Blanking for no particular reason, Namjoo found her lips immoveable. The ability to utter any word was impossible.

“Are you going home?” Sehun asked completely unaware of how uneasy she was. When she didn’t answer he went on, “Then lets walk home together.”

Feet heavy like blocks didn’t allow her to step forth. Namjoo gulped again and chanted a mantra to keep herself calm and cool. This was nothing, just dumb Oh Sehun, ugly next door neighbor and childhood playmate.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, expression turning to worry.

Forcing herself to walk forward at last she stuttered with eyes shooting back and forth, “N…n…nothing.”

Doing her best to avoid his gaze she hurried by and listened to him turn to follow. “Are you feeling better? You said you weren’t feeling well yesterday, so,” he dug through his backpack and handed her a chocolate bar, “I got you this.”

Namjoo glanced down at the chocolate bar he must’ve purchased from the lunch lady and it wasn’t the cheap kind either. Before she knew it he shoved it into her face, forcing her to take it. “Oh…” was the best she could do.

“Anyway,” he smoothly continued, “you know…this weekend…about…about what happened, I want to apologize.” But his words only flowed through her ears without transmitting to her brain. All the while her focus remained on the chocolate bar in her hand, which felt like a bar of gold. She’d hit the jackpot was what it felt like. So strange, yet gratifying.

Then she looked up when he stopped talking. “What?” then she felt her entire world flip. This boy’s eyes had never been so mesmerizing before. They had the sunset in them and without effort glowed beautifully. She could see his lips moving but his words were nothing to her ears.

Shaking her head fitfully she shouted as she darted away, “I’m going home!”

§§§§§

Namjoo sure had been acting strange. Sehun couldn’t help but feel that she was avoiding him. It was unusually perplexing that he hadn’t seen her the entire day Monday, because there wasn’t a school day he didn’t talk to her. Come to think of it, ever since they learned to blabber the alien language they had always been together. A day without some of Namjoo’s pip squeaking was not a day at all.

That Monday he was determined to wait for her. They would walk home together was what he’d planned and he would tell her he was sorry. Ever since Saturday night, something unsettling had been growing inside the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t stop thinking that he’d done Namjoo wrong. He simply couldn’t live a day after upsetting her and not apologizing. It had always been that way between them.

Now as he watched her run off he was starting to wonder if he’d really crossed the line of their friendship. Maybe Namjoo hated him. In the entirety of his lifetime spent with her he’d never once been aggressive toward her. Had he been too much Saturday night?

When he approached their homes he paused in front of Namjoo’s house and simply stared up at the window of her bedroom. She was probably cooped up in the security of her room, maybe hiding under the blanket and away from him. Man, knowing that made him feel even worse. His parents would kill him if they knew what he’d done to her. He could already imagine his mother screaming at him, “I didn’t raise you to be like this!”

Heaving a sigh he shuffled into his empty home. A note sat on the counter, it was from his mother. She was out grocery shopping so he’d need to find something of his own to eat if he decided to come home early. Tossing the note aside he headed up the stairs to his room. His house was modeled exactly like Namjoo’s so his window faced the street and not her house. If only her room was in his direct view he’d be able to tell what she was doing, whether she was lying in bed or at her desk studying.

Tossing his backpack aside he flopped down to lie on his bed and spent a few moments observing his ceiling. The bedside table his mother had purchased for his use was filled with most of his junk varying from comic books, amateur sketches, CDs he never listened to anymore, 3 earphones, and more junk. In contrast to the trash he kept inside his drawers the items on it were neat and orderly. A cup holder for his pens and pencils because he always lost one or two and needed an extra, a family photo, and one of him and Namjoo. It was tradition for him to change the picture every year to commemorate the fact that they passed one grade and had now moved onto the next.

He would, in fact, feel guilty for the rest of his life if Namjoo didn’t accept his apology. And he couldn’t simply imagine living a lifetime without that brat. He very much liked having her around.

Pulling himself up he dug through his backpack and pulled out his hand phone. Namjoo was his #1 speed dial, because he’d opt to tell her anything over his parents any day. There was less of a chance of getting a beating from her than his parents, and he knew Namjoo could keep any secret for him anytime.

Sehun listened to the phone ring once then twice and prayed hard that Namjoo wouldn’t ignore him. If she decided to ignore him today he’d wait outside her home for her so they could go to school together, no matter how early he had to wake up. When he was determined he was determined very much like that stubborn brat. Relief zapped through him when the phone clicked as Namjoo picked up.

“Namjoo,” he quickly breathed, hoping she wouldn’t hang up just yet.

“What?” she sounded disinterested.

Thinking quick he asked, “Wh…what are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

His mind blanked out. There wasn’t anything to say. Suddenly things were getting awkward for him for completely no reason. It didn’t make sense to him. Normally, they could talk for hours about just anything but suddenly there was nothing.

Silence droned on for a short moment before he blurted, “I’m hungry, do you have something to eat?”

He sensed hesitation on her part then she asked, “Why don’t you make something to eat?”

“Mom…mom’s not home,” he told, “she went grocery shopping.”

“Oh.” It was a short answer and he could hear her thinking again, just he didn’t know about what. “All right then.”

“Then, I’m coming over,” he sprang to his feet. Hanging up he hurried out the door and was at hers no less than a second later. Namjoo opened the door for him with an unwelcoming expression as if he had intruded on her nap time.

“Do you want ramen or…” she began walking toward the cupboard. Ramen was a simple meal and fast to make. If Namjoo spent less than five minutes on it, it would be over time for him.

“I’m not in the mood for ramen,” he interjected making her coming to a stop.

Turning to look at him with what looked like a frown she asked, “Then what do you want?”

“What about curry?”

Namjoo’s eyes narrowed, “You know I can’t cook.”

Like a natural reflex Sehun burst out with a laugh. “What are you good at?”

Her jaw tightened then she yelled, “If you’re only here to make fun of me then go back to your own home and starve!”

This time Sehun laughed happily. It suddenly felt like his old friend was back. “Fret not, mate,” he assured, “I’ll do it.” Getting up he went through her kitchen drawers and fridge, pulling out all he needed. As he got started on the task at hand he asked, “You haven’t eaten, have you?”

“No,” she replied quietly.

“Good, I’ll show you just how good I am. You’ll probably be learning from me in the future,” he boasted and could hear Namjoo snort at his confidence from behind. Suddenly he felt so much better. Namjoo didn’t hate him after all.

§§§§§

It was utterly disturbing how insanely good Sehun looked even from behind. Whenever Sehun turned his back on her she would always subconsciously steal the chance to ogle at him, absorbing as much of the sight as possible before he would turn around to talk to her again. It was one of the queasiest dinners she’d ever had with him.

“Come to think of it,” he said during their meal, “I should have brought my backpack. Do you need help with yours? Since I’m here, if you need help I can help you with anything.”

“Uh…no,” Namjoo shook her head. God, she could die at the thought of him walking into her room and just sitting there with her while she did her homework. The imagery of it wasn’t the same anymore. How distressing. “I don’t need help.”

“Oh…really?” he sounded kind of disappointed then chirping up he asked, “Are you not hungry? You’re not even halfway, look,” he showed her his plate, “I’m almost done. Or is your period bothering you?”

Stiffening up Namjoo felt her face flush with intense heat. As if feeling the same shame for talking about it freely Sehun became embarrassed and turned away in order to avoid meeting gazes. Getting her period wasn’t a very private matter between the two of them. At first Sehun had even bothered to ask if she also peed while on her period. They had been that free about it with each other because then their relationship had had no boundaries, but it was different now. Sehun wasn’t simply Sehun.

“Um…I…I should clean up.” Getting up from the table with his plate Sehun hurried over to the sink to begin washing the dishes. Even while the silence continued Namjoo continuously watched him from afar. It was, she had to admit, such a comfortable sight to see him moving around her home like it was his own and it was such a sight to see.

Before leaving Sehun turned around at the door and with a broad grin suggested, “Lets go to school together tomorrow.”

That night as Namjoo slid into the tub all she thought about was that friend next door and what he was doing. Her cheeks felt hot from re-visioning him in the kitchen preparing their curry. There was something about the way he moved that made him appear like a dancer across the floor. The movements so smooth like there had been music in the air.

Shaking her head to stop herself she proceeded on to slapping her cheeks before sliding under the water.

§§§§§

As promised Sehun waited for Namjoo outside the next morning so they could head to school together. It had been routine for them growing up as kids, but ever since entering high school they sometimes left separately without the other. The thought hadn’t yet crossed their minds that they might someday never head anywhere together again.

Clinging onto his backpack straps Sehun turned around to peer up at Namjoo’s window, wondering why in the world she was taking so long. Most times she got ready even before he did.

When the door burst open he proclaimed, “I didn’t think you were coming out at all.”

With a shy laugh she apologized while sweeping her hair behind her ear, “Sorry.”

Sehun frowned at her before turning to head down the sidewalk. Birds were busy calling out to each other overhead. A stray cat cried out to them before darting across the street nearly getting itself slaughtered. Other than the busy day to day cars at the busy intersection, nothing was new or different. It was then that he thought about Seona again. A change of direction in life might help him get some new air. He needed to broaden his views in order to get more experience. He didn’t want to be the average student anymore. Sehun wanted a new environment. He needed to do better.

“Hey,” he started when they stopped at the red light, “have you thought about what you want to do with your life?”

“Aren’t we too young for that?” Namjoo turned to him.

“By next year we’ll have to start thinking about it and after that we’ll have to begin preparing for college exams,” Sehun pointed out. “Do you know where you want to go yet?”

“No,” Namjoo shrugged. “I’ll think about it when time comes.” A car horn noisily echoed into the air and tires screeched to a stop from afar. The two stared off into the distance before she turned to him again, “Why do you ask?”

“I’m going to Seoul National University,” Sehun claimed brightly only to receive Namjoo’s laugh mocking him. “What?”

“You actually think you’re going to make it in?” Namjoo teased. “It’s one of the most prestigious schools. It’s out of your league.”

“Not if I start preparing now,” Sehun confidently said. “I’m going to start studying hard. You might not even see me anymore.”

There was a complete silence. Then he turned to find Namjoo’s eyes observing his face. Their eyes locked for a long minute. Sehun turned away abashed when something zapped through him.

Clearing his throat noisily he told, “So you should start studying hard too,” then hurried across the road when the light turned green. 

§§§§§

The school day was nothing but the usual. Namjoo breezed through it like any other day. At the lunch table she often turned around, eyes searching above everyone in search of Sehun. When the school day ended and they were finally let out late afternoon she slowly approached the school gate hoping Sehun would be waiting for her again. He wasn’t there though. The disappointment plunged her soul gravely and she slowly walked home.

The following weeks were the same. Sehun who focused more energy on joining his friends at the arcade had gone out of her sight. He wasn’t at the arcade, movies, or out enjoying a sumptuous meal with his guy friends even when Namjoo intentionally dragged her girls to the places the guys hung out most often. Wherever she went Sehun was amiss.

She spent one night after a shower pondering over whether he was serious about getting into Seoul National University. He had set his standards so high it didn’t quite sound like him. Sehun now, in her eyes, wasn’t one to take his future seriously just yet. At 16 years-old he was more likely to spend the days immersed in his youth so that he wouldn’t miss out anything nor regret anything.

And more than that, she missed the sight of him.

Namjoo felt deprived, depleted, and tortured. Honestly, what was Sehun up to?

§§§§§

“Your nose is going to start bleeding at this point,” Lee Chul commented following Sehun through the library. It was late Thursday afternoon and the class president had followed him down the road to the public library. Grand and ancient the building stood sturdily on concrete rocks with a staircase brushed in gold every summer. A couple of ferocious lion statues stood at both ends, their manes detailed to the point they appeared frighteningly real in the night.

The floor was bordered with a fine orange carpet. Silence followed around because it was a library and it was only right to remain quiet. Sehun’s eyes searched up and down as he walked along the bookshelves. He wanted to learn all he could about SNU and about the college exams. Preparing early was the way to go he had decided. His study hall teacher had handed him a list to help him learn more after approaching the elder for help. Sehun was intent on becoming an SNU student. He would do his best.

“You’re really serious,” Chul’s voice turned flat when Sehun grabbed a thick 500-page book off the shelf and flipped through it.

“Here, hold this,” Sehun tossed the three books he was currently holding against his friend’s chest and listened to him let out a grunt.

“Why SNU, man?” Chul wondered. “I mean, you can probably get into Yonsei. You know there are lots of exchange students there, you might even meet some hot chick from abroad.” The friend laughed amused at the thought. “A hot chick from France. Hey, I want to go to France.”

Absorbed in the table of contents Sehun muttered, “Yonsei’s not good enough.” Closing the book loudly he said loudly, “All right. I’ve decided.”

Grabbing the books from his friend Sehun wheeled around to walk away leaving his friend confused by what just happened. Shuffling after him Chul questioned, “You’ve decided what?”

“You don’t need to know,” Sehun coldly shrugged him off.

“Hey man, we’re friends. I came out all the way out here for you. You can at least let me in on whatever is on your mind,” Chul tried walking two times as fast on his short legs to stay caught up with Sehun.

“I think I know what I want to do for my future,” Sehun told before walking away from his friend and toward the checkout desk where he politely greeted the librarian. After getting his books checked out he walked back toward Lee Chul and together they exited the library. Birds immediately started chirping noisily as if it was 5AM when they stepped out.

“Oh ok…” his friend said nonchalantly, “and what is that?”

“I want to go into Biological Engineering,” Sehun turned to him determined. “I looked into the program and it’s interesting. By the rate we eat food and use our resources, we’ll be depleted of all natural living organisms in the near future.” He thought for a moment then added, “Plus, Namjoo’s such a cheap pig. I’ll probably have to educate her on how to eat well.”

“And you have to go to SNU for that?” his friend raised his brow.

Snapping back to reality Sehun grinned. “I’m going to meet someone when I get there, so I absolutely have to get into the school no matter what.”

***In their innocent years as I've depicted here, you can see that Namjoo is of great importance to Sehun. She's nearly everything in his life, they're so close that in an alternate universe without her all would be meaningless. He highly respects her and he cares for her deeply. Obviously right now Namjoo is starting to crush on him hard and she's starting to accept what her feelings has become for him. As they grow up lets see whose views start changing.