My Dad (the ex-national athlete) has been training me since young. You can’t beat me via strength or technique. Throw in your towel. PALI!

You have trained me so hard for weeks. Of course, I learnt and won. I can also run faster and further without breaking a sweat now. All thanks to you. I am so happy that I can control my strength and be much more useful now. At least, I no longer hurt myself accidentally and break things so frequently now. When heaven puts me in the female line of the Do family and bestow this gift to me, there must be a reason to it. I must use it properly. To help to weak!

Thugs? Get out of my way. Keep the environment clean, will you? I apply the techniques that you taught me and quickly defeated the gangsters.

I visited my bestie in the hospital and glad that she is recovering. What is she talking about, love being a see-saw? No, I disagree. Love should be pure. If you like one, you like that only one, not waver and sideline to other areas. Love is focus. Love is timing. That is what I think real love should be. After decades of no-man-and-holding-hands policy at home, and doomed one-sided love, I don’t know if love is really there for me. Can I really be optimistic?

And No, I don’t think CEO likes me.

What? Do I still have to listen to you during my off day? I take my own sweet time to talk to KS and Bongki before preparing to go out. He’ll wait, as he needs a girl to act as his girlfriend. Besides, it is still early. However, I bump right into you with my toothbrush in my mouth. GOSH! What are you doing inside my house? I quickly got ready.

MUM! What are you doing? You cooked breakfast (when you haven’t done it for months) and prepared a breakfast spread for a king! This is simply exaggerating and extravagant! I know why you did that, for your Ahn so-…  Dad gave me my favourite dish and I savour it. It has been cooked to perfection! It is lovely breakfast. Bye, Dad, I’ll be home for dinner. KS, stay at home and don’t run around!

I skirted my way around your Dad’s questions. If the normal answers don’t satisfy him, I’ll give quirky ones. From your Dad’s reaction, I see that this works. You Dad wants to speak to me alone?? We exchanged a glance and I followed him to the balcony. Calm.. Don’t panick. At most, I don’t answer.  You studied overseas since young, has tonnes of ex-girlfriends and girlfriends’ trouble and suddenly lost interest in woman? Why is that so? Why? KS tell me you are not a gay. BK said that. Even GD said that. Are they right? But why are you not denying to that? My daze bubble broke by the car alarm and I somehow, clumsily, is not able to put the seatbelt in place. That moment, you stop the car, help me with the seatbelt, your proximity, put my heart pump on overdrive again. However, I still can’t figure you out.. I only know, you made me feel, in a way no one had before.  What is this supposed to be? What is it supposed to mean?

YA! This is not the way to my place. Where are we going again?

Harry Met Sally? I haven’t watched it. Don’t worry, all man are friends with me. GD did. You did too. Guess I am just not attractive. The serenity, you, your words, all touched my heart in places I didn’t know exist. I didn’t want to speculate too much as heartbreak is too much to bear. All I know now is – you are the only who take the step towards me, with absolute knowledge of who and what I am, not that you didn’t retreat, you move towards me, show me the view of you that stirred my heartstrings. I quiver not from the cold, but from how move I am feeling now.

Using my first paycheck, I got a gift for Dad, mum and prepared a token for little brother. Yes, no matter what, we shouldn’t consciously hurt the people around us. There is always a right time and timing.

Mum is away. I can see Dad and KS are celebrating. Yes, it’s the last training day. I remember Halmoni’s love and assurance, the pink hoodie she gave me on my 18^th birthday, when I first wore it and saved a busload of people, I recall Halmoni’s reminder of not being ashamed of who and what I am, I pulled on that significant hoodie, and marched to graduation day.

I panicked when I heard that mum is being abducted and rushed to the designated place. In my rush, I told KS to look for mum and spoke to CEO briefly. In much panic, I arrived at the warehouse? Why is mum being taken here? Don’t harm my mum in any way! Don’t you dare to!

Darn, what is all this about again? DBS! You look down. Let me think of something to cheer you up.

Why am I here so late? Why? .. For the walnut goodies, of course! What else do you think? I’ll see you in office tomorrow. I am feeling relax and suddenly, you charged towards me. That scares me. I retreated a few steps intuitively. You are challenging and defaming me for not honouring my promise to bring you into the strategy team as you have caught my blackmailer. I? Me? Oh yes, I didn’t… I quickly need to think of something… There is one blackmailer trailing you too, right? Till he is caught, you are able to use your strength at will, I’ll welcome you into the strategy team with open arms. Okay? DBS, believe me, I am with you, for you, and on your side. Moreover, I’ll look out for you. Your pouting look remained.

Then, there you go again. You can really rant on without changing your breath. I am impressed. Why are you pointing fingers at me again? Have some manners, will you? I have just explained myself. Since when and to whom do I ever bother to clarify so much. Don’t you hear me? I SWEAR. I am helping you, all right! What? You quit? NO. no, you can’t quit… I try to convince you into thinking logically, as quitting is the worse choice you should be making now. She seems to have received my message. Let’s pinkie-swear. I’ll definitely honour my side of the deal when the time comes. NO? Why are you so unpredictable and freakily hard to please?

Hey, come, tell me, what’s with all that? If you want to develop games, you can work with me. What’s all those getting boss’s formal approval and employee pass? Those are still from me, as I am the CEO. Gather your facts. Why are so stubborn about this? Gosh! DBS, you are really one of your kind. Interesting. Really interesting.

I watched you walk into your place before taking my leave. Darn. That In chap kept getting on my nerves. He is too near, too close for comfort.

That night, I instructed Reporter Park to spread news that my blackmailer (who is an unknown psychopath) has been apprehended. News travel fast. These rumours travel even faster. This should do the trick the moment.

I walked into my playground. Since you wanted to develop a game so badly.. I browsed through my stock of stuff … pin-hole sized tracker, mouse,… dig further and located the latest laptop model. I unpack it carefully, install latest game developer software, added some personal touches on the cover, and of course, I wouldn’t forget to input my quirky (backspace) striking good looks as the wallpaper. It took me a while. It is late when it is finally done. I brought the laptop and accessories and place them near my bed as I dozed off.

I wake up really early next morning, take the present and stroll into my kingdom. I place your new laptop and small mouse (that fits your small hand) in the position that you’ll see it the first thing you arrived. Reposition it a few times to make sure that it is just right. Enjoy the gift, peanut mighty.

Maybe the adrenaline in me is wearing off. Maybe it is still too early. I am starting to yawn. You are not here yet anyway. I hop down to the cafeteria for a sandwich and cuppa. That perk me up.

Reaching my office, I heard some sounds from the inside. I breezed in deliberately, imagining your reaction when I see you with your gift. I greet you, stop to see your reaction, but your response is not quite what I expected...

What have you been working on all morning? Let me take a look?

What? You changed the wallpaper? That wouldn’t do. Let me re-instate the original, which is the one and only wallpaper. That’s it.

I caught peeping into the strategy team office and you declared that you want to catch the kidnapper yourself. Thus, you want to start training now. Hey! YA! Where are we going? Why am I listening to you?

It’s okay. The day’s work is more or less done anyway.

Today’s training - You need to know how to attack. Yes, offense is the best defense. I am glad of all the intensive trainings I had gone through. I won. You see. Get up now! You are relatively weak on your techniques.

We go for a second round. I lost this time. All because of your strength, it’s not my technical hiccup! I really hate to lose. That triggers my will to win. Jiu jitsu? I am down again and again. I am so upset. Let ME GO! You have improved leaps and bounds. I can see that you are much more in control.

I see that boxing can’t deter you now. Your stamina is also much better than before too. This is what training does to someone who is gifted and determined. Of course, a great mentor greatly aids your development too!

Even though my hand hurts, my head hurts and my body hurts after each round of training, I am elated to witness your growth and evolvement.

I like it that you use your mind and techniques (not just strength alone) to counter my attacks during trainings. In that way, I’ll try to find another way to counter your moves (and I’ll improve too). That few moments when I pinned you down with my body, my heart, my mind, my throat, all went into the wrong place and accelerated pace, I was nervous and definitely sweating. You are way too attractive, you really have no idea of that, I suppose? Then, I have to let you go before … I’ll have to wait.. till I am totally sure about your mind.

The more I look at you.. who has mastered even skipping.. you are the natural occurring gem that just needs adequate polishing to shine; like the caterpillar that is within your chrysalis, who is undergoing metamorphosis, to form the beautiful parts that make up the butterfly, that will soon emerge. I wonder why no one notice that earlier? I can’t help but acknowledge the keen foresight I have.  

I’ll have to end the trainings soon, as you are emerging from your chrysalis.

You seep into my thoughts, unknowingly, and unexpectedly, as and when.

I have to bring you home, as we need to continue that act. I grouchy instruct you to dress up and wait for me in 30 minutes’ time so that I can fetch you. Yes, going home is kind of irritable, but it is a perfect excuse to see you on your day off.

Why are you not outside yet? I texted you and waited.  I am playing with your family dog when your mum caught me, forced me into the dark pink colour slippers, and coerced me into having breakfast at your place. Taking breakfast with you is great but your mum is really scary. Anyway, I didn’t manage to dodge and find my exit, as I still need to humour (no, respect) your mum.

I knocked into you when you have that toothbrush in your mouth, looking terribly shocked. So that’s how your look when you wake up. You really shouldn’t be alarmed as I told you that I’ll be here. Just that I am much earlier than what I told you before..

You are really cute.. unforgettable… memorizing..

Your mum forced me to take the seat infront of the TV. I’ve not watched soup opera in the mornings for zillion years but that’s what I am doing now. There is much commotion all around since your mum and KS are in the kitchen cooking, your dad is busy going through the ingredients he needs for his shop later, I can hear you and your brother’s singings from the bathrooms upstairs and downstairs.. That’s how a home should sound and feel like..

I feel rather out of place and redundant on the sofa, offered help in the kitchen but was thrown out by your mum. Your dad saw that and gave me the checklist, and I start doing the stocktaking with him. Then, I realised the really long list of things needed just for a tart! I note the multiple dried blisters and callus on his hands, as he explained the ingredients and related the recipe to me.

Why walnut pie, as there are so many other main ingredients around? I started my career as a sportsman. This is my retirement job. Why walnut? My wife likes it. That was his answer. Simplicity, is him.

As the commotion settles down, breakfast is ready and served. All take turns to the kitchen to take out the impressive spread. Do you eat like this everyday?

Your Dad is really observant that I stunned for a while at the mountain of rice in my bowl and the lavish and numerous breakfast items and banchan (side dishes). Just eat what you like and want to. I smiled. I understand his line and the meaning beneath. I respect him right from the start, and I like him much more now.

There is non-stop flow of banchan sharing, talk, jokes, laughter and all over breakfast. I am stuffed by the mountain of food your mum kindly piled in my bowl.. Looking at all of you, I feel so warm and grateful, just by being part of the table, sharing the food, sharing the family feel, just being here.

Mum, did you see all these? Did you feel all these? I missed you so. That was the last few times I recalled, you talked softly and kindly to me, loved me.. till…

My ringing phone broke my trail of thoughts. That’s my family butler reminding me. So sorry, we have to make a move now. You hugged your parents and KS before leaving. I chose to lightly hug your Dad and deliberately missed your mum before escaping out of the door in that dark pink colour slippers.

Over at my place, there is a meal in the deep winter, considering the vast breakfast that was bathed in summer warmth that we came from earlier. You are impeccably impressive at my place. My step-mums, half-brothers, gangsters are all afraid of my Dad. Not only that you are not the least threatened by him at all (even when he quizzed you, even when you know who he is and his background), you could almost joke with him and make him laugh. Your ‘wits’ defuse the intense atmosphere. We exchanged some meaningful glances at the table. You are way beyond anyone I met so far. Even I didn’t (or maybe didn’t bother to) reach that level.

What did Dad talk to you at the balcony? Should I be around? Considering how skilfully you have answered him at the breakfast table, I’ll let you have a GO. I’ll just have to check with you what was discussed later. What is taking the conversation so long? I am starting to get impatient.

In the car, I started to grumble that you assassinate my character again. From handsome and good personality to ULTRA CAPTAIN CRAZY? Can’t you find a better description? What are you thinking? You were all silent from the moment I started the engine, even after all my protests, which is so unlike you. What are your stares all about? What are you thinking and even forgot to put on your seatbeat? I stop the car and help you. Again, at that moment, all my grouses are gone, as I focus on your luminous eyes, those watery eyes that could talk and capture my mind, my throat feel parched all of a sudden, .. I quickly put on your seatbeat, reframe my mind, and started the car.

My heart shook, my hands shivered. That’s how you made me feel, in that few seconds. 

I stop by the florist and choose a lovely bouquet.

“Where are we going now?” you asked.

“Just follow me”, I answered. (I am bringing my significant one to meet the one whom I love.) Mum, this is the first time. The first time that I want to show you someone whom really got me deeply interested, someone who is constantly in my mind, someone whom I like, to you.

I touched and cleaned the glass frame. Hi, Mum. How are you? Leaves are falling from the trees. Winter is about to be here. I brought my sunshine to meet you. Are you happy for me? Please help me. How should I put it? Express it?

I quoted a movie DVD that I used to have at home, which belonged to my late mum, ‘When Harry Met Sally’. In there, Harry’s philosophy is no man will want to be friends with a woman if she is too attractive. DBS, listen to me, your friend likes you. He is not telling you as he is concerned that he may lose you if he expresses himself and you do not reciprocate his feelings. I see GD’s feelings for you, that’s what I am telling you.  But I am not expressing him for him. That is his task if he wants to, not mine. From your eyes and reaction, I see that you only hear what’s on the surface. First, you do not believe that your one-sided love is not that one sided. Second, you didn’t read the lines below the surface, that the friend that I mentioned is actually me. I see wavering thoughts in your eyes, are you finally seeing me? Are you?

Looks like I need to explain further .. I added that it is easy for friends to be lovers, as long as one party can bravely take a step forward, towards you, (I am the one who takes the step now). I courageously look at you. Our gaze cross and meet at eye level. I held on and locked your eyes to that very gaze. For our relationship to change and move forward from friends, I am taking this stride with determination. “Just like this”, I acted upon my declaration. DBS, we are less than a foot apart. Please LOOK at me now.

Cold wind invades and sways the reeds in various directions. The sun rays casts countless sparkles on the shimmering water surface. I root at the same spot for a moment, looking at you up close, reading you. You are so beautiful and alluring. Yet, you didn’t utter a word. I guess I have said enough today.  You'll need time to think and understand. I walk away almost reluctantly, giving you space since I have just said my piece. I have indicated my position. I glance at the glaring and sparkling diamonds on the water ripples for a while, and turn around to re-look at you, wishing.. hoping that you’ll understand. Still, you didn’t reply. Then, I realise that I actually need and have to have patience when it comes to you.

I only put in my best, my everything in all I do, be it work or play. I would like all, not half, not pieces of you. I’ll hold you when your heart is completely turned towards me, is with me. For that, I’ll need to put in my mind, heart and patience. Step by step, I’ll walk towards you. Seeing the uncertainty in your eyes, I need to show you more clearly, more directly, that I am here for you, with you. Not many see how special you are, but I do. Believe me that I really do.

I send you home. We are quiet the whole trip, both deep in thoughts.

Finally, this is your graduation day. I have prepared some stuff for you, to celebrate your achievement. What caused to make me wait for so long? I’ll deduct your pay from every minute you made me stand outside your place! What, what did you say? Your mum has been kidnapped? WAIT! DBS, wait! Don’t act on impulse. Think first, like what I always tell you. Wait for me. Where are you going? Will you ever listen to me?

I leaped into my car. Track Do Bong Soon. (by phone signal.) I’ll be there really soon. Please wait for me. I have lost enough of the people whom I am concerned. Please be safe. Please wait for me.

Where are you? The tracker lead me to a warehouse. Here is it? DBS! Where are you? An uncontrollable wave of cold sweat broke out within me as my body run around in my frantic search for you. 

Dear Ahn

Prior to the reed field, being in front of his mum, Min Hyuk is back to his primary innocent self (see his eyes and expression). What he said there after that is his sincere and brave confession..

AMH likes and adores DBS for who she is, not threaten by her brawn strength, not attempting to change her to what she is not, knows and understands her dreams, helps her to enhance her strength control and attain her ambitions, be by her side, on her side, gives her time, gives her space, let her choose and flutter - that’s AMH to DBS. For that, he deserves her attention, her.

In retrospect, what has GD done, giving her a source of heartache, vision her being a weak girl and make her wants to disguise into someone whom she is not and cowardly hide her natural gift?

Dear Do

At the reed field, it is alright that the rest of the world blurs away in a distance. The crux is you are here with me now. Raise you head and meet my gentle and yet piercing gaze. Listen and appreciate to what I have to say. Please see and listen to me, only me. This is the REALITY that matters to us now (re back to the track you referred me to). I highlight to you that we are now at the junction, where you should see who I am, my intention, and start to decide where to turn next. His strong feelings diffuse right into the air.

That is an implied confession, quiet declaration, there is no force, no pressure, in the tranquillity and sanguine mood, where the warm sun, enthusiastic wind and twinkling ripples as witnesses, just us, just me, earnestly expressing my innermost feelings to you. It went beyond romantic and skinship.  It is me expressing myself to you, baring it all in a subtle manner, so as not to burden you, as to me, its zero or all. I like you as you, your strengths and weaknesses, as I’ll embrace that all. All you need to do now is to listen, appreciate, and decide the next step.

Dear Ahn

You know… how many times in life can you meet such a person (like AMH to DBS)? Sees and accepts you as who you are, not bothering what you are, embraces your weaknesses, understanding your ambitions and helping you achieve it, a step at a time, wait for you, spend time with you, laugh with you, the list continues…

Even if it is once – that is already enough, you are already fortunate enough. DBS is very blessed indeed. To AMH, to find such a warm person just fits him. They find what they need and love in each other. What can be more fitting and appropriate than that?

How to be expressive and liberal since she is brought up orthodoxly and also being lack of confidence as no one loves her romantically? Moreover, she is not that kind who reads between the lines. Thus, it is perfectly convincing that she is stirred by his speech at the reed field, and yet didn’t totally comprehend that the him in the story.

   Dear Do  

The intensity of that scene is essentially love and confession. The way that is done is beautiful. One may wonder how much affection is controlled and contained.. He will wait, can wait, when he wants to.

The Director is good. PBY and PHS are exceptional, for they deliver this scene so well. Every move, every line, every gaze is so lingering, thoughtful and memorizing. The way they connect is beyond their common squabbles, it’s also the growing understanding and concern as well as undeniable chemistry between them. AMH is gentle yet manly, so brilliant with his words, so convincing… him moving away to give her space and time to see him, evaluate her thoughts for him… that’s the difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation comes so strong and flowery, whilst love is so tender, lingering, deeply felt, warm, and considerate… fundamentally touching and impactful.

The entire scene is just so apt. So warm, so deeply felt and understood by us. This is not what every and anyone can create.               

PS - Yes, I know and agree on your views. If one can get such mutual emotions once in life, thats adequate.                         

Dear Ahn

I feel like crying. Trying hard to contain it. Sniff, sniff…

...

...

Let's talk about something funnier then – AMH, he is really a show off, a narcissist! Who will put their own face as wallpaper?  Re-instating his own wallpaper on DBS’s laptop is just so childish.

Something aside - No matter how unfair mum is to her, DBS still innocently cares for her. That’s part of her beauty. She panicked and hence didn’t think straight, how could someone be able to kidnap her mum without having half their team be in the hospital?

Why is the pink hoodie there? I would say.. There is a significance to DBS and AMH.

Dear Do

Pat, pat.. Don’t cry. Touched is to be felt, not crying over.

The pink hoodie – I agree with your comments. Realistically, it also makes it easier to get a double to do the seriously difficult stunts for PBY.  No matter how strong and determined one is, there is a physical limitation and we don’t want her to be hurt.

Thank you very much.. I received your gift. I see that they are specially designed (the A logo that I have not seen elsewhere) and I’ll definitely wear them 😊