§§§§§

Leaning against the door Namjoo allowed the bags in her hand to drop to the floor. She wasn’t interested in what was in them and she didn’t care about looking. All she thought about was how smiley Sehun had been during the day with Seona. And it hurt all the much more. She hated it. She didn’t want him influencing every big part of her heart, but it still happened unknowingly.

It wasn’t fair.

She didn’t like it.

Throwing the bags in her closet she switched the lights off and climbed into bed.

Sehun was up bright and early, already at the table when she went downstairs the next morning.

“If you wake up this late, how are you going to keep up with your classes this semester?” her mother asked when she neared.

Although irritated Namjoo chose not to say anything. Giving up with having a voice for herself she plopped down in her seat and waited for food.

“Are you doing anything today? Lets go out. I’m planning to meet up with Chul for lunch. You should join us,” Sehun offered.

“I have plans.”

“You do?”

“I’m meeting Yunyeong,” Namjoo lied, eyes immersed into the fine lines in the table. They had no plans today, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t do anything. She’d call the friend up later and decide on something to do together. That could work out too.

“Then lets all hang out together,” Sehun suggested. “It’d be just like the old days.”

Old days? Nothing was like the old days any more.

“Yunyeong and I are going to do girl stuff,” Namjoo excused.

“Oh…ok,” Sehun murmured giving up.

Getting up in order to further avoid him Namjoo called out, “Mom, what’s taking so long?”

§§§§§

Very simply and just like that, Namjoo stopped speaking to him. She ate breakfast very quickly and left the table before anyone else was finished with their plates. By the time he went upstairs her bedroom door was shut tight. He couldn’t even bother her.

Hurriedly dressing Sehun rushed out of the house to find Chul waiting for him outside. They traded their basic greetings when Sehun got into the friend’s vehicle.

“Is Namjoo in?” Chul wondered.

“She is.”

“Does she want to come along?” he asked.

“I asked earlier. She said she has a date with Yunyeong today.”

“Oh…really?” Chul asked with a hint of disappointment. As Chul drove off he questioned, “So how are your parents? What’d you do down in Daegu?”

“Nothing’s new with them. Dad likes his job and mom’s been joining the ladies’ club around the corner of their street. They’re both pretty occupied,” Sehun explained. “I didn’t do much, just went around the city sight-seeing. How was your summer? You didn’t just work, did you?”

Nodding Chul told, “That’s all I did.”

Leaning over playfully Sehun hit his arm, “Come on, man. You did nothing else? No blind date? Still don’t have a girlfriend?”

“Well, I’m still waiting to hear from Namjoo,” Chul said. “Did she say anything to you?”

“Namjoo?” Sehun asked both confused and surprised at the mention of her. “Why? What about her?”

Glancing over at him with a short eye roll Chul reminded, “Remember…what we talked about? You didn’t forget, did you?”

Sehun had to put the friend’s words to thought before he let out a shout of exclamation. “I’m so sorry, Chul. It slipped my mind.”

“I guess that’s ok.”

“I didn’t mean to forget about it,” Sehun apologized. “Should I ask Namjoo about it? I’ll do it when I return later.”

“If you could, I’d be thankful.”

§§§§§

Yunyeong wouldn’t be freed from her part time job until evening, so Namjoo was forced to spend the afternoon by herself. Bored and with no absolute plans she resorted to the park where she sat at a bench sipping on a smoothie. This felt so much better than being cooped up at home knowing Sehun was in the next room.

Her feelings were really starting to suffocate her. She just couldn’t stand it anymore. Namjoo spent the afternoon by herself walking around and stopping by street vendors to eat before being called home by her mom to help with dinner preparation. Sehun was all so gladly helping in the kitchen endorsing one of the aprons her mother had snatched for free from the market.

Holding a silverware in his hand he said, “How can you be late when you’re going to be eating more than half the food. Bad daughter.”

“Where have you been all day?” her mother asked. “Sehun’s planning to steal your spot in this family if you’re not careful.” Turning to grin at Sehun she asked, “Isn’t that right?”

“Namjoo can’t beat me at being a daughter,” Sehun teased.

Suddenly in a bad mood again, Namjoo refused to react. Walking over to the sink she began washing her hands. “What do you want me to do, mom?”

She ate dinner quietly and went over her class schedule with her mom all the while ignoring Sehun at her side. When he made comments like, “You have class that early? You should have taken one at a later time. I could’ve helped you with scheduling.” Her reply was, “I’ll manage.” before veering the conversation back to her mother.

Namjoo offered to do dishes to avoid heading upstairs with Sehun after dinner. Instead, he offered to help her.

“Then you kids clean up. I’ll be in the bedroom if you need anything,” her mother said before walking off.

Irked and fuming to herself Namjoo angrily scrubbed at the plates then loudly threw them aside into the side sink, as if it’d help release her frustration.

“So what’d you do today?” Sehun asked. “You met up with Yunyeong, right?”

 “We did nothing,” she muttered.

“Nothing?” he repeated. “Do you two always do nothing?”

Namjoo didn’t reply, but wished the dishes would hurry up and clean themselves. Quickening her pace she grabbed a dish after another, hoping she would be able to leave.

“If you didn’t do much over the summer, you could’ve met up with Chul. He was in town you know?” Sehun began.

Namjoo didn’t care who had been in town during the summer. She’d spent the entire summer vacation waiting for Sehun to return, but in the end it wasn’t her he had wanted to come back to see. The vivid memory of Sehun and Seona at the mall still burned her mind.

“I’m done,” Namjoo declared throwing the last dish into his side of the sink then wheeled around to walk away.

She despised it. She despised how she still recalled Sehun and Seona sharing coffee; how he appeared so beautifully happy.

§§§§§

Namjoo’s door was closed again. In the end, Sehun couldn’t even talk to her about Chul. Going into his room he flopped down onto his bed. It didn’t take an idiot to see that Namjoo was intentionally ignoring him. But why?

It made him feel bad, like he’d done something awful. He wasn’t used to Namjoo not talking to him. They always talked. He wanted to talk to her, but she was being indifferent. Sehun decided he wouldn’t press her about it yet. Being patient was the best way to go. Maybe something bad had happened and Namjoo wasn’t yet ready to speak about it.

That may be it he decided. He’d just wait.

Yet, the next day and the day following Namjoo was still the same.

§§§§§

“Are you feeling better?” Yunyeong asked.

It was Thursday, not the weekend but still good enough to have a night out. Namjoo had taken advantage of it since it was Yunyeong’s day off from work. They were at a casual bar just enjoying some beer or more like, in Namjoo’s case, binging her frustration away.

“I want to move out,” Namjoo said.

“Why? It’s your house, what sense does that make?” Yunyeong asked.

Namjoo shrugged. “I just can’t stand being there.”

“Don’t you think you’re being too childish?” Yunyeong wondered. “I mean, it’s not like Sehun’s dating that girl. You’re thinking too much about it.”

“It’s all I think about when I see him,” Namjoo muttered. “He looked so happy. I can’t get that out of my head.”

“Then tell him you like him.”

If it were that easy…

Biting her lower lip Namjoo said, “I can’t.”

“Why?” Yunyeong asked with a raise of tone. “It’s easy. Don’t think about it, just do it! You don’t even know what he’ll say. Deep inside him somewhere he probably likes you, too! I’m telling you, Namjoo, he doesn’t care for anyone like he cares about you. That means something.”

Scoffing, Namjoo muttered, “If it was like that…”

“Are you listening to me?” Yunyeong asked with frustration.

“I am. I hear you.”

“No, you’re not!” Yunyeong scolded. “All you’re thinking about is how much better that girl is compared to you; how Sehun sees her in this wonderful light that excludes you. That’s all you see! But have you asked him how he sees you outside of your friendship? I bet he’ll have to think twice and hard before giving you a proper answer.”

“She’s pretty,” Namjoo quietly said dejected. “You should see him when he talks about her, when he introduced her to me…” smiling bitterly Namjoo glanced up into the ceiling lights, “The way he looked…all his attention was on her and it was as if I wasn’t even there. I hate feeling this way. Did I choose to become pathetic like this? I didn’t. I never wanted to like him this way.” Then as if she had been wronged she asked, “Why me? Why do I have to feel this way? I’m the only one like this and it’s not fair. Stupid Sehun!”

Patting her back Yunyeong comforted, “Just let it all out and you’ll feel better. It’s ok, Namjoo. Just let it all out.”

It was nearly half an hour past midnight when Namjoo finally returned home. The lights were out which meant her parents were in bed. Sehun too, probably. She had driven home slightly buzzed, but the majority of her sanity was still there. A few drinks hadn’t helped her feel better sadly. Hoping to be warped to the other world for the night just wasn’t happening tonight.

Stepping into the kitchen she leaned against the counter to kick off her shoes in a stupor. She should have had a few more drinks, because she shouldn’t be able to walk right now. There would be no hangover in the morning. Should she act one out and use that as an excuse to stay in bed? Yes, she’d do that. She’d take the scolding from her mother over coming down early to sit at the breakfast table with Sehun any day.

Namjoo flinched and turned away with eyes shut when the lights abruptly . “What the hell…”

“Where’ve you been?” It was Sehun. He didn’t sound happy.

Namjoo groaned under her breath upon seeing him. She wasn’t in the mood for his crap.

“Do you know how late it is?” he chastised. “You were out all night! If you keep this up it’ll become a bad habit.”

Ignoring him Namjoo walked by. What luck it was that he was still up. She’d rather have her father here in his place yelling at her.

“Namjoo,” Sehun grabbed her arm to stop her. “What is wrong with you?”

“Leave me alone!” Flinging her arm out of his grasp she gritted her teeth and quickened her pace toward the stairs.

“Hey, we need to talk,” Sehun, at her tail, stated. “And don’t ignore me. I’m tired of you ignoring me.”

Biting down on her jaw Namjoo stopped at the top of the stairs and listened to him climb the last step up. Turning around to look at him she exclaimed, “I’m tired of you, too.”

His jaw dropped literally exasperated. “What is wrong with you? Did I do something that upset you?”

Namjoo merely stared at him. She wasn’t down to explaining anything to him. He wouldn’t get her because his eyes were off ogling at someone else. Frustrated she began wheeling around to start toward her room but stopped upon his, “You’re not going anywhere until we talk this through!”

Sehun stepped around her, stopping only when they were face to face. “Why are you ignoring me? You act like you don’t want to talk to me. Why?”

Namjoo strayed her eyes elsewhere to avoid looking into his eyes. Hwang Seona was all she could think about and how despicably happy he’d been with her. She hated brooding over him, she hated not being in control of her feelings, and she hated getting hurt because he kept looking at someone else. And she hated being jealous.

“Is it because I came up unannounced?” Sehun asked. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Namjoo snapped. “You don’t have to tell me anything ever.”

Frowning confused he repeated again, “Why are you so angry? What’s wrong?”

“Just leave me alone! Why does it matter to you?!” Namjoo raised her voice. And she wanted to scream why did he care when he already had Hwang Seona, when she was the apple of his eye, this beautiful girl that Namjoo would never compare to. This God sent woman that was his ideal, his dream, his crush from years ago. What kind of miracle was it to run into her again? Just take it, she wanted to scream, take this chance and just get together with her. Why did he even bother with her when there was Hwang Seona?!

Namjoo wanted to shove him down the stairs. She was upset he had gone to see Seona before he’d come to surprise her with his return. She was upset he looked at that girl with stars in his eyes. She was angry he’d shared his coffee with Seona. She was angry with herself for fawning over him uncontrollably.

She didn’t want to be like this.

“Because it makes me uncomfortable!” Sehun spat in her face. “Why? I came back because I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to congratulate you for finally getting your student ID. I wanted to talk to you. You not talking to me makes me uncomfortable. If I did something wrong, you just have to tell me. Don’t be silently angry all by yourself. Talk to me if something is wrong. I like seeing you happy.” He paused for a short second then resumed, “What’s wrong, Namjoo?”

Now she felt guilty.

Without her own permission from will, she immediately softened. Sehun had wanted to come back early because of her?

Yunyeong was right. She was being childish. Hurting Sehun while trying to protect her own feelings. Had it really helped her feel any better?

No.

Still, she couldn’t muster up the courage to tell him on the spot about why she was upset. The truth was…it was because she liked him. Seeing him with Seona was aggravating for her. The words, “I like you, Oh Sehun,” weren’t easy to admit because they were so close. Because she knew so much about him, because they had grown up together always side by side. To all of a sudden tell him that she saw him as a potential…how would he take it? There was no way a rational person like Sehun would tell her off the bat that he felt the same way.

He obviously didn’t.

That was that part where it hurt most.

Namjoo was just instinctively inclined to protect herself. She didn’t want to get hurt because of him. She didn’t want to feel this agony, but he was her friend at the same time. A true friend she couldn’t live without.    

“It’s…” Namjoo started and hesitated, “it’s nothing. I don’t feel well, so I’m going to sleep.”

Conflicted, she climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her head.

***Sehun didn't want to tell Namjoo about Lee Chul's feelings before, but now he's all right with it cause all he sees now is Hwang Seona

***With Namjoo's feelings contracting what will happen to their friendship?