Chapter 22.

Slow down. Start again from the beginning. I can't keep my head from spinning out of control. Is this what being vulnerable feels like?

The pale morning sun was low on the sky as Jaehyun droppped his bag to the grass covered by dew. He looked at all the huts that looked dark and worn out and he glanced in the direction of the path leading towards the river. Ten leaned against Jaehyun, he released a small groan.

  “Do we have to go back to school?”

Jaehyun noticed the other team file out of their hut with tired expressions. Everyone seemed to wonder how it would’ve been if only one team and gone, and it was as if everyone was satisfied with the trip even though it had brought its own disasters along with it.

Mark appeared beside Jaehyun, he was looking up at the light blue sky. “School.” He said with a look of distaste and Ten clung onto Jaehyun and groaned into the other’s sweater. It was cool outside, but the sun’s rays were already warming up their skin and Jaehyun was grateful for Johnny who appeared beside Ten so that the smaller could cling onto him instead. Jaehyun looked around the place, eyes immediately drawn to a boy with a black hoodie walking towards the bus. Would they leave their love behind in this place? Jaehyun wondered and reached down to heave up in his bag. Jaehyun hoped they would.
As the bus drove away everyone’s eyes lingered on the vanishing huts and Jaehyun smiled a little when Taeyong found a song for them to listen to. Jaehyun eyed the playlist since the song was quite catchy and he had to remember that song. “Thick As Thieves.” He said and Taeyong looked up at him with a smile.

  “It’s a catchy song.” He said with a smile and Jaehyun nodded. It was quite good.
 

As time passed and the whole group started to get used to the everyday life again, Jaehyun easily got back to his choice. He kept Taeyong in a friendship’s distance and the kisses they had shared in that moment of hope seemed to be a distant memory to Jaehyun. It took him one moment to decide as soon as he found his father small-talking with his mother’s portrait that hung on the wall opposite him while he ate apples. Jaehyun stared at his mother’s face and then immediately went back to his room.

Some promises were never kept.

Johnny decided to throw a party. “With alcohol this time!” He added as they all were gathered at the basketball court near the park and Taeyong who was sitting just below Jaehyun cheered at the news of alcohol. Mark tried to persuade Johnny into letting him join but Johnny said that would be next time. Jaehyun was sure Johnny would regret saying next time.

Jaehyun and Ten gets ready together again, his father’s shift at work was later than usual and Jaehyun and Ten could drink in the kitchen while eating dinner. “I swear if I catch you and Johnny together I’m going to puke.”

Ten had already heard of Jaehyun and Taeyong catching them at the time of the camp. A red tint crossed Ten’s cheeks. “He’s amazing.” He sighed and Jaehyun raised his brows.

  “Ew.” He stated before taking a sip of his drink and Ten chuckled, he was smiling goofily and Jaehyun hated the love drunk expression on his best friend’s face.

  “I’m going to find a way to ruin your relationship so that we can be best friends forever, only us two together.” Jaehyun said seriously and Ten laughed. “I’m not kidding.” Jaehyun said and pointed his can towards Ten who laughed even louder.

  “I’m still your best friend!” He argued and Jaehyun’s lips cracked into a smile. Ten leaned over and hit Jaehyun only to get sauce on his shirt. “Ah, !” He cursed and Jaehyun told the other to go to his room and find a shirt to borrow. As he did Jaehyun cleaned up the kitchen and the two headed out of the door. Ten jumping up to ruffle Jaehyun’s hair.

  “You’ve grown too big!” He hissed and Jaehyun laughed at the way his shirt hung around Ten’s shoulders.

  “I hope Johnny gets jealous, then my plan has worked!” Jaehyun said and leaned back while laughing like a villain. Ten kicked Jaehyun over the shin.

  “If you continue like this I will arrange your marriage with Taeyong as soon as possible.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened. “Don’t you even ing dare!” He said in a shrill voice and chased Ten down the stairs and out of the apartment. Ten just laughed hysterically only to stop and apologize to the elder lady living downstairs.

  “Silly teenagers.” She muttered as the two ran out of the door, trying to choke down their laughter.

Jaehyun met Doyoung outside of the house, Ten had already sped over to Johnny who greeted them and Jaehyun smiled at Doyoung.

  “You just came out of the hospital yesterday and you come to a party?” He questioned and Doyoung who had made himself look very handsome by wearing a button-up shirt and his hair being pushed back, just laughed. He was wearing a plaster cast on his right leg, so he had to walk with crutches. Doyoung though still walked on his right leg.

  “Do you know how boring it is to be in the hospital for 3 weeks?” Doyoung asked with wide eyes.

Jaehyun shrugged. “I think I can understand.” He said and then someone appeared in the door and Jaehyun found it odd how his eyes immediately knew he should look that way. It irked him how quickly his body responded to the sight of Taeyong looking amazing as always, eyes scanning the front garden and coming to meet Jaehyun’s.

Doyoung greeted Yuta and Jaehyun found it as his cue to leave the other. He walked into the house, Taeyong turning around and following him. They still sat beside each other on the bus on the way to and from school and the boys met up on the basketball court near the park many times. Still Taeyong’s presence affected him as much as it had done from the very start.

The boys sat down on the couch drinking with their friends and Yuta, Hansol and Doyoung entered the room too. It was a nice party, Johnny always managed to keep up the mood, not letting anyone get bored.

 

Taeyong’s hand was on Jaehyun’s thigh and Jaehyun’s arm around Taeyong’s shoulders. He was sitting on the armrest of the couch while Taeyong was sitting in it. For the first time Doyoung was telling a story and Johnny laughed, he didn’t sneer, he didn’t tell Doyoung to shut up, it was a moment to be put in the history books.

Jaehyun decided to get some fresh air, and he patted Taeyong’s shoulder when he stood up and went off. Taeyong stood up as well and followed Jaehyun, his hand finding its way into Jaehyun’s palm and Jaehyun felt his heart skip a beat. The two of them entered the garden that was deserted much to their surprise and they found a spot where they were slightly hidden, but still embraced in the light from one window. Jaehyun leaned against the wall that made a fence, embracing a beautiful garden. Jaehyun remembered their first time here; Jaehyun tackling Taeyong to the ground to stop him from ruining Ten and Johnny’s moment. He also slapped a cigarette out of Taeyong’s hand and now Jaehyun noticed the other didn’t even have one with him. Taeyong had noticed Jaehyun’s eyes roam over the garden and then to Taeyong’s hand.

  “Yeah I don’t want you to waste more cigarettes.” Taeyong spoke up with a beginning smile and Jaehyun chuckled.

  “I don’t want you to waste your life either, so it’s perfect.” He said leaning in a little and Taeyong playfully leaned in too.

  “Who are you to decide how I waste my life?” Taeyong asked in a low voice and Jaehyun smiled and straightened his back to rise over Taeyong with his height.

  “I have one rule to the people around me and that is that they do not smoke.”

Taeyong leaned back with a smile. “Aw, am I one of the lucky few people that are that close with you to be under that rule?”

Jaehyun smiled. “Mmmhmm.” He nodded and he felt Taeyong’s arms around his neck. The two boys’ faces came closer. Jaehyun kept looking into Taeyong’s eyes that reflected the light from the window giving them a soft look. They came closer and then they dropped as if Taeyong’s gaze had found something to focus on and Jaehyun knew the other was looking at his lips. Jaehyun’s breath hitched when he looked at Taeyong’s inviting lips. His own hands found their way to Taeyong’s waist.

Taeyong leaned closer, and Jaehyun let him, their breaths met and their lips were so close. Jaehyun closed his eyes feeling his own heart open up to accept the love given only to automatically reverse. It was as if someone had bared his most inner secret without him giving them permission, as if he had ignored some actions from himself for too long but now it was enough, it was too close. He closed off immediately panic rising at how close he was to giving in, and before Taeyong’s lips met his Jaehyun’s arms came up between them shielding him from the attack.

  “No! I can’t!” Jaehyun almost screamed and Taeyong stepped away as Jaehyun crumbled before him, falling to the ground and breathing raggedly as if every breath didn’t give him enough oxygen and he flailed his arms every time Taeyong tried to near him.

  “Jaehyun, I’m sorry!” Taeyong cried and Jaehyun fled his touch looking at the other with fear in his eyes and Taeyong desperately tried to reach out for Jaehyun again making the other cry out for him not to touch him.

Taeyong was pushed aside and Yuta appeared his arms quickly embracing Jaehyun around the waist and pulling him up. Taeyong tried to touch Jaehyun again but Jaehyun hid in Yuta’s embrace. Yuta and Taeyong shared a gaze and Ten then came running out. “What the hell is happening?”

He asked and stared at Jaehyun crying a series of “I can’t” into Yuta’s chest. Taeyong stepped away head bowed and Ten reached out for Jaehyun who also shied from his touch and Yuta gave the other an incredulous look.

  “Why won’t he let you touch him?” He asked and Ten and Yuta’s eyes saw movement beside Yuta only to see Taeyong fall to his knees, crying into his hands and Ten sat down beside the other, embracing Taeyong who clung onto Ten.

  “I think I know.” Ten said with a grim expression. Doyoung and Johnny exited the house and came into the garden, the tall boys immediately did their job, Doyoung helped Yuta with Jaehyun who was still panicking. He threw his crutches to the side wrapping an arm around Jaehyun who was waving his hand in front of his own face. Ten and Johnny got Taeyong onto his feet. “I’ll get a taxi for Taeyong.”

  “He can’t go home alone.” Ten argued as he noticed Taeyong’s eyes follow Jaehyun out of the garden. Yuta turned around only to nearly drop Jaehyun and Doyoung yelled something about Yuta being useless and then Doyoung heaved up in Jaehyun himself, hugging the other and whispering words to soothe him.

Yuta went over to Taeyong. “He’ll sleep at my place, he can’t go home like this.” Yuta said and Taeyong leaned into Yuta’s touch.

Ten whipped out his phone dialing Jaehyun’s father’s number. Johnny wrapped his arms around Ten as the smaller looked like he was going to cry himself. Ten’s bottom lip quivered and he breathed in deeply to calm himself. Jaehyun’s father picked up the phone. “It’s happening again.”

A/N:

The next chapter has a very important scene that will shine a light upon why Jaehyun has kept on pushing Taeyong away.
Do you guys have an idea of why? <3

Thank you for the comments lovelies, they really motivate me too keep writing <3

We still have a long way before this story ends, if I should try guessing it will probably be around chapter 40, because I'm at chapter 28 (and have written more than that) so you guys won't see the end soon.

BUT warning warning, I'm going to go through some busy months because I'm going to Connecticut in the US as an au pair and I'm doing my best to get ready and prepare. Hope you guys still enjoy the story! <3

Love,
Emma <3