Y/N POV

For the first time since I fallen into depression, I felt happy. Genuinely happy. I love the way my current life is. Despite being emotionally unstable when it comes to Jimin, Im really glad there are people out there that cares about me.   I would really love to move on and forget about the past. Everyone else keeps on encouraging me to do so but will I really be able to let go..? Its those hatred and pains that have been driving me to live on till date. What if I let go of them...? What will become of me..? I’m afraid I will eventually find myself empty and finally decide to end my life.

It’s been so long since I felt so many emotions. With all these emotions not knowing where to divert them, I decided to head back into my room and write lyrics to express them. 

You were beautiful

So beautiful that it eventually turns into a sin

Back then I didnt knew

Even when I knew now

You’re still so sweet and sinful that I cant seems to resist

Tell me

Are you the sin or am I the sinner?

I got caught up in pouring my thoughts and emotions that I didnt notice it was starting to pour heavily outside. The sky was groomy, lightning begin to strike but all I can possibly hear are those sweet words Jimin used to whisper to me. It rang repeatedly in my mind, telling me to give in to the devil, let him in and the misery will end. Its a lie created by my own mind and a part of me screams revenge and blood. I will not stop until he gets a taste of what I tasted. Unknowningly, I started to sink back into the old me filled with coldness and distasteful, locking up the current me filled with happiness, finally letting those voices take control of me. 

”Hey sweetheart, are you home? Im back with dinner!”

I heard a voice call out to me, I wasnt sure if its my own voice trying to enchant me again or its the reality. I didnt move or speak, I sat still and stare into the space.

”Sweetie? Are you in there?” 

The door to my room creaks open and I heard soft footsteps heading my way. 

“Y/N sweetie, Eomma talking to you. Did you not hear me?”

Whos there..!? My mind screams internally trying to grasp who’s the culprit trying to enter my world. Get out... GET OUT.. DONT COME NEAR ME!! I push away the hands resting on my shoulder and murmured under my breath. “Leave...” It sounded like a cried for help as oppose to being firm while my eyes stared coldly at the person right infront of me.

She look back into my souless eyes, those sparkling and kind eyes of hers soon turn cloudy being filled with worry and sadness. I saw moved. I wasnt sure of what she said as my surrounding sounds sounded muffled to me right now.

“JUNHYUNG HONEY! I NEED YOU TO COME UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW. I THINK SOMETHING HAPPEN TO Y/N. SHE'S BEHAVING LIKE WHEN WE FIRST SAW HER BACK IN THE ORPHANAGE! HONEY!!”

Anxious footsteps can be heard coming up the stairs, accompany with sound of panting. Soon it came into a stop, there appear to be another person right infront. 

Who..? Leave me alone please.. Dont hurt me anymore.. Subconsciously, I took a few steps back. trying to create as much distance between us until my back hits the wall. My eyes wavered and panic flashes through my face. I took hold of my leg and curled up into a ball with my back against the wall. 

”Dont.. hurt me..” 

There it is, my second cried of the day. Someone get me out of here please.. I pleaded sliently in my head before everything else turns black and I no longer feel anything. 

Solhee.. You’re beautiful, dont listen to what others say about you. You’re my angel. My one and only angel. I wont let anyone else hurts you. Solhee.. Can you hear me..? Sol-.. 

Jimin..? Is that you..? Wait! Why are you getting softer?! Wait Jiminie! Why are you not talking anymore?! Wait for me! 

My body jerk and my eyelid flutter open. The sudden bright light pierce my eyes and I blink to adjust to my surrounding lights. Where am I..? I look around and saw needle inserted in my arm and my eyes trace the tube towards a fluid bag. An IV drop..? Thats when the pungent smell of hospital hits the back of my nose and I scrunch my nose in disgust. Not this ty place again. Cursing to myself, I pulled roughly at the needle to get it off and slide my feet into the shoe laying beside me. I walk steadily to the door hoping to sneak out but soon were stop by Hwasa and Junhyung. 

“Y/N! You’re awake! Im so glad you’re fine!”

Hwasa squeeze me tight and started sobbing beside my ears. Not again... Why do all these feels like it happened before?

”L-let go.” I managed to voice out with Hwasa almost choking me with the way she’s hugging me. She let go of me and look at me with sadness in her eyes. 

“Y/N my dear, what happen to you? You dont seems to be your usual self.. It seems like the old you.”

Nothing. This is my usual self. This is me. Everybody knew nothing about me. Now if you can just let me go on my own way, I’ll at least be grateful. The voice resounded in my mind. I stare coldly at the both of them and mutter “Nothing.” before heading towards the exit.

“Where do you think you are going Y/N?”

A hand stops me from moving and I figured it’s Junhyung. He’s the only one who voice always sounded harsh to me but at the same time it sounded soft. It has a hint of pity in them and I hated it with all my bones and fleshs. 

“Going back home.”

”No, you’re not. You are staying here and I will not allow any disobeyance. End of discussion.”

Really? Who the heck do he think he is? He’s only my foster dad, that doesnt give him to right to boss me around?! I glared at him, piercing him with my gaze in an attempt to scare him but he remain unfazed. Instead, his grips tighten and I can see flames rising in his eyes. I whimpered under his grip and could only squeeze out a soft yes. 

Hwasa led me to the bed and tuck me in comfortably. She smile gently at me and caress my cheeks telling me to rest well. The hands felt cold to me and the smile felt fake to me. I know it isnt true but the voices convinced me so. I turned my back towards Hwasa and pulled the blanket over my head. I didnt want to interact with anyone. Humans being are despicable. Voices started resounding in my head again while I tries to shut them up. But to no avail as it continues to hits me multiple times, reminding me not to trust anyone, reminding me I dont deserve the happiness. A tear escaped from the corner of my eye and I whispered to myself. 

”I should have died back then together with eomma and appa..”

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