Chapter 1.

May these words be the first to find your ears.
The world is brighter than the sun, now that you're here.

You know we all die some day. At the hands of life we’ll pass away one day. People around us will too. The only thing is that we don’t know when we will die and that is what leaves us anxious. Afraid of stepping out of our door for fear of dying. Afraid of loving someone for fear of losing. Afraid of letting someone love you for fear of leaving. Because death is not in our control, no matter how hard we try to push it away. Not today, we plead as he tries to embrace us, not today.
Jaehyun had always known that death would take him sooner than others. He just knew that. He had gone through it in his head many times of how it would happen. Somehow he sensed he would die by drowning… swallowed by a deep blue, seeing light on the other side and knowing it’s in reach, but just not having the strength to get to it. He would reach up towards it, his hand visible in the light that shines down from above. As he sinks his pale hand will be embraced by darkness. No one will reach out to take it, because no one knows that he’s down there… drowning.
Jaehyun couldn’t be sure, but he had a thing with knowing. 

Like the time when he saw him. The boy who’s bangs were drenched and sticking to his forehead because of how much he was sweating, the way his abnormally huge dark eyes looked at him, shadowed by his hand that was raised above his head to shield the deep brown eyes from the sun. His lips were parted, they were small, but plump and his jaw looked so sharp, Jaehyun knew he could probably feel the bone right beneath if he touched it. The way his eyes stayed on Jaehyun, their gazes connecting for what seemed like an hour, made him dizzy. Jaehyun had lost his breath; he had felt like he was drowning, unable to inhale any air. Jaehyun didn’t know why he collapsed, but he had been drinking a lot of water, still in that moment when their eyes met, it all blackened and he collapsed under the heat.

His voice made him sure, he knew what was going to happen as soon as he opened his eyes and saw the other’s worried eyes look back at him, drops of sweat threateningly hanging from strands of hair. He was sure that this person was the one who would forever own his heart and Jaehyun hated himself for knowing, but that was something Jaehyun was good at. Knowing.

Jaehyun saw his team-mate Ten look down at him with wide eyes and Jaehyun had smiled, because he had been unsure for a time. Ten had always been able to stir something within him, but now he knew that Ten wouldn’t steal his heart, Ten would be the one protecting it.

Leaning on Ten as the smaller helped him off the court, he didn’t feel the comfort of the shade, but instead felt comfort of being able to be hear Ten’s soothing voice worriedly rambling on as he dabbed a cool towel against Jaehyun’s forehead. He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy his time above water, for a moment he thought he’d drown right there.

Ten was someone Jaehyun had loved meeting. He had been beaming as brightly as the sun when he met him. He was new in Jaehyun’s class and ended up sitting beside Jaehyun and it was the time the two decided to be friends. Ten was always smiling, and whenever he cried he cried of happiness. Jaehyun had never seen him broken. Only once. Jaehyun knew that Ten had seen Jaehyun break down when his mother gave them the news of her limited time. Ten had bought his mother flowers and played guitar while apologizing for the mistakes he made. Jaehyun had sung along, eyes upon his mother and Ten who was bathed in the rays that streamed in through the curtains. She was embraced by the sun's rays on the day she passed too and Ten held Jaehyun’s hand firmly when that happened.

Ten was ground and Jaehyun knew that with him he wouldn’t drown. Still Ten wasn’t always there. Jaehyun didn’t like telling him how dependent he was on the other. So he was alone at times and his feet were in the water every time. Still he knew Ten wasn’t far and he knew his father worked hard to pay the hospital bills and keep Jaehyun fed. Jaehyun was blessed with loving parents unlike Ten who fought for a moment of attention from his ever working parents. Jaehyun loved eating ramen with his father late at night and talking about his week while his father spoke of the old days.

Ten always came home with bags of food and then they watched basketball with Jaehyun’s father in the living room.

Jaehyun loved basketball and his height helped him a lot. Ten always cursed him for growing too tall, but Jaehyun only patted the other’s head and stole the basketball from him.

Until the time they had a game against the nearby high school. Jaehyun should’ve known this would come. Still he couldn’t have guessed that meeting that boy, or rather crashing into him and then the floor; would make him feel like this. They had almost fought each other that day. Ten had jumped in between them while Jaehyun yelled for the other to keep his distance and the other boy had told him to at least try to control his ‘long-’ legs. Jaehyun hadn’t noticed how handsome the boy was before the day they met in the park where the basketball loving youth made up teams and played against each other. The day had been so hot and Jaehyun had seen him almost immediately. He wore a blue basketball shirt without any sleeves and he looked so skinny but still muscular. His hair was dark brown and he was laughing while running a hand through it. Jaehyun had to turn his eyes away from him when Ten suddenly shrieked.

  “Johnny is here!” He had said and pointed to the senior basketball player called Johnny whom Ten liked. Jaehyun had always known it was only because Johnny was a great basketball player and that he always went over to high-five Ten when he scored. Still he wondered if there could be more to it. Ten had never really spoken of liking anyone, but he always beamed shyly when Johnny hurried over to greet him. Jaehyun eyed Johnny when the taller greeted them this time and he narrowed his eyes when he saw Johnny peek down at Ten with eyes that was gleaming. Ten immediately started up a comfortable conversation where he told a funny story or made a light joke that made Johnny laugh. Ten was good at communicating. Jaehyun lacked a bit at that point. Still he smiled and greeted Johnny with a handshake and he could see that Johnny genuinely wanted to get to know him. It was Johnny who told him what the boy with the face of a manga character was called. His name was Taeyong, and Jaehyun had to let the name roll off his tongue when he heard it. It reminded him of a wave, a strong one, one that made you fall over no matter how high you jumped.

When he had caught his breath and was ready to play under the sun and the gaze of Taeyong; he went out onto the basketball court and then he suddenly noticed how many times he caught Taeyong gazing at him. Still even though Jaehyun wasn’t voluntarily trying to meet him when they played; they always ended up battling each other over the ball. Jaehyun always jumped high and passed the ball to someone else, but he was surprised at how easily Taeyong could slip by him when he dribbled the ball. Taeyong even smiled at him when the game ended. Jaehyun had to quickly find shelter again and sit down. He didn’t like the way his heart beat when their eyes met, and he wondered as he saw Ten being approached by Johnny, if they would talk or if Taeyong would only glance at him from a distance.

Jaehyun was highly aware of the curses they had yelled at each other at that game they first met without realizing. He kind of hated himself for not holding back now that he actually wanted to get to know Taeyong. He kept tossing and turning in his bed, getting more and more frustrated and embarrassed with himself.

When he woke up he wasn’t too sure if he had even slept, because it was as if he hadn’t been sleeping when the alarm began. His eyes opened and he felt wide awake but still with an aching feeling to go back to sleep.

Today it was raining and Jaehyun went through the weather report on his phone while eating his cereal. It would rain all day, meaning no basketball and no Taeyong. Jaehyun sighed and then sighed once more because he knew he was being ridiculous. Still his heart leapt at the thought of those dark eyes.

He took the bus to school and when he went towards his favorite seat he saw a boy wearing the school uniform from the school nearby sit in the seat right in front of his. He had seen him many times, but not in that seat, he often wore a mask or was carrying headphones. Jaehyun and his eyes met and Jaehyun’s eyes widened. It was none other than Taeyong. Why was he in Jaehyun’s bus? Jaehyun dropped into his seat and tried to make as little sound as possible, almost not daring to breathe, but the cologne Taeyong was wearing was too good. It reminded him of the sea, fresh but with a fragrance that was light and heavy on the same time. He closed his eyes and sunk deep into himself. Why couldn’t he just be a normal kid with normal thoughts?

He didn’t like drowning in his thoughts.

Jaehyun got off first and he fought with himself all the way out of the bus, because his head wanted to turn and look back at Taeyong, hoping he would glance at him too. Jaehyun ran his fingers through his damp black hair. He needed Ten.

Ten was drawing in his notebook, as always, and Jaehyun dropped down beside the other, making Ten jump. The boy snapped his head in Jaehyun’s direction.

  “What happened?”

  “Feelings happened.” Jaehyun groaned and got out his book. Ten chuckled and nodded.

  “That doesn’t sound nice.” He said and Jaehyun shook his head.

  “Unless they’re directed towards you.” He said and gave Ten a knowing look. Ten grimaced and hit him.

  “ you. I seriously don’t know what to do when he approaches me.” He said. “He clearly likes me… doesn’t he?” Ten had a look of panic and slight despair.
Jaehyun wanted to reach out and put a hand on Ten’s thigh, but he knew couldn’t do that. Not when Johnny liked Ten. “He does. Clearly.” Jaehyun said and Ten looked at him with a gaze he had seen so often and for the first time he saw a bit of sadness, which quickly vanished.

  “Jae…” He whispered and Jaehyun knew he wanted to search for comfort by burying his face in Jaehyun’s neck, but that couldn’t happen.

Jaehyun smiled. “Try.” He said.

Ten shook his head with a troubled look. “Roof top.” He said as final and Jaehyun knew that his plans for lunch break were settled.

Ten was dragging him by the hand all the way up the stairs. Jaehyun just let him. Ten immediately released a sound of hysteria.

  “Am I really?!” He asked with wide eyes. Jaehyun smiled a little and looked down. He hadn’t lied when he said he had never seen Ten sad, but Ten often expressed himself with frustration. A mix between rage and confusion. That was the only negative side Ten had or when he cried in his arms at night… but the night had taken that and only the moon had seen it. Jaehyun hadn’t seen that.

Ten looked at Jaehyun and Jaehyun kept looking at the other, there was too much distance between them, but it was needed. They needed distance.

Jaehyun looked away and exhaled deeply. “Is it any wrong?” He asked.

Ten bit his lip and ruffled his smooth black locks. “No. You know it isn’t.” He snapped and Jaehyun nodded. Of course he knew.

  “I don’t care about what they say, it’s okay.” He said again and Jaehyun closed his eyes. Ten only cried at night, only the moon saw him, Jaehyun didn’t. Ten was gripping his arms and Jaehyun sighed while letting Ten embrace him. When his eyes were closed he could pretend it was night. He could pretend it was only a dream, that only in their dreams their lips met.

Jaehyun and Ten sat upon the rooftop and looked down. “I’m going to Johnny's party.” He said and looked at Jaehyun nervously. Jaehyun bit his bottom lip and nodded. Ten put a hand on his upper thigh. “You should come too.”

Jaehyun leaned his head back and breathed in deeply. Alcohol, people, touches that would be forgotten the next day, new faces and a chance to just stare without caring. Jaehyun liked the pros of this. He liked to see the way people styled themselves, and he liked watching them pretend they were drunk and cross their borders with the excuse that was tasty poison.

Jaehyun hummed in reply and Ten grinned, Jaehyun knew he was grinning. They went down to the cafeteria when the sky opened up once more and Jaehyun felt hopeful for some reason. He couldn’t help but smile when Ten’s short form approached Johnny and his other tall friends. Johnny lit up and Ten said something while tip-toeing slightly, Johnny’s hand found its way to Ten’s arm. Then Ten turned back towards Jaehyun, strutting proudly. “He said we could come.” He said with a smile and Jaehyun reached out the umbrella so that Ten was shielded from the rain. Ten had to go the other way, living nearby and Jaehyun went over to the bus-stop.

Jaehyun sat by the bus-stop alone, somehow he had been zoning out and he didn’t get on the bus that came first. He frowned, why hadn’t he seen it come?
Jaehyun decided to take out his headphones and focus on the street. Cars passed by and people carried different colored umbrellas. Jaehyun enjoyed sitting there being dry and watching the world drown.

Then he heard steps as if someone was running. He leaned forward and peeked in the direction and to his shock he saw Taeyong running through the rain. He hurried beneath the roof of the bus-stop and Jaehyun looked up at him, his heart already speeding up. He didn’t know if he liked this feeling Taeyong gave him.

Taeyong turned his head, water drops falling from his bangs like it had done the other day. Jaehyun tried to smile, and Taeyong gave him a small smile. Jaehyun looked away. He couldn’t breathe.

A/N:

I had to part the first chapter up in two because or else it would be too long haha~
I will update the second chapter as soon as I have time and then I will update weekly. ^^

Love,
Emma <3