Lucky To Be Unlucky

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Title [9/10]

Personally, I find it to be a cute and refreshing title. It also suits your story really well, what with Namjoon seemingly having such bad luck only to find out that two negatives equal a positive. Your title also emits a comedic and almost silly quality, which I find endearing because your title already set me into an expectation where I would be reading something quite funny or light, and I was glad to see that this expectation was met. Overall, I have given your title a high score.

Description and Foreword [9/10]

First thing first, I gotta say that I love your poster. It’s so cute and silly and I really do think that it suits your story perfectly well. I’m also extremely, extremely pleased to see that you’ve put thought into laying out your description. I can clearly see the dark blue theme in your foreword (which I think is smart considering how it’s set at night and all) and I think the way you set out your foreword really does catch my attention. Anyway, your whole foreword just gives off an energetic and friendly quality that attracts me to continue reading your story.

 Plot [12/15]

 It’s quite the silly plot. What with the whole idea of Namjoon frantically chasing after a cheap beanie and meeting the drunk girl…gosh, the events just get crazier and sillier as I read on. I did enjoy reading the story, and it was a cute little refreshing plot that’s easy to digest (which was good for me actually since I read it on a busy day and I don’t think I had the mental capacity that day to digest an intense fanfiction).

Now, though I understand that your plot is made silly intentionally, but I think with silliness, there needs to be a realistic base so that silly fun doesn’t turn ridiculous. Generally speaking, there aren’t major issues with the flow of your events, but there are some parts in there where I see a little problem:

1. I think Namjoon could’ve been a bit more discreet when he started chasing after the beanie. After all, he is (quote) “an idol, a rapper in my proud group called BTS, currently receiving grands of success and high-rising fans, nationally and internationally.” Though it is 2am in the morning, but I would imagine that there would still be people out there. So before Namjoon run off to chase after the beanie, maybe he should put on a mask? Put on a cap? Or even if he doesn’t since he’s in such a rush to get it back, you should at least mention that he’s thought about the possibility of people recognizing him if he ran out but then quickly disregarded the idea and chased after the beanie anyway. In your story, Namjoon seemed pretty comfortable walking unarmed in the streets where anyone is free to take a photo of him sitting next to a drunk girl by the bus stop, possibly causing a huge scandal tomorrow that will ruin his reputation.
   
    
2. Why is Jury so willing to let a stranger bet on his car? Especially since if Namjoon loses, then Jury will be giving up his car. And if Namjoon wins, then Namjoon gets the other car. Jury should be more cautious, and more unwilling. He should be demanding to ask what he gets in return for letting Namjoon use his car, and how Namjoon decides to compensate him if Namjoon loses the race and loses his car. That would be a more normal reaction.

 Character Development [8/10]

There isn’t much character development in your story, but for your story, that’s perfectly alright. You do have characterization though, and you even had a deep little moment there in the last chapter where the girl’s name came into play with her personality.  

From what I see, Namjoon’s quite a fearless…or fearful guy. He’s not scared to run blindly after a beanie and has enough dumb courage to enter the race, but this is all powered by his fear of his boss finding out that he’s lost his beanie. I guess that’s what make Namjoon so funny and ironic, and it’s also Namjoon’s personality that allowed the silly and comedic atmosphere of this story to emerge.

Sunbok, on the other hand, acts sassy and rebellious but, in my opinion, a little shallow and insecure. She races fearlessly, climbs over the wall to retrieve the beanie and snuggles herself up to a total stranger. But at the same time, she talks sadly about her name, she mentions of fixing her appearance and herself to become the girl her ex-boyfriend (I assume?) wanted her to become. In my opinion, she’s not as brave as she appears to be, and sadly, does reflect the situation of a lot of girls in this generation: always striving to be more and more beautiful whilst trying to act tougher and crazier. Nowadays, people don’t like goody two shoes. They like party crazy girls and girls who get drunk, and girls who dress fashionably…not that these are necessary bad, but when that’s all they strive for and they neglect their inner self, they cause themselves a sense of insecurity and shallowness. That’s when it’s bad, and personally, I feel that that’s exactly the kind of girl Sunbok is. (You may agree or disagree with me, if possible, tell me your thoughts on her character.)

Anyway, I got a little too deep there oops ahha. But I’m here to give you my opinion of your characters, so here they are. Also, the fact that I am able to diagnose so much out of one character proves that you have enough characterization for me to do so. Therefore, good job on this section!

Writing Style [18/20]

Once again, your writing style suits the comedic attitude of your story. There’s nothing much to comment here, so I’ll just be moving on. ^_^

Spelling, Grammar and Diction [24/25]

Generally speaking, there wasn’t many spelling errors in your story, but I did find some small mistakes here and there (which would most likely just be careless errors or typos) that I would just fix below:

Original: I picked up the large pieces one by one and put them in a plastic.

Revised: I picked up the large pieces one by one and put them in a plastic bag.

Original: Fortunately, I found one that was long, and I assumed it strong because it was relatively thick.

Revised: Fortunately, I found one that was long, and I assumed it was strong because it was relatively thick.

Original: I was accompanied by a woman, who is probably my age, with a bottle of wine in her hand. 

Revised: I was accompanied by a woman, who was probably my age, with a bottle of wine in her hand.

Anyway, as you can see, I’m just nit-picking careless errors you made throughout the story. It would probably benefit you to revisit your story again though, and try and pick out any more of these mistakes so that the grammatical and spelling errors in your story can be kept to a minimum.

Personal Enjoyment [7/10]

It was a cute, short and refreshing read. I’ve given it an upvote since I did enjoy the story, and I hope this review was helpful to you in any way. Have a good day!

Final Score [87/100]