§§§§§

Sehun was back from wherever it was he’d gone. Tired of lying in bed Namjoo had gotten up to sit down. Back against the wall she imagined hearing him walk around his room before settling into bed. On the other side of the barrier that separated them, what was he thinking about? Her? Seona? About moving out and what he would do for the rest of his life?

This morning her parents had surprised her. She hadn’t expected them to bring the topic of moving out so soon. Then again, she was glad they had done it today and not later. It was starting to become unhealthy for her living like this. She needed to smile a little more, laugh every day, and have the energy to actually do something.

Sehun would be out of her life for good once he graduated. The rest of her life would be hers to own without him. That was for the better she agreed. Seona and everyone else would disappear along with him. There would be no one to aggravate her. Her stomach would stop twisting and her heart would no longer drop or break. Perhaps somewhere far into the future she would discover someone else to love, someone who would actually make her happier.

These thoughts calmed her somewhat through the night until she tired enough to crawl into bed to sleep.

Classes resumed the following day. She and Sehun returned to their regular schedules. For a month things remained empty between them. The semester would draw to an end soon. Thirty more days to go. Namjoo supposed Sehun would move out once winter hit then he would be out of her life for good. In her world the things that were supposed to be never were. For some unknown reason the unforeseen forces always worked against her.

Wang Taihee called her out for the first time since she’d given him her number a while back. It was a congratulatory meal for completing her first semester he said. She had to go no matter how busy she was, using the excuse that he would remain at the restaurant until it closed. When she arrived he had already ordered food for them and had already started eating.

“I wasn’t sure you were going to come,” Taihee said, “so I started first and decided I would eat another one until you showed up.”

“It’s all right,” Namjoo said sitting down.

“You know Sehun doesn’t like me, right? Was thinking he wouldn’t let you come.” Taihee snorted with what she thought was bitterness. Namjoo stared at him wondering why he had that thought. She had no idea Sehun disliked the guy. They were friends, she had assumed, since he was from Seona’s side.

Without saying anything Namjoo lifted up her spoon to taste the broth of her soup. It was cold, but she continued eating anyway. Whatever she supposed, since she was out she better eat before returning home. It would be no use sitting in that kitchen soaked in silence with Sehun next to her.

“What, you have nothing to say about that?” Taihee asked with a raise of the brow.

What did he want from her?

Changing the subject, he questioned, “You want to hear a secret about what happened in Incheon?”

Dropping the foot of the spoon into her bowl of soup, Namjoo imminently glanced up at Taihee. Eyes wide with anxiety she stared. Did he know?

“Seona asked about something interesting,” Taihee’s eyes sparked mischief. Namjoo nearly gulped. “Right after you left to go buy drinks, Sehun excused himself from the room. She asked me, why Sehun cares so much about what you do. I didn’t even notice, but now that I think back, he did seem pretty unhappy the entire time we were there.” He laughed lightheartedly, “I told her not to worry about it, because you two are just bestfriends, right?”

Namjoo’s throat became dry. She couldn’t keep up with him. Was he telling her he knew she had had a one night with Sehun…behind Seona’s back?

“I don’t think Sehun would bat an eye at another woman when he has Seona. It just wouldn’t be right,” Taihee commented. “Seona really likes him, you know. His looks are top standard, but now she likes him even more. You know she graduates this semester? That means we won’t be seeing her around campus anymore. That’s a loss for Sehun, but then I hear they’ll be moving in together. Something about getting engaged.” He rubbed his chin teasingly, “Was that it or something else?”

Her stomach churned. She felt sick. For certain instinct told her Taihee knew she had slept with his friend’s boyfriend, and he was taunting her. What to say? If she miscalculated her words she would shamelessly confirm the truth that she had slept with Sehun. How would she face the entire world? It was shameful, embarrassing…embarrassing because Sehun didn’t even care about her.

Subconsciously, her grip tightened on her spoon. She hadn’t realized that she had stopped slurping on the soup. Taihee observed her closely.

“Actually,” he professed, “she thinks something is going on between you and Sehun. She talks to me about it, but doesn’t dare say a thing to Sehun. There’s nothing going on, right?”

“Of course not,” she lied even though a part of her wanted to say otherwise.

As she drove home it felt like the soul had been from her flesh. Sehun was getting engaged. The raining dismay flashing through her made her heart sink even deeper. It wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted Sehun to move out but not to move in with Seona. No, they couldn’t be together. Namjoo couldn’t stand knowing they were under one roof together. Fine, she thought, Taihee might know she had had with Sehun but that was as far as it went. That guy could taunt her as much as he wished, but to let Sehun and Seona be…Namjoo wouldn’t allow it.

Closing the door noisily Namjoo turned when Sehun looked her way surprised. Her eyes shot away from his gaze before she glanced back at him with urge. It dawned on her again. Sehun would become another person’s. It would hurt a thousand times over more than it did now. Did Namjoo want to let it get that far? Obviously not.

“What?” he asked.

Her heart knotted itself. She was upset for so many reasons; for liking him, for avoiding him, for tossing friendship aside, for losing control of everything…just for everything. Most of all, she was upset because he didn’t want her the way she wanted him. Suddenly, she wanted to scream into his face: WHY DID YOU SLEEP WITH ME?! The heated kiss he’d given her in his hotel room in Incheon resonated very strongly through her memory. It had made her hot, want him on a level that had been forbidden to her. It was painful. Why did he have with her if he wasn’t going to do anything about it afterward? The very desire to cry and beg on knees for him to take responsibility because he had done it grew. Yet, she was the real fool for letting it happen. She had kissed him first. The night had taken place all because of her, and it was worse because he had been prepared for it…and that had meant something.

Namjoo wanted to throw herself into a gorge, disappear forever. She was afraid though. If she went Sehun wouldn’t come after her. The fear grew in height. She would lose him forever to Seona.

It couldn’t happen.

Part of her wept. He didn’t love her, but she so wanted him in a million ways. She had fallen so low, even longing for him though his heart truly wasn’t hers.

Determination increased. She would have him. Under all circumstances, her feelings had come first for him.

Without answering him she turned to head up the stairs.

§§§§§

Nowadays nothing felt right. His mind wandered when he was with Seona. His heart yearned to speak when in Namjoo’s house, only he didn’t know where to start, what to say. Sometimes, his heart seemed to pick up pace when he stared into her empty room. The imagery of her sitting at that desk working hard or just daydreaming the hours away was electrifying, like he was getting zapped. Or knowing that they were sitting side by side at the kitchen table eating the two meals a day, breakfast and dinner, made him content. Despite the fact they rarely talked in her house he wished there were more hours in the day to see her, build the courage to even say “good night.” Sehun wanted to tease and make fun of her again, swim back to those good times. Though he feared losing her before he feared it even greater now. He would have to move out, would have to work a job that kept him hours away from contacting her. Namjoo wouldn’t pick up her phone, he would never get to hear her voice again.

He was afraid.

Namjoo always existed at the back of his mind. It was clearer this time around that she occupied 85% of his wonders. In class he would find himself wondering if Namjoo thought of him while jotting down notes, if she daydreamed about them getting together one afternoon to just do things, and if she ever missed him at the lunch table.

It was abnormal, but so very comforting to think of her.

The semester was coming to a close. He had talked it over with Seona. His parents wouldn’t be too happy if he got tied down so early before he even found a steady job. First, he’d get a place of his own then let the rest of his life fall naturally into place. They had spoken on the phone for long hours until they agreed on something. He was yet to tell Namjoo’s parents about it. When they gathered on the last weekend after finals he would tell them. Part of him wondered if Namjoo would be tempted to finally talk to him then. Would she say “Congratulations” or nothing at all?

§§§§§

“Isn’t this wonderful?” Sehun’s mother smiled. Since his parents had come up they had gone out for a meal at a restaurant. Reunited again. Namjoo sat quietly while listening to the elders chat. Sehun wasn’t with them today. He was with Seona. Today was her graduation. What would they be doing? Every thought of each scenario made Namjoo feel disgusted to her core and it upset her. She didn’t want Sehun kissing that woman. She didn’t want Sehun touching that woman at all, but they were a couple.

Upset, Namjoo stuffed food into in hopes of dispelling all discomfort in her. When Sehun returned that night two hours even before midnight, Namjoo merely glared at him before slamming the door to her room. It didn’t matter if he had returned early for his parents. She didn’t want to be around the man reeking of Seona. Every thought of that woman made her blood boil.

§§§§§

Seona probably wanted to be alone with him. Sehun got the gist. He felt guilty for even telling her his parents had come up to see him, so he hadn’t. It was the first time she had invited him to her apartment. Her roommate was out for the weekend so they would be alone. After the usual ritual of watching her walk down the aisle and handing her a large bouquet and taking some pictures they were here, enjoying a few casual drinks. The both of them, alone.

They were sitting close, back against the couch, arms brushing. Seona talking about her new apartment and if he would help her move in. She would also introduce him to her parents and was wondering if he would introduce her to his. The thing was, he hadn’t told his parents about her. It just hadn’t gotten to that point for him yet. Maybe that was what added to the weight of his guilt.

All thoughts paused when she touched his hand and leaned forward to kiss him. His cheeks should be flushing with heat, but it wasn’t to that extent. He did kiss her though. That was as far as they got when she pressed herself against him before her doorbell rang. A few seconds later he heard the guys laughing cheerily through the doorway.

“See, I told you,” he heard Sungwoo. “She wasn’t alone.”

“Sorry for interrupting,” Taihee apologized insincerely as Sehun turned back to see them. Something sparked in his eyes as Seona closed the door. “Thought we could celebrate before you move.”

“You didn’t have to,” Seona said accepting the box of drinks from Sungwoo.

“Don’t mention it,” Sungwoo said. “So what’s good?” Glancing at Seona unaware of Taihee’s growing antic he asked, “You two probably weren’t…”

Slapping his arm Seona said, “Nothing happened.”

“Oh-ho,” Sungwoo teased. “You haven’t even gone there yet? What’s wrong with Sehun?”

Scoffing, Taihee added, “Yes, what’s wrong with him?”

Sehun shot him a stare watching as the two sat down with them on the floor, Taihee next to him. He wanted to breathe a huff of irritation, but didn’t.

“Oh wait, my roommate left some snacks behind. Lets have that,” Seona said getting up to head into the kitchen.

“Why don’t you go help?” Taihee asked Sungwoo.

“Fine, whatever,” Sungwoo muttered getting up.

When they disappeared Taihee leaned in to whisper, “A few weeks ago, Namjoo came out to see me.” Sehun’s stare turned sharp. Taihee’s smirk was devilish. “Don’t worry, we didn’t go anywhere naughty. Just had a meal and a conversation.”

Sehun turned to look elsewhere.

“You look angry all of a sudden,” Taihee commented. “Why? Do you really care about who she sees?”

Shooting his stare back Taihee’s way. Deeply annoyed he said to spite the man, “Yes, so stay away.” Turning away with a huff Sehun switched attention and a smile when Seona returned.

He finally excused himself when his parents called. Seona walked him to the door regretfully. He was sorry to her, but truth was that he also wanted to leave. He couldn’t stand being around Taihee. Sungwoo was annoying too, but not to the extent where Sehun wanted to punch him. Wang Taihee stood on another level possibly because he didn’t have a girlfriend to keep him busy.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I didn’t expect them over. I told Taihee we were going to spend the evening alone. I wonder why he came.”

“It’s ok,” Sehun assured though he didn’t understand why either. “I’m sorry, too.”

“Don’t be,” she smiled then leaned up to kiss him. “Call me?”

“I will,” he promised then turned to go. As he headed back to Namjoo’s his heart flared up with bantering heat.

“A few weeks ago, Namjoo came out to see me.”

Darn Taihee. Stupid Namjoo. She just wouldn’t listen to him.

When he returned he met with his parents shortly. Their parents were gathered in the living room talking with the TV blaring. Refreshments had been sorted out onto the coffee table. All of them appeared gleeful.

“You’re back?” Namjoo’s mother greeted.

“Where have you been?” his father wondered. “Hurry on and wash up. Your aunt baked some goods. Lets get together, sit, and catch up.”

“All right,” he replied before heading up the stairs where he found Namjoo standing in front of her room. Her stare was menacing. She looked super distressed and angry, at what he didn’t know. When she slammed her door he wanted to scoff. He should be the one angry. She had been doing things against his words. Turning away he went into his room to grab a change of clothes and headed toward the shower.

The living room was full of life when he went back downstairs. Namjoo had joined the elders and was listening to them with a pretty smile he hadn’t seen in ages. She looked upbeat compared to the glare earlier. It was confusing seeing her like this. Making no comment he joined them.

“Oh, Sehun, Namjoo was just talking about taking summer classes and working with her friend over the summer,” his mother said. Work? He hadn’t heard a beep about it, not even when he sat with her family at the morning table. “What about you? What are you plans for the summer?”

“Why don’t you come work with me?” his father suggested. “We’ve interning positions. Get some training to put on your resume. It’s hard getting a good job nowadays. The industry is many times more competitive than what it used to be.”

“I don’t think I’m going to Daegu,” Sehun said. “I want to stay here.”

“Oh?” his mother remarked. “Why?”

He hesitated then said, “I already applied for a position. I’m just waiting to hear back.”

“That’s great!” his father commented proudly. He smiled in agreement. After much thinking he had accepted Seona’s suggestion. He didn’t want to leave Seoul. He belonged here.

“Then,” Namjoo’s father wondered, “where will you be staying?”

“You haven’t told them?” his mother asked.

“Oh…no,” Sehun answered almost hesitantly. He wondered if Namjoo would feel like it was a stab to their relationship that he hadn’t told her earlier. Yet, it wasn’t like they had been talking.

“Told us what?” her mother said.

All eyes landed on him, but Sehun felt his eyes jot toward Namjoo before anyone else. “I’ve decided to move out.”

“You have?” Namjoo’s father restated. “Why, we didn’t know.”

Something pulsated through the air before Namjoo abruptly shot to her feet unexpectedly. Their parents turned her way surprised. She looked nervous, almost edgy when Sehun looked at her.

“He can’t,” she spoke.

“Namjoo…” her mother started but was cut off.

“He can’t go with her,” Namjoo quickly continued.

“What…” his mother began confused. Again, Namjoo cut the elder off.

“I’m pregnant.” Sehun’s eyes widened. Gasps vibrated through the air. “It happened when we went to Incheon…it’s Sehun’s.”

***LIES LIES LIES! LIES EVERYWHERE!!!