2 months... 2 months he was clean. 2 months since he stopped cutting. It was a bumpy road for him. Sometimes, when Mir was alone, he was tempted to get his hand on a blade. Sometimes if he couldn't find any blade (most probably hidden by GO), Mir was tempted to dig under his skin using his nails but then he realized his nails were somehow kept short thanks to Seungho clipping them off every week as precaution. And when Mir resort to bite his own flesh, either one of his four hyungs would always be on time to stop him. Mostly it was Joon who somehow got a really bad timing and ended up getting himself bitten up by enraged Mir who want nothing but getting rid those who tried to stop him from cutting.

          Mir always apologized the next day though, rubbing tenderly over the bite marks on either of his four hyungs who was unlucky enough to get the brunt of Mir's anger. When Mir broke down, he was into a dark world. His eyes could see nothing but pain and fear and he wanted to hurt himself so he could stop the pain inside so when his hyungs stop him, he couldn't whistand the pain and had to hurt someone. Hurt the one holding him down.

            "I'm hurting and I'm hurting the others..." Mir whispered to the thin air, eyes watery but his face was stoic. He let out a long deep sigh and let his head rested against the window sill. The almost dead tree was alive again. The green leaves and the peachy pink flowers gave more color to the dull brown bark before. Alive... Even the wind touching his face felt alive.

              The four hyungs were getting busy with schedule and Mir got more time alone to himself. When his first suicide attempt failed, for the three weeks, either all of the four or one of them would always stuck by Mir's side, either as silent company or as chatting buddy. But now that Mir had been clean and had behaved, they dare themselves to trust Mir and finally let Mir have time alone albeit they always rushed home whenever they had time to make sure Mir was fine.

               It was cute sometimes how Seungho or sometimes GO and even Joon and usually calm Sanghyun would randomly burst into Mir's room when Mir purposely won't answer to their call from the front door, looking so worried and terrified. Then again, Mir did leave quite a scar to his hyungs by hurting himself the way he did before. But why...

                Why did sometimes he still felt alone?

                But this feeling was different. It almost felt good to be alone. Not as good as being with any of his hyungs but it still felt good like this. Time like this, he was allowed to think. He was allowed to muse over what had happened in the past. He was allowed to remember back those time when he was happy. He was allowed to reminisce the time he felt no pain. And he was allowed to compare his old self to his new self.

                 "Even I felt tired of myself." Mir muttered, watching as the leaves and the flowers danced with the wind, as if waving at him. As if they were alive hence why he was talking to tree like some mentally challenged person but he didn't feel weird because that tree look alive. He was talking to a living thing. It was normal, right. "I don't understand how they can still stand me. If I were them, I would have left long ago." Mir smiled bitterly. He opened his palm and stared at them and when it was long enough, it was as if he could see the ghostly image of a blade in his hand. "I used to think I have no one and that blade. That blade that help me control the pain inside was my only friend. But they prove to me they're here. Always here with me and will always be." Mir curled his finger and the blade image dispersed, replaced by a peachy pink patel that had fall from the faltering flower. "How much longer? How much longer will they stay by my side?"

                "How much longer do you want us to?" GO's voice suddenly disrupted Mir's long thought. He was leaning against the doorframe to Mir's bedroom, his hands crossed in front of his chest as he gazed at Mir with deep meaningful eyes.

                 Mir turned his eyes away from GO, feeling embarassed to not realized he had been watched. "Would you guys leave if I told you to?"

                 "Depends." GO pushed himself off the doorframe and waltzed closer to Mir. He stop when he was standing next to Mir and he looked out of the window. He smiled thinking it was adorable that Mir had marked the tree as his favorite. And when he say marked, really marked, like literally put a poster around the large bark saying 'belong to Mir'.

                  Mir smiled slightly. "I have told you guys thousand times to piss off, haven't I? You guys didn't budge."

                  GO smirked, leaning closer and bumped his head playfully against Mir's. "But I didn't hear it that way. I heard you scream for us to help you, to stay with you and to hold you."

                   "I bit you."

                   GO glanced at his bandaged forearm. "Maybe you're marking me so I can't leave."

                   Mir couldn't help but laugh. A first laugh since what felt like forever. "I don't know how you come to such conclusion." Mir said after his laughed ceased down and he sniffled a bit.

                    "Because, even if you don't hear it, I can. I can hear your heart." GO pulled Mir into a half hug and rest his chin over the top of Mir's head. "Just like right now. You're laughing but I can hear your cries."

                   Mir blinked and somehow, without him realizing it, his tears spilled down abruptly, wetting his flushed cheeks. He always thought no one would understand him. That was why when he dreaded for an end, and he was denied he felt like blaming the others. And he thought they don't understand him but it turned out it was him who didn't understand himself. Everything tangled up with each other. Each pain, each cry, each scream, each tear from his inside was heard by not only him. Through this thorny path, GO had learned to read Mir and even Mir kept on pushing him and the others away, he didn't feel like giving up anymore because he knew deep down, Mir was desperately reaching out for help and he blamed himself for not realizing it earlier.

                 Or Mir wouldn't have been scarred this much and would have healed better...

                 "You do want a new beginning..." GO said as if trying to convince Mir.

                 Mir shook his head, trying to control his sobs as he quivered inside GO's arms. "I just want it all to end."

                 "Liar..."

                 Liar... I guess I am. I do want a new beginning...