§§§§§

Sehun came into work extra early in hopes of getting all his paperwork done. He would pick Namjoo up from the hospital then he would spend the rest of the day with her. They would eat anything she wanted to eat and do anything she wanted. He had everything planned.

By the time he finished everything he packed all else away and was prepared to head off. He ran into Seona mid-hallway.

“Where are you going?” she asked. “The work day hasn’t ended.”

“I’ve done all my work, so I’m heading home.”

“Why?” she continued. “Then, can’t you help me with mine? We can have lunch and dinner afterward.”

“I’m going home,” Sehun insisted.

“Sehun!” Seona shouted after him when he turned to hurry off.

Heading toward his car he jumped in and sped down the road with one glance at his watch. He was running late. Namjoo shouldn’t have to wait for him all the time, but he was making her wait time after time. When would she stop being disappointed with him?

15 minutes later he arrived at the hospital and darted down the hallway toward Namjoo’s room. It was empty when he ran in. Searching the bathroom, he discovered it empty. Heading back down the hallway he walked up to the reception desk.

“Where has the patient in room 404 gone?” he asked.

“Let me see,” the receptionist said pounding on her keyboard. Looking up at him, “She checked out a few minutes ago.”

Sehun frowned confused. Namjoo was supposed to wait for him. Where would she have gone?

Turning around he headed back out debating on which parking lot to search. Namjoo could have gotten a cab anywhere around the hospital, and seeing how busy it was during the day it might take her some time getting one. He hoped she was still outside. They were supposed to have a nice lunch together. He had had a buffet in mind.

It was extremely windy today. Cars were beeping at each other when he crossed the lot in search of his wife. Sehun didn’t have to run far when he recognized Namjoo’s mother. Her short, shaggy hair was recognizable anywhere.

“Mother!” he shouted and watched them stop. Running the rest of the way toward them he stopped, panting.

“Sehun,” Namjoo’s mother said surprised.

“Where are you going?” Sehun asked.

“We came to pick Namjoo up,” her mother answered. Sehun’s eyes jot toward Namjoo whose eyes didn’t meet his through the hair flying over her face. She knew he was coming for her. Why?

As if sensing that something was up her mother smiled kindly, “You’ve been busy these days, so it might be difficult for you to look after Namjoo. For just a few days until her health is a little better she’ll be at home. Don’t worry about her and work hard, all right?”

“Oh…” was all he could mutter though dejected.

Turning around her mother opened the door for her then got in after her. The woman looked out the window at him and offered a motherly smile before the car was off and they were out of sight.

§§§§§

“What was with that?” Namjoo’s father asked from the driver’s seat. “I thought you said Sehun knew you were coming with us.”

“Namjoo,” her mother tried.

She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t even want to say his name.

“What’s going on?” her mother worried.

“I’ll tell you about it later,” Namjoo said then leaned back into her seat and closed her eyes. Right now, she wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

§§§§§

The house was quiet, lone, cold. Sehun walked in wishing he could walk right back out. It felt different knowing that Namjoo wasn’t there.

Walking right upstairs he couldn’t help but stop by the room Namjoo had worked so hard to prepare for their baby. Pushing the door open he peered inside. Everything spoke of the effort Namjoo had put in to make it all perfect. It was heartbreaking how it all had turned out. Now this room was nothing but a memory.

“Don’t touch my baby’s stuff.”

No, he wouldn’t touch anything. It made him sad, too. He hoped Namjoo knew that he was just as tormented by losing their daughter as she was.

Making it to their bedroom he lay down on the bed then turned to stare at Namjoo’s empty spot. She should be here with him, he thought. It would be even cozier with her beside him. They would talk, he imagined, about a lot of stuff. They would cry together, comfort each other, he’d hug her, and they’d nap to escape from reality together.

But he was alone…Namjoo hadn’t come home with him.

Pulling his phone out he called and waited for her to pick up. She didn’t. He tried again in hopes of reaching her. There was a yearning for her voice and to know that she was thinking of him. Again, Namjoo didn’t answer.

In the end, he was left lying there quietly. It was so boring.

Getting up he walked around. He didn’t want to leave home nor was he in the mood to. Stopping down by the shelf in their room he sat down to pull out a photo album Namjoo had brought from home with her. Opening it he found pictures of her as a child then some pictures of them together as kids and others of them as they grew up together changing from brats to immature adults. Sehun laughed by himself amused. It was when he tucked the photo album back that he noticed a box hidden far behind it. Curious, he reached in to pull it out. The box looked strangely familiar. Opening the lid, he discovered the jar of handwritten notes and folded origami money he had given Namjoo as a gift when she finally passed her college entrance exam. Sehun had expected Namjoo would have depleted the money by now, but she had kept everything. He was left with awe. Namjoo had really cared about every detail of their relationship.

When he had dinner that night all he could think about was hearing Namjoo crying to Yunyeong. She had felt alone on so many occasions and she hadn’t said anything about it to him. Had he forced her into that situation? He supposed he had. On those evenings, he had had dinner with Seona…

The guilt killed him. Yes, he had made Namjoo eat alone. Tonight, he was getting served his punishment. Namjoo wasn’t here with him. On many evenings, she had been this lonely. Disappointed in himself for having been ignorant, Sehun dug into his tasteless dinner.

That night he couldn’t sleep. He called Namjoo again but she didn’t pick up.

It was the same routine the rest of the week. Lone breakfast, work, then coming back to an empty house and having dinner alone. He was starting to miss Namjoo’s amateur food, her voice, her bodily presence. The house was too quiet. Sehun was becoming lonely.

Sometimes when Namjoo didn’t answer his calls he would go into his voicemail to hear her.                                                                                                        

“Where are you?” Namjoo asked unable to help but let the sadness soar through. “Can you come home? I’m waiting for you.”

There was too much to regret. He should have been with her that night. He should have done all he could to come to her sooner. Sehun missed her and he wanted to apologize so much, but Namjoo wasn’t there for him to do it.

At the end of the week Sehun was unable to take it any longer. Saturday morning he woke up extra early and drove straight to Namjoo’s house. He still had the key after all, so getting inside was no problem.

“Mother?” he called out. “Father? Anyone home?”

No one answered him. He hoped that they were asleep or if they were out they would be back soon. Deciding to head upstairs he poked his head into his old used room before passing Namjoo’s room. He twisted the knob to discover it locked. Sehun’s heart jumped. If it was locked that meant Namjoo had to be in. He knocked and pressed his ear to it. “Namjoo?” he knocked again but Namjoo didn’t come to the door. Presuming that she was asleep he headed downstairs for the master key then headed back upstairs. Unlocking the door, he pushed it open to hear beer cans roll across the floor. Halting in order not to surprise or wake Namjoo up if she was still asleep he waited. When he heard nothing Sehun poked his head in to find Namjoo curled up on the bed and bottles of beer sprawled around her room like it was some bar.

What had Namjoo been doing these past few days? Sleeping, eating, and drinking?

Pushing the door wider he stepped in appalled. Did her parents know she was drinking?

Heading out he returned with a garbage can and began picking up. Namjoo, who was knocked out cold, didn’t stir as he moved around. After clearing the trash away, he walked over to the bed to look down at Namjoo. Her arm was still wrapped in the cast. Moving down to lie down behind her he entwined his fingers cautiously through her fingers and wrapped his other around her head to block the light out. Sehun worried if she had been sleeping well these days or if she was like him.

Closing his eyes, he lay with her feeling, for the first time that week, really good. This was how it should be.

§§§§§

It was late afternoon when Namjoo finally awoke. Her mother hadn’t bothered to wake her up that morning like she had all other days. By now she figured her parents had sensed that something was wrong. They had stopped asking about Sehun two days during her stay. Namjoo hadn’t spoken much either. It was as if her heart had suddenly turned ice cold and she had distanced herself from everyone.

She could hear her mother talking as she headed down the stairs. Namjoo thought she might be on the phone but then she stopped dead at the bottom of the staircase when she saw Sehun at the table with an apron and chopping away at some vegetables.

“You’re finally awake?” her mother asked noticing her. “Come help with lunch.”

Her chest ached, her insides tortured at seeing Sehun in her home. She stepped back wishing she would have worn a bigger shirt. It was obvious that he could see there was no longer a baby bump.

“No,” Namjoo lied, “I actually have plans. Eat by yourselves.” Turning around she quickly headed up the stairs. Digging through her closet she pulled on some clothes and threw on a big sweater even though it was warm outside. Grabbing her keys, she walked out but stopped at the top of the stairs. She didn’t want to head down. That meant she would have to walk past Sehun to get to the door.

Gripping onto her keys tightly she paced back and forth. Those pictures floated back to memory and seeing Seona in her head was so haunting she might break down on the spot again. Recalling that Sehun had spent his birthday with that woman…and her birthday with that woman broke her heart again and again.

“No, no,” Namjoo patted her cheek and pampered herself with self-talk, “you can do this. You can do this.”

Slapping both sides of her face she took a deep breath and hurried down the stairs to act as if she was late for an appointment.

“Where are you going?” her mother asked as she scurried past.

“Don’t wait for me,” Namjoo said focused on slipping into her shoes. Then pulling the door open she raced out. In the end, she really didn’t go anywhere. After purchasing some subs, she drove to the river to wait for the sunset while sitting quietly in her car.

§§§§§

“Don’t worry too much about her,” Namjoo’s mother spoke grabbing his attention from where his eyes had followed Namjoo to the door. “She needs some time.”

“I know.”

“It’s not easy for an expecting mother to lose her baby like that,” her mother sympathized. “It’s crushing Namjoo hard. She hasn’t spoken much these days.”

He nodded in understanding. “It makes me sad, too.”

“I’m sure it is,” she walked over to touch his arm. “I know you must want her home, but let her stay a few more days. The doctor said not to push her too hard. If Namjoo finds it hard to come home, I’ll talk to her.”

“Ok.”

Sehun intentionally stayed because he wanted to see Namjoo again. He feared she might feel ashamed for losing their baby and he wanted to show her it was all right. Whether it was on purpose or not, Namjoo returned extremely late. She appeared surprised to see him still there when she arrived at the doorway.

That was when he decided to excuse himself.

It was awkward when he passed by. Namjoo didn’t even glance at him as she walked away. When he stopped to slip into his shoes did he hear her mother telling her to walk him out. Turning around he waited anxiously on the doorstep for her.

Namjoo was pale but nonetheless healthy. Her parents were doing a good job with reviving her health.

“Did you have fun?” he asked.

“It was all right.” her voice was quiet and eyes didn’t meet his.

“I called you a few times.”

“I lost my phone.”

He tried with a smile, “I found your phone in the closet.” Her eyes switched from one direction to another. He knew she had put her phone away on purpose, because he had found it on silent mode. Sehun wouldn’t probe on it however. “I charged it too, so pick up when I call ok? And…” he hesitated, “I miss you. It’s lonely at home. When are you coming back?”

His heart jumped with anticipation when Namjoo finally looked at him. Had she been waiting for him to ask?

He was wrong.

Just like before when they started falling apart, Namjoo closed the door in his face.

That night he spent the extra hour calling her, waiting for her to pick up. When she refused to he decided to leave the longest message he’d ever left for anyone.

“It’s me,” he started, “I can’t sleep. What should I do? It feels weird without you here. I didn’t realize it before, but the house feels different when you’re here…and when you’re not. Can you answer your phone when I call? Just once? Please, Namjoo? I really want to hear your voice. It makes me less lonely when I’m home by myself. I miss you. Come home soon.”

§§§§§

“How are you doing?” Yunyeong asked when she picked Namjoo up on a Thursday morning.

“I’m ok,” Namjoo answered fiddling with the paper boat on her lap.

“Are you still at your parents?”

She quietly nodded.

“Namjoo,” Yunyeong called as she turned into a parking lot by the river and parked the car. “I’m on your side, you know that right?”

Her eyes remained on the boat on her lap then she turned to her friend. “I know you are.”

Smiling, Yunyeong touched her shoulder, “If you’re sad, I’ll be sad with you, so you don’t have to cry alone. Understood?”

Pulling on a smile as tears welled up Namjoo nodded. Releasing her seatbelt, they both stepped out of the car and walked toward the river. She had asked to come today because she wanted do something for the little girl she’d lost and for her own healing. The least she wanted was for her baby to go well and to reach heaven, maybe in the future to return to her. It’d also be ok if her baby decided to become the daughter of a happier couple.

Namjoo couldn’t help but cry again as the water carried the paper boat away.

***Best friend award goes to: Yunyeong

***Sehun's finally starting to feel it. Namjoo's drifting again but it's also because she believes Sehun cheated on her, what a horrible experience to go through in a relationship