She didn’t mean it.

It was a long day, she didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, she hadn’t eaten anything yet, and Byulyi didn’t seem to care at all. She kept being her annoyingly self-righteous self and Yongsun was tired. It just started like any other petty argument.

She didn’t mean to say it.

Byulyi’s face when she blurted it out, the way her expression didn’t change but for the miniscule clench of her jaw. The way she turned around without a word and walked away, and Yongsun didn’t stop her.

She didn’t mean to get angry.

But now that she was, her pride was in . It wasn’t her fault though, she said to herself, there were just so many things that were building up, she’s human too. Sometimes she lashes out when she doesn’t mean it. But if it wasn’t her fault, why did she feels so guilty?

She watches Byulyi pack up and leave and she sighs. Things wouldn’t dissipate so gently if she apologized now, if she could even bring herself to do it. She hears the door slam closed after Byulyi and her fist clenches around the fabric of her jacket.

Byulyi should have noticed how tired she was. Should have noticed when she hadn’t played back all day. Should have noticed how Yongsun didn’t want her pokes and prods and just wanted to rest her head on Byulyi’s shoulder. She should have known all these things without being told. Kim Yongsun¸ she thinks bitterly to herself, so entitled, aren’t you.

By the time she’s done mulling with circular thoughts and guilt she’s at her doorstep. Yongsun sighs for the umpteenth time that day and it only serves to make her feel more tired.

She looks around her living room and it feels strangely empty, and all too silent. Byulyi usually followed her home on these days. She looks at her shoes, alone in the foyer that’s more used to holding two pairs. Yongsun shakes her head at the thought. Even when she’s not around her mind is still Byul, Byul, Byul.

She should make some food, or clean, or do anything that might distract her from the image of Byulyi walking out that door but she can’t bring herself to move. Yongsun ends up sitting on her bedside, staring at a framed picture of her and Byulyi on her nightstand. It was from their last vacation. They’d asked someone to take a picture of them, and because it was a foreign country and no one recognized them, Byulyi had leaned in and kissed her.

Yongsun lays down fully so picture of her own smiling face wouldn’t mock her. How could she be so foolish? She was having a bad day but that wasn’t cause enough for her to lash out. To say something she knew would hurt the other girl.

All she can think about now is, if only the words hadn’t cascaded out of . Byulyi would be with her right now, her back gently whispering reassurances in her ear.

She closes her eyes. Maybe things will be easier tomorrow.

But sleep eludes her. Try as she might to clear her mind, the image of Byulyi’s defeated back keeps flashing forward.

No, she can’t sleep like this. Not while she’d hurt Byulyi and the other girl was alone with her words. She grabs her phone. It’s past midnight, Byulyi might already be asleep. Yongsun hopes she is and that she’s getting rest, but honestly, Yongsun wishes for Byulyi to be awake. She doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

Yongsun tries to think of what to say, of all the things and all the reasons, but in the end it was her words that created this mess in the first place. She sends a text to Byulyi with what she feels.

Seconds later her phone vibrates with an incoming call. So Byulyi was awake.

When Yongsun hears her voice crackle through the receiver, a smile blooms on her face that even her nightstand picture would be jealous of.