Shocked, Sehun glanced from parent to parent shaking his head dumbfounded. “No…it’s not…”

“Is it true?” his mother’s face contorted with disbelief.

His lips parted to speak, but he didn’t know what to say. He had slept with her…but he had used the that night. If he admitted to sleeping with her, it would just end there.

Responsibility…

One look at his father rubbing his face made Sehun remorseful. What to do? Her parents stared at him with incredulity. This trusted son they had let into their home had violated their daughter. Sehun felt like sinking into the floor, crawling his way somewhere else. Then he glanced at Namjoo and suddenly grew furious. Getting up he snatched her arm and pulled her out of the room, up the stairs, and to her room.

Slamming the door loudly he screamed, “Are you crazy?!”

Namjoo remained silent. Her stare grew the frustration in him. Exhaling loudly, he combed a hand up through his hair. “You’re not. You aren’t. I was careful that night.” His voice grew louder out of his control. “Why are you lying?!”

Her eyes grew watery. “I like you.”

“What?” he gasped even more dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe this, couldn’t believe what he was hearing, couldn’t believe her excuse.

“All the way back when you kissed me at Soojin’s birthday party. I had feelings for you. I liked you all this time. I like you so much,” Namjoo confessed. “I think about you all the time it hurts me so much!” she hit her chest to further express the depth of her feelings. “Friends? I can’t be friends with you. I tried. I tried so hard, but I can’t do it. I like you, Sehun, I like you!”

His brow curled deeper as he watched her cry for the first time in ages. He was conscious of the eyes watching from behind. Unable to do anything he breathed a sigh of exasperation.

He was done for.

§§§§§

All Namjoo could do when their parents pulled Sehun out of her room was hug herself and cry. There. She had said it, but it didn’t make her feel any better. Possibly, she felt even worse. Sehun’s reaction was her answer.

He just wasn’t the same.

She should be embarrassed. She should be ashamed. She couldn’t even face herself. How would she continue to look his parents in the eyes? Because after what she’d done, what she’d just lied minutes ago she would never be the same.

Nothing would ever go back to the way it was. She had lost Sehun forever. He would belong to Seona. This was the official end of whatever they had left between them. Oh Sehun had taken every last bit of her heart.

§§§§§

Quiet. Every corner of the home buzzed with impending doom.

Sitting there quietly at the kitchen table that was once like his own, he stared at the cleaned table top. A pretty shade of brown it was. Here, he had talked with Namjoo’s parents like they were family. Namjoo sat here with him happily so long ago. In younger years they would share food, talk, and laugh. Right now, this was an interrogation table. The truth needed to be spoken here.

From around each side their parents watched him, eyes waiting till he was ready to admit his doing. Till he was ready to uncover Namjoo’s lie. It was shameful to say it was no lie. He had taken their daughter, his dear friend to bed. He had taken what was deemed most valuable about her before marriage, before she met a good husband, a good man, a person who would be the golden son-in-law. Sehun had stolen that man’s place by taking the most precious of Namjoo. The life Namjoo could have had in the future had been destroyed by him.

What had just happened, what he had just heard…he couldn’t make sense of it. He was vexed. How to soak in things so he could understand what was going on, why it was happening.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could muster. Head held low he couldn’t look her parents in the eyes. Namjoo was their only daughter, their only hope. He had taken everything from them, from her. It was worse than betrayal.

Sehun could hear the adults sighing, could hear Namjoo’s mother’s heart breaking. She loved her daughter, doted on her. Namjoo, the apple of her eye. To his right, his father sighing with utter shame. He was even more unable to lift his head up. Sehun had let his parents down.

There wasn’t really anything to say. All he could do – all his parents could do – was apologize. The weight of their hearts were so heavy.

Sehun had never been so wrong before. It felt so awful.

§§§§§

Namjoo’s parents were kind enough to let his parents stay for the night. Her mother was even sympathetic enough to pat his shoulder and tell him to go to bed. Everyone closed their doors for the night. A dark cloud washed him when he passed Namjoo’s bedroom. The image of her crying earlier painted itself into his memory. Being the reason for her tears wasn’t such a good feeling. Seeing Namjoo sorrowful brought a kind of despair he didn’t really recognize.

He leaned against the closed door unable to bring himself to sleep. The adults hadn’t given him punishment. They hadn’t said anything at all. Their silence was the most powerful sentence he could receive. It was to say, you decide, you know better than anyone else what to do.

Sehun knew it too.

In the wee hours of the night he heard Namjoo leave her room. He still hadn’t gone to bed. Having sunk to the ground he remained sitting there wallowing in silence – his guilt. Thinking back to when Namjoo’s behavior changed, everything made sense. She had avoided him as best she could, even more so after he began dating Seona. How much she would have hurt. He could empathize, but that was all.

In every way, Kim Namjoo was still his best friend. He didn’t love her. He couldn’t see her in that romantic light. The only reasonable excuse he could use for why he slept with her in Incheon was that he was the scum of the earth.

Why had she chosen him?

But he owed it to her. Kim Namjoo, who had never loved anyone. Sehun wanted to slap himself. He should have sent her to decent man Lee Chul who would love her a lifetime over. Sehun, now, couldn’t understand why he had done the things he’d done. He was such a stupid crackhead.

It was too late now.

Pressing lips together, he opened the door. Namjoo was nowhere downstairs. Not in the dark kitchen or in the dim living room. After a bit of searching he found her sitting out back. She looked so alone sitting there by herself with the stars singing a medley he couldn’t hear. How many times had her heart broken upon seeing him with Seona?

He was such a bad man.

Namjoo’s shoulders leveled up when he stepped out. He was aware she knew he had come out to find her. Upon his step forward she ordered, “Go.”

The disappointment sunk just as it did the times she closed the door in his face. He halted, unable to move forward or backward. This picture of Namjoo all by herself was painful.

Yes, he could admit he was at fault. Everything bad had been done by him.

Throat constricting, he pushed himself forward. The way back had been blockaded. The road ahead only continued rolling. It was where he needed to go. Slowly kneeling before her he peered into her swollen face. How hard had it been for her to say what she’d said?

Namjoo moved her hand back when he reached for it. Eyes welling up with tears she repeated, “Go. I said go.”

He had never been the reason why she cried before. It was the worst retribution she could give him. He tried again, Namjoo drew her hand back. They struggled until he managed to clamp his hand around hers.

“I’m sorry it hurt and for what I did.” He was sincere. The weight of his heart pouring out with every word. “I’ll marry you.” The tears continued to rush before he slowly pulled her into a hug. As Namjoo buried her face against his shoulder he repeated, “Lets get married.”

§§§§§

Needless say, their parents were joyous upon hearing the news Sehun first broke to them the next morning. Namjoo, though, felt unexpectedly opposite. She was happy, but not that happy. Sehun was just doing his part. She wasn’t dumb. She knew his parents and her own. Though she was the one that got them into this, none of it made her feel good. And she knew Sehun. Though recently he hadn’t been the friend she always had, she still knew him for who he was.

It had been too late to come to a spoken agreement yesterday. Sehun had convinced her to go up to bed. She did. When they she came down for breakfast, the news had been shared. Approval was given immediately. That was that.

She should be happy, she should… Her mother had smiled like crazy this morning and Sehun’s mother had been extremely warm toward her. None of it felt real…but it was real. Sehun had smiled along, but she had a wary sense that he wasn’t really smiling. She would never forget how fondly he had spoken of Hwang Seona or the way his eyes shimmered at the mention of her. There were many things Namjoo couldn’t forget.

Sehun wasn’t real. He wasn’t being real.

Right after breakfast Namjoo headed upstairs to dress. Sehun was standing outside of his room waiting when she walked back out. His first question was, “Where are you going?”

“I’ll be back.”

“Who are you going to see?” Namjoo didn’t answer so he went on, “Taihee? Lee Chul?”

“I want to breathe some air without you around,” Namjoo turned to look at him. “I’ll be back in an hour.” Hurrying down the stairs she headed out.

She didn’t see anyone in particular. For a long time, she sat at the park watching the happy goers bike to and fro and families enjoy a day out. Each body so happy that Namjoo could see smiley faces atop all heads. She wanted to be them, wanted to ask someone to take her place. She had the urge to call Yunyeong, confide in her about everything but she didn’t want to look pathetic through another woman’s eyes. What could her friend do but listen anyway?

Skimming her thumbs over the screen of her phone Namjoo wondered who she could go to. It was so utterly painful. Sehun was always her first to-go-to person, he had always been her first. It was no longer the same.

§§§§§

With decision made, Sehun had cancelled the rent on his apartment. His parents, after some talking with Namjoo’s, wanted them to own their own land. It would be expensive, but it would be worth it they said. Knowing he and Namjoo would have their own home, grow their own family in a place where no upstairs or downstairs neighbor could bother them was reassuring. It wasn’t like he was in any place to argue with them. For all he’d done, the least he could do was nod his head and go along with them.

Stripping the tape off a box he’d already packed, Sehun pulled out his clothes. Their parents had settled in to relax for the evening. All the chaos that had occurred yesterday seemed as if it never happened. He had never known for one decision to make such impact.

Turning away from the stacked clothes at the window. The weather had turned gray. It was pouring outside now. Every raindrop landing on his window blurred the world outside. If he could shake reality off his shoulders he might be able to breathe for a few minutes. However cold it was outside, the rain made his room warm. Its rhythmic pouring calming in every sense.

Leaving his clothes unorganized he stepped out into the hall and glanced down the stairs. Namjoo hadn’t come home yet. Checking just in case, he opened the door to her room. Inside was neatly combed, her bed made and abandoned, her desk empty and the window curtain closed. He pondered for a minute over whether Namjoo had been a person of organization. No, she was in between being messy and clean.

Namjoo wouldn’t leave home…

Sehun turned to stare down the stairs again. Then on other thought, he wasn’t really sure. Reading her thoughts was impossible these days. Grabbing a sweater, he hurried downstairs. Their parents turned upon his loud steps.

“Where are you going?” his mother asked.

“Oh…I…I’m going out to meet Namjoo,” he lied. “She met some friends, so we’ve decided to get together for a few hours.”

“That sounds fun. Don’t stay out too late,” his mother smiled. Nodding, he hurried out. After diving into the back seat of a cab he dug through his phone. The first person he called was Yunyeong. She only came to the phone after the second time he called and sounded irritable until he mentioned Namjoo.

“I don’t know, she hasn’t called me,” Yunyeong said. “We didn’t meet up today, what are you talking about? Is something wrong.”

“Then never mind,” he quickly said then hung up. Sehun hesitated for a few minutes before finally picking up the courage to call Lee Chul. The guy didn’t answer. Throwing his head back Sehun groaned frustrated. That was when Namjoo called.

“Where the hell are you?! You said you’d be back within the hour!” he began scolding.

But it wasn’t Namjoo.

“It’s me.” He recognized Lee Chul’s voice.

Silence. The calming rain pounded harder against the cab windows, as if to scream that it wanted inside. Eyes growing stern he said, “Why is it you? Where is Namjoo?”

“Sleeping.”

“What?” he gasped with angry disbelief. Switching phone to his other ear he demanded, “Wake her up. Tell her I’m coming for her.” then he hung up and ordered the driver to speed up.

When Lee Chul opened the door several minutes later Sehun stared at him heatedly. What guts the friend had to ignore his earlier calls only to use Namjoo’s phone to call him.

“What’s going on?” Lee Chul grabbed his arm when Sehun began striding through his kitchen. “Namjoo came after having a few drinks then she slept without saying anything.”

“What’s going on is that we’re getting married,” Sehun hissed, “so don’t touch her, don’t open the door for her, and don’t answer even if she calls you.” Flinging Chul’s hand away Sehun wandered through the home opening all doors he passed, even the closet door before chancing upon Chul’s bedroom. At least the friend hadn’t lied. Namjoo was out cold in his bed covered by his warm blanket. Being covered by another man’s stench was upsetting enough as it was. The fact that it wasn’t Wang Taihee’s, but his friend Lee Chul’s dispersed a bucket of spite through him.

Throwing the cover over he ordered, “Wake up.”

“Hey,” Chul warned grabbing his arm.

“Don’t touch me,” Sehun angrily threw his arm aside.

“Have you looked at yourself?” Chul’s brows grew tight and stiff. “You’re left and right. You didn’t take me seriously the last time, did you?”

“I don’t have time for your , so shut up.”

“You’re a jerk,” Chul spat. “You have a girlfriend whom you haven’t gotten rid of, and you say you’re marrying Namjoo? On what basis are you marrying her? You love her?” the guy scoffed. “You’re really funny. You take pride in being a guy who has it all, two women, one on each side.” Chul quickly shoved him back before Sehun managed to throw his fist. “Every time you see me, you hate me. Why? Am I competition? Am I standing in the way? We’re friends, Sehun. What are you jealous over?”

Sehun stared at the friend, heat boiling inside his chest. Namjoo groaned and sat up complaining, “You guys are noisy. I can’t sleep.” Her hair was mangled. She looked a complete mess but super comfortable where she was.

“Lets go.” Grabbing her hand Sehun pulled her out. Still dazed, Namjoo followed without struggle. The rain had lessened when they stepped out. Sehun found her keys inside her pocket, got her into the passenger seat, and drove off silently fuming. Along the drive home Chul’s words involuntarily ran around his head. It was…really hateful.

Namjoo’s mind seemed distant, her mentality unaware of his gaze as she sat there staring out the window. He didn’t like how he didn’t seem to exist to her. Hadn’t she cried in his arms yesterday while pouring out her heart? But today she was in another man’s bed, treating that mattress as if it were her own. Swerving into the driveway of her home he stomped on the brakes. Their bodies swayed forward, caught hastily by the seatbelts. Namjoo groaned from beside him and finally seemed awake.

Releasing his seatbelt Sehun quickly stepped outside in need for some air. The breeze was sharp and crispy now. The rain had ceased. Behind him, the car door shut. When he turned around Namjoo was sitting at the curb rubbing her face as if she was exhausted. Was this the look of a person who said she liked him yesterday?

Heaving a sigh, he stepped toward her and sat down. Behind the rows of houses before them the sky, a shade of dark blue, appeared like a landscape in the clouds; the setting sun peeping out from behind parting clouds. The air was clearer, the gloom gone. The darkness was beautiful, neither being cold nor warm. The plenty words that had gone amiss between them floated in mid-air noisily. In the tranquility it felt like Namjoo knew, too.

A faint smile sat on her lips, head tilted back. It was the same scene they admired. Were they finally on the same page?

His eyes traced her face, the curve of her lips, and the twinkle in her eyes. Warmth seeped into his heart. His chest felt soft and the urge to have something in his arms overwhelmed him.

“Namjoo…” he quietly began but she didn’t seem to hear.

“Lets not get married.”

***Sehun still needs to admit he feels jealous - that's all he really needs to do, but he's refusing to so Namjoo can't see his feelings. She would marry him if she sees the slightest of his heart, but she also knows that he really likes Seona. Sehun will have to settle her heart first for her to become truly eager to become his wife. If you've felt the angst thus far, that's only the lightest of this story. The real angst proceeds once they get married and Namjoo feels alone