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‘Seungwan,’ Joohyun calls out from what sounds like miles away, or maybe it is just Seungwan being so deep in slumber that her head hurts at the mere attempt to begin the thought process. She mumbles under her breath, more out of reflex to react to Joohyun than any strength to do so. ‘Seungwan.’ She hears another soft call. ‘Seungwan, look.’

The singer finally manages to open her eyes – though the expression might be an exaggeration. She squints at the figure standing near the window, looking out. They do not exactly have a nice view; in fact, it would be more accurate to say that there is absolutely nothing to look at on that side of their tiny school campus. The girls’ dormitory is located at the far end of the premises, not even a parking lot gracing its back yard like it does in the case of the male dormitory located on the far right from the school gate.

Joohyun would not possibly get so excited about a bunch of dirt lying around that area, which can only mean one thing.

‘Seungwan, it’s snowing.’ Seungwan grunts, immediately burying herself deeper in the blankets.

Seungwan has ninety-nine problems and while they are usually equally distributed among Joohyun Bae and Chanyeol Park, the cold… oh, the cold definitely constitutes one of them. If Seungwan could, she would hibernate for the entirety of winter months, not leaving the badly insulated dormitory even for alimentary purposes.

‘Seungwan, you promised. You promised that we’d go into town today for Christmas shopping.’

Uh is the only recurring thought the younger is capable of this fine morning. It is so unfair. She did promise, she remembers it now rather vividly because it comes back to her along with the recollection of lemon and mint scent of Joohyun’s shampoo. When the older asked (tricked, the younger now laments in anguish) Seungwan into accompanying her on her quest for holiday gifts, she took full advantage of the singer’s barely conscious state of being, partially induced by sleepiness after a long school day and partially also by Joohyun’s sweet scent lulling her into a false sense of security. She was already half way to the dream land, safely perched on Joohyun’s shoulder when she uttered the now deeply regretted Humph, fine. She wants to take it back now, she really does and she fully intends to as he finally opens her eyes to properly look at her roommate, but Joohyun has in the meantime approached closer, her expression so hopeful that Seungwan’s heart melts right then and there.

Seungwan hates Christmas shopping. Her family is not Christian but more than the tradition, what upsets and frustrates her beyond belief is the complete disregard that her mother has for the school break that comes with it. She does not seem to care one way or another whether her daughter is at home or in the dormitory, whether she has something to do during that time or not. It is not that Seungwan wishes to have her life dictated; more like, it would be nice to be worried over for once. She supposes that those insecurities and complexes are something that will never fully go away, no matter how old she becomes but bottom line is, Christmas had never been a pleasant time for her – not until she was invited to Chanyeol’s house in the last two years, anyway – and that will probably not change, not really.

But Joohyun needs it, she needs this shopping trip so badly. She needs an anchor to hold on to amidst all the confusion and despair and not knowing. She needs this semblance of normalcy and she stands in front of her roommate holding her breath, nearly expecting rejection but Seungwan could never. Even if it means freezing her toes off, she will disentangle herself from the blanket burrito she had created and voluntarily leave her room on a snowy Saturday.

‘…But I don’t have to wear my bra, do I? I mean, I’ll have three thick sweaters on and it’s not like I have anything that could really jiggle in there …’ She scratches her head, the end of the sentence turning into a big yawn.

Old Joohyun would be scandalised at the remark; current Joohyun only laughs deeply, spontaneously running straight into Seungwan’s embrace and her excited shriek almost, almost makes this sacrifice worth it.

Seungwan grins hard into the other’s flowery night gown.

On the contrary to the initial reaction, Joohyun remains deep in thought for the majority of the trip. Seungwan has next to no idea about suitable places for Christmas shopping, so she suggests Victoria Centre to which her roommate easily concedes. The shopping centre has multiple establishments probably worth their time but as Seungwan mindlessly looks around M&S Home, the only thing that she realises is, I am finally allowed to buy Joohyun a gift this year. She does not know why the thought has not come to her sooner but the moment it does, suddenly nothing seems appropriate or good enough.

‘Say, whom are you going to buy gifts for this year?’

At the lack of initial reaction, Seungwan finally takes her eyes away from a heart-shaped photo frame and looks to Joohyun. The other’s hesitation becomes instantaneously obvious at the sight of a pair of mother and daughter standing some thirty feet away, quietly discussing their choices of Christmas lights spread before them. Seungwan is more than aware of the radio silence between the older girl and her family which has started when Junmyeon left school. Now, nearly three weeks after the incident, there is still no news from either him or their parents and although Joohyun would never admit it out loud, she must be insecure over her own situation. Nobody has come to fetch her or Sehun yet, but if Junmyeon snitches on his younger brother, it will just be a matter of time.

Joohyun has developed a rather disturbing habit of texting her younger sibling every couple of hours just to check up on him.

‘I-I suppose… my mother, my father, Sehun… I should get Yoona something, too.’ Joohyun frowns, clearly upset at how short the list is this year. ‘It’s probably for the best, I do not exactly have a lot of funds right now.’

‘Hey, aren’t you forgetting somebody?’ Seungwan’s arm finds itself around the other’s shoulders, forcing Joohyun to start paying attention again. ‘Moi, of course.’ The older lets out a weak laugh at the statement.

‘And what would you like for Christmas, Seungwan?’ Joohyun turns her head right as much as she can, facing her companion in close proximity, their noses just inches away.

Kiss. A kiss under the mistletoe would be perfect.

‘How about we each hand make our gifts this year,’ Seungwan announces, letting go of her friend – even though she started the skinship, she is also the first one to break it. She used to be better at handling this tension, or perhaps Joohyun used to squirm a lot more; now that the older has adjusted to her roommate being so touchy, it is Seungwan who tends to withdraw first. ‘I’m looking forward to the surge of your creativity. Just no Jesus pictures, please,’ she ads cheekily, trying to dispel the awkwardness that perhaps only she feels.

‘That is very unfair, I’ll have you know,’ Joohyun catches Seungwan by the wrist before they are separated by an elderly couple trying to squeeze between them with a shopping cart. The two pass them on the left but Joohyun’s grip does not weaken. ‘I can already tell that you’ll write me a song or bake delicious cookies. Meanwhile I will be left with the feeling of embarrassment at my own poor attempts.’

Is Joohyun a mind reader? She probably does not need to be, Seungwan reckons, for the younger writes songs all the time, about everything and nothing. But coincidently, that is what she has been doing for some time now. She has been writing a song for Joohyun, one that might not even reach its muse but nonetheless is able to contain all those feelings that constantly threaten to overflow. If only Seungwan would have a chance to sing it for Joohyun during Christmas then who knows, perhaps her chances of that kiss would also look much brighter.

‘Whatever,’ Seungwan laughs it off instead, afraid to scare the other off again. When she catches the older looking at her fondly, she quickly steers the conversation away from herself. ‘Plus, you know, you still have to help me prepare sweets for the guys. I’ll graciously allow you to sign your name under my own, like the good roommate that I am.’ Although nobody in her group of friends really celebrates the occasion, brownies have always been a universally appreciated gift. This year especially, Seungwan feels that she owes Jongin Kim some explanations – it has been a while since they saw each other and it was clear that he has been avoiding her.

‘Oh, sod off,’ Joohyun replies on reflex, nearly immediately covering in mortification at the cuss. The silence between the girls lasts the entirety of three seconds before both burst out in laughter, by the end of it nearly heaving into each other’s shoulders.

The rest of the outing is spent looking through small memorabilia for Joohyun’s family and Christmas cards with indecent messages on them, courtesy of Seungwan’s misplaced Christmas spirit (‘I just know Chanyeol will appreciate this one!’’). After a moment of looking through the stationary, Seungwan realises that their hands are still linked so she gently lets go, attempting to distance herself slightly.

‘What’s wrong?’ Joohyun notices the movement, frowning at the unexpected lack of warmth by the side. Seungwan shrugs, looking over her shoulder.

‘Nothing, people are staring. Sorry.’ What surprises her is the decisive grip of Joohyun’s palm, bringing her back as she links their elbows and consequently, once again tangles their fingers.

‘It’s not our problem. I’m cold,’ she declares and pulls bewildered Seungwan along to the blanket section.

What just happened?

‘Do you think Joohyun could like like me? Like, for real?’ Seungwan wonders out loud, not being able to take the buzzing of her own mind without letting it all out.

Girls ate lunch in the buffet restaurant next to their shopping destination and having returned to school, went separate ways. Joohyun excused herself under the pretext of going to the library to catch up on her reading but Seungwan knows that year 13 hardly has any homework anymore, especially not right before the Christmas break that will start next weekend. She must have wanted to search for a quiet place to call home again and Seungwan can only hope that this time the call did go through. As for the singer, she found herself going back to the place she used to frequent a lot before Joohyun has filled up all her time – Chanyeol and Sehun’s room. These days it is more of a single room than anything else. Sehun does not sleep there anymore and to Seungwan’s knowledge, is doing his best to transfer to Yixing’s room, though the chances of that actually happening are pretty slim, seeing how even the head mistress has already become privy to their relationship. Nonetheless, for now the two boys continue taking advantage of Yixing not having a roommate which leaves Chanyeol alone most of the time.

‘I don’t know, do pigs fly?’ Her best friend responds, still playing around with his acoustic guitar. Although Chanyeol is a drummer in their now practically non-existent band, he is also well versed in handling many other instruments.

His sense of tact, however, is not the best - he immediately receives a whack in the head with a pillow for his comment.

‘You ugly troll, can you not indulge me a little once in a blue moon? Must you be so cruel?’ Seungwan demands to know, bordering on frustrated. He laughs.

‘Fine, then. If I’m to be completely honest, it just so happens that she approached me the other day, indirectly confessing that she harbours what can only be described as an ardent, though not yet realised, lesbian desire towards you and needed my advice on the matter.’

After what feels like forever of stillness on Seungwan’s part, Chanyeol winds up earning another whack, this time on the face.

‘You’re a total moron, I hope you’re satisfied with yourself,’ she scowls to which he only grins, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

‘Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.’ He laughs some more before changing the topic. ‘My mum called, you’re spending the Christmas break at my house, aren’t you?’

‘Duh. If I’m invited, I’m flying to York on my devil wings first thing Saturday morning.’

‘They you have to be extra nice to me. Mum told me to decide if I wanted to have you over this year or not,’ Chanyeol grins again to which Seungwan scoffs mockingly.

‘What bollocks. Your mother wants me there because she loves me. I’m the son she’s never had.’ The words have been shot like a bullet and the boy’s hand lands on his chest, pretending to have been deeply wounded.

‘Oh no, you did not just say that-‘ The guitar is forgotten on the bed as the two begin wrestling each other in playful indignation. It is not difficult at all for Chanyeol to overpower Seungwan and when his hands land on her sides and ready to tackle, she has to conceit defeat.

‘Don’t you bloody dare-‘ He does not let her off for another few seconds; satisfied with the result, he finally gets off her, lying on the carpet next to her while the girl tries to recover from the unexpected attack.

‘Works every time,’ he sighs happily, but Seungwan only punches him in the arm for the remark.

‘Of course it bloody works, you - you have at least 50 pounds on me. I couldn’t move you if I tried.’

‘Then don’t,’ Chanyeol laughs and is hit again.

They fall silent for a moment before Chanyeol moves around, trying to make himself more comfortable on the floor and puts his palms behind his head. They both go back to the original train of thought.

‘Did you offer Sehun to come with?’ Seungwan starts again but her friend only shrugs.

‘It did cross my mind but I don’t think he’d want to create any more trouble for himself by not going back home this time around. Plus, if he really did want to escape, I wouldn’t be his first choice if you know what I mean.’

‘Junmyeon is a total nut,’ Seungwan adds. ‘Even I’m going bonkers over trying to predict his next move, so imagine Joohyun. Poor gal can’t sleep at night.’

‘I’m sure you can kiss it better,’ Chanyeol leers, this time moving away just in time to narrowly avoid a painful hitpunch in the teeth.

‘Oh, yeah? Like you’re making any progress with Baekhyun Byun. I’ve probably talked to him more times this week alone than you have your entire life.’ Surprisingly, the drummer does not have a snarky answer to that, only humming non-committedly.

When her sarcasm is met with a dead end, Seungwan continues the previous thread.

‘Anyway, I don’t know if we should let them go, after what’s happened with Seulgi Kang.’

‘Well, you can’t exactly stop them either. Bae will take care of it - as long as she’s there, nothing will happen to Sehun.’ The singer looks at Chanyeol suspiciously, her lips slowly morphing into a knowing smirk. She sits up, looking down at the boy.

‘Look at you, all chummy. Somebody finally befriended Joohyun.’

‘…She’s alright.’ Chanyeol shrugs, still on the floor and refusing to make a big deal out his confession.

‘Oh, yeah? How about we invite her and Sehun over to our place then?’

‘Hey, it’s still my place and don’t push it.’ Chanyeol mirrors her movements, going as far as leaning against the bed and picking up his guitar, ready to mindlessly start its strings once again. He relents after a moment of silence. ‘If something happens, which I don’t believe it will by the way, we’ll save their Christmas, of course. I think my sister can whip out roasted chicken or whatever it is that white people eat for dinner these days.’

‘The only white person there would be your mother, you moron,’ Seungwan deadpans while Chanyeol feigns innocence.

‘I don’t know what you mean, at all.’

‘Anyway,’ Seungwan repeats, looking at him pointedly and no longer interested in the silly banter. ‘All I’m saying is that Christmas or not, those two weeks with Junmyeon in the house will be morbid, that’s for sure. I just don’t care to subject them to any more stress they’re already in.’

‘Agreed.’ Chanyeol’s words are punctuated by a sharp of the guitar. ‘Dude, it’s been three weeks and I still can’t forget the expression he had when he lost it right in front of us. You think him and Kang will get married?’

Seungwan thinks back to the only brief conversation she had on the topic with her roommate.

‘I don’t think they have any other choice left. Her father nearly went on a bloody rampage but a child out of wedlock? I hear that’s a big no-no for a Christian family.’ Seungwan’s sarcasm is back. ‘Not our religion, not our problem.’ As if prompted, she then reaches into her canvas bag and produces a small card. ‘Whatever. Better look at what I got you. When I saw it in the shop today, I immediately thought of you.’

It’s Seungwan’s turn to be hit with a pillow when Chanyeol receives his Tis the season to deez nuts card.

They are all there at the table when Joohyun receives a call from home. The chatter stops for a few moments, trying to locate the source of the ringing before the girl remembers that he own cell is not a mere prop and a calculator, but can actually be used for communication. Joohyun has never used it much and is not particularly fond of it.

She catches her brother’s questioning gaze as she finally retrieves it from the pocket of her uniform and his suspicion is immediately confirmed when he notices the girl’s blank face.

‘Excuse me for a moment,’ she says to nobody in particular and leaves her seat in favour of stepping further into the dining hall, finding a quiet place behind one of the pillars. Sehun is only two paces behind her, having shaken his head twice in gentle refusal of his friends’ intervention.

‘You think it’s their father?’ Yixing Zhang is the first person to break the silence and voice out what is on everyone’s mind.

‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ Tao Huang murmurs, picking up his fork and returning to pushing his unfinished broccoli around the plate. ‘That dude is really something else.’

‘I’ve only met him briefly,’ Yixing admits reluctantly, not entirely willing to take a trip down the memory lane in that very moment. The light scar under his left eye will probably never completely fade.

‘I’ve been to their house once,’ Tao replies, taking everyone by surprise. Chanyeol looks up from his noodles.

‘What do you mean, you’ve been to their house? I’ve known Sehun since middle school and I’ve never once been invited.’

‘…Well, I wasn’t exactly invited, so there’s that,’ Tao sheepishly explains, ready to dive right into what seems to be an embarrassing story but Seungwan interrupts them.

‘Hey guys, what’s going on?’

The three boys stop their conversation and turn to the siblings still half hidden behind the pillar. Joohyun is no longer talking on the phone but instead squeezes her younger brother’s hand as if trying to make him understand something important. Sehun just looks annoyed, refusing to look her in the eye.

‘What’s he saying?’

‘Can’t hear, it’s too noisy in here,’ Chanyeol replies, making Yixing sigh in frustration. They all stop feigning interest in their food, instead watching the situation in front of them unfold. Sehun shakes his head once again before nearly shouting something at his sister; then he disentangles himself from her grip and leaves the premises in a few long strides, not really caring that all his belongings, phone included, are still on the table that his friends are currently occupying. That is Yixing’s cue to stand up, ready to follow his boyfriend to who knows where. He grabs his own bag from the floor.

‘Tao, can you please-‘ He looks down at Sehun’s things but before he has a chance to finish the thought, the younger is already on it.

‘Yeah, yeah. I’ll leave them in my locker, he knows the combination.’ Yixing squeezes Tao’s shoulder once in thanks before running out of the canteen in hopes of catching up with Sehun.

‘I bloody swear on everything that is dear to me, Sehun’s like my own brother but the rest of his family gives me indigestion,’ Chanyeol laments, appetite long gone.

Joohyun is still standing where her brother left her, clearly trying to come to terms with either the phone call or their exchange – or both. When she finally gathers enough wits to return to their spot, she pretends not to notice the remaining three pairs of eyes observing her every move.

‘Tao, could you please take care of Sehun’s books? He’ll need them for his afternoon classes,’ the girl casually asks when her gaze lands on the forgotten stationary.

‘Ok, what we’re not going to do is this. We are way, way past this,’ Tao completely disregards Joohyun’s words and instead makes a big circle in the air with his index finger, alluding to the senior’s aloofness.

Joohyun sighs deeply but ultimately concedes, dropping the pretence.

‘Just like I predicted, Junmyeon and Seulgi are getting married. On Boxing Day. My parents want both Sehun and I to be there to help with the wedding.’ When not provided with any actual details, all three companions open their mouth to interject. Chanyeol wins.

‘Kinda hard to believe that flower arrangements are what got Sehun’s pants in such a twist over there,’ he observes coolly, waiting for the real bomb to drop. Joohyun looks away, wetting her lips with her tongue. She looks uncertain.

‘My father wants him to sit in the first row and stand witness to Junmyeon’s marriage. To keep up appearances in front of the congregation, I suppose. It was- It was heavily implied that they know.’ No further explanation is needed. There is a brief lull in the conversation among them, each trying to process the information.

‘He doesn’t want to go, does he,’ Seungwan mumbles in a soft voice, looking at Joohyun in worry.

‘Oh, no, quite on the contrary. It’s me that doesn’t want him there. My father has known for a long time, it’s not like this is the first time the topic resurfaces – but I have a feeling that this is actually the first time he might want to do something about it. He can send him away to one of the schools built by our church, for one. I don’t know. But Sehun said he’s tired of running away and keeping quiet. If he does go home in this state, this will not end well for any of us.’ She sighs again. ‘But I don’t think I am in any position to stop him.’

‘Well, maybe we could at least contain the damages. You ready for another visit to the Bae household, Tao?’ Chanyeol deadpans looking at his friend, to which the latter can only gulp nervously, suddenly not so sure of himself anymore.

A/N: This is what I get for writing slowly - literal Christmas in July. Please comment and upvote if you like, and have a good day.

Also, thank you to the person who donated 50 karma points to me the other day (I'm terribly sorry I forgot the name but do come forward, I'll give you a proper shoutout) - I don't know what I'm supposed to do with the points, how to use them or whether I should return the favour (...I don't know how) but nonetheless, just the fact that somebody actually wanted to give me something was so nice, I'm moved. Thank you.