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‘If somebody had told me in September that I would be celebrating my birthday with you, I’d’ve laughed out loud,’ Minseok admits, taking a swing out of his Somersby. On the contrary to the joyous occasion, he does not want to get drink tonight.

‘I think I could say the same,’ Joohyun Bae admits nodding her head, to which the boy’s smile widens.

It is a peculiar situation, another first that Joohyun can add to the long list of her accomplishments this academic year. Making new friends. Deeply reflecting on the past. Making peace with her mistakes.

The last one, still in progress.

‘Are you really going to Westminster?’ Yoona Lim chirps in from the other side of the table. The three of them are seated around the kitchen isle, taking refuge from the party happening just outside of the room.

‘Yes, I- Well, that ship has already sailed. I’ve rejected all the other offers and I’ve started looking for accommodation in London. The students’ halls are a little too expensive so I’m not even considering, to be honest. Plus, I would like to have some space if Sehun decides to visit,’ she admits before shaking her head lightly. ‘Ah, what a mess. My budget is limited so I may end up in some kind of dumpster. I’m a little scared.’

Minseok looks at her sympathetically, taking another sip.

‘I’ve just talked to your brother. He looks better,’ Joohyun’s cousin adds and it makes the girl smile.

‘He does indeed. The counselling helps.’

‘And your girlfriend is cute, too,’ Yoona teases, grinning wider. Joohyun ducks, blushing nearly immediately. Girlfriend. Huh. 

‘A lot has changed since we last spoke,’ she decides on a rather vague answer but she smiles proudly to herself anyway. The reactions have been mixed but Joohyun is thankful that Seungwan’s friends – her friends too, now – reacted mostly positively. There was some confusion and apprehension, yes; similarly to Chanyeol Park, they felt protective of Seungwan. But they quickly granted Joohyun the benefit of the doubt. Once again, like they did with Sehun.

As if on cue, Seungwan enters the quiet space, Chanyeol Park, Baekhyun Byun and Jongdae Kim in tow laughing loudly. In the last month, Chanyeol and Baekhyun have made their relationship public but Joohyun sometimes wishes that they had not because one person of Chanyeol’s boisterous character can already be a headache but two? They are invincible in all the wrong ways.

Jongdae Kim has also become a natural addition to their mix, being Baekhyun’s best friend.

Seungwan takes a seat next to Joohyun, squeezing her hand lying on the table in silent greeting and sending her a rather greasy grin which the older girl has not seen in a long time. She mentally sighs – Seungwan seems tipsy and well on her way to drunk. As she continues chatting with her best friend and his boyfriend about a show they all watched on TV the other day, Jongdae Kim takes the last available seat between Joohyun and Minseok.

‘How are you?’ The girl asks amicably. Like many other students at Trent, Jongdae has been in the background of Joohyun’s life for as long as she can remember. For schools like theirs, once you are in the system at the tender age of seven, you rarely get out, not having finished all thirteen grades. Same faces, same situations. Rinse and repeat. Few people drop out, hardly anyone transfers in.

‘I’m fine,’ Jongdae replies kindly. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Next year,’ Minseok grins into his bottle. Jongdae smiles knowingly. The sight of his smile curling upwards like a cat’s momentarily prompts Joohyun to remember how much it used to infuriate Junmyeon. Junmyeon should have spent more time studying instead of being envious of Jongdae’s marks, she releases it now and nearly snickers at the memories.

‘I heard you got into a good school in London,’ he prompts, looking at Joohyun. ‘Congratulations.’

‘I should be saying that to you. Unconditional offer from Oxford, huh? Sounds amazing.’ They do not really talk on a daily basis but news travels fast among bored teens cooped up in the total of three academic buildings. ‘What about Yilin? Is she going there, too?’

Jongdae Kim’s girlfriend used to sit behind Joohyun in French and Geography in middle school before she moved to Emmanuel for her sixth form, due to the family’s financial problems was the word on the corridor at the time. Joohyun has fond memories of their interactions although similarly to Jongdae, they were never really friends.

‘She’s still waiting for her final marks but yeah, fingers crossed. She got conditional.’

‘So I’m the only one staying home, huh,’ Minseok muses out loud, before adding. ‘That’s good though, I’ve never liked changes. And I can just keep my job and live at home. Win-win, if you ask me.’

‘But you got into Trent! That’s amazing still,’ Seungwan chooses that moment to tune into their conversation, the previous topic between the three seated on the side exhausted. Minseok smiles, thankful.

‘From Trent to Trent, that’s what I call irony,’ Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows and it makes everyone laugh.                                                                 

‘It took me so long to persuade him, though,’ Yoona exclaims, laughing. ‘What’d you have done in Bath, huh? Wait around for me? It’s only one more year and it’s not even that far away.’ Minseok nods, looking sheepish.

‘I was lucky,’ the older boy admits, shrugging. ‘I changed my mind about uni too late into the game but Nottingham Trent is still not half bad. They’re quite well-known for journalism. I think I’m going to enjoy the degree I got into.’

‘We got into,’ Jongdae corrects, looking at Minseok pointedly and his friend scoffs playfully, mocking offense.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I think I can take credit for a big portion of your success. I mean, who’s been dragging your sorry arse along since grade eleven? And you’d’ve never passed your math and biology last year if it wasn’t for me. I was doing your homework while you were hanging out with your girlfriend,’ Jongdae states but there is no malice in his voice, only amusement.

‘You’re right,’ Minseok laughs, raising his bottle. ‘I’ll drink to that. Cheers, mate.’

He is about to elaborate when one more person comes through the door – the most unexpected one. Joy Park waltzes into the kitchen with a can of Irn-Bru in one hand and a small bag in the other. When her eyes fall on Jongdae Kim, colour visibly drains from his face. Joy Park looks determined and completely unapologetic.

‘I think I’m gonna check up on some people I came with. Like, right now,’ Jongdae says to no one in particular and gets up from his seat as if burned, choosing to walk on the other side of the counter just to avoid a direct confrontation. Joy no longer cares, though – she immediately takes the abandoned chair, looking to Minseok and then Joohyun.

‘Should you be here?’ It is late hour, after all, and Joy is young. Seungwan usually walks on eggshells around her former roommate but tonight there is enough alcohol in her system to make her forget all the times she had her head virtually ripped off her neck for an unfortunate comment towards Joy.

‘Should you?’ Joy’s reply does not make any sense to Seungwan but she shuts up anyway.

‘I invited her,’ Minseok says before smiling at the younger girl. ‘Thanks for coming. What’s hanging?’

‘Ah, yes. Thank you for asking, I’m wonderful. Here’s your gift.’

Minseok frowns, somewhat embarrassed. After all, they are only acquaintances at best.

‘Cheers but you didn’t have to. I mean, it’s only a friendly get together…’

‘I don’t know you very well but you’re the only reasonable person that I’ve seen around Seungwan so take your Spotify Gift Card and don’t forget to stream NCT Dream.’

‘I… will not forget,’ Minseok confirms puzzled, having no idea what that is. ‘Thank you again.’

‘And this is for you.’ Joy hands Joohyun the small bag and the older girl looks inside. It is a small box with a delicate necklace inside – medallion with a small image of a person.

‘Joy… I-‘ For a moment, Joohyun is at a loss before looking up and sending the younger student a tight smile. ‘That is so thoughtful. Thank you.’

‘Who’s that?’ Seungwan’s head pops in above her girlfriend’s shoulder and Joohyun lifts her hands to allow the other a better look.

‘Saint Elizabeth Seton,’ she replies, suddenly tight with unspoken thankfulness. ‘Patron Saint of new beginnings.’

Joy Park does not wait for them to become any more emotional before she hops off her stool and ruins the atmosphere.

‘Your party’s boring, by the way, so I’m gonna go now. See you guys at school.’ Minseok opens his mouth to retort but taken aback, ultimately discovers that he does not have anything to say to the accusation. He nods, resigned to the fact that nobody can outwit Joy Park and her rapid mood swings.

It really is peculiar, Joohyun thinks to herself while looking around the familiar faces. Suddenly deciding on throwing a joined birthday party with Minseok Kim amidst all the storm going on in her life. But more than a month has passed, their spring mid-terms finished on a more or less successful note and it did not take Seungwan a long time to persuade her girlfriend that they all deserved a night off from the madness of their everyday. Strangely enough, Joohyun herself coincided to the idea – said madness was slowly turning into a controllable routine and although she still has her hands full, this time it feels safe to forget about their troubles for one evening.

Minseok Kim was equally interested in organising the late celebration as early April is turning out to be quite warm and therefore barbeque friendly.

‘Man, I feel like I’ve aged twenty years since September,’ Chanyeol Park observes once there is a lull in the conversation at the table.

‘Yeah, you do look like you did too,’ Seungwan responds without missing a beat and Baekhyun laughs. Chanyeol scoffs.

‘So now there will be two of you ganging up on me all the time, huh?’

‘Bring it on,’ Seungwan confirms and hi-fives the boy seated to Chanyeol’s right.

Joohyun laughs.

They dance a lot that night, Seungwan’s lack of coordination serving as constant amusement – and the source of possible injury - to everyone around her. Finally, a slow song brings her and Joohyun together. They claim a tiny spot in the corner of the room, still swaying left and right to the sleepy melody of the latest RnB hit. They embrace one another loosely, leaning in with their foreheads and eyes closed.

Joohyun feels so peaceful. It is absurd to compare the dark room smelling of spilled alcohol and cold grilled meat to the holy chapel and yet, the girl cannot deny that being in Seungwan Son’s arms right now feels close to her personal concept of heaven.

‘Remember…’ Seungwan murmurs right into her ear. ‘Remember the song I wrote for you?’

‘Of course I do,’ Joohyun replies equally quietly. She has heard it only twice more since Christmas, both time ended with a shift in the atmosphere in their room and eventual intimacy that got them both hot and bothered.

‘I think I will write another one.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Joohyun smiles. ‘How about you sing me the song that is on your demo.’ 

‘Which demo..?’ Seungwan asks, clueless.

‘The one which Sehun lent to me. You recorded it last summer..?’

‘You have that? It’s not very good,’ Seungwan smiles self depreciatively but Joohyun immediately dismisses her concerns.

‘There was no title to the song,’ Joohyun continues. For a moment, it seems that the topic will be dropped before Joohyun decides to hum what she remembers. ‘Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable. And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe... just breathe…’

Seungwan leans away a little to look at Joohyun’s face, her hands still on her girlfriend’s waist. Joohyun reddens a little.

‘That song… do you like it?’

‘I find it comforting,‘ she admits. ‘Time passes by and there is no way to undo what’s been done but there is always a way to accept your past and move on from it with a lesson learnt. Your lyrics said, There's a light at each end of this tunnel, but the two ends are so different for me, and it both calms me down and makes me think. There will be a period when your life is tested like you’re walking through a dark tunnel but it shall eventually pass and you will reach the next bright point of it.’

‘I wrote it during the few weeks after my mother withdrew me from my old school. It was hard and I felt like the walls were closing down on me. But I got through that, too. The key is to take it day by day, or even moment by moment if you must. You take a deep breath and you start again from the smallest thing that you can handle and control. Have you seen Sehun’s notebooks? I find them amazing.’

Joohyun smiles at the memory of her brother’s scribbles.

‘I’m thinking of doing a list like that too. Maybe not on paper but I think it is a good idea to hold on to small things that make you happy, just to remind yourself of why it is worth to go on even against all odds.’

‘I feel like you’d be high on my list.’ Seungwan’s reply is cheesy but makes Joohyun chuckle all the same.

‘I know you’d be high on mine.’

There is nothing to add after that. Only a kiss is in order.

‘So… you and I,’ Joohyun starts again after a moment. She looks flustered when she says it. ‘We’re a team now, aren’t we. Like Wilhelmina and Victoria.’

‘Darn right we are, my lady. We even got our own slow dance,’ Seungwan grins. ‘Also, I love how you called her Victoria,’ she adds humorously.

Joohyun leans for another kiss. Between Seungwan’s beer and Joohyun’s sprite, two flavours so distinct, the kiss tastes surprisingly sweet. They mix well.

They make it work.

The following day – Sunday – Seungwan and Joohyun go to Victoria Centre, walking hand in hand and admiring the displays. There is no particular reason for their outing, other than perhaps the long and strenuous period of revisions for exams they just left behind them so feeling stuffed, they choose to go on another date.

Joohyun buys a pair of new trousers after a long moment of consideration and they end up at the buffet next door.

‘I forgot to tell you, I got that editing job. They liked my samples.’

‘That’s great!’ Seungwan looks up from her plate full of chicken in orange sauce, genuinely excited for the other girl. They both know that it is impossible to live off Joohyun’s grandma’s savings forever – especially not when Sehun still has one more year to complete at Trent and Joohyun herself, endless expenses related to her future in London. ‘They pay quite well, don’t they.’

‘Uh-huh. If I work enough hours, I think it will keep me going for some time. Like, daily expenses and what not. At least I know it’s not a scam, so I’ll feel more secure.’

‘That’s right, you did say that somebody in Kyungsoo’s year was doing it.’

‘Yeah, his name is Kris? We talked for a bit and he said it’s comfortable. As long as you turn the paper in on time, you can adjust the time you spend on it. Flexibility is important.’

‘That’s great,’ Seungwan repeats, ready to dig in again but she stops and looks back up. ‘What about the scholarship?’

‘Still waiting,’ Joohyun sighs. Her paperwork for state benefits has been rejected. She is an adult and although still under aged for the a few more weeks, Sehun is not legally estranged from his family. There are no grounds to ask for financial help that way but maybe Westminster will take pity on her situation and offer some kind of financial assistance based on her school merits or social background.

‘I’d offer a room in my mother’s house but I don’t think she’d like that very much,’ she chuckles. Joohyun doesn’t.

‘Have you talked to her recently?’

‘No, and I’m not particularly inclined to, to be honest. But my father called last night again.’

‘He did? That’s wonderful.’ Joohyun does not know if it is actually good news but she does value family ties a lot and she wants for Seungwan to experience their warmth if possible. And there seems to be an improvement – instead of that man, Seungwan used the word father this time.   

‘He wants me to visit him after the school is over.’

‘You mean, in Korea?’

‘Yeah… I don’t know. I said I’d think about it. There’s still lots of time, anyway.’

‘So it’s not a complete rejection?’ Joohyun presses and Seungwan shrugs.

‘I’m not gonna lie, I always feel suspicious when he suddenly comes back into my life. My mother doesn’t care but well, she’s kinda always here at least and better the devil you know. This time, though… This time feels a little different. A little. He’s been persistent but he gives me my space, too. I told him about you, about my band and pretty much about anything I thought would upset him but he sounded supportive. So… I don’t know. What do you think?’ Seungwan looks at Joohyun. They link their hands at the table.

‘I think there is nothing to lose by giving him one more chance,’ Joohyun says truthfully. ‘If it does not work… we’ll deal with it then.’ Still reluctant, Seungwan smiles in agreement nonetheless.

A waiter approaches them then, asking if they want a refill.

‘Orange juice for me, please-‘ Joohyun briefly looks at Seungwan seated right in front of her. ‘And a coke for my girlfriend.’

‘Man, all this drama just to watch Chanyeol poison himself with a cheap pack of Benson and Hedges again, huh? Talking about bloody character development. Not,’ Tao Huang snorts.

It is afternoon recess at Trent College on a warm April day - and yes, the four of them are back to square one, where it all started. Behind the school gym. For a moment, it almost feels like nothing has changed when in reality, everything has.

‘I thought you’ve quit,’ Seungwan adds, looking at her friend pointedly. Chanyeol only shrugs, his freshly dyed pink hair catching rays of sun. These days it is Chanyeol and Baekhyun who match with their crazy hairstyles while Seungwan has finally caved in and allowed Joohyun to dye it back to light brown.

Seungwan feels that it was high time to slow down a little; to feel a little normal.

‘Hush, I get so much from Baekhyun already, I don’t need your guys’ lectures too. I’m trying, alright? In the meantime, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.’

‘Not that I know much about gay but I’m certain he’ll be able to tell though, the moment he puts his mouth on your-‘ Tao never finishes that sentence because Chanyeol half-heartedly kicks him in the shin.

‘Sod off.’

Tao just guffaws, looking away towards the blue sky. The weather really is wonderful today.

Seungwan turns to Sehun who has not said a word during the entire afternoon. It used to be his usual behaviour but these days, Seungwan prefers him more energetic so when he is not, she cannot help but worry.

‘Have you taken your meds yet?’

‘Yeah, after lunch. I’m a little sleepy, that’s all. I’m fine,’ he reassures.

They all end up sitting down – Chanyeol still finishing his cigarette while Tao and Seungwan mindlessly staring ahead, letting their tired minds rest before their last class for the day.

‘You know, guys…’ Sehun prompts before hesitating. He is occupying his usual place on the side of the pavement, methodically removing pieces of moss that made its way in between the cracks of concrete during the winter time when the boy was not there to save it. ‘I know that Minseok’s graduating soon and all, and you might not want to continue anyway… But I think we should keep our band going.’

‘I wouldn’t mind,’ Chanyeol concedes, nodding. He likes his drums which are now locked up in Zhoumi’s garage.

‘Minseok’s staying in Nottingham, isn’t he? Or we can find somebody else if he doesn’t have the time. I’m not too fussed,’ Sehun continues. ‘Yixing’s new roommate, Alex? He plays the piano well. I bet he could make the keyboards work, too.’

‘It’s not a bad idea,’ Tao admits. ‘It did use to take my mind off the school pressure, I remember. Heck, even my brother mentioned to me the other day that he misses the noise in his garage.’ He laughs and the rest follows.

‘I think… I’ve realised that I relied on our music a lot in the past,’ Sehun confesses. ‘It kept me grounded.’

‘Mate, you don’t have to convince us. I think we all miss being loud,’ Chanyeol jokes.

Seungwan nods in agreement. It is easy to agree when they are all fond of their group interactions. The random rehearsal a month ago only made it more apparent.

‘Ah, only six more weeks, huh,’ Tao starts another topic out of the blue, but one that is on everyone’s mind. ‘I feel like we’ve just finished mid-terms, why are we having finals already?’ He whines.

‘Yixing, Joohyun and Minseok will all graduate,’ Sehun sighs. ‘It will be different without them next year. Yixing invited me to his house for the summer, though, so at least there’s that.’

‘Come to my place in August,’ Tao prompts. ‘Zhoumi will take us around the festivals. Gorillaz will play at Boomtown this year and there’s Creamfields too, towards the end of the month I think. I’m sure my brother won’t mind, they always get too many tickets for those at Oceana.’

Sehun smiles, already liking the idea.

‘At least you have some plans,’ Chanyeol grumbles, putting out the cigarette. ‘I’ve no idea what to do. Man, I wish I could join you too, but I’m guessing my dad will make me find a summer job so it depends. Bagging people’s shopping at the local supermarket will de-brain me once again, that much I’m sure of. Last year every minute felt like an hour.’

He looks at his best friend. The girl sighs.

‘I guess I’ll go to Korea in July… maybe. For a week or so.’ Seungwan still has not decided. ‘Other than that, I’ll be bumming around Chanyeol’s house while he goes to work every day,’ she grins to which he scowls. ‘Or maybe I’ll get a job, too. I think it will be boring to be alone all the time.’

‘The least you could do is to take me along for your fantastic Asian adventures,’ Chanyeol replies and her smile softens.

‘I will… if there’s next time. I think it’s something I need to do alone this time. Joohyun agrees.’

‘Speaking of Joohyun,’ Tao interrupts, pointing to the figure far ahead of them.

The older girl appears in the distance, standing at the door to the girls’ dormitory. Her smile is wide as she waves at them, beckoning Seungwan to come closer. The latter immediately stands up, patting her to get rid of the grass and dust stuck to her denims.

‘Gotta go, my dudes. I’ll see you all later.’ Seungwan picks up her bag, swinging it over her shoulder. She takes another look at her girlfriend, still waving at her enthusiastically. All kinds of emotions overcome Seungwan Son in the moment, before she eventually grins. ‘Man, I swear Joohyun Bae wants me so bad.’

The sound of the boys’ laughter follows her as she runs towards Joohyun.

A/N: I hope you all have a good Christmas if you celebrate it. I read all your comments on the last two chapters and I thank you for sharing and trusting me enough to let me listen. It was a tough time in the last week so it was really important to me to update when I did recently.

I will post the epilogue before New Year's. Thank you so much for reading and please comment / upvote if you liked.

(Breathe is a song sung by Anna Nalick.)