The next morning, I woke up in a good mood and was getting ready with a smile on my face. The evening had been everything I had been waiting for in regards to Kai. It had proven that Kai did in fact like me, au contrary to my beliefs. How much? I didn’t know. Was he in love with me too? I didn’t know. But this was enough for me in this moment.  And the fact that we were following each other on social media was even more proof after the whole scenario at the beginning of the second trimester of junior year. 

I hurried downstairs to the kitchen. Mrs. Kim was currently making brunch. Everyone had kind of woken late on this Saturday morning. She had already made almost everything except for the eggs so I began carrying out the food to the dining room.

“Ji Eun ah”, she said after a few times of me going in and out of the kitchen. “When did you come home last night?”

“Pretty late, I was at a party.” I answered. I know I lied but Kai and I had agreed to keep what had happened last night between ourselves and I actually was okay with that. I wanted it to be our little thing. 

I grabbed a load of plates with few cutlery on top and headed out again. At the corner turn to the dining room I bumped into Kai and almost dropped everything but he acted quickly and secured the plates in my hands. 

“Careful”, he said. As he took the plates, his hands lingered on mine longer they normally would. 

“Thanks”, I shyly said and hurried back in the kitchen with rosy cheeks.

Breakfast or brunch was a task in itself. I was too preoccupied by Kai’s presence to be able to focus on my food. It’s insane but I kept feeling his eyes on me all the time and it was making it difficult to focus. I spent the rest of the day in my room just to avoid him, but when dinner came the exact same thing happened. However this time I quickly finished eating and left the table for my room.

Once there I felt I could breathe again. When I calmed down, I jumped on my phone and instantly went to instagram. Finally after almost a year, I was able to see Kai’s account. He only had 21 posts. His latest post was a picture from summer that consisted of him water boarding in one of Paris’s beach. His first post was of his calculus book. The rest of his pictures where quite similar in that they either consisted of books, events or school and they didn’t really have a picture of him looking directly into the camera. His posts got many likes and comments but I noticed he never replied to any. I didn’t know what I was expecting but this was literally a good description of who Kai was. He spent his time focusing on school or just learning and everything else didn’t really interest him. I wish he at least had one selfie so I could just admire him. While I was longing for a selfie that was never going to happen, my phone rang. When I saw the caller Id anger just shoot right through me.

“Oh so now you’re calling?” I asked. “25 hours later?”

“I’m so sorry Ji Eun”, Chen began. “I really am sorry. I was stuck in practice and I completely lost track of time.”

“You know what”, I said. “Save it. I don’t care anymore. I understand you don’t have time. I understand you are fully booked with concerts and a bunch of other things but stop making plans with me if you even suspect there’s a slight chance you might not make it. Just say that you can’t.”

“It’s not that easy”, Chen sounded frustrated. “I have a hard time saying no to you and you know that.”

“You can’t put this on me”, I said in anger. “I waited at home for 2 hours yesterday. You didn’t even bother texting.”

“I didn’t have access to my phone”, he explained. “My manager took them away from us during practice due to it causing...” He stopped. “Okay, I won’t make excuses. I know I was in the wrong. I shouldn’t have made plans while unsure if I could make it. It’s never happening again.”

“That’s what you said last time”, I closed my eyes.

“This time it’s different”, he said. “I promise.” I still didn’t believe him to a 100% but I trusted him. If he promised, he was going to keep his promise.

“Okay”, I said. “Fine, I’ll give you another chance.”

“Alright”, he answered. “I’ll see you.” I hung up not knowing what he meant by that. I had no idea when or if I was going to see him again. 

The phone call had taken so much of my energy, I just threw my phone somewhere on the bed and fell on my back to calm down.

“Noona”, Min Ho called from outside. “It’s movie night downstairs. Want to join?”

“I’m coming”, I quickly answered. 

Min Ho and I went to the first floor. Movie night was a thing Mrs. Kim put together once a week as during summer as a try to make everyone hang out together and it was now a routine. She felt like we never saw each other except to eat. We all did our best to participate but I had only seen Kai join once before and that’s because he was already sitting in the living room when Mrs. Kim was getting things ready. To my surprise Mrs. Kim, Mr. Kim and my dad weren’t the only ones there. Kai was also there, sitting on the other part of the sofa that was free alone.

“We have snacks”, Mr. Kim gave me a bowl of popcorn. I grabbed it and nervously sat down next to Kai who didn’t even react at my presence. Min Ho curled up under a blanket against me. The movie they where watching was “Beauty and the beast”. While watching it, I couldn’t help but not be able to focus. The only thing in my mind was him and the fact that he was sitting right next to me made it that much worse.

During the movie, I found myself clearing my throat multiple times, trying to find a better position or just trying to do something with my hands like grab some popcorn. At one point while my hand was resting in the popcorn bowl for no reason at all except that I was an anxious mess, Kai moved his hands towards the bowl. I watched in slow motion as his hand got inside the bowl, moved around in search of popcorn and stopped when they touched my fingers. Kai didn’t move but lingered with his fingers on top while slowly caressing me. I quickly looked at around, since it was dark no one noticed anything so I didn’t move. The bowl was big enough so no one far could see what was going on inside of it. I closed my eyes and took slow but calming breaths until I couldn’t take it anymore and I moved my hand out of the bowl. Those little gestures where doing things to me.

Kai’s hand stayed in place for a little more but eventually he also took it out. 

When the movie ended, I helped with cleaning up before running to my room only to bump into Mr. Handsome, for the second time of the day, in front of the bathroom.

“Watch out”, he said.

“Sorry”, I nervously smiled. “I was just going to my room.”

“So how is it going with avoiding me so far?” He asked. I literally froze in embarrassment.

“Me? Avoiding you?”, I laughed. “Nah.” I felt his eyes on me but didn’t dare look at him properly.

“If you say so”, he walked back inside the bathroom. I quickly ran away to my bedroom. 

Monday morning, we (except Mr. Kim who was at work) were all peacefully having breakfast when there was a ring on the door. Min Ho immediately ran off. When he came back a minute later I almost choked on the juice I was drinking. Oh wow, I was not expecting to see Chen standing at Min Ho’s side at all. He wasn’t even wearing his school uniform.

“Good morning everyone”, he greeted with a bow.

“Oh good morning Chen!” Mrs. Kim said with a big smile. “I haven’t seen you for so long.”

“Come”, my dad grabbed a plate. “Join us.” Chen took a free seat next to Kai and joined in the breakfast. Seeing the two of them sitting next to each other, Kai with his stoic face and Chen with a smile on the face, made me feel weird and anxious and guilty, all at the same time. I was happy to see Chen cause I had missed him but this situation wasn’t it. After that night with Kai, I couldn’t help but wonder if I should tell him.

“Hyung”, Min Ho called. 

“Yes?” Both Kai and Chen answered at the same time. They both even looked at him at the same time. Witnessing it happening made me lose my appetite. This situation was really not it. 

“Jong Dae Hyung”, Min Ho rectified. “Where have you been?”

“I’ve been training and filming for my upcoming debut”, he answered.

“Debut?” Min Ho asked. “You mean like an idol?”

“Exactly”, Chen smiled.

“You’re going to be on tv?” My dad asked. Chen nodded. “What’s your group’s name?”

“Exo”, Chen said. It was no longer a secret that Chen was going to be a huge star. Articles about Exo’s debut had already hit the internet. Teaser pictures had been released along with teaser videos for a while now. 

“I’ll tell all my customers to support you”, my dad said.

“Me too”, Mrs. Kim said. “I’ll tell all my clients to do the same.” Mrs. Kim worked as a dermatologist.

“Thank you for your support”, Chen bowed again. 

“I’m going”, I said when I couldn’t deal with the situation anymore and got up. I hurried to the hallway where I put my shoes on and hurried out of the house. It didn’t take long until Chen came out. When he did I began walking towards school but he stopped me.

“Are you still angry at me?” He asked. I shook my head. I wasn’t angry at him.

“No”, I said. “I just wasn't expecting to see you so soon after our last conversation.”

“It was my only free time this week”, he explained with his head down. Both his hands where in his pockets. “I wanted to see you so I just came.” Hearing him made me so sad I was even angry at him from the beginning. He was just doing his best with the little time he had. Feeling like an awful person, I gave him a hug.

“I’m sorry for being angry and mean ”, I said and looked up at him. He pushed out some strands of hair that was on my face and smiled. 

“I deserved it”, he said. “Come on, I’ll take you to school.” He put his arm around my shoulder and we walked towards school.