I had a break. One hour between singing classes and Jeanna and I running through more choreography. So of course since I couldn't go home I went up to the roof. I ran up there as fast as possible. I felt like I would explode if I didn't get out of the building. Everything had been building up inside of me between anger and the will to live and just everything.

I threw open the door ran to the edge and just screamed out into the city. My voice hurt but it felt so good to yell. I didn't yell anything specfic just a burst of emotion pouring out. When I was finished with that I laughed. I felt so much better. I climbed up and stood on the ledge. It was wide enough that my feet were on it and I wasn't leaning off. I started walking along it. Ka said that she used to do this to gain better balance. 

The wind was blowing against my face and the sun was beginning to set. It felt much like the first time I had ever 'lived'. It felt better than that. My hair was in a ponytail like usual so I pulled it out and let it blow in the wind. Every so often the wind would blow the hair in my face and I had to move it causing me to remain still on the ledge. One wrong move and I was gone.

But if I was gone then this nightmare would be over.

I had to stop thinking like that. 

I tried to focus on something other than the fact that falling off this ledge would mean certain death. I tried to focus on music. How much I was loving doing this. How excited Ka and I were to debut. Our debut date hadn't been announced to us yet but we knew that it would most likely be around the time of Bangtan's. I was ready. For the most part. All I needed was the time to record my parts of our debut song. It was one I had written as a child. Bang loved it, showed it to Ka who loved it and it was decided that it was the song we were going to debut with. 

That's when I heard the door open and saw Namjoon standing there.

"Jeanna, what the hell are you doing up there?" He asked nervously.

"Balancing, Ka told me to do this."

"You're going to kill yourself. Get down from there."

"The only way I'm getting down is if you come and get me down."

He rolled his eyes "Jeanna it's not funny."

"It's a little funny."

I reached one foot over the ledge and he rushed forward.

"Jeanna!"
"Namjoon!" I said with the same tone teasing him.

He reached and grabbed my hand.

"Jeanna please."

I looked at him. He had red hot fear in his eyes.

"You're afraid of heights aren't you?"
"Jeanna."
"Answer the question."

He looked at me.

"Yeah I'm afraid of heights now will you please get down from there?"
I sighed. "Only if you help me."

He smiled and wrapped his hands around my waist to help me down. He twirled me around once then set me down back on the ground. 

"What are you doing up here anyway Joon?"
"Had to get out of there. I've spent too much time with the boys and Bang."

"I know the feeling."

"what about you Princess?"
"I had to get out and let everything out so I came up here and screamed and then walked along the ledge till you came to get me."

He smiled "you screamed?"
I nodded. "Have you ever..."

"All the time. In fact it's the only thing that has kept me going through the whole training process."

I smiled and he wrapped his arms around me as we watched the sunset together. I didn't want to leave but I really had no choice. Ka was expecting me to be up in the studio so she could run through more Choreography with me and get us ready for our debut. A year is a short time in this industry. And sometimes it's too short.