Chapter 42.

And every time that I looked into your eyes,
I knew that we were forever.
But I forgot that we were fragile.
Every second that you were around,
Made me appreciate every moment,

In this life.

Thank you for every smile and for every memory.

Mark’s eyes widened and Jisoo fiddled with the edge of her shirt as the three of them shared worried glances.

  “You don’t think?” Mark asked and Jaehyun gritted his teeth before eyeing the staircase. Mark shook his head and reached forwards to grab onto Jaehyun’s wrist. Jaehyun followed reluctantly, legs stiff as he moved along and Jisoo followed behind, chewing down on her nails.

The three of them was silent the whole way to Donghyuck’s room. Their hearts were in their throats and they all froze just a few steps away from the door. Room 308. Mark was the one who knocked on the door and Jaehyun took Jisoo’s hand in his as the door opened to reveal Donghyuck’s parents.

  “Mrs. Kim?” Jaehyun asked, his eyes stung and he tried hard to focus on the woman in front of him. Her hair was unwashed, a messy ponytail and lip-tint that had faded and only clung to the dry skin on her lips. The eyeliner had creased beneath her eyes and she looked like she hadn’t slept all night. Jaehyun knew what that meant and he almost didn’t have the heart to look in the way of the bed where a small, frail boy lied sleeping. Jaehyun stepped inside when Donghyuck’s mother invited them in.

  “To say goodbye.” She said and Jaehyun pressed his lips into a thin line when she said that. He had lost someone already. At least he had the chance to say goodbye. Maybe this was why Doyoung made his bed. He had come to take someone with him and it wasn’t Jaehyun.

Donghyuck inhaled deeply, but it was a short breath and he opened his eyes to look at Jaehyun when the older grabbed his hand. “Hey buddy.” Jaehyun smiled and Donghyuck grinned weakly.

  “Hey man.” He said in a joking tone and Jaehyun tried hard not to cry. He wiped his eyes and Donghyuck chuckled weakly. “Something in ya eye?”

  “Not what you think it is.” Jaehyun chuckled and Donghyuck grimaced.

  “Ew.” He added and the two smiled at each other. Jisoo came forwards and she kissed Donghyuck’s cheek. Donghyuck winked at her and she giggled before kissing his cheek again, this time mockingly and Donghyuck grimaced again in reply. Maybe he was too weak to talk a lot. His eyelids looked heavy, the way he blinked told Jaehyun of how hard he was trying to stay awake.

When Mark appeared life seemed to find its way back into Donghyuck’s eyes. Mark took the beanie from the bedside table and helped Donghyuck wear it. “That looks better.” He said with a smile and Donghyuck looked like he took all Mark’s attention and savored it. Mark’s brows twitched closer and his lips were pressed into a thin line before he spoke. “Get better,” he pleaded. “I have a basketball game on Saturday. You have to come see me.”

  “I will.” Donghyuck promised immediately, yet his mom covered and turned away. Donghyuck didn’t notice it, his eyes were glued to Mark. Mark reached his hand and Donghyuck lifted the hand that didn’t hold Jaehyun’s before dropping it into Mark’s in a soft low-five. Mark gripped onto Donghyuck’s hand and Donghyuck gasped but he was smiling.

Jaehyun stood there even when Donghyuck fell asleep and Mark and Jisoo left. He kept on standing there until Donghyuck’s parents told him it was best for him to leave. He kept standing in front of the door until an hour later when the stretch of the beep reached him and Donghyuck’s mother cried. Jisoo was sitting on a bench with Mark and at the sight of Jaehyun curling his hands into fists she cried and hid her face in Mark’s shoulder.

The hallway was so empty. Jaehyun lost an angel today.

Ten stood there again. A glass of water in his hand and eyes fixed on the light that escaped the frame of the bathroom door. He waited for the door to open and as it did he settled the glass on the counter. Taeyong’s eyes met his and Ten didn’t have to say anything, yet he still did.

  “He’s not eating.” He said and Taeyong’s expression hardened before he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the apartment. Ten’s gaze dropped to the floor and he hoped this would turn out for the best.

They couldn’t afford to lose Jaehyun. Ten had seen the sorrow Jaehyun went through when Doyoung took his life. Now another friend was taken away and Jaehyun was too weak to handle the sorrow.

Ten knew Taeyong loved Jaehyun and he knew Jaehyun loved Taeyong. They had to figure it out before it was too late. Mark will probably never know, but Jaehyun told Ten and the most heartbreaking thing was that Ten had sensed it too. Donghyuck saw a light in Mark, and Mark will never know how much he made Donghyuck smile just by being there. Ten hoped the boy didn’t suffer, because he deserved so much. He saved Jaehyun and he brought a smile onto Jaehyun’s face in the darkest time of his life since his mother faded.

Jaehyun had lost so much.

Ten couldn’t understand why the world wanted to put one boy through so much pain. Jaehyun deserved better. He had seen enough people die; it’s time for him to see some good stuff in his life. Ten ran a hand over his face. But if Donghyuck who had two years left to live died… did that mean that Jaehyun had a limited time? Were they all bound to fade? Did Jaehyun have to die knowing this illness took away a friend and mother and now him too? Would Jaehyun’s father have to lose another to this illness? Were all their efforts worthless? Would this fight be lost?

Ten gripped the counter and squeezed his eyes shut. No, they would win. Love wins. Love always wins.

Jaehyun pushed the food tray away from him and the nurse barely managed to save a bowl from falling to the floor. “I said no!” He snapped at her and went back to staring out the window. The nurse gripped onto the bowl and eyed Jaehyun’s father who had two handfuls of hair in his fists as he watched his son deny what he needed.

  “Jaehyun, please.” He begged and Jaehyun turned his face to look up at the ceiling.

  “I want to be alone.” He said and the nurse bowed her head while Jaehyun’s father grabbed his coat and left the room with long strides. Jaehyun squeezed his eyes shut, sorrow welling up in his chest at the thought of Donghyuck and the fact that he was gone. That bright witty kid was gone. He lost another friend and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing more.

It’s not fair. He thought as he cried.

The door opened and Jaehyun opened his eyes as he was pushing himself up.

  “I told you to leave!” He cried before he was greeted by a face he hadn’t seen in weeks. Taeyong blinked, hair wet from the snow and red coloring his nose and cheeks. He stepped back at the words that had reached him and he lowered his head when Jaehyun looked at him with disbelief in his eyes. “Look who decides to come back.” He snarled and threw the covers off of him before standing up.

Taeyong shrunk, and Jaehyun pulled off his beanie. “Look at me.” He hissed and Taeyong raised his face but his eyes were closed. He opened them after a deep intake of breath and Jaehyun waited for the other to take in the sight of what the cancer had done to Jaehyun.

  “It killed my friend.” Jaehyun said and Taeyong looked pained but Jaehyun continued. “Doctors said he had two years left and he weakened within two weeks. Withered away at such a young age. How do you think that makes me feel? I’m older I’ll probably die in three days.”

  “Don’t say that.” Taeyong pleaded and Jaehyun raised his brows.

  “I would’ve introduced you but you weren’t there! Where the were you Taeyong? As soon as my fear comes true you ing leave! I didn’t tell you to leave me! I needed you!”

Taeyong frowned, a hint of anger pulling at his face and distorting it into an awful expression. “You said you wished you’d never let yourself fall for me! You wished for me not to come back!”

Jaehyun gawped. “When did I ever say that?!”

  “In the staircase!” Taeyong cried. “Don’t think I didn’t hear you!”

Jaehyun remembered his words as they replayed and the sound of the door closing now resonated within him. “I- Taeyong I was so angry with you for leaving, I let the frustration take a hold of me for one moment and you…”

  “I tried to come back every ing day!” Taeyong said. “Then I heard Ten and Johnny talk and I- I realized that as soon as I left you’d turn to him. Of course you would.”

  “Don’t you dare.” Jaehyun muttered. “Nothing ing happened. Because he isn’t you, Taeyong. I don’t love him like I love you. Yet he ing stays and faces this illness instead of running away like a coward. Admit it! You’re scared and you tried to protect your heart from breaking! Like I did. Like I did with you… Now that it actually happened you cave in, but just admit it. You’re scared, that’s okay, you don’t have to act strong. I just ing need you with me. Beside me.” The distance between them was too big.

Tears fell from Taeyong’s eyes, arms limply hanging by his sides. “I was scared to death, Jaehyun.” He admitted in a voice that was barely above a whisper. “I have been visiting Doyoung’s grave, feeling like I would see yours beside it and I- my dreams kept on telling me you were already dead and I was so afraid of coming here and actually seeing it with my own eyes.” Taeyong sobbed. “That doesn’t make it okay. I shouldn’t have left you.” Taeyong stepped closer and Jaehyun held his breath as Taeyong’s cold fingertips met his cheek. “I should’ve held on tighter.” Taeyong cupped Jaehyun’s cheek and brushed his thumb over the soft skin. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun closed his eyes and opened them to see Taeyong’s round brown eyes look into his. His chest burst and he felt as if all the sorrow he had bottled up just came rushing out. There he was. The love of his life. He looked beautiful even with dark circles beneath his eyes, skin looking bruised by the weather. He was stunning.

  “I love you.” Jaehyun said, voice breaking as the words came out so raw. Taeyong’s right hand came up to cup Jaehyun’s other cheek and Taeyong’s eyes shone.

  “I love you.” He replied. “No matter what.” He added and Jaehyun leaned in, resting his forehead against Taeyong’s. The two just stood there for a moment until Taeyong spoke up. “You’re my home.” He said. “I could never run away because my heart longs for you. I live in you and you live in me. We’ll build a stronger home for the both of us. I’ll do my very best, Jaehyun.

Don’t give up.”

Jaehyun let their lips meet and the kiss seemed to awaken every cell in his body. It was soft and it sent chills down his spine and it didn’t take his breath away; it gave him air. He looked into Taeyong’s brown eyes and saw a future in them.

  “I won’t.” He promised. “I’ll live.”

A/N:

Sorry for waiting so long with the update. Focused a bit on At Dawn. It's almost done. 
I'll continue on this too, but I'm a little busy. Getting a tattoo this weekend and my best friend here in America is moving to California so I try to spend as much time with her as I can.
 - Besides that I am waiting for my NCT album to arrive! And I also just dreamt about the whole crew. I was greeting NCT as they were staying at my house for some odd reason and they did the kiss-on-the-cheek greeting and I really didn't expect it. Winwin though turned his face and kissed me on the lips I am still shooked. How dare he - I have a boyfriend. 

Love,
Emma <3