Sehun followed Yunyeong to a garden of flowers behind the building. He didn’t know that this place existed. For a moment, he mulled over imagining how Namjoo would love coming outback to enjoy the view on a nice sunny day. Bees buzzing and clouds drifting while she drank her tea and jot down notes.

But she wasn’t here. She had gone to Ulsan without telling him her whereabouts or her plans for the day. Did he not matter anymore?

“I’m not saying this because I hate you,” Yunyeong first spoke when they sat down. “I’m saying this because I’m worried about Namjoo. She’s on the way to screwing herself over and I don’t want her to live filled with regrets. I think you’ve noticed by now that she hasn’t been herself.”

“I know.”

“You’re at fault,” Yunyeong bluntly put it. “Namjoo sent off the baby alone, because she didn’t want you there. She told me she didn’t tell you it was a girl because she was upset with you. Did you know about that?”

“No.”

Yunyeong breathed a laugh of disbelief, but he was even more shocked. How could he have known?

“Namjoo believes she doesn’t deserve the baby and so it left her,” Yunyeong went on. “How does a mother go about believing an unborn baby hates its mother already? Do you know how awful that is? For Namjoo to keep blaming herself constantly and telling herself she’s stupid? It’s like she’s hypnotized herself into believing she’s no longer worthy of anything!”

Hearing it stung him too.

“I heard you two talking in the hospital,” Sehun confessed. “I’m trying…”

“No!” Yunyeong raised her voice. “That’s only part of the problem! Are you blind?! I’ll give it to you straight, Sehun. Do you care about Namjoo at all? Your wife? Not as your best friend, but your wife?”

He felt slapped in the face with her screaming. Everything was falling on him so fast he couldn’t find the space he needed for a breather. All this juggling mess blanked his mind out.

“You see,” Yunyeong turned emotional, “that’s your problem. That’s why you’re killing Namjoo every moment, every second of the day. Do you realize that?”

Sehun didn’t know what to say.

“You freaking married her! Why did you claim responsibility for her when you can’t stand up to your words?” Yunyeong continued scolding. “Sehun, Namjoo’s not just lonely. Her heart’s been torn apart waiting time after time for you. She can’t get angry. She never did because she thinks she owes it to you while believing you love someone else. How terrible is it for a woman to live like that while loving her husband with all she has? You’ll love her someday. She lived believing that. She can’t even say your name anymore. It hurts her. How does that make you feel?

“Do you know why she doesn’t want to come home? Why she no longer even wants to try doing anything for or with you? She’s lost complete trust in you. And you know when trust is lost, it can’t be gained back. Why did you marry her to put her through this?”

What could he say?

Tossing her head back Yunyeong closed her eyes. Then looking at him she calmly said, “I was wondering if I should ever show you.” Leaning over to search in her bag she pulled out something. “I took it from Namjoo when she fell asleep. I didn’t want her to see it ever again.”

Sehun watched her pass over the severely cracked mobile phone recognizing it as Namjoo’s old phone.

As he took it the friend explained sadly, “Namjoo received those just before the accident. You heard that she took her foot off the brake, didn’t you?” Yunyeong nearly cried. “You jerk. What were you thinking?”

His eyes completely widened, his mind stunned from the shock of the photos and the text Seona had sent Namjoo.

“Do you understand now?” Yunyeong asked. “Namjoo knows everything even if you lied to her. She lived fooling herself.” Crying angrily Yunyeong demanded, “What did you do to my friend?”

§§§§§

Shame swam through him. Accompanied by it was disappointment in himself. Even worse, he detested himself. Grief, anger, resentment washed over him.

Hwang Seona…

He didn’t know. He honestly had no clue Seona would do that to Namjoo. He had no idea Seona had seen Namjoo privately. That that woman had called Namjoo on multiple occasions. He never imagined Seona could ever harass Namjoo like this.

The baby…his baby…

Perplexed, Sehun ran a hand through his hair. That was why Namjoo didn’t want to come home. Why she didn’t even want to be around him. She believed he had cheated on her. She was hurting alone and couldn’t say anything.

He hadn’t! He hadn’t!

Even if he had stayed behind for work, even if he had gone to check up on Seona when she was ill he’d never done anything uncalled for. Deep within his conscience he knew Namjoo was his wife. He hadn’t cheated.

He had to clear this up with Namjoo. He couldn’t live like this. He wouldn’t let a day go on while she believed he loved Seona. It wasn’t like that at all!

The lights were on when he turned into the driveway. Namjoo was home. Pulling the keys out of the ignition he dashed up the stairs and flew through the door. She didn’t turn at his arrival. The TV wasn’t on but she was sitting on the couch very calmly absorbed in a book. Sehun stood there catching his breath looking at her.

Namjoo…his Namjoo…

in a breath he walked toward her but the second he sat down she closed the book shut and stood. She was really angry with him, wasn’t she? She should be and he deserved it. He deserved to be punished by her so long as they could make up again.

“You went to Ulsan today,” he said getting up to follow. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was a quick trip.” Namjoo coldly replied.

“I waited for you at your workplace.”

“I didn’t tell you to come,” Namjoo stiffly stated.

Before she could head up the stairs he grabbed her arm, “Lets talk, huh?”

Pulling her arm away she shot him a glare, “I don’t want to.”

“We have to. There are things I want to tell you.” He tried. “Have you eaten? Lets talk over a meal.”

“I already ate. If you’re hungry, find your own food. I’m tired. I’m going to rest,” Namjoo said then turned to go. He turned her around again. This time Namjoo flung him away more aggressively. “I don’t want to!”

Sehun looked at her shocked. She was making this so hard for him. He felt so helpless, but he couldn’t ask anyone for help.

“Please, Namjoo,” he begged. “You need to hear me out. I know…I know what you’re thinking, why you’re being like this. If you just asked me, if you could just believe me I’ll tell you everything. I didn’t…I never cheated on you. Ok? I didn’t, I never did.”

“I said I don’t want to hear it,” her eyes became icy, her voice threatening anger. Giving him one last stern glare Namjoo turned to go. Desperate to have a talk with her he grasped her hand. She had to hear him out tonight, because he wanted the Namjoo he’d always known back. He wanted to see her happy not depressed, sullen, and quiet all the time.

“Just listen to me,” he pleaded. “That night with Seona…”

“Let go!” Namjoo shrieked tugging back.

“I didn’t do anything with her!” he shouted trying to override the volume of her voice, but Namjoo kept screaming and trying to escape. “Just listen to me! I never did anything with Seona…”

“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!” Namjoo’s deafening scream hurt his ears but what muted all noise was the slap that stung his face. The grip on her hand loosened. Very slowly, he lost her hand.

Namjoo’s breath shook before faltering, both shocked by what just occurred. In the entirety of their lives he had never hit her and Namjoo had never laid a violent hand on him. They had played around, choked each other playfully but never had they hurt each other so physically. This was one of the moments that opened their eyes to what they had been doing, what they were thinking, and what was really happening. And what was happening was suddenly clearer than day, clearer than the feelings he didn’t know to himself.

They were no longer on the same page.

Namjoo fell a step back as the shock of the slap swept over them. Shuffling past him she burst out the doors.

Left alone, Sehun tried to put together his thoughts, wondering what had gone wrong. He would go nowhere with Namjoo gone. She still needed to hear him out. For a long time, he paced around with phone to his ear. The endless tone of the ringing phone almost cut his patience.

Perplexed, he stood by the window peering into the night world. The streets were empty, all quiet. No one was out. At this time, where would Namjoo go? She had no car. Did she have money on her? What if something happened? What if someone tried hurting her?

Worry spread through him like a virus. Where would he go look for her? Would she come back home tonight?

Unable to calm his nerves he called for her mother who picked up at the first beat. He wasn’t sure what to say. If he told her he and Namjoo had fought he would just worry the elders. And he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary trouble.

“Oh…I was just…I was just wondering if Namjoo stopped by,” Sehun lied. “She stopped by the store earlier and didn’t come back yet.”

“Namjoo didn’t come by,” her mother said. “How is she doing these days? I’ve been worried about her. I was talking to your father and was going to suggest seeing a therapist.”

It was…that bad, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. It was his fault. Yunyeong was right. It was all his fault Namjoo was like this now.

“What are you apologizing for?” her mother asked confused. “It’s ok. Namjoo will get better.”

Would she…ever?

“I’m sorry for bothering you so late,” Sehun apologized. After hanging up he stared out the window again. He wanted Namjoo home. To at least be safe under their roof. He had been too impulsive. That was his problem. He was always too impulsive. If he could stop once to think things through clearly this wouldn’t have happened.

Frustrated with himself Sehun could all but sigh. After an hour, he stepped outside and sat down on the front steps. Where was Namjoo? Why wasn’t she home yet? Would she have gone to Yunyeong’s?

He didn’t want to, but he ended up calling Namjoo’s best friend. He was that desperate.

“What’s going on?” Yunyeong asked.

“Is Namjoo there?” Sehun wondered.

“What’d you do?” Yunyeong interrogated. “I swear to God, Sehun, if you did something to upset her I’m going to kill you.”

“You’d be first in line to,” Sehun wasn’t amused. “Could you help me look for her? I’m worried.” He paused. “And I don’t think she wants to see me right now.”

She sighed, “Fine, but don’t expect her home.”

“Let me know when you find her, ok?” Sehun asked. “And tell her I’m sorry.”

“Tell her that yourself,” the friend said then hung up on him.

Sighing deplored, he ran a hand through his hair. Frustration was the most of his feelings but more than that he really wanted to punch his own guts. Namjoo had been hurting by herself and all he had done was remain oblivious and absorbed in what went around him. Had he stopped for a moment to think about her? How she was doing, feeling, and what she was really going through? Not just her pregnancy, but Namjoo as a person, his wife?

Sehun couldn’t remember. Namjoo had just cheered him on from the sidelines, encouraging him to focus on work. And he had ignorantly listened to her while forgetting that she was also human and with feelings. Their baby had suffered and Namjoo’s heart had been tormented with sorrow.

What had he actually been doing? While trying to be a better man and a good husband, had he really not cared about Namjoo? Was it a lie to himself when he said he wanted to marry her to fix up his own mistakes? Had it been for his own good and not hers? Did he really…not care at all?

He was such a jerk. What a waste of space and air he was. Namjoo cried when she confessed to him and he couldn’t return even a percent of her feelings? What was really going on with him?

Sehun quickly looked up when a car drove by hoping that it was her coming home. Disappointment floored him when the vehicle disappeared down the road. Sighing, he lowered his head again. When was Namjoo coming home? He was worried.

Lifting phone up to his ear he dialed for her and listened to the phone ring. It was hopeless. Namjoo didn’t even have her phone with her.

Dejected, he went into his voicemail where he had saved the last of Namjoo’s concern for him. It seemed now that that was the last night she really cared for him. He should have come home. He should have come to her.

“Where are you?” Namjoo asked unable to help but let the sadness soar through. “Can you come home? I’m waiting for you.”

His heart ached. Where was she? Why wasn’t she coming home?

§§§§§

“We’re going to have to do an x-ray to see if anything is wrong,” the doctor said. “Are you pregnant by any chance?”

The mere sound of that word sent pain soaring through Namjoo. grew tight and she tried with all her might not to end up sobbing.

“No.”

“Then please wait here a minute,” the doctor instructed. When he walked away Namjoo looked around her to see wounded patients from pain. Others with minor injuries were talking ecstactically and calmly with the nurses and the family that had come for them. She was jealous.

She had walked around until she tired and reached the bus stop where she asked to borrow money from a stranger. From there she’d ridden the bus to the hospital where she walked in to the ER. She had slapped Sehun with her left hand. It had left an impact because that was her broken arm and it was now hurting. She decided here was better than home and anywhere else where Sehun could find her.

The nurse took her cast off and she went in for an x-ray. Her arm was starting to swell but with some caution it should go down and the cast should come off in regular time. Relieved, Namjoo hesitated before asking if she could borrow a bed for the night. The doctor allowed it thankfully and that was where she spent the night without sleep.

By morning she shamelessly asked for some spare change from a stranger. Finding the public phone down the hallway she inserted the coins and called Yunyeong, who immediately came running to her aid.

“Hi,” she greeted out front when Yunyeong came running toward her.

Slapping her shoulder the friend scolded, “What are you doing here?! Do you know how worried I was?!”

Rubbing her shoulder Namjoo laughed amused, “I came to get my arm checked.”

“You idiot!” Yunyeong yelled then inhaled and asked calmly, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” Namjoo replied.

“Are you sure?” Yunyeong asked. Namjoo nodded before they turned around to head toward the parking lot. “Did you eat?”

“Not yet.”

“You’re stupid,” Yunyeong name-called. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder she led her toward her car, “I’ll buy you some food.”

Breakfast was brief. Namjoo withheld any details from her friend who dropped her off at home afterward. To tell Yunyeong what had happened last night was like going into a closet she wasn’t ready to enter. The conflict between her and Sehun was supposed to be a private one and it was one she wasn’t yet prepared to delve into. To speak about Seona, about her heartache, and the loss of her baby were things she wasn’t mentally prepared for. And she couldn’t forgive Sehun yet. Those things might not sound like a big deal to others, but to her they meant more than that, for they had taken a portion of the most important part of her lifetime. She had wanted a happy marriage but had been letdown, and it wasn’t simple for her to accept. It was difficult to cope.

Sehun wasn’t home when she got in. There was a note at the front door that told her where the spare key was. Loneliness washed over her threefolds when she walked in. Silence all around her. Heading upstairs she washed and changed into fresh clothes. The purse they had fought over the other day was back on the drawer. Beside it was another note and some spare cash for a cab. Her phone was also beside it. There was a voice message. It was from Sehun.

“It’s me,” his voice was melancholic, “for being hasty yesterday, I’m sorry. I’m ok, so you don’t have to worry about whether you hurt me. I hope you’re all right and that wherever you went, you didn’t get hurt. I missed you last night.” There was a pause and then a breath. “Namjoo, please don’t be hurt. I just want you to be ok. Since today is a Friday, lets do something, hm? I’ll wait for you at our usual. You remember, right? We used to have a lot of fun there when we were bored. At least for today, lets do something together. Please? I’ll wait for you.” Quiet again. “Sorry for leaving such a long message.” He sounded flustered before finishing, “I left you some change for a cab this morning. I hope you have a good day at work. I’ll see you later.”

***And as always, Yunyeong gives the best speeches. She put Sehun right in his place. Now, he has more to think about. It's very sad and painful but Sehun needs to be patient and supportive more than anything else while Namjoo gathers herself together. Until she can feel some faith in him again she can't open up anymore. 

***Might be my last update of the week. We'll see if I can update tomorrow.