I want everything to disappear

I want it to disappear like a mirage

Want it to disappear

I want my damn self to disappear

Like this, the world throws me away

In that moment I’m getting farther away from the sky

I’m falling

(Suga, Jin, Jungkook of BTS, So far away, 2016)

Kim Taehyung didn’t think that losing their first baby had a significant impact on them. He was grieved, but he was even more hurt to see his wife's grief.

After Lisa discharged from the hospital, her condition worsened. She became quieter, and he often even found his wife looking at nowhere with an empty stare or even crying without cause.

She refused to meet anyone. She didn’t even want to talk to anyone, including her parents. She didn’t want anyone to see her grief other than her own husband and was lucky Taehyung could understand that.

For her, the world seemed so dark and suffocating. Lisa was so absorbed in sadness that she didn’t know what to do.

She found it very difficult to express it to her husband even though he had repeatedly tried to talk to her and assured that they could get through this together. But somehow this all felt so difficult for her and she didn’t know how to share this burden and sadness with him.

“Baby, eomma sent this food for you”

Taehyung wrapped his arm around her stomach while the other held a bowl of Lisa's favorite soup which specially cooked by Tae’s mother. She who had been daydreaming on the balcony was rather surprised by the hug followed by butterfly kisses on her shoulder.

“Shall we eat this together? He said in between those kisses.

Unfortunately, for the umpteenth time, she just shook her head and softly said, “I’m not hungry, oppa”

“But you didn’t eat anything from last night, Lil. You want something else, huh? I can cook or order it for you” he tightened his arms as a sign of his concern.

Taehyung was very confused about what to do. Since they returned to the apartment, Lisa rarely eats. Even if there’s the food she eats, it's only one or two bites at most. She hasn't even touched anything he gave to fill her stomach since last night and that really worries him.

“I’ll eat it later, oppa. Now, I just want to be alone” she said softly, didn’t flinch one bit in his arms.

Taehyung let out a desperate sighed as he released the hug, “Alright. Let me know if you want or need something, okay?”

“Nde” she said faintly without taking her eyes off the cloudy sky of Seoul city.

Again, Taehyung found a sad and empty stare in her eyes. Her face looked gaunt and paler, equivalent to her body which becoming thinner if only she wasn't wearing his oversized sweater.

Crazy, it drives him crazy, but he doesn't know what to do. Tae didn’t want to force her because he understood what she was feeling right now. Lisa has been through many hardships since marrying him; his affair, attempted suicide due to unwanted pregnancy, dating scandal which led to attempted murder by haters, and finally was the loss of their baby when everything seemed to be better and they began to love the child.

All those difficulties made him feel so guilty. As a husband, Taehyung felt he failed. He felt unable to protect her. He felt useless. He felt this marriage would only destroy her instead of making her happy.

Therefore, he didn’t want to force her to immediately forget the sadness and move on. No, he couldn’t do that. For once, he only wanted to be by her side and be the only person she could rely on to get through all these difficulties.

“And oh, Jimin called me. He wanted to send Yeontan back home, is that okay?”

She nodded her head one more time, “Nde”

“Alright, I love you babe” then he excused himself after kissing her head deeply.

.

.

It was already 11 pm when Jimin came with JK and Hoseok, carrying Yeontan and some paper bags filled with foods and beers. They looked very casual and 'normal' wearing T-shirts and shorts with no makeup at all.

Yeontan barked once he saw his 'daddy' open the door for them.

“Oh Tannie, you missed me?” the dog barked several times in Tae’s arms before his face longingly. “Appa missed you too, aigoo uri Tannie”

“JK took care of him very well” Jimin told his bestie, following the owner of the house walked into the living room, and sat there with JK while Hoseok took the opportunity to put those paper bags on the pantry.

“Really?”

“Uhuh, I gave him vitamin that my friend prescribed, he’s a vet,” JK told him, joining Taehyung to tickle the dog’s belly who was now spoiled lying on his daddy’s lap.

“Whoaah seriously? thanks kook!”

“By the way where’s Lisa?” Hoseok suddenly appeared with four beer cans in his arms, “she’s asleep already?”

Hearing his wife's name called, Taehyung breathed heavily. “Well, that's why I want to ask for your help, guys” he released Yeontan before leaning back on the sofa while massaging his forehead, “Lili was so absorbed in her sadness that she wouldn’t eat and talk to others. I don’t know what to do, seriously”

“Have you talked to her?” Jimin asked, opening the lid before drinking it in one gulp.

“I did, but she didn't talk much as if I were a stranger. Gosh, it drives me crazy” he ruffled his hair in frustration, making everyone speechless with their own thoughts.

They could understand his confusion, but were also confused about what to do since they had never experienced this kind of problem.

“Just… don’t give up, Taehyung-ah” Hoseok voiced out, “She needs you. I really don't think Lisa understands how to deal with her sadness. This is too sudden and very hard for her to handle. She’s not ready for this” Hoseok then took a sip of his drink.

“And so am I, hyung. Do you think I've experienced this?” Tae was frantic

“But at least you’re older than her, Taehyung-ah. Listen..” Hoseok calmly stated as he raised his hands as a sign for his brothers to be quiet and listened to him first, “I'm not saying that you’re responsible for all of this, Tae. This must be borne together since you’re a married couple,”

Jimin and JK just nodded their head in unison, listening carefully to what his older brother’s gonna say.

“But, we’ve to be fair here to judge that it’s her who was the most hurt here. Remember Tae, Lisa is supposed to be a mother and it’s surely very hard for a mother to lose the baby, right?”

the truth.

Kim Taehyung was speechless.

What Jung Hoseok said was true and suddenly he felt very selfish.

He shouldn't need to question what's wrong with her or feel that it's unfair since this is also a new thing for him. But, his brother just slapped the truth he didn’t think of before.

He was right, Tae just didn’t think from the mother’s side. He didn’t think it was very hurt her, physically and mentally, or maybe she could be traumatized because of this. My God, he's getting frustrated.

“Just be a good listener for her, Tae. Let her scream, let her cry or do whatever she wants. We all know she’s breaking down” now it was Jimin’s turn to give advice.

Fixing his eyes to the floor, Taehyung breathed heavily one more time. After digesting all the suggestions from his friends, he finally nodded his head before staring at them, “Yeh, you’re right”

“And don’t forget that she’s still a rookie. If I’m not mistaken, this is their second year of debut, right?” Hoseok asked which immediately replied by a nod from everyone, “Nah, it’s surely hard for a rookie to receive malicious comments which end in crime. She must be very scared and trauma, Tae”

“True” JK nodded in agreement.

“Taehyung-ah, I know it’s not easy for you or her. But I hope you can handle it wisely. Yya, you’re a husband now and she depends on you, mate” Jimin wisely told his brother which replied by a nod from him.

“Yeah, I know right”

“We can't do much to help you. This is your family territory where we can't interfere, so I hope you can survive, hyung” JK ad