Four hours after falling asleep Namjoo woke up. Groggy, she the lights and sat on the floor merely staring into space for a few minutes until she gathered the strength to get up. Making way to her closet she pulled out the gifts Sehun had handed her the other day. This time she sat on her bed and went through the bags pulling out the sweater, tennis shoes, and backpack. The second thing she noticed was that Sehun had ripped off the price tags which didn’t at all help conceal the fact that these were pricey items.

Running her hand over the gifts she wondered whether Sehun thought about her at all during the summer. Or had he only thought about her when he came back?

Sighing, she fell back onto the bed and to her side. Whatever happened next she would have to be a thousand times more patient now.

I like seeing you happy…

Had Sehun really been uncomfortable because of her? Could she have that much of an impact on him?

§§§§§

“You’re up early today,” her mother greeted.

“Morning, mom,” Namjoo said. “Do you want help with anything?”

“If you could grab the dishes down from the cupboard that’d be great.”

Doing as told Namjoo opened the cupboard and grabbed some plates. She turned in time to see Sehun coming down the stairs. For a second she looked away from him to gather her wits then finally turned back to look at him with a tiny smile. Sehun didn’t glance at her though.

Once the table was set and they had all sat down Namjoo picked up her utensils then paused. Glancing over at Sehun with hesitance she forced herself to say, “Lets grab some coffee later.”

“Oh, ok,” he nodded.

It was slightly awkward, but Namjoo was determined not to let it be that way for too long. For years now neither she nor Sehun had gotten into fights. They had learned to compensate, compromise, and consider each other’s feelings. Last night was the first time in a while that both of them had raised voices at each other, and it was her fault.

They stepped out of the house after breakfast. As she dug through her bag for the keys Sehun held his hand out, “I’ll drive.” Namjoo shot him a glance and quietly handed over the keys.

“Where to?” he asked when they were on the road. When she didn’t say anything he reminded, “You wanted to come out. It’s your pick.”

Namjoo peered out the window. She wasn’t sure where she wanted to go. She wanted to go to a place Seona would never go with Sehun or rather Sehun had never stepped into with her. Namjoo hated it even more that Seona seemed to be the center of everything every time she was with Sehun. Why did she have to think of that woman so often? It was grossly annoying.

“Can we…walk around?” Namjoo turned to look at him.

Anxiety walloped through her when he turned to glance at her. Veering into a parking lot near the river they grabbed some drinks from the vending machine. Discovering an empty bench by the jogging trail they sat down, watched passersby come and go, and sipped on their chosen drinks while they consumed time.

“It feels like a lot of things have changed,” Namjoo started, “a few summers went by, you’re near graduation, and I’m just beginning college. I feel like we were a lot closer in high school before studying became everything to you.”

“What are you talking about?” Sehun asked. “We’re still friends.”

Incapable of withholding a bitter smile Namjoo strayed her gaze to the concrete. Ants were crawling into the home they’d created in the crack of the sidewalk. These things, small and weightless, were so strong and capable against this big world of odd things that could crush the living daylights out of them in point-one-seconds. Namjoo wanted to be strong, but all she felt was small and weak against these huge feelings devouring her from within.

“Are we still?” she quietly wondered.

If they were still friends…would he be able to look at her through the same eyes as hers? Could friends fall in love? Could Sehun ever fall in love with her? Or would he forever choose someone else over her?

“What is it?” Sehun asked. “You’ve been moody all week. Since we’re out now, you can tell me.”

Would you be able to understand, she wanted to ask, my feelings? Can you accept my heart?

She wouldn’t be able to live with him if she ever told him her feelings. Namjoo wasn’t courageous enough to tell him her feelings. If things were to change between them…she’d rather keep her lips sealed tight for an eternity.

“Right?” she asked looking at him with a grin. “My hormones must be acting up this week.” Laughing she lied, “My period didn’t come this month, so my body has been making me weird.”

He frowned at her, “What the hell…that’s nasty, and it isn’t funny. You should go get yourself checked up. Does your mother know?”

“No,” Namjoo quickly shook her head, “I’ll probably be all right. Must be a false alarm or something.”    

Sehun further narrowed his eyes at her, “That’s really it?”

“Mmm…” she nodded, “that’s it. You know how I am during that time of the month.”

His frown lessened, but his eyes still observed her carefully. “You haven’t…been seeing someone, have you?”

Namjoo burst into laughter, flabbergasted by what she was hearing. “N…no!”

“All right, I was just asking,” he simply said.

Suddenly nervous about the topic of relationships Namjoo lifted the bottle of water up to her lips. She didn’t want to talk to Sehun about whether she had a crush or not nor did she want to go about asking him if he was interested in anyone. The answer was too obvious for her. Most of all, she was ready to hear it straight from his lips that Hwang Seona was the one.

“What do you think about Lee Chul?” Namjoo literally spat out her water upon his question. Sehun turned to her surprised by her reaction. “Are you ok?”

Slightly coughing Namjoo raised a hand up to wipe her lips. “I’m…I’m fine. What…what were you saying? What’s wrong with Lee Chul?”

Her friend merely stared at her. Namjoo partially expected him to break out into laughter to mean that he was joking about something regarding their friend Chul, but he looked serious. It was a mood killer and Namjoo fought not to show it.

“Lee Chul, what do you think about him?”

Stupefied by the question Namjoo glanced out the corner of her left eye then her right. Then to Sehun, “What do you mean? Lee Chul is just Lee Chul. Am I supposed to think of something?”

He shrugged, “Yea. Like, don’t you think he’s cool?”

“Uh…I guess,” Namjoo answered confused.

“A lot of girls would like him.”

Namjoo further looked around the park. There was a mild crowd of joggers today, even some dogs but not too much hype that would disturb their conversation. Right now she suddenly wished something would interrupt them like, a child screaming. Instinct told her that this conversation was steering itself in a direction she didn’t like although she didn’t quite know what it was yet.

“I suppose,” she nodded in agreement. “Lee Chul seems like that kind of man.”

“Man?” Sehun repeated sounding amused, which further left Namjoo confused.

“Well, he’s a guy,” Namjoo pointed out. “What am I, supposed to call him a girl?”

Sehun laughed at her. “You’re quite dull, Namjoo. I really get surprised by you sometimes.”

She tried not to frown. “Ok…”

“Would you ever date him?”

suddenly went dry. The park faded into the distance and Sehun shifted closer into her view.

Did he really just ask whether she would consider dating a longtime friend?

Did he?

With his own mouth?

Abruptly bursting with laughter to kill off the sudden vibe of shock and surprise, Namjoo subconsciously threw the hand grasping her water bottle up and down, splashing the water about.

“Namjoo!” Sehun called out grasping her hand. “Careful, will you?”

Nerves tingled and her heart felt fuzzy. Sehun holding her, touching her. Her heart raced.

She gulped.

Pulling her arm out of his hand she said, “That’s not funny. Why would you say that about Lee Chul?”

“Say what?”

Her eyes drifted toward the river hidden by tall reefs in the distance. “Why would he date someone like me?”

“What’s wrong with you?” Sehun asked. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Why would you say that?”

Turning toward him with an upset frown she asked, “Then why would you even ask that?”

Did he want to send her off to someone else so he’d feel comfortable dating without worrying about her like her parents had mentioned? Was she not a friend but a burden?

“He likes you.” And all of a sudden Namjoo felt like gravity stopped working. She had floated into some kind of parallel dimension, her thoughts not her own but flying around her.

That was the last real conversation they had before the fall semester began and they each drifted off onto their own paths. Sometimes Namjoo missed him, but when she saw him she no longer missed him and it felt like her feelings were no longer there. On other days, it just felt like hell not seeing Sehun. They texted but not too much. She often missed him because their timings were different, even seeing him at night was hard because either he or she was cooped up studying.

She understood, then, why Sehun had had no time for her when he began college. Classes took a toll on everybody. Projects were the worst. Exams were the next worst. And Namjoo slowly began to understand why it felt like she and Sehun were becoming less than friends. The future held many uncertainties, but to make sure it remained sturdy one just had to keep focusing on the brick road ahead and fight off distraction. For that she was glad that she no longer spent her time wondering when she would have to pick Sehun up from classes or wake up early to send him. It really felt like she was living a life of her own. Without Sehun.

That didn’t mean that they were no longer close. They chatted happily at the breakfast table. She’d hear about his days, his professors, and stories about some annoying classmates. Then she’d hear about the art club. Though he didn’t mention Seona directly she would still recognize that note of excitement in his voice.

And that was it. How they’d become after just a month of the semester.

§§§§§

Friday had finally befallen the world. Namjoo couldn’t wait until she could sleep in the following morning and not be disturbed awake by three of her annoying alarms, which she set thirty minutes apart just in case she couldn’t wake up for the first one. Her car was parked in the lot across the swimming center. The Student Union building was just beside it blockaded from the main street by a patch of sidewalk. As she neared she spotted a tiny group of curious girls forming adjacent to the building. Soon she realized why.

“Namjoo!” a figure shouted to her from the curb where a handsome black car was parked.

Halting, surprised, Namjoo turned to see who had called her. The tiny group of girls stepped back as Lee Chul stepped up onto the sidewalk with a broad smile on his face. His famous clear white teeth they had often made fun of in high school shone beautifully under the sun.

“Chul,” she greeted when he neared. “What are you doing here?”

He glanced at her backpack, “It sure is refreshing seeing you be a student again. How do you like it?”

“Well…it’s all right,” Namjoo replied and felt her eyes shift toward the girls watching.

Lee Chul was good looking, wasn’t he? Even Sehun said so, but why wasn’t she feeling a tiny bit of attraction?

“Are you done with class?” he wondered.

“For today until Monday.”

He smiled with some laughter, “Are you hungry? Lets go get something to eat.”

“Uh…actually, I was about to go to my car. I shouldn’t leave it here too long, might get a ticket after seven.”

“Really?” he asked.

“How about we meet up at the restaurant? Where did you want to go?”

“Why don’t you take the car home and I’ll come pick you up?” he asked.

Namjoo hesitated. It would be a date then, wouldn’t it, if she sat in his car and he drove her around? She wasn’t ready for it and it sounded…uncomfortable.

“Oh…ok,” she inclined unable to refuse her friend’s offer.

They landed at a modern restaurant with an inexpensive menu, something he knew she’d like. Namjoo supposed it was an advantage that he was her friend.

“Pick anything you like,” he said. “Everything’s on me today.”

“No, it’s ok. I have some money,” Namjoo shook her head.

“I said it’s on me. I wanted to congratulate you for finally starting the semester.”

“But you already gave me a cake…” Namjoo let her voice die in the middle of the sentence.

Lee Chul only smiled, “I said don’t worry about it. You like seafood, right? They have a good selection here.”

Namjoo’s eyes immediately drifted back to the menu before she caught herself. This was a date if he was driving her back home and if he was paying for her food. He had even helped her into her chair when they got in. She wasn’t used to this. Lee Chul was just her friend…

Thirsty, Namjoo grabbed her cup of ice cold water. She felt uncomfortable but she couldn’t let him see it. It would make him feel bad. Lest of all, why did he like her? Would Sehun feel this way if he knew she liked him?

After the waiter came to take their orders and Namjoo closed the menu book she reached for Chul’s. Nervousness warped through her when their fingers skimmed as they both reached for the menus. Quickly letting the menu drop from her hand she allowed him to hand them over to the waiter before turning to her with a warm, gentlemanly smile.

“Are you ok?” he wondered.

“Oh…of course.” No, she wasn’t. This was awkward, uncomfortable for her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yea,” she lied. “It’s just, I feel guilty since you’re paying.”

“If you feel that way, then how about you treat me the next time around?”

“Really? Then that’s a promise,” Namjoo smiled.

“So have you decided what you’re going for?”

“I want to do business management.”

“Business management, huh?” he repeated. “Do you know what you plan to do with that?”

“I want to be a wedding planner.”

“You plan to open your own business?”

“Actually, Yunyeong said I could start with her sister’s business. Did you know she was a wedding planner? I just found that out not too long ago,” Namjoo told. “Interesting, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t know that either,” he said and they laughed it off some. Throughout their ongoing conversation Namjoo forgot about why she was even here and the fact that Lee Chul had feelings for her. On the way home she felt buzzed with happiness, almost as if she were reliving her high school days with friends again. Lee Chul was still Lee Chul, class president, formal and polite. Her friend.

“When are you free next?” Namjoo wondered. When he looked at her questionably she reminded, “I’ll have to treat you next time, remember?”

“Will you be picking me up and dropping me off at home?” he asked jokingly.

“Of course!” Namjoo nodded her head.

“Sounds like a plan,” he said pulling up to her house.

“Thanks, Chul. I had a lot of fun,” she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the door. “It was really nice seeing you today.”

“It’s good seeing you, too. I’ll text or call you sometime,” he promised. With a final wave Namjoo turned to head into her house. Slipping off her shoes she realized this was the longest conversation she’d shared with anyone since school started. Not even Sehun was included. And that was just…saddening.

***Sehun still doesn't know she likes him. Namjoo's starting to see Sehun through a different perspective now that she finally started college and understands why they are growing apart. Now she also understands how it is to be uncomfortable when liked by a friend. Lets see what Sehun thinks in the following chapters