We sat side by side, arms touching, in a restaurant at the airport.

“From what I see now, my project will end in 3 months’ time. I’ll see you in Seoul, my dear angel.”

“I look forward to that”, she gave a weak smile, unable to wave away the gloomy cloud of goodbye that was looming above their heads.

“Here, have some hot chocolate. Want to order some food?”, he asked.

“No, it’s okay. I am not really hungry”, she replied. She verbalised his sentiments.

We stood in front of the full height glass that is facing the runway in the transit area.

Time has been clicking, counting down, towards their respective flight departure time.

“It is the airport again. We meet here so frequently,” she squeezed his hand. I know the time is near.. but… I’ll be strong. I have to be.

“Yes, like regulars here”, he replied, “A significant place. This is where I confessed to you.”

She smiled lightly. “You caught me so unaware.”

“This is us now.” He tried to lighten the mood and tone down this impending moment of parting. There is ache here, regardless of the duration. “The rest is history.” He added, “Why is your hand so cold? Where is your jacket?”

“Oppps, I must have left it in the luggage that you just checked in”, she said as she searched her cabin bag.

You are obviously distracted today.. “Here”, he removed his windbreaker and daped on her shoulders, “Take mine.”

“It is okay. I am already wearing a long sleeves hooded top. I’ll ask for a blanket after I board”, she explained, “I don’t want you to catch a cold.” A large drop circled in her eye, which she tried so hard to contain.

“I am alright. I don’t need to do any transits and my flight time is way shorter than yours”, he zipped up the windbreaker for her, “Take this, okay?”

The announcement aired around them, “Last call for… …”

The time I dreaded has arrived. That wilful drop rolled down her cheek as she nodded obediently.

She walked him to his boarding gate, hugged and bid him goodbye.

He moved towards the check-in counter, halted, turned and saw her waved to him (looking cheerful with a slightly red nose). He witnessed her turned and proceeded to her boarding gate.

Much uneasiness started to consume his body. Adieu has never been easy, but could it get any harder than this? This is really driving me crazy. He cursed.

He ran up, hugged her tightly from her back, squeezing some air out from her, “Keep your spirits up. Don’t fall sick. Don’t be sad. “ He said into her ear. He turned her around, held her hand to rub against his chest, “Take care. I’ll miss you, a lot.”

“You too,” he felt the shivers in her hand.

Tearing eyes faced each other. Lips met briefly.

“Go on, the flight door is closing. I’ll call you once I get a new mobile after I touched down.” She caught his hand as it slipped away from her grip, “I love you, dear.”

“I love you more, my angel.”

“Don’t go”, as my eyes regained focus in the dimmed cabin light. How I missed your arm resting protectively round my shoulders, your breath on my neck, your warm scent around me, your face engulfed my entire brain, your singings rang in my ears, your eyes animated and tinkering with laughter as you joked… The ache of longing rocked and echoed throughout my core, like the graft of cold air that had just whizzed mercilessly through the cabin. My chest tightened at the thought of what I missed. One could never be well prepared enough for this torment. I pulled your windbreaker tighter around myself, inhaling the light scent which still lingered, that made my yearned for you even more. Then, I realised the amount of feelings bottled within, how much I wanted to see you and would like to be with you.

You called on every occasion possible. We talked and videochat as frequent as we could, as far as the time zones and body clocks allow. You asked me to share about my life here.. not too exciting I would say, … at times, you asked me to repeat to hear my words as your background could be noisy .. I’ll choose a random song that I love and shared with you. We are connected by an invisible but strong thread that has been laid across the kilometres of oceans and continents. I know, you could have downplayed the situation on your ground as you don’t want me to think too much on the political and military conditions.. You reminded me that your project should end in 3 months’ time, you’ll get your apartment back from your leasee then, and you’ll be back, back home, … you have promised me.

How much can we expect on the unexpected? War, this seemed like a faraway word, a foreign language, an unfamiliar meaning, in this predominantly civilised and modernised globe. Ever since the news of that war broke, and that you are still there, in that same nation where the warfare was, I froze. I hope that was just a tale, a terrible joke told to frighten the gullible but it was not. It is now so near, too close for comfort. A few days passed by. Your calls are much shorter and further apart.

All I know is you are currently safe. You are ready to leave only with your immediate belongings once a flight seat available….

Wounded and casualties reported; UN condemned the sudden and excessive use of force and called for restraint; Foreign governments faced increasing difficulties in the evacuation of their citizens and are seeking allies’ help; Tourist killed in cross-fire; Combat frontline inching north; Bombings nearing some residential zones; etc etc… News flashes with minimum new information kept repeating on the screens, telling me what I already know, reminding of me that there is nothing else that I could do but wait. WAIT?

I am getting, increasingly out of my mind with worry.

Whenever I hear my phone ring, I scramble to pick it up, eager to hear your voice, understand your situation and hoping to hear that you are on your way back. Once, I heard, “Sorry, I dialled the wrong number”. I felt my tears fell, even when I was at work then.

I never really fully understood why you have chosen me, this charming and charismatic you who has numerous (prettier and better) choices... why you have been so good to me, but you have been, and shown me in everyway you could and known of. I have no doubt about that. You are the man who shared everything you have with me when I was left with almost nothing. This is way better than a man who gives me a tenth of his millions.

I have finally found someone in the most unlikely place.. Finally being accepted… I really don’t understand the reason why.. why.. why… on the possibility of you being robbed from me.. when I have fell.. fallen .. so deeply. What sins have I committed to deserve this? Or is there an expiry date to happiness?

This is brutal, that no matter what had, could have happened, the day continued, dawn and twilight changed hands repeatedly, like nothing had really happened, no matter … I just wanted to have you again, having you leave your countless stacks of documentation/papers all over the living room, your 1/6 figurines over-crowding the cupboards, your occasional used sock(s) under the bed, your unwashed flask of latte sitting on your desk, you arriving late at our dates and apologising profusely… I buried my head under the pillow but it didn’t help… Nothing did..

I didn’t know how I got through the long dark hours clasping onto my phone.

This cold fright is so acute that l broke into a frightened sob on the floor once. This helplessness, vulnerability bubble that trapped me now … felt worst than death himself. I hope that there is something I could do, at least I am working towards something.

Hyeong touched down in the wee hours last night. He thanked me for assisting them finalise their apartment lease agreement and helping Chun and Sun to settle down. He told me that the lines over your side were always congested or died. He said that you got him to take the earlier flight back and you should get on one of today’s flights. If not, you would be forced to take the much longer and tougher sea route. I know why you decide to do that, but … please be safe.

You spoke speedily during our short call last night, highlighting that you are at the airport, telling me not to worry.. reminding me that you should/could be on the next flight that is scheduled tomorrow morning. I could imagine the chaotic scene on your side.

"Be safe!", I said, putting up my energetic tone, to hide that teary and frightened voice.

"Sure, I will", you promised.

"I'll wait for you," I added with certainity.

.. The line went disconnected.

I applied light makeup, donned the pastel blue colour dress that you said looked great on me, put on my bravest front... staring at my reflection in the mirror in broad daylight - I could pass off as any normal passerby, when I had lost sleep for days and already crumbling inside. I tasted several brine drops seeping onto my dry lips, and immediately rubbed the stains away. Not now. Not this time. This is not the moment to be weak. I felt our necklace on my neck and sensed your presence and strength proliferated and mushroom-ed around me.

I arrived at the airport well before the landing time. Relatives, friends and some media gradually arrived at the Arrival Hall. Clock clicked towards the scheduled landing time. Here, I forced myself to buck up and pulled out a subtle smile, knowing well enough that you wouldn’t like my teary eyes.

After several rounds of delays, the announcement board finally indicated that the flight has landed. The flight that everyone is waiting for, the last flight, on the passengers who would walk out of that gate.

The waiting crowd held their breath..  Tension charged the air..

The silence is deafening! Asphyxiating! Suffocating!

Dear, I am sorry that I took a while to settle in your love. As love, to me, has never been easy...

Now, here, us, there are still things that I wanted to say to you, still many things that I wanted to do together with you, … I wouldn’t believe that this could be the end. Come home now, my dear. I BEG you. Please.. PLEASE walk out of that gate!

“Hey Love, I found you!”, as I placed a full kiss on your lips between the sheets.

“I am easy to locate, aren’t I?” you yawned.

I laughed. What a sweet sleepy puppy you are, who tied and held all my heart strings. “There is no where else I like to be, other than here”, I said, while cuddling you close. Did I say something wrong as my reply brought your expression close to the fringe of tears instantly. “Don’t cry, my love.”

I recalled that scene, the conversation which took place just less than 24 hours ago … What a vast contrast to this afternoon - the house feels hollow, the food tastes like cardboard, my throat unusually dry, my body prickled so much that I couldn’t bear sitting for long, like a part of me is missing, resulting me to partly malfunction.

I checked my watch. You should be in the air now. I needed to wait for you to land, get a phone, before I could hear you again. Get a hold of yourself, man! I reproached.  

Now, I need to find something to do, to get my mind off the itch, cut the crave, ease the absolute uneasiness.

I flipped open my luggage that was at the doorstep, sorted the clothes, ... I looked up, seemed to hear the doorbell. Am I hallucinating or overly tired? Or fallen into the abyss of cold turkey?

While sorting the pieces to be cleaned, something pink caught my eye – Your jacket. I took it out gently and held it close to my heart. The mild floral scent on it.. calmed my nerves that instant..

There has always been some unrest in the region on and off, but it never really escalate into a larger scale, as the opposing party has limited military capabilities. However, this seemed to be a different story ever since the summer holidays. Bigger conflicts recorded and reported in the southern part of the nation. Although I am staying in the central area, and the opposing party’s missiles usually couldn’t reach (based on track record), we have been vigilant but never over-reacted. For safety reasons, Chun and Sun returned to Seoul earlier. Anyway, it is time for Sun to return to start the preparations for school.

I assured you that I’ll update you on any news, be it positive or negative. I am always happy to hear your voice, listen to your favourite songs...  know that your hand carry was flown back to you one week after you reached Seoul. Although you lost your favourite outfits that were packed in the check in luggage, you got back your mobile and digital camera that were kept in your hand carry. I can imagine that bright smile on your heart-shaped face. Your brightness, kindness and goodness… tided me through the days and nights here..

One night, we were urgently notified by the company HR that that there is a good possibility that the county that we are staying in could fall within the zone of fire based on the latest intel. We were being advised to evacuate, and the foreign ministry is working to make the evacuation possible and as speedy as possible. Due to the number of staff we have here, we would fly back in batches. With the Director, we worked out and submitted the details of evacuation.

I called to tell you immediately to keep you updated. I prefer to tell you personally, assure you that all have been done to ensure our guys’ safety here, then let you hear it from the often exaggerated news accounts via your news portals.

I’ll be cautious and leave at the first available and viable channel. I’ll be extra alert too. Our guys are staying in the same building and are in close touch with the company and foreign ministry. We are safe now. If the opposing parties came too close before we could get onto a flight, we will take the sea route.

In the coming days, I called to update you whenever the lines to overseas locations are running properly, trying to give you the much words as I could. The air here is tense, but do not smell of thick gunpowder yet. I don’t know how this was reported in the Asia media, but hoped it didn’t go way beyond and above the truth.

Like usual, my cabin bag is always with me. Physical things can be left behind and always accumulated again. Having the breath in the lungs and the opportunity to be you again (selfish, I know) is all I hoped for.  I promised you that I’ll return. I am responsible, and I want to be responsible for/to you. I have given you my word and this is what I would do.

We simply cannot anticipate everything. When the time came when only a flight seat was available, I convinced Hyeong to leave first. I recalled that no matter how down you could be, you always have the heart to care for others, help the elderly with their luggages even when you are tired yourself. I am sure you understand my decision here. If I couldn’t get on the flight tomorrow morning, I’ll take the sea route. It’ll be longer, but I’ll be home.

...

"I'll wait for you," I heard you.

That instant, I seemed to have dissolved into some scene of déjà vu. The uncannily resemblance of those words, said over the line in the airport, from me to you then, while you are waiting to board... almost eerie.. That struck me..  You always waited for me.. for our dates, for my calls… The distastefulness of WAIT suddenly choked my mouth, leaving a bitter aftertaste.

“I’ll be back…” but the line was disconnected. Did my words reach you? A line of passengers had lined up behind me to call …

I camped at the airport, pacing, clutching onto my ticket. At that moment, I could only wait for the boarding call.

Many thoughts ran through my mind… you, your face, your acceptance of the normal guy like me, you waiting for me at the arrival hall, sending me off .. a valediction is never easy.. but you are always vivacious, competent, independent, strong and capable. I am so proud and honoured to be with you, do you know?