I don't really know what to feel about this chapter.

Hoseok is trying to avoid looking into Taehyung’s eyes because he knows he can’t look away when he does, but it’s hard when he is wiping the dried blood from the nose which has thankfully stopped bleeding now. He sees the sharp cut on Taehyung’s cheek from the ring on Yoongi’s finger. It looks like it hurts bad and Hoseok feels bad almost.

But Taehyung is looking at him not breaking his gaze for even a second and Hoseok is almost too aware of that as he drops the cotton the floor.

“I uh...sorry,” Hoseok says picking it up.

“Let him fix up himself,” Yoongi’s voice breaks through Hoseok’s thoughts.

“Yoongi please,” Hoseok says tiredly.

Yoongi thankfully shuts up.

Hoseok checks the cut and it’s barely bleeding now. He holds the blood with a cloth and puts some antiseptic on a cotton ball.

“This might hurt a bit,” Hoseok warns.

Taehyung just nods as Hoseok proceeds to dab the cotton on Taehyung’s cut and he winces. Hoseok stops immediately.

“Does it hurt too much?” he asks concerned.

“No...no it’s okay,” Taehyung says.

Hoseok finishes and puts a bandage on Taehyung’s cheek and when Hoseok lets go of Taehyung’s face he lets a deep breath.

“Thank you Hoseok,”

Hoseok doesn’t respond and gets up to wash his hands instead. He has to gather himself his heart racing too fast. He can’t comprehend that Taehyung is actually back and sitting in the living room. Hoseok is almost sure that he is dreaming and is sure when he goes back Taehyung won’t be there but he still is holding a tissue up his nose. Hoseok sits on the opposite chair while Yoongi leans against the wall.

“Is...is it still bleeding?” Hoseok asks.

“A bit yeah,” Taehyung answers.

“Not a very good look for your wedding huh,” Yoongi says.

Hoseok watches Taehyung shift in his seat uncomfortably but he doesn’t say anything.

There is an awkward silence for a long time until Yoongi speaks up.

“Now that you are all fixed up,” he says. “You can off and no I won’t apologize”

“Yoongi...,” Hoseok begins.

“I don’t want you to apologize,” Taehyung says in a quiet voice. “I understand your anger”

Yoongi just rolls his eyes.

Taehyung takes off the tissue which is practically soaked in blood.

“I came here for a reason,” Taehyung says now directly looking at Hoseok.

Hoseok, however, refuses to meet his eyes instead, staring at his own hands.

“Hoseok,” Taehyung says. “I am sorry”

Hoseok hoped he didn’t say that again but he does and it's getting harder for him to compose himself again. There is a loud chuckle from Yoongi.

“I mean it,” Taehyung adds. “I can’t even explain how sorry I am for everything I did to you”

Hoseok wants Taehyung to shut up for him to stop saying anything at all and especially not how sorry he is because the last thing he wants to hear is how much Taehyung regrets it and how he thinks a sorry can even suffice for every tear that Hoseok shed for him, the sleepless nights and how is still so broken.

So he tries to stay calm maintaining a stony face not looking at Taehyung.

“Hoseok...please can...you say something,”

Hoseok finally looks at Taehyung who is staring intensely at him.

“What do you want me to say?” Hoseok asks. “What should I say?”

“Just anything please,” Taehyung says. “Tell me you hate me or something because I can’t handle your silence”

There is a long pause.

“Isn’t...isn’t that what you did to me though?” Hoseok says. “You didn’t even bother to explain to me why you left me...you just left me, ghosted me as if I was nothing...nothing to you...at all...as if I didn’t even deserve an explanation”

“Hoseok I...just didn’t want...want...to hurt you,”

Hoseok laughs humourlessly.

“Because waking up to the news of you marrying someone was so much better,” he says. “I wasn’t hurt at all”

“Hoseok I...,”

“If only you had said one thing before you left me,” Hoseok says. “Just tell me why you didn’t want to see me anymore I would have understood it...accepted it even but...instead you chose to disappear and forget me like I never even existed,”

“I didn’t want you to think that,” Taehyung says. “I had...no choice so I wanted to make it easy for you...to move on...so you could back to life like I...I never even existed”

“Do you think it is that easy for me to forget you?” Hoseok asks.

“No, I...,”

“Because let me tell you that it wasn’t,” Hoseok interrupts him. “I missed you every day...Taehyung...every single day”

“Hoseok...I...,”

“I loved you Taehyung,” Hoseok says tears forming in his eyes. “I really loved you like I have never loved anyone before”

“Please listen...,”

“But you...you threw it all away,” Hoseok says the tears rolling down his cheeks. He feels Yoongi’s hands on his shoulders gently squeezing them.

“Why would you do that to me?” Hoseok asks looking directly at Taehyung his vision blurry with tears. “Why did you lie to me and tell me that you loved me when...you never...did?”

“I didn’t lie to...you...Hoseok,” Taehyung says.

Hoseok wipes his face from the back of his sleeve his lips forming a humorless smile.

“You are...still...doing it lying...to me,”

“I didn’t lie to you,” Taehyung repeats himself and he pauses. “I love you Hoseok...I always did and I still do”

Hoseok starts laughing in almost a hysterical manner. He can’t stop the laughs or the tears that simultaneously roll down his cheeks at the same time before slowly he stops laughing until there is only silence in the tiny living room.

“I never knew you could be that funny Kim Taehyung,” Hoseok says wiping his face.

“Hoseok...,”

Hoseok chuckles a bit before he coughs.

“Hoseok I never lied please listen...,”

“Stop,” Hoseok yells loudly surprising himself as well. “Stop saying you love me...stop with the lie...”

Taehyung’s mouth opens for a second but he doesn’t say anything and instead just looks down until a sob escapes from his throat. Hoseok’s heart skips a beat and for a second he wants nothing more than to hold Taehyung in his arms.

Taehyung finally looks up looking directly at Hoseok his eyes rimmed red.

“I know I don’t...deserve a chance,” Taehyung begins. “But please let me explain it to you...why I did...what I did”

As much as Hoseok doesn