§§§§§

Darkness continued flowing through the air easily. His breathing remained steady as he sought the dark for the answers Namjoo had never given him. Sehun could no longer make sense of their friendship. He cared, he really did, but it seemed as if Namjoo had already flown off to another planet. The weight of her soft steps neared the foot of his door before she passed by. Slowly getting up to open the door he poked his head out into the empty hallway. Namjoo was already in her bedroom, door shut tight, and he felt it was to say he was no longer invited into her world.

That they were no longer anything.

What came the next morning made him the most uneasy. Namjoo at the kitchen table. Namjoo beside him.

Awkward.

It was hard to even look at her, even more so than he ever expected. Deep in his heart he still wanted to be close to her, but physically it wasn’t the same. They had yet to talk after their night spent together, but to start it…how?

Tingles swept up his body when their arms brushed. Namjoo was stony-faced, kept eating away like he wasn’t there. He was hungry, he wanted to eat, but all he was aware of was the presence next to him.

Namjoo.

Namjoo.

Namjoo.

He gulped. This was difficult. If it was to be like this, he’d rather Namjoo be angry at him. He needed her to yell at him, be mad, get pissed off. Sehun needed her to do something.

“Sehun.” His attention was finally brought to. out of his thoughts his head shot up, wondering if he may have missed something. Namjoo’s father stared straight at him.

“Huh?” he asked lost.

“I was just wondering; do you know where you’re going to go after this?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Once you get your degree,” he went on. “Have you decided where you want to go and what you want to do? Have you found a job yet?”

Were they…

Before his thoughts completed Namjoo’s mother interjected, “We were just thinking it might be better for you to find your own place. Not that you’re not welcomed here, it’s just we were thinking since you’re starting to be independent and you’ll probably get married soon, it’ll be more convenient for you than to stay somewhere like this.”

But he liked it here…

Disappointment sliced through a part of his heart. He slightly turned to glance at Namjoo hoping she would say something in his defense, but she just sat there quietly.

“Why don’t you take some time to think about it?” her father snatched his attention.

Sehun glanced at the elders and nodded his head. He couldn’t refute.

Straight after breakfast Namjoo headed up to her bedroom. The door was shut tight once again when he went upstairs. If not for the rift growing between them they would be out bathing under the sunshine. It seemed like so long since he had done something decent with Namjoo.

His phone beeped by the time he walked into his room. Taking a glance at it showed three missed calls and a text from Lee Chul.

§§§§§

“You’re late!” Chul called out shooting a hoop when Sehun walked into the fenced basketball court. Jogging toward the bouncing ball he caught it before throwing it over. Sehun caught it perfectly against his chest before bouncing it against the floor.

“What do you want?” Sehun wondered. He wasn’t too happy seeing the guy, but he wasn’t really pissed off either. Yet, the fact that Chul had touched Namjoo before still struck him.

“I was thinking I need to know why you’re angry with me,” Chul said. “I,” Chul began, “was with Namjoo yesterday.”

Sehun shot him a flat stare before throwing the basketball against the hoop. It smashed against the board hard before falling noisily. Chul made no move for it.

“I told you not to go near her,” Sehun warned.

“Why?” Chul wondered. “Why can’t I? Why are you the only one privileged to? Namjoo isn’t your woman, so why are you being like this?”

“Don’t twist things around. This is not about me,” Sehun hissed.

“You sure?” Chul asked. “From the way I see it, you’re the one acting like a jealous man. When I told you I like Namjoo you weren’t the least bit happy for me.” He interrogated unhappily, “Why?”

Something flashed through Sehun. He hesitated, because it was true. He hadn’t been happy. He hadn’t helped Chul get Namjoo, he hadn’t wanted to let them get together. Still, he refused to open his mouth.

“Why are you angry with me, Sehun,” Chul stared straight into his eyes, his demand for an answer heavy.

“You don’t need me to tell you,” Sehun muttered walking pass. Picking up the ball he shot it through the hoop behind Chul.

“I don’t know.”

“You know!” Sehun turned around with a shout.

Chul stared back bewildered by his attitude but remained calm. “I don’t know.”

“You know you took her to the motel, don’t play stupid with me!” Sehun yelled. Eyes furious he breathed heavily. “You know what you did.”

Apparently calm Chul returned the knife-like stare. Sehun wanted to punch him for putting on such act.

“Who did you hear that from?” Chul quietly questioned.

Sehun clenched his jaw. He then realized it was ridiculous. Wang Taihee was his only informant, and that guy himself was hateful.

“Yes,” Chul breathed, “we went to the motel, but I didn’t sleep with her.” A moment of silence then he said, “I confessed. Namjoo said she doesn’t feel the same.”

Blocks of guilt and embarrassment fell down on him one by one. Sehun felt drenched under a cloud of impediment.

“Now,” Chul went on, “I think it’s time you really figure out why you’re angry with me.”

Chul turned to go. Pausing he said with the slight turn of the head, “You don’t even know how lucky you are,” then walked off with the gate door noisily closing.

§§§§§

Hiding seemed to be the only thing she could do now. She couldn’t face Sehun. His face was the reminder of how low she had fallen. The two of them were suddenly polar opposites and she no longer knew him as the kid she’d grown up with.

Maybe it was true that all guys wanted were . That was all Incheon had been about. It shouldn’t have happened, but she made it happen. All because she loved Sehun. He’d never see her in the same light. Her worth was merely nothing now. She would never have him. She could never be lovely Seona. She wasn’t that beautiful. She was just…Kim Namjoo.

It was hateful. The way she’d become. It was stupid. It was out of her control. Her feelings were stupid. She was stupid.

Namjoo rubbed hands against her face and pulled the blanket over her head when the cab engine stopped outside her house. At least, she thought, within soon time he would be leaving her home. She would be able to breathe again when he left.

§§§§§

What kind of person was he? Sehun kept pondering that in the back seat of the cab as he silently returned to Namjoo’s house.

Lee Chul had not ruined Namjoo. He hadn’t stolen her dignity nor had he shamed her in the worst way. His hands had never touched Namjoo.

Sehun wanted to slap himself.

He was the worst scum on earth. What had he done? Sick to the stomach his legs refused to move when the cab stopped outside of Namjoo’s home. How could he ever face Namjoo’s parents with his smile? How could he even look at her?

Blame Namjoo? To hell with him. How could he put fault on her for allowing Saturday night to happen? He should have known better, even if in that one moment he had wavered. It wasn’t Namjoo who’d let it happen. He had led her on. She could have walked right out of his room with Taihee’s ugly cardigan, but he hadn’t let her.

The most innocent part of Namjoo had been taken from her. He was the criminal. The worst of its kind.

Friend? How dare he even want to be friends with her? Naïve, innocent Namjoo…he had destroyed her.

Sehun nearly pulled his hair out before the cab driver impatiently asked, “Are you getting out?”

Slamming the car door after him Sehun stared at the building before him. With what kind of guts did he have to come back here? To Namjoo’s place…

Astonishing anger warped through him. He hated, despised, and wanted to punch himself. To crawl on his knees was something he needed to be doing. To Namjoo’s parents who loved him like their own he should plead forgiveness. And to Namjoo…he would never be able to make it up to her…

A young boy biking by stared at him with curiosity as he passed. Realizing he’d been standing outside for several minutes now Sehun forced himself toward the door. The cozy home – scent of fresh flowers Namjoo’s mother loved gathering from the market floated through the house. Freshly laundered clothes were spinning in the washing machine down the hallway with backdrop music coming from a favorite radio player.

Pausing at the bottom of the stairs Sehun stared up. Namjoo was in her room. That morning he had wanted to at least say something to her to fix what had gone haywire Saturday. Now he realized, it was impossible to fix. No right word could return what he had taken.

Slowly making his way up he paused a few steps away from her doorway. There was a reason why Namjoo didn’t want to look at him, why she didn’t even want to talk to him. She was right to think it, he thought, that he was that kind of guy.

§§§§§

Seona called early the next day. It was the best possible excuse to skip breakfast with the Kim family. Breakfast with his beautiful girlfriend was just the kind of air he needed away from his problems. Seeing her cheery smile was refreshing.

They went for a walk, visited window shops, and mulled over interesting displays. With Seona’s hand in his everything felt right. He was able to forget all the wrongs, pretend like all was right.

It was short lived.

“I was worried about telling you this, but after some thinking I thought you should know,” Seona said after they stopped to sit down at the park. “Namjoo didn’t come back to the room Saturday night.”

Sehun grew nervous. What if Seona found out he had been disloyal?

“I think she and Taihee spent the night together.”

“What?!” Sehun turned to look at her shocked.

Seona slightly shrank back surprised. “I know you care about her…I just thought…”

“Who told you that?” he frowned taken aback. Namjoo and Taihee…what the hell was she thinking?!

“I heard from Taihee…”

Freaking Taihee…

Sehun continued staring at her flabbergasted. His mind was whirling. He was highly perplexed that he didn’t know the right way to respond. He was ransacked with guilt…he also wanted to be found out, but he was also relieved.

Her warm hand landed on his arm, “That wasn’t what I wanted to talk about today.” His bewildered gaze landed on her, wondering what else she had to say. “I’m moving out of my apartment. I got a job.”

“Oh…” he managed to say monotonously. “Congratulations.”

“We also have some openings in our business department. I know it’s not what you’re studying, but you could start somewhere,” she suggested. “And…you can come live with me.”

His mind whirled again at the unexpected topic.

“I mean…by now you probably shouldn’t keep staying there,” she said. “We could get engaged if you’re uncomfortable.” She suddenly appeared shy, “I can wait on marriage.”

Sehun’s eyes trickled down to where her finger repeatedly traced a line on his arm. This was…a lot to take in.

§§§§§

Namjoo’s parents wanted him to move out anyway… Was he ready? To be on his own…without anyone?

Sehun stared at the ceiling unable to come to a decision. He wasn’t ready for the big life. He didn’t want to let Seona go. On the other hand, he didn’t want to leave Namjoo’s home. Right now, he felt if he did he and Namjoo would forever lose touch. He didn’t want to lose touch with her, even though what had gone down between them was unamendable.

What to do?

Shooting up from bed he stared at the door. There was something he had to do first. A few minutes later he was by the yard just outside of Taihee’s student complex. It was where he stayed with Sungwoo a few blocks from campus. The dark bushes against the building looked like round elves in hiding. The building old and gray was in dire need of remodeling. From the square windows Sehun could hear music pounding into the air, most dorm rooms still occupied with busy bees.

The swing of the opening door caught his attention and he turned to see the tall figure walking out toward him. A hand waved toward him, the man grinning. “Sehun!” he greeted happily. “What a surprise at this time of night.”

Man, he was annoying. “Hey.”

“I was surprised you called,” Taihee commented. “You had a date with Seona earlier? She kept rushing us back because she wanted to see you.” Sehun swayed upon the push of his knuckles and wanted to click his tongue out of irritancy.

“Why’d you lie?” Sehun asked. He bit the inside of his lower lip. Though he hated himself, was angry with himself he would face the fact that he had Namjoo Saturday night. No one else had touched her.

Taihee raised a brow then playfully nudged him with his shoulder. “Come on, man. Don’t be like that. I saved you.”

Sehun stepped away, this time choosing to show his irritability. “Stay out of it.”

Taihee scoffed this time. He still wasn’t taking Sehun seriously. Irked, Sehun just stared at him. Whatever he did Taihee would play it off. What mattered most right now was that this guy was continuing to step on Namjoo. Sehun wouldn’t let him continue to ruin her by telling everyone Namjoo had spent the night with him in Incheon.

“Hey, I was helping you,” Taihee lightheartedly pointed out.

“I didn’t need your help, won’t need it, and don’t need it,” Sehun glared.

Taihee looked him over then he scoffed with a bit of laughter. “Hey, you think I don’t know what you did behind Seona’s back?” Stepping forward he quietly said, “Namjoo had my cardigan on her, but it somehow made it back to our room.” Eyes drifting down Sehun’s figure then back up to his face he said, “If I were you, I would have burned the evidence.”

He started back toward the complex then stopped. Hands in pockets he turned around, “Seona left after you. The rest of us knocked out cold in Sungwoo’s room. I didn’t even make it back to our room.” He snorted with disbelief, “I can’t believe I covered for you.”

***Sehun still wants to be friends, believes he can still make amends after what happened between them until he learns that he was Namjoo's first. Suddenly he realizes the depth of what has happened. He's guilty and angry. Seona has proposed a great opportunity for him, but - WHOA! - engagement? Maybe it's time Namjoo learns she can't be sulking right now. Whether she had been used for bed purposes in Incheon or not, she still loves Sehun. And Taihee's lie just made everything worse. I like how Hun's protective nature reeks with love tho