It’s noon.. No posting from you.

Almost evening.. Still no update from you.

What happened? What could have happened?

I sent you an email.

Dear Do

There is no posting from you till now. Are you okay? Just checking.

Ahn

I waited and I checked my mailbox more regularly than usual.

I quickly clicked open when I see your reply in my inbox.

Dear Ahn

I have too much thoughts in my mind. More on AMH, than DBS. Strange, aren’t I? I feel more for his excruciating pain than their comforting moments together.

Yes, DBS is totally cute, equipped with tonnes of aegyo! I hope I am more like her.

PHS’s portrayal of AMH is excellent! He is so convincing, totally, especially in this episode.

All would have been through some kind of experience of betrayal, at least once or twice in their lives. How could they move forward, especially when the subject is, had ever been so close to your existence? That blood-red wound is so new, so glaring even when you are just looking at it. I don’t even know how to start cleaning and disinfecting it. Yet DBS can soothe AMH’s pain, immediately, in her own special, DBS’s way.  

At that moment in AMH’s office, the moment of truth in his office, I heard his heart cracked.

I received that thumb drive from Baek Tak. I finally will know who has been threatening me for the past 6 months. At of a sudden, I feel the weight of that truth, that is sitting right on my hand. I clicked PLAY. Quietly, I listen. The most unexpected voice floated into the air. 

That came as a rude shock. I swallowed hard. Thinking of that time, while I was young and small, gone was mum’s warmth, everyone bullied me except you. Then, you took my hand at times and shared toys with me. I still remember that toy, that toy which was your favourite, you offered that to me. Why you? Why does it have to be you? That cold sharp metal of betrayal sliced through my me, stabbing into my core. He is really good. Hot mist welled in my eyes.  

...

AMH’s presence is felt wherever he is.  

The aura changed once he picked up the phone, quiet, cold, threatening – Even Mr Gangster Baek has to listen to him.

Even the ten seconds in his changing room – donned in his formal suit and serious hairdo that added a few years to his actual age, we feel his determination to conquer and win.

The air changed once more when he walked into the boardroom – His presence is felt and recognised. Everyone went silent. He said only what he wanted to reveal (which is just enough to convince all).

He put it down years ago. Now, he really put down once more. That graciousness in AMH is admirable. He has high EQ, and adhered to DBS’s optimist philosophy. Good thing ithat he saved himself from the vicious cycle of hatred.

DBS brought AMH out, play at the amusement park, attempting to relax him. That was fun, with a deeper meaning running beneath it, to alleviate the dead knot in his core. To make him feel better. Amusement park, has its magic. I missed it so.

I feel that AMH is very protective of DBS, even though she is physically so strong.

Dear Do

I hear you loud and clear and totally agree with you.

Yes, AMH is very protective of DBS, as he views her as someone who wants to protect him, someone precious to him (be it whether she can really protect him. It's the thought and effort she puts in that moves him). How do one see it? One, whenever Mr Gangster Beak mentions DBS, be it over the phone at dawn, or in his office, AMH will jump in despite of the earlier cool demeanour that he exhibited. Two, earlier, he followed her to her place as he suspected that she was sleepwalking. Three, he warns her then and again NOT to walk around her neighbourhood alone till the kidnapper is caught.

About AMH’s aura. I take my hat off for PHS's AMH here. In the short 20 mins, I see him bring his presence from his living room, to changing room, to the boardroom and back to his office. Be it a crowded place or when he is alone, his presence is immediately felt and fills the entire space. AMH always says just enough for you to know – if you recall, in his car, DBS was puzzled that he is not revealing everything.  He is a thinker. He revealed just enough for others to know. As for the remainder, he investigates further based on his logical suspicions.

At the end of his statement in the boardroom, he purposely walks to a side, before revealing that he is leading a much too disciplined and ascetic life, to assure the rowdy crowd of shareholders. The whole atmosphere again altered from suspense (on guessing the identity of the culprit who is threatening AMH) to jovial (on his casual revelation of his inclination). Standing at a side or not announcing while he is at the main stand infers that his comment now is more casual, is like clarifying a demeaning rumour, on a ‘by the way’ basis.

He is okay to live with the scandalous rumours as they just create some free publicity for Ainsoft, but not when it resulted in negative externality on others. This shows maturity and responsibility. It reflects much on his character and personality.

A childhood marred by in-house bullies.  That’s AMH. Faced with the brutal moment of truth in his office, that exact few seconds. Yes, I felt that tension and intense moments too. It was executed remarkably. When has that started? From young? Or recently?

The truth became a lie
It all got lost with time
With my eyes open wide
I see through the clouds
Now everything’s so clear

I need a light
Just one familiar face
Someone to keep me calm

Dear Ahn

I appreciate your reply. Reading your reply tells me that I am not too over, and I am still sane.

I know the track you are talking about - Always within me. The truth became a lie. Not being sure when that started, that hurts. That is a good track. Melancholic. Just apt here.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Zg6qFEXls

A Danish word hygge describers the feeling of cosyness, warmth, and comfort that a home provides. Maybe that’s the comfort that only DBS is able to provide, to thaw the freeze in AMH's mind.

I hope you are not overly affected as it rounded up well. I append this track for you here. Let it all out. Breathe. Smile. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uA3GyiB2GA

For all

Let skies shine, let souls fly

Let dawn break before us

Let day grow, let night fall

For all the earth

For all on earth to breathe

I like the conversation between the three generations. There is a Chinese term - 传承, literally means passing down the line. It feels good that the speciality is passed down from mother to daughter, in the midst of male superheroes. Moreover, Grandma shared to take your fate, use it, and pass it on. It is not a curse anymore. It is family heirdom, to be handed down from grandma to mother, mother to daughter, daughter to grand-daughter…

Btw, do you know the name of the piece that is played in the background while the three generations are talking?

Based on the timeline, it seems that AMH didn’t complete his university. It doesn’t matter much as he is not an employee although the first 2 years running Ainsoft must be really challenging. He is a tough man, behind the jovial façade.

Dear Do

hygge for the Danish. koselig for the Norwegians, mysig for the Swiss. In all, its warmth and cosyness of a home.

DBS offers the much-needed warmth, in the winter that AMH is experiencing. A warm land breeze greets me as I play and listen to the track you gave.  It’s similar to the coziness that AMH feels, I guess. 

I look at DBS and smile, as I see the strengths that AMH sees in her. A person’s value is not measured by his degree, title or pay scale, its by his goodness, his intrinsic value, his innate character.

Yes, AMH did not complete university. He is street smart. The lack of a university degree does not put a dent in his life resume.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness upon them. Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg didn’t complete their degrees but they both fall into the ‘achieve greatness’ category.

I really like Mr Do, for his humbleness and sincerity. If you define greatness in how you impact the ones around you, how deeply you love, to give and receive, be in simplicity and happiness. I guess Mr Do falls into that same category too.

So sorry, I couldn’t find the name of track played when the three generations are having their heart to heart talk. I’ll let you know if I find it.

Dear Ahn

Perfectly agree on DBS’s warmth.

I like Mr Do too. For he is such a great Dad to DBS.

Maybe we don’t have to reach greatness, we just need to reach internal peace and contentment.

Having said all that, is DBS’s mum in a logical mind? If love can be cultivated by a silly talisman, will it last? Would that even be love? Didn’t she think for DBS in the long run? What a myopic view, seriously. Guess that trait coincides on why she ‘sold’ her gift and was punished. Shouldn’t she had learnt her lesson? She is fortunate to have a husband who listen to her. I am glad that I do not see that trait been passed down to DBS.

How do you read the title - “Changes”?

Dear Do

“Changes” :

AMH’s view of people and confirmed his view on DBS. I see it again in epi 7 - I see that he sleeps on the floor, she takes the couch. This is the second time. The first time was when they slept over in his playground. He always leaves the more comfortable choice for her. Is it just gentleman behaviour? It should be affection and being considerate.  

DBS has changed her view on daughter, and on AMH – There is something different about him. No one has affected her in a way that he has made her feel.

Dear Ahn

Agree on that sleeping arrangement. I actually didn’t realise that till you mention it.

Ommo! Sorry, I have been too engrossed in our conversation. Thank you very much for the geometric pattern box and its contents! It’s THE shaker pencil! I am very happy! Where did you get it from?

LOL.. I don’t think anyone would dissect an episode like we do. It’s hard to find someone so like-minded as one self. I am glad that you are around. Thank you.

(Ahn smiles as he read Do’s reply since he feels exactly the same way.)

Dear Do

Thank you to you too. I appreciate you very much too.

Glad you love the pencil. It is my pencil. I seriously don't think we can get the new one now..  As my hand… I type more now, and see that you should like and will use it more (to draw the cute little Adélie penguins comic strip - thank you. the penguins are v adorable).

Something lighter … To think that AMH left DBS in the potential bomb car earlier. Now, he is holding the punch bag for her. Almost willing to be her punch-bag? Of course, I can tell that there is 99.9% playfulness in his earlier act. He didn’t anticipate a lot of real danger involved when he employed her. He was just curious about her. In retrospect, look at what he is doing now. That shows a lot on his mental state. How much weight she holds, how important he views her.

Episode 7 - Changes
 

What a dream! I need a drink.  Half asleep, I found some black bat in the kitchen.. Who’s that? I caught him in no time and ran to CEO’s room, in case he is in danger.

I finally caught the blackmailer, stalker, whatever you call it! Oh YES! .. Ainsoft strategy team, here I come!

What’s with the din early in the morning?

CEO left for the meeting without telling me. Now, what shall I do to the two intruders? Just keep them tied up first. Shall I give them some breakfast?

…

…

I called CEO on what to do next. We were halfway through the conversation and the line was cut… I waited.. Then, I texted him. As he indicated, I released the trespassers.

Maybe he knows who is the blackmailer by now? I reached Ainsoft, CEO is not in his office? His next favourite place when he needs peace is – he must be in the library, looking down into the streets!

I see his back view once I walked into the library. I see his pale face. Something is amiss as he is not in his usual smiley form. Something is very wrong as he even admitted that he is not okay. All the possible possibilities are out. So, it is… OMG! His most trusted person has betrayed him. That is dreadful. That must be painful. No.. don’t stay alone to dwell on it again as that could make you feel worst. Let’s go and scream it out like crazy people? I know exactly where we should go. Yes, I am not using my strength. Just follow me to the bus station now, PALI!

In the amusement park, you are still pulling a long face. Dragged you onto the cars. I purposely knocked into you several times but your face is still stiff and you are still not reiterating. That is not a good sign. Let’s try another ride, a scarier one. How about Viking? It’s just cold enough up here to clear one’s thoughts! I can see that you are scare. Your hand is shaking. I hold on to your hand, raise that high in the air. Scream. NoW! You are such a scary cat.. Open your eyes.. Open your heart, let it out, then sort it out!

I made you buy ice cream and wear silly hairbands. I see a small smile on your face, yes, that’s an improvement.

Let’s have lunch since you haven’t taken your meal of the day. Let’s go to my favourite place and eat A LOT! The greatest therapy is to play and eat!

Yes, I like to eat, play and is non-academically inclined. Hence, I am undervalued by my mum and was always scolded.

You must really try this sundae with the doenjang. Open your mouth. Listen to me, be a good boy. I see you munch, and slowly smile. I am right, isn’t it? It is superb, isn’t it? Try another piece.

We take the bus back. I squeezed you right into the window seat. Now, your facial muscles are not tensed up and we converse like usual. You seem to be better already. I am glad to see that. I listened to your angel story. Before I could clarify (or deciding to), I hear that Halmoni is here and is exhilarated! I had planned to look over you tonight, to ensure you do not dwell in sadness again. Seeing you with a smile on your face, and rebutting me so energetically now, I think I can go home tonight to see Halmoni.

You are also going home? To win the game? Yes, this is the efficient CEO that I know.

So, am I entering the strategy team? Till training is done.. yes, blah, blah… No problem. It’s a matter of time. I can wait. Meanwhile, I can learn how to use my strength. Let’s hook fingers and make a copy, don’t you run away with the promise in future.

Stop being so tensed and uptight. I poked you. Don’t let trouble trouble you till trouble really troubles you. Even if it’s the latter, take it with stride and laugh them off. That’s my life philosophy.

Yes, I’ll not walk around my neighbourhood alone. You are very naggy, you know.  

More training tomorrow? Ok.

Ahn so-bang? Halmoni must be affected by mum. Gosh! How should I react? I need a hole to crawl right into it now!

How could I face him tomorrow? Mum, you are way too much. I am really angry. You are not preaching what you teach! Halmoni is talking more sense.

Like Halmoni narrated - thinking that daughter grew to become a wife, wife receive blessings and raise a daughter, wife become a grandmother, passing down the superpower via the family’s line of females. Having a daughter is not a bad idea after all. It is passing the family tradition down the line, only through the female line.

Will a lost power be reinstated, like mum’s case? Mum don’t need the power now per se. I guess power comes with a need, a purpose, for the female line in the Do family.

After washing up, I bid Halmoni good night. I texted a ‘good night’ to Kyong Shim. 

I saw Dad walking in with a bag of walnuts. I took the bag from him, “I’ll open them!”

Dad washed up. Then he brought two cups of tea and sat down beside me at the kitchen table. “I am more than halfway through already (crushing the shells of the walnuts).”

“My Bong Soon is so fast and good!”

I smiled at Dad’s comment.

“How’s work?”, Dad asked.

“It’s manageable, just that my CEO is quirky and picky.” I laughed. “He is super smart and efficient. Maybe he is too good, thus, some people will find trouble for him”, I notice Dad’s eyes flickered and regretted my slip of tongue. I added, “Don’t worry, Dad. Who am I? I am DBS and can manage anything that come my way. Here, all the walnuts are opened (pointing this bag). I'll throw the bag of shells away tomorrow morning.”  

“Thanks. Bong Soon, you must take care. Okay?”

“Of course! Good night, Dad.”

“Good night!”

Lying on my bed, staring at the blank ceiling, I think back about today, a lot has happened indeed. About you, your brother’s betrayal… and I am glad that I see your smile again at the end of the day. You are not the handsome and lazy guy whom others may perceive. You have a heart that outsiders do not see, and you do not allow them to see. Your family matters are way too complicated to be understood. Seriously, do Halmoni and mum have to use Ahn so-bang on you? How am I going to face you at training tomorrow? Darn! It’ll be seriously embarrassing! Never mind, I shall pretend that nothing has happened.

Yes, I am 5 minutes late. Do you have to scream at me? I made a face.

You must be in a great mood this morning as you actually turned the car radio on without me asking. “You must have slept well last night!” I glanced at you as we stopped at the red light.

“Yes, you bet!”, you flashed your bright, cheeky, heart-stopping smile.

PAUSE..

Honks sounded around us, waking us up. You got back to the steering wheel and moved off from the traffic junction.

You sounded like a lecturer before we started training. Climbing ropes, punching punch bags.. Curse, I burst that bag. Sorry, I shall be gentler… Gosh, the second trial, I made a hole in the bag. Ommo.. So so sorry. At least the second one didn’t burst!

Fighting in the ring is easy stuff. The difficult stuff is not to hit you. I had to focus and try hard. Sorry that you got hit then and again. You are relatively gentler this morning, as in, you didn’t reprimand me as much.

You changed your move suddenly and I found myself in your arms. That trigger my heart to work faster. How do I escape without hurting you? Easiest method is – Tickling! What else work better? I am right and got you down. See, I told you… (before I finish boasting..  my fate changed and I was pinned under you.) This time, our eyes are directly looking at each other, closely. I swallowed hard and I can almost hear my own heart beating! That’s how you made me feel, so nervous, so frantically alive! Don’t let others know? Know what? I am still puzzled. What are you referring to? You escaped before I can decipher your moves.

I failed the final test as I unintentionally broke the chess board. I almost begged you to pass me, but to no avail. I went home with head almost down. No, no worries, it should be a matter of time. The strategy team is awaiting me, I consoled myself.

Home wasn’t great after I failed my training. Why does mum always trust what others said? Why does she never believe in my words? It is not like I am a perpetual liar. Just because I am the black sheep (non-academically inclined) and seriously pro to trouble, does she has to discriminate me? No matter what, I got the strength from her! That’s a strength, not a curse. Why am I seriously undervalued in her eyes? Even when I done well, have she ever compliment me? We are twins! Why do I get the lousy food, while Bongki gets the fresh ones? Why is Bongki always the apple, and I am always the thorn? Yes, I am not clever but I am NOT blind. I SEE ALL of those, just that I didn’t say them.. Hot tears welled my eyes uncontrollably. Tonight, I am just too upset. I am no different from Bongki as I am also your child! Yes, I am strong physically, still can be hurt emotionally. Can’t you understand? I stormed back to my room, with steam rising from the roots of my hair!

Gradually, I cooled down after talking to KS. Bongki is still my brother. He is kind to me and I love him too. What time is it now? He must be starving as he always had to skip dinner during his usually busy night shift. I changed and went to pack food for him. I overheard Bongki’s conversation with Gook Doo’s ex-. Whatever her name is? What are you two doing? I am still older than you two. Listen to me, Don’t meet a taken person and influence her feelings. Don’t meet another guy when you are attached, that’ll also hurt your boyfriend.  Whatever it is, it is inconsiderate and wrong to cross some boundaries and cause intentional hurt to others.

I visited Kyung-shim too. Doctor just added medication to her drip just now. Why is (what is) he adding to her drip? That’s weird. Who are you ...? We stared at each other. He ran and that confirmed my suspicion that he is not a real doctor. I screamed and gave chase. I ran and pursued with all my might. Darn, I lost him again. Oh no, what is going to happen to KS? While I am regretting the miss, GD kept screaming in me. Enough is enough, okay!

Today has gone all wrong.  On the way home, someone attempts to ambush me?

Who is holding a cold blade on my neck? I took opportunity of the noise outside to retaliate and turn the tables to my favour. Then, the attacker suddenly fell heavily on me. Of course,  you are behind it. Can’t you take more care about me? I am your boss. Why am I the one being pinned under the attacker? (Anyway, thanks)

Why are you concerned about them on the cold floor? Forget it. I am getting some more sleep. I’ll settle with these thugs tomorrow. Revenge or whatever, let me sleep first. An open area is safer. I just lay on the floor while you settle on the couch.

What’s the din early in the morning?

Boss? Let’s see who’s the boss? Let me listen to what you have to say. Shareholders’ meeting? That’s expected. Do Bong Soon? What’s that with her? Why is DBS important? So important? Are you so surprised to hear my voice? Tell me who is threatening me. I don’t care who you are. You should know who not to mess up with. If you don’t reveal the identity of the mastermind, you can prepare to face the worst of fates. It’s your choice. Think about it. It is way better to disclose to me on my stalker than to have the police hunting and pouncing on your back. It’s a good deal for you. Adhere to my advice. Don’t ponder for too long. I don’t have that much patience.

I put on my armour and hauberk (chain mail shirt) and marched into the battlefield. Why is it so noisy? Is this a marketplace? I explained the failed assassination attempt to the shareholders. You are a great help, but can also be a bother at times (can’t you move further away from the camera)? I was being hurt multiple times by the blackmailer who doesn’t want me to succeed Ohsung Group. However, I’ll not fall into the threats of such a coward. We will reschedule the meeting till the culprit is found. Thank you. Silence. I see that I have convinced you.

(Considering the conservative society that are we are in, I’ll just add this side line.) Oh, I’ll clarify that you needn’t be concerned about those scandalous rumours on my inclination. I actually don’t have to explain much to you as it was plain marketing. (or I had enough fun?) I just don’t want unnecessary obstacle to the already rowdy shareholders’ meetings. Besides, my mind’s intention has changed due to recent circumstances.  I don’t need to explain this to anyone about this though.

I know the culprit is related to Beak Tak, so the stalker must be within our so-called family. I’ll find him. Beak Tak annoyed me. Who do he think he is – to recruit you through me? He really doesn’t know when to back off.

I received that thumb drive from Beak Tak. I finally will know who has been threatening me for the past 6 months. At of a sudden, I feel the weight of that truth, that is sitting right on my hand. My hand shook. Was that anticipation or hesitation? The latter has never been in my dictionary. I clicked PLAY. Quietly, I listen. The most unexpected voice floated into the air.  Just that few words, a few lines, the words used, that voice, the intonation, I know the identity of the blackmailer. Are you sure, I asked myself. Did I hear right? Unfortunately, I did hear it, and hear it right.

That came as a rude shock. I swallowed hard. Thinking of that time, while I was young and small, gone was mum’s warmth, and I was suddenly thrown into a cold dungeon, while we were kids, everyone bullied me except you. Then, you took my hand at times and shared toys with me. I still remember that toy, that toy which was your favourite, you offered that to me. Almost that moment, I told myself, I’ll repay your kindness one day. I remembered that, till this very day. It was you, my half second brother, who made the stay in that cold castle almost bearable. When a bond is created, links of emotions are linked and fabricated, when it is abruptly severed by this sudden blade of betrayal, it is like skinning the meat away from my fresh. Why you? Why does it have to be you? That cold sharp metal of betrayal sliced through my me, stabbing into my core. He is really good. Hot mist welled in my eyes.  

Suddenly, the skies cleared and waters became crystal clear.  - On why the tactics used are pellets and threatening remain only via cold calls.– That was so as he knows my achilles’ heel (which was in the past). What he missed out is - I spent years growing up abroad and I am no longer a kid now. What has grown includes my built and also, my strength and guts. Everything makes sense now. Is this truth good? It is suddenly freezing in here.

You texted me – What shall I do with them?

Release them – I replied.

I fled from my office, before anyone else happened to walk in and catch my unguarded expression. I need some peace, silence, to let the news settle down, sink in, for me to think and ponder, and look at how to move forward.

…

…

Looking down from the vintage point I am at, I am lost.

With that…. How can I trust? Whom can I trust?

The truth became a lie
It all got lost with time
With eyes (now) open wide
I see through the (mind)
Now everything’s so clear

I need a light
Just one familiar face
Someone to keep me calm

Then, you strolled into my view. My bodyguard. You already know where to find me. You are good. I am glad you are here.

I let you see my real expression. I? Erh, I am o… not okay. I am telling you the truth, my true feelings, something which I seldom show, especially when I am sad. In front of you, I don’t seem to want to pull up my defense. I don’t think I need to. I see and find some comfort in you, somehow.

No, not you, not even I, who is a self-declared observer, realise anything amiss. Yes, he is too good. The wound that he had inflicted on me is still raw. Noticing my shock and pain registered and reflected in your eyes, I felt understood.

You suddenly started to pull me out to .. play? What? An amusement park? I told you not to drag me with your strength. But you insisted to run to catch the bus.

We reached the amusement park. I haven’t been here in ages. What’s so nice about it?  Attempting to exit but there is no retreat route as the next bus is in an hour’s time.

I was banged and shaken in the bumper cars.  Why are you laughing so hard?

Viking! OMG! It is cold up there, and I am (silently admitting) scare. I can’t even open my eyes. I can feel that you are holding onto my left hand that is shaking profusely, while my right hand held to the seat railing tightly. I wasn’t being thrown out of the Viking, I flew with safety harnesses tightly in place, and screamed it ALL out! 

Ate ice cream, wear the silly cat headband, walking in the amusement park – really something I haven’t done since 6?

To think that I willingly paid for all that. You are really something. Rather than you listen to me, the reverse happened.

Yes, you finally realise that my sugar level is low as I haven’t had a proper meal since morning, other than the ice cream and the I-don’t-know-what you had munched halfway and pushed into my mouth at the park just now.

We are in an eating place that you are totally comfortable in. You ordered from memory and without hesitation. What’s sundae with this messy dip? Are you sure it’s nice? It’s usually not taken this way. Since it is right in front of me, I just take it. No loss to me anyway, at the most I’ll complain to you later. A few munches, it’s crunchy, it’s fragrant, with sweet aftertaste. The doenjang has greatly enhanced the taste of the sundae! Amazing! I didn’t know that is even possible! What have I missed all these years? Where are you from? How do you know this recipe? It can’t be you are called DBS just because you stayed in Do Bong Dong, right? That’s too convenient and lazy, if that’s real. Were you scolded more often as your twin is in medical school while you didn’t enter university at all? I realise that your mum is belittling you due to your relatively lower academic achievement. Degree is just a piece of paper and title. What really matters is the person’s intrinsic value, doesn’t she know that?

With your help, I didn’t hide today, despite how deeply sadden and disappointed I was. I was banged; had mind-freezing cold ice cream in an icy day; almost got wet and drenched in this freaking cold winter. I shouted, screamed and let go of some trapped steam, and had a surprisingly great meal..

We take the bus back. It’s another hour trip. How I miss this. To think that I have done all those things I have not done in years, all in one day. Although the damage in me is still fresh and visible, my heart doesn’t feel as clenched up now.  So you are right about shouting and letting it all out. Now, I feel relaxed enough to share something that I haven’t told anyone with you – 8 years ago, I was on the way to my mum’s memorial, and the bus I was on was about to fall over the cliff and an angel saved me. My late mum must have sent the angel to save me. Your eyes seem to be pondering over something when your ringing phone interrupted the moment. 

Your Halmoni is here. I see how happy you are with just a phone call. You must be so close to her. Join the strategy team now? No, not yet, you must finish your training first. Till you are able to blend into a crowd perfectly and able to utilise your power at ease. Our pinky fingers meet and promised securely. Child-like with heartfelt innocence. You are the only one who can calm me down, wave away my sadness and dissolve my anger, just by being you.

You actually said that you wanted to look over me tonight as you don’t want me to see me cocooned in sadness. I can read that all these are from your mind, and not to make me happy as I am your boss. You are really concerned about me. Your sweet thought, like the purest of honey, flowed right into my core.  My heart stirred particularly much during those moments. The corners of my lips lifted up. However, I still put up a strong front, “Who do you think will be sad and mellow?” , although I had to secretly admit that you read me correctly this time.

Hey! Why are you poking me? Have some manners, will you? Laugh off my worries?

Listening to your advice..  I laughed, appreciating your overly simplistic life outlook even after you just witnessed one of the unexpected complexities today.  If only the things in my complicated world can be so simplified.  But maybe there is truth that life really doesn’t have to be so complicated. You have a loving Halmoni .. it’s like a grace to you. With warm light around, your life becomes brighter, your outlook is lighter too. Of course, your environment is much less treacherous than mine, not one with briefly or completely covered man holes and traps waiting for you.

Yes, you have your worries and weakness, I am well aware of those. Despite of all that, you are strong and optimistic enough. You are really amazing. Your strength is not only brawn, your optimism and willingness to do/change things are also strengths, are you aware?

I am glad that you kind of immunized against those messy and often unnecessary complexities. I longed to get away and I left it there, in that house, years ago. I laughed truly when I am with you, seek comfort in you. In just one day, I have been through the roller coaster ride from being utterly disappointed internally, to really comforted unexpectedly. All in a day.

Let’s end the day at each of our place. I’ll send you home first. Your neighbourhood is really not safe. Promise me that you will not walk around your neighbourhood alone. No matter how strong you may be, you are still the one whom I want to protect.

I run into your Halmoni and mum while sending you home. You run and jump into your Halmoni’s arms once you notice her, just like an enchanted little puppy. Rooted at the same spot, I paced a little, undecided whether to go near. For basic politeness and courtesy, I walked over to greet your Halmoni and mother, introduced myself as your colleague, before taking my leave.

Ahn so-bang? How should I react? How embarrassed am I?  I respectably bowed and bided them good night.

Whenever I am hurt, my self-defence mechanism automatically kicked in and frantically trying to retreat into my safe port and usually fall into a daze in front of my dungeon door. Today is different. You pull me out of my shell, ran around like crazy, you force and push me to stay outside, play and release the unhappiness, want me to look at life in simplicity, and to ease the knots in my mind. In much sunshine and cheerfulness, you tell me to see life optimistically. Is that the right way?

However, after being with you, I really feel better. Not healed but much comforted. Feel reasonably recovered to talk and well enough to be back on my feet. What I know now is you approached me and eased my bad day. I am very appreciative of what you have done, of you.

There are still loose ends at ‘home’, there is a game to win, a score to settle. I don’t like unfinished business. Let's get it done.

Looking at my second brother, I thought of how he terrorized me recently, those groundless and childish threats, but remembering his good to me during my younger years, my sentimental side won.. I looked up. My facial expression turned neutral. There is no anger to kill, nor hatred to mention although my heart is still throbbing. For old times’ sake, I’ll bury the truth of him being the blackmailer. This is your one and only chance. Repeat offenders will be dealt with (severely). While I let him off, I took myself off the hook too, from the pain and betrayal with forgiveness.  Having said that, I’ll remember the lesson learnt.

The night feels colder now. I take another bus trip home after that, without you this time. Like 8 years ago, I choose the last bench. Pondering over my guardian angel and you. This feels like an overly long and lonely trip though it took only 30 minutes. The earlier trip to your place was much faster and enjoyable. Sitting in the bus beside you just now, looking at you.. half-moon shaped eyes, bright, full of zest, you, in your short bob haircut, with strands floating and bouncing on your shoulders, soft, wavy .. Attempting to imagine you in a hoodie, I wonder if you are her? Can you be her? .. Yes? .. No? Missing you, your jokes, laughter, simplicity, non-pretence, truthfulness...  The set of thoughts followed me home, into the shower, while I channel-surf, till I am weary enough to crawl into my bed.

I close my eyes.. Thoughts are still floating in my mind... I almost can’t bear to put you beside those butterflies who I have met and been with before. That can’t be compared as the feelings I have and feel with you are much more intense. A day without you around is adequate to suffocate my being. Seeing your smile make my day. Your brilliance is contagious, making me happy for the entire day. I do feel something very special about you…

Today is long, I learnt a lot, felt and realize more.

That night, I had my best rest in years. Woke up refreshed, and full of life. Have you passed some of your zest to me? I look forward to training you today. I quickly wash up and fetch you. Truly, again, maybe it is habitual, I sort of ’scream’ at you for being late again (although it is like 5 minutes), think I look too forward to see you again. 

On the way home, I decide the day’s training in my mind. Today’s theme is not brawn strength, is to control and exercise your strength at will (& effortlessly).

Whenever I thought I seen enough about you, know enough about your strength, you surprise me more and further. You can do all these without a thought? Oh mine. Did my jaw just dropped again?

You need to learn how to use the level of your strength, just a TV remote control, adjusting the volume up and down. First, your burst my punch bag. Oh mine, that was.. was supposed to be me!   Maybe you weren’t really really and prepared then, lets try another time.  Now, don’t break the punch bag anymore, I am holding and standing behind it! Knowing the depth of your immerse strength, I intuitively shifted to the side, hoping not to get the full impact of the direct blast. Please be gentle, I reminded you again. You punched! The punch bag was intact, I was happy only for a while till I see the big hole in the bag.  Still, this is something, a small step forward is still an advancement, at least we didn’t go into reverse gear.

Next, fight in the ring. Duck! Hit. Duck. REMEMBER not to hit me. Nonetheless, I got hit once and again! Luckily, each hit was lighter than the earlier time.

I changed tact suddenly and got you trapped in my arms. Release yourself from me without hurting me. You played under the belt and started to tickle me. I got distracted and got pinned under you. That hurts!

It is not GAME OVER yet. As you bloat over your success, I use that an opening and swap you down, pinning you down. Our faces facing each other in very close range. Was this the first time that we are so close?. I feel myself going very nervous, and speech stammers, ‘Don’t use your strength. Stay where you are.’ (Well, okay..) I feel my heart, pumping. ‘No one will know. Lets do it?’ (Do what?)  ‘Your strength. And Us.’ (What? Why you ask? Do I have to.. ) ‘This… this training.’ I swallowed my own words and stood up. I looked away. I can’t look into your eyes now. You are way too tempting.

Last test for today – Stone flicking. I’ll pass you, if you get through this without any causing any damage. What are you glaring at? I know I am bad at stone flicking. I can’t be good at all things, isn’t it? I see that you can’t play stone flicking too. Did you just hit the stone pawn into the wooden cupboard? Change the direction and trajectory. Don’t murder me in the process. When I thought you cleared the test, you got too carried away and broke the wooden chess board when you touched it lightly with your karate chop! Yes, you are.. are just ‘brilliant’. The deal is OFF!

You nagged at me but I refused to cave in. This is for your own good. Your control techniques are not stable yet. More trainings are required. Let me think further.

…

I am not at ease. Something is seriously bothering me. I am used to seeing you in the house. The house just seems empty without you. Are you out there in your neighbourhood, wondering around by yourself again? I.. I better take a look.

I see lights in your family bakery. Will you be inside? I parked my car by the side of the road and walked into the bakery. I greeted your Dad, who is alone in the bakery. Short and neat haircut, some eye bags under his eyes, couple of greys that shimmers in the warm light, humbly dressed, that’s your Dad. He looks a bit haggard tonight. It must be hard work running the bakery. He bakes the best walnut pies and tarts I had tried in ages. From the premium quality ingredients chosen and utmost effort used in making his pastries, I can see much honesty and integrity in this middle-aged man. I bowed to him respectfully.

Is there egg tarts or walnut pies left? I tried to say something. Oh, everything is gone. Yes, it is late. Then, your Dad offered me a huge bag of walnut cakes. So much of those and he wouldn’t accept any payment.

He looked at me, hesitated, stuttered, and I wondered what is in his mind. Then, he asked me earnestly to take care of you as you are the most precious person in his eyes.

Can your Dad read my mind? Yes, I’ll take care of you. He doesn’t know now yet, but I would take care of you. As you are unique and precious to me too. That’s why I am out in the night, looking for you, just to be sure that you are alright.

A vast difference from your mum who is loud, and rowdy mostly, your Dad is a calm and composed man. He is a man of dignity and says what is needed. I read the sincerity in his words. Now, I finally know where your warmth originates from. That truthfulness, that warmth, that personal touch that run in your blood, flowing through your brain, heart and body.

Unknowingly, I revealed my true feelings, “I share that feeling too, Abeonim. Bong Soon is precious to me too. I’ll take care of her. You have my word.” I see his eyes sparkle upon receiving my reply. That true response shows his love for you. He loves you as who you are. I totally comprehend and is able to appreciate that.

With that, your Dad showered me with much more treats. What’s moving me is his also his deep concern for you. Do that happen to all Dads? I have never seen that in my Dad’s eyes. Now, I see that clearly in your Dad’s eyes, for you. One need not be rich, need not be handsome, just need to be sincere, be giving, .. then, he made me feel that you have the best Dad in the world. In his eyes, I see trust, sincerity, honesty and unconditional love.

I bowed to your Dad before leaving the bakery. I left the bags of goodies in my car before resuming my search for you.

I saw GD and you from the bridge. What’s up this time?

[Credits to Do, who co-authors AMH’s thoughts and also inspires me.]

Dear Ahn

Yes, Adélie penguins are the cutest in their family!

I saw your note at the end of your posting. I didn’t really co-author. That’s was just the pain I felt then. Thank you for your credit.

Coming back, it is really fun, really satisfying, to watch either DBS or AMH, or them together. It is a reward to the eyes, comfort to the mind. Comedy is often hard to make as the groove and timing are very hard to catch. These 2 really match it perfectly! Perfecto, the Italians will say!

For all the good I felt in this episode, I can forgo all the negative and silly parts, be ignored totally, as the good totally covered and compensate the bad. If only the bad were not there.

Btw, have you received my gift?

Dear Do

I like this episode titled "Changes" as it said a lot, and we really feel those changes.

Well, you wrote those paras. I added some details to it and included in my posting. (Hope you don’t mind.) - You are really the co-author.

My colleague, Lee, will be back next week. He’ll bring your gift to me. No matter what the gift is, I appreciate and will treasure it, as that is from you and your thoughts are in it.