Byulyi eyes fall on her with the weight of all her troubles, but the silence still hangs heavier. Yongsun runs a hand through her hair, fingers snagging along the way and she feels a couple of strands come free.

“Is that it then? You have nothing to say to me.” Yongsun fixes her with a look. Byulyi has been hanging around the door for a while now. In fact, she’d been making her way to the door since Yongsun walked in. Yongsun hates that. There’s nothing more devastating than meeting Byulyi’s eyes (like they always do) and seeing the other girl wanting to run away.

“Please don’t leave.” Yongsun tries not to beg.

Byulyi doesn’t move from the door but she doesn’t leave either. She stands there still as stone, cold and piercing and unresponsive.

Yongsun knows how to be mad, how to use it as a searing rage and how to use it to freeze a room. Byulyi does not. The most she’ll let go of her anger is a scoff before pacing away and locking the anger inside, compressing it to something she’ll never let go. It sits on her thoughts and rots.

It rots for days and weeks and months and Yongsun has to see that in her eyes. Every. Single. Time.

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you.”

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

There’s a miniscule clench in Byulyi’s jaw and Yongsun is almost hopeful that she’ll finally let it go. They can argue and yell and fight like they used to and then it’ll be done. It’ll burn away and they won’t be hot or cold anymore, just warm.

“Don’t think you know how I feel.” Byulyi finally spits out.

“Well what else am I supposed to do if you never tell me anything?” Yongsun retorts.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about me with that pretty head of yours. Sorry for stressing you out.” Byulyi speaks evenly, and she leaves, five paces down the hallway before Yongsun can even change her expression.

Yongsun slumps back into a chair and presses her palms into her eyes to keep from crying or screaming or both.

“So, you want to make up with me?”

“…I do.”

Yongsun glances in the mirror briefly, enough to see that she looks like a slob. It’s not important. “I think you should come over.”

“Really? Yongsun is inviting me over herself for once?”

“I thought you said you wanted to make up” Yongsun says shortly.

“I did! I do, sorry. I’ll be right over.”

Yongsun sighs. “Don’t apologize.” And before Byulyi can get another word in, “Don’t take to long.”

She hangs up after she hears a soft ‘ok’.

“Where are your eyebrows?” Is the first thing Byulyi says when she opens the door.

“Your eyebrows ate them.” Yongsun pouts. She moves to close the door, but just slowly enough that Byulyi can still shimmy through easily.

A silence hangs in the room while Byulyi takes off her shoes. It always hangs around for a while after their fights, because this is how they resolve arguments.

They don’t.

“I brought some food.” Byulyi says as she sets a bag on the table. Peace offering.

They both settle down on the couch and Yongsun is hyper aware of the space between them. The five centimeters where their thighs aren’t touching feels wider than all the world’s seas.

“How have you been lately?” Byulyi starts, fiddling with the plastic bag. Yongsun considers the question. Lately. Right, they haven’t been together for a few weeks. Yongsun’s mouth opens before she can think more about how to handle this correctly.

“We should talk.”

“We are talking.” Byulyi replies instantly.

“You aren’t mad at me anymore?” Yongsun reaches for Byulyi’s hand, but she retreats, because Byulyi still won’t look at her.

“I’m never mad at you, Yong.” Byulyi reassures kindly, but to Yongsun it feels all wrong. It always feels wrong.

“Do you love me or do you worship me?” She whispers, choking on her thoughts.

Byulyi stills. “What?”

“What do you mean you’re never mad at me? Am I not worth the trouble? Do you know how frustrating it is for me when I upset you and you pretend that it’s your own fault? Am I never wrong?” Yongsun spits. Byulyi flinches at her words and when Yongsun sees the anxiety building back up in her posture, she sighs and leans back to give Byulyi more space.

“Please talk to me more.” Yongsun tries one last time. She holds her hands out to Byulyi weakly. The emptiness that separates them feels too vast; Byulyi is so far away.

Byulyi in a breath, shuddering and deep. “I don’t like to burden people. My anger is so ugly Yongsun, I can’t let you see that from me. What if you leave me? I wouldn’t be able to stop you, but I wouldn’t know how go to on.” Byulyi says it with such conviction that Yongsun frustration dissipates completely.

“…Come here, Byul-ah.” Yongsun beckons. After a moment of hesitation, Byulyi turns, glances at her eyes briefly, and gently places her hands on Yongsun’s, open and waiting. “I’d rather see your ugliness than not see you at all.” Yongsun mumbles, grasping Byulyi’s fingers tight the moment they make contact.

Byulyi’s mouth hangs open at Yongsun’s contention. A protest dies on her lips.

“Please be angry with me. Please fight me. I will never leave you, my Byul.” Yongsun promises. Byulyi feels tears prick at her eyes. “But if I ever do try to leave, please fight for me to stay, too. I don’t want you to leave me either.”

Byulyi exhales with shuddering relief and it sounds like a laugh. She feels the tears break from her eyes, and brings Yongsuns hands to her lips.

“Okay Yong-ah. I’ll get so mad at you you’ll think I’m a demon.” She promises against their knuckles, and lets their hands fall so she can hug Yongsun in proper. “Don’t hate me when the time comes and I don’t let you go. For you, just for you, I will be selfish.”

“It’s not selfish, Byul, because I want it too.” Yongsun breathes her in and smiles, content.